Moths in the Thunder

Change,
Everything you are,
And everything you were,
Your number has been called.
Fights, battles have begun,
Revenge will surely come,
Your hard times are ahead.

~ Muse, Butterflies and Hurricanes

~*~

He'd never seen a girl cry properly before.

He was not talking about the little tears that come up when they had little fights with their friends or when they were hurt, this was serious, frame-shaking sobbing. She was just sitting there, her face in her hands, weeping miserably, not saying a word except for the occasional, wrenching wail. Sirius swallowed nervously. There was no point in asking if she was okay, it was painfully obvious that she was not.

There had been a knock on the door, which he had answered only to find Lily on his doorstep, tears streaming down her face. She had literally collapsed into his arms.

He tried to move her hands to get a look at her face, trying to coax some words out of her. She just moved away, crying still. A horrible sense of foreboding was gnawing away in the pit of his stomach, demanding audience.

"Lily," he whispered, totally at a loss at what to do, "What had happened?"

When anyone cried he didn't know how to deal with it. It wasn't just him, or because he was male, it was his whole emotionally stunted family. He just didn't cry after the age of seven, no one did. It never happened. No one knew what to do. His mother didn't even show how upset she was when they heard that his git of a brother Regulus had been killed.

"Lily, please," he said quietly, shifting his position, bending down to her level, "What's happened? Where are Harry and James?"

At this point her shoulders started shaking harder but the volume remained the same. She sank out of his grip onto the floor, on her knees, her sobs become more and more wretched. "James..."

"Oh Merlin," he murmured, feeling his kneecaps disappear as he joined Lily on the floor, "No, Lily. Please, tell me they're not..."

She didn't deny it. Something caught in his throat.

"Please!" he begged, clutching her wrists and trying to look in her eyes, "Lily! Speak to me? Where are they?"

She rubbed her eyes and face, which was already slick with tears, sniffing, before a whole new wave of tears broke down whatever she had made to stop him. Her whole body was shuddering.

"I came home late from work," she cried. Sirius could barely understand what she was saying through the sobs. Or maybe, deep down, he already knew. "No one was in. It was all so empty..."

She wouldn't, or couldn't continue. He was feeling desperate. No one to tell him what the right thing to do or say... If something had happened to James or Harry, someone had to help.

"What happened? Lily!"

Still she remained speechless. He felt like shaking her but had yet to find the courage to touch her.

Her tears subsided slightly, and she ran her fingers through her hair only to get them caught in numerous knots. She broke down again. Her eyes were red from rubbing and each sob was becoming more and more fraught.

Sirius, on the other hand, could do nothing except stare lamely at her, not sure if he should hug her, speak to her.

They were--

No. No need to jump to conclusions. Lily hadn't said anything. They could just be in hospital or something. No wonder she was so upset. The hospital must be so scary for Harry. He was only just a year old.

Lily began to almost claw at her hair, grinding her teeth. He could see a tear dripping off the end of her nose. Her hair was wet with fresh tears, making it matted and curly but she didn't seem to notice. She didn't even notice when he shuffled forward.

"Where are they?"

"Shut up!" she screamed suddenly. Only it wasn't a very loud scream, it was a tired, almost rasping shout that seemed to have more effect. He leaned back down, feeling the small bubble of hope evaporating.

"You mean they've been-"

Lily put her hand on his mouth.

"Don't say it," she whispered, almost frantically. "Please, please don't say it."

Sirius choked back his own tears and, after a moment he would regret, wrapped his arms around Lily. She didn't stop crying for a long time.