Beyond the Emerald Green

Special Thanks: To my beta readers, 007 and RavenNat- two good friends, and each and every one of you readers; your support and kind words have gotten me through some tough days- and tough writer’s blocks!

Epilogue

The room fell silent then, what little rain that was left from the storm outside pattered gently on the dark glass windows of the walls. Erin gazed quietly at the fire, waiting for Harry to explain more, but he didn’t say anything. Finally, as she played with the mug of soup she had long before finished, Erin broke the silence.

"What happened to Sirius?"

Harry lowered his mug of soup from his lips, half full and no doubt cold. He didn’t say anything at first, staring distantly into the fire, but then looked away from it slowly toward the hallway beyond the room.

"Remus Lupin came, five years later. He… in a sense… understood. While I was managing Sirius fine on my own, Lupin convinced me that it was hurting me too much to see him in the state he was in. So, he took Sirius to live with him. In a way, he didn’t give me much choice."

"How do you mean?" Erin asked.

"Both of them were getting old… and Sirius’ needs would only increase as time wore on. It would have gotten to the point where I would need to go out and face people more to get what he needed. Lupin was a better choice." He answered softly.

Erin frowned at him, feeling herself becoming increasingly irritated by Harry’s attitude.

"Don’t you think that was a cowardly decision?" She asked boldly.

Harry put down his soup and turned to her; the lines on his face were dark.

"I don’t want to be a celebrity. To go out would mean no peace. Think about it, think about what a person’s first reaction to me would be."

Erin shrugged slightly, seeing his point, but she still felt the same.

"It’s still a weak excuse."

Harry let out a sneering laugh, crossing his arms and looking darkly into the shadows where the fire’s light did not touch.

"I told you, you wouldn’t understand."

Erin held back an outburst, and instead decided to stay quiet… waiting for him. After five minutes, when she hadn’t had said anything, Harry turned to her. It was then, looking into his eyes, that she got to see beyond the emerald green and see the person locked inside.

"You’re afraid," she said softly.

He blinked and looked at the floor.

"You’ve always been afraid… ever since the beginning. You’ve seen death before you could speak, lived in fear of malice from your relations, been hunted by the same death from the beginning as you grew, only to see it all come crashing into one huge crescendo, causing you to hide within yourself. After all this time… all these years… are you still so afraid?" Erin leaned in to see his face more clearly, and for him to see hers.

His face flashed in a bout of anger and he pulled back into his armchair, out of sight. Yet she said nothing more, waiting for his reply, and after a few minutes, he gave one.

"Yes."

"Do you like living alone? In the middle of nowhere?" She asked carefully.

"I’ve gotten used to it…" he said uncertainly.

"Do you?" Erin pressed.

Harry hesitated, then let out a long sigh.

"No."

"Don’t you think it’s time to let Harry Potter out now? Don’t you think the wait has been long enough?" She continued, but she was pushing her luck.

"I think you should go now." Harry said bluntly, not looking back at her. She knew better than to challenge his tone, for he was still a powerful wizard. Keeping hold of her mug, Erin got up slowly, her eyes still on Harry’s armchair. She grabbed her long discarded notepad and turned to leave.

"I do understand now, Mr. Potter. There’s another person waiting for you that may want to too. If you can tell me… you can tell another." Erin walked slowly across the near-empty room, put her mug in the sink, and went down the hall to the foyer. Not once did Harry say anything, and she put on her now-dry raincoat that was hanging on the pegs by the door. She hesitated before she turned the doorknob, hoping to hear him say something, but the house was just as quiet as the soul that lived inside. Sighing, Erin left the house and walked out into the drizzling rain.

"So?"

"Did you see him?"

"What’s he like?"

"Tell us, Erin, tell us!"

Erin didn’t have a moment of peace since she walked back into The Daily Prophet the following morning. Her co-workers, and anyone else, who knew of her assignment, asked her a barrage of questions. She avoided all of them, going quickly to her office and shutting the door.

"What’s up with her?" she heard them say outside her door.

"Bet you ten Galleons she didn’t find him."

"I knew it. He’s dead, I tell you."

"Most likely. Why else would he not be out in public?"

Erin sighed and put her briefcase down on her desk, sitting down in her chair heavily. She couldn’t sleep the night before; thoughts about what Harry had told her running over and over in her brain. It didn’t even occur to her before she reached her department what she would tell her supervisor. She didn’t have anything prepared and written to be published. Nor would she. There really wasn’t any way to prove of her meeting with the famous wizard, only her word. She had promised him she wouldn’t write anything down.

"McDougal? Are you in?" came her supervisor’s voice from behind the door.

Erin hesitated before she answered, taking a deep breath.

"Yes, come in."

The door opened, and the light surrounded the shadow of her supervisor from outside Erin’s office. Erin had not lit any candles, preferring the darkness so that it wouldn’t hurt her sleep-deprived eyes. She squinted as her supervisor walked in and shut the door.

"Well?"

Erin wrung her fingers over her desk and cleared her throat, not wanting to look at her.

"I found him."

When she didn’t say anything, Erin continued honestly.

"He wouldn’t let me take notes, so I don’t have anything prepared to be published any time soon."

"You sound unsure," her supervisor said.

"No one will believe me," Erin sighed.

"I do."

Erin looked up at her then, studying the older woman’s trim figure and long hair. For an older adult, she was still fairly pretty, and the prize of many suitors in the office. However, she never married, and Erin had seen her refuse some generous offerings.

"He told me no one would ever truly understand, not really. But when he finished telling me his story, I did understand… and I told him that someone else would too."

"You told him?" her supervisor whispered after a moment.

"No. He’s still afraid, Ms. Weasley, still locked inside of himself." Erin leaned back in her chair, looking away.

Ginny Weasley sat on the edge of Erin’s desk and put her hands on her knees.

"How come you never went there, if you knew where he was?" Erin asked, leaning forward again.

Ginny sighed and shook her head.

"I told him I’d always be waiting for him. I was afraid I’d push him away more by forcing him to see reason, which in his past has never really worked. There were a few times where I did go… where I only reached as far as the stone steps that led up to his house… but, I couldn’t go further. Harry needs to save himself for once, and when he does, I’ll be there for him."

Erin thought a moment, shuffling her feet.

"I think he’s more afraid of you being lost to him forever, now, than anything else. Perhaps you should tell him you’re still waiting." She said quietly.

"I have a feeling he still knows, Miss McDougal." Ginny said quickly, standing up and straightening out her wizarding robes. "For now, you should get started on your column. Others need to understand, too."

She left without looking back, leaving Erin with her mouth hanging open. None of the other reporters could see it, but Erin saw the glistening tears that had reflected the light back into the dark office. Sighing, she got out her quill and a sheet of parchment, and began.

"The whole world knows Harry Potter. The Boy Who Lived, the Wizard Saint, the Magical Savior. He’s known by many names in many languages, but he is still just Harry. Harry Potter. A man who has seen and experienced more hardship than nobody else realizes. While he has saved our world more than once, prevented the rise of evil from returning, Harry has given up more than one could possibly give. No one will ever understand his story like he does, but he gave me a chance to. The question is… will he let others who care know as well?"

*

Ginny Weasley closed up the offices in the department, cast the alarm spells, and locked the door. She walked down the three flights of stairs to the front lobby, where she said a quiet goodnight to the security guard. He tipped his black pointed hat to her and smiled as she left, shaking his head in pity with the thought of such a lovely woman all alone. Ginny drew up her cloak and walked into the night, unaware of the sounds in the darkness.

*

"Harry Potter is just a mere mortal, contrary to popular belief. He suffers like us all, and while he has been lost to the world, he has been lost to himself as well. Only when he decides to conquer the only thing one has to fear- fear itself- will Harry Potter return. Until then, he remains locked in his place of solitude, where he seeks the forgiveness of those that have long since forgiven him."

*

She stopped at the spot where she had last saw him, more than two decades before. Ginny could see the Burrow’s lit windows beyond, knowing that her brothers were home. While she had never been alone, it felt like she was. For so many years, she had given up so much for Harry, and still he did not return. She longed for him so, trying to remember the good times, but the bad memories never failed to discern her.

"It wasn’t your fault, Harry," she whispered to the wind, drawing her cloak up tighter around her.

There was a flicker of movement before she turned to go inside to the Burrow. Ginny paused, searching the darkness, refusing to let hope rise inside of her. She shook her head, knowing that it was just her longing that made her wish that he was there- just as he was when she left him.

"I just can’t let you go," she breathed. In a slow, habitual movement, she grasped a chain that was tucked underneath her robes. Then, as the clouds parted and the light of the moon broke the darkness into a dim enigma of shapes, another thing caught her eye. It seemed as if she was imagining things again. "I see your eyes every day in my mind, the deep emerald green with a kind soul."

"For so long, I’ve kept that soul locked away." Came the husky, tired voice, but the same voice she had heard in her mind since the day they first met.

"Why?" came her simple question, looking into the darkness.

"I was afraid." He stepped closer.

"Of me?" Ginny whispered.

"No… of me."

She looked at him, and even in the dark she could see every detail. This was the Harry that had left her in the summer before her seventh year at Hogwarts. He had returned… after all this time.

"And are you still afraid?" she asked, going towards him.

"Only when I’m alone," Harry whispered, taking her hand in his.

"You’ve always been in my heart, Harry." Ginny put her head on his shoulder.

"No matter how far apart?" His voice resounded through her. She leaned back and pulled up the worn chain, bearing the locket he had given her so long ago. Opening it, the moonlight hit the engraved words-

Always in my heart, no matter how far apart

"No matter how long," Ginny said, looking up at him.

*

"There is no reason for Harry Potter to return. While he does in fact still exist, while still believed as some legend from a fantastic fairy tale, Mr. Potter by all accounts deserves his anonymous lifestyle. He has no desire to be a celebrity, even though he has grown up with the status ever since he was a baby. One should not expect an interview from him, nor should another seek out his company without his invitation again. Although, this astonishing man should not be alone, as he has been for so long. We can only hope, that Harry Potter forgives himself enough to find out if he’ll be alone forever.

"For life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards."*