Criminal Husband

Chapter One

March 26^th

Diary of Ginny Malfoy, formerly Ginny Weasley.

I've decided to keep a diary. There's nothing else for me to do. It might help to pass away the spare time I have in my life and trust me- I have a lot of spare time and no other way to occupy me. Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I should keep this little bland bubble that is my life all mine.

If a stranger picks this up there going to wonder why I'm so bored.

I'm married. If you had told me to whom fifteen years ago, I would have pointed the way to the nearest hospital. That was ten years ago. A lot has changed in the past years, good and bad.

I'm married to Draco Malfoy. Ginny Malfoy now litters the top of any owls addressed to me.

And I have a son. James Aidan Malfoy.

He's ten years old and it's his birthday in two weeks and then he'll be off to Hogwarts, living his life.

I still haven't got him a birthday present and have no idea either what to get...

He's got blonde hair just like his father but blue eyes - not grey. I wished he'd had brown or green some days, I feel as if there is nothing of mine in him. Maybe if I have another child, it'll be a girl. She would have strawberry blonde hair, and I'd brush it, pulling it into plaits and ponytails. But Draco doesn't want any more children - he wants to spend the little time he has with James. There are these moments when I wish he were like me, just so Draco could know what it would feel like.

But he has some of my habits, so I've been told, and traits of the Weasley's. He terribly stubborn and in the summer he gets some freckles across his nose. He used to be pale now he's just like Ron minus the freckles. And the red hair. I hope Draco doesn't read that.

Draco was a little standoffish with James to begin with. Apart from anything he was scared to hold James as a baby, handed him straight back to me when there was the slightest hint of tears. It was weeks before I managed to extract the reason. There's so much I could put about it but all those explanations happened years ago and I don't think I have the mental energy to drag them out again.

We used to go down to the beach and take him in all the rock pools, make sand castles and watch the sun swallowed up by the sea. We'd have a little fire - Draco would make James go off to fetch unnecessary driftwood for fuel - and James would try and catch the fish in his hands.

Or we'd go to the zoo and watch the Pixies in the cages and the other animals being fed. But all the animals James wants he would get so he says it's not fun anymore.

That was years ago. Now Draco doesn't have the time. He's always busy.

That's why I'm writing in this notebook. I have nothing to do.

James is in school from nine to half past three and Draco is rarely home. I have about six hours to entertain myself. Which I do fantastically unsuccessfully.

The house elves do all the housework and gardening so I can't even do that and complain about doing it like my mum used to. I did try and garden but there's no point - the garden, no grounds, are massive. I could make a secret garden but I wouldn't know what to do. I wouldn't have anywhere to go. I still can't negotiate my way around the damn place.

The most annoy thing is that Draco and James know their way around there like it the back of their hand.

March 27^th

I still don't know why I'm writing in this notebook. It's not like it's a posh, magical one, like the sort ignorant family members brought for me every other Christmas. No locks (magic or Muggle), no curse if anyone but me touches it... nothing. I could put something on I suppose but I don't think I want to. Something's stopping me and I'm not in the mood to resist.

It's only a cheap Muggle one. I brought it at the Muggle side of Kings Cross. Mum had to put the trolley back after Ron went to Hogwarts. I found some money on the floor - I now realise it was fifty pence - so I found the cheapest thing and brought it.

All it had in before was a few scribble and notes we passed around class. It made me smile when I saw them. I was old enough to like boys, but young enough to smile without a reason.

I don't even know why I'm writing a diary considering my history with them.

And that's another thing.

Draco has brought me anything I want- I just have to say 'That's pretty,' and it's mine. I feel guilty about it when so many people barely have enough money for food and I have everything and more that I could ever need. Life is just like that I guess.

Sometimes your lucky and other times your unlucky and miss out.

Mine has been both. Sometimes at the same time.

When Draco is home he's so nice and sweet. He spends time with James and me for a couple of days but then he has to go.

I don't even know where he goes and when he comes back he's too tired to talk. I don't really want to push his temper.

As long as I've known him he's only lost it once and it wasn't an experience I want to repeat.

He might get angry at what I'm writing. I don't know any more. Any one could find it I suppose but I'm going to hide it. No one will know- it'll be my secret. Just for me.

March 28th

I'm not sure what to do for James' birthday, he had a party last year and he said he didn't want another for a while. Maybe he's too grown up. He doesn't know many people his age either. He had a tutor until he was seven, then he asked if he could be put in a school. There were no magical ones nearby so, without telling Draco, I put him into a Muggle school.

James didn't mind. He had seen the magical ones we had to travel to and all of the teachers looked uncomfortable when they heard his surname. At this school no one knows his past, or his father's past. He can be himself. He just regretted it when he realised there was exams as well.

I don't even know what to get him, for his birthday that is, like me he has everything. He was Quidditch equipment, an owl, a top broom, books and anything else Draco brought him.

He hasn't even looked at some things. He spends all spare time on his broom and outside in the grounds.

I wish I had that freedom.

But then again, I'm not sure if I take it if I had it.

He gets good marks for his schoolwork but like every wizard boy he wants to be a Quidditch player for England. He wants to be a chaser and he gets better everyday.

Harry sometimes comes down and trains him a bit even though he was a seeker... I would love to do that but I've fallen horribly out of practise. But Harry still messes around with his friends. He knows what formation the chasers could use and gave some tips to James. They both looked at me funnily when I watched them the other day. James because I hardly come out - especially in March when its wet and cold.

As for Harry's reason, I have no idea.

But I'm glad he's here. I hardly see anyone anymore. I was told to make a choice and I made one.

~*~

Draco didn't come home last night and he hasn't contacted me. He's done this before but he told me when he'd be back and he owled me. I wish he would come home. I haven't mentioned it to James- he'll just get troubled.

He just left as normal the day before yesterday and there's been no sign of him. I'm trying not to get worried but there is nothing else for me to do except fret.

I can't talk to Hermione because she's working at Hogwarts, Harry's at the Ministry as an Auror and my brothers are around the world. Not that they would particularly be bothered.

I better go and pick up James now- it's only three but I might as well walk. At least it's stopped raining.

April 1^st

April's fool's today.

I'm so glad Fred and George are in Senegal - I just feel sorry for the people who live there. Merlin only knows that they're doing there. And I only found out by accident... Harry let something slip the other day when he came over.

But I haven't been able to write the last couple of days. For once I've been busy, for once I've spent time with Draco and for once we've been together as a family.

He just came home about ten minutes after I got back with James. It had started raining half way on the way back. We were late because we'd hid under a tree. James managed to drag me along a shortcut but he was still in the bath when his father arrived.

He kissed me and held me close then whispered in my ear:

I'm sorry about leaving you, why don't I make it up to you?

I don't think it was the word that sent shivers down my spine.

Within and hour we were in southern Italy and lounging around in our own villa.

I wasn't sure why he had taken us here. I have a feeling he's feeling guilty about something he did while he was away but I've pushed it to the back of my mind until now. Like I usually do.

It's strange you see. Draco never does anything spontaneous, at least not for a while. Nothing like this at all before.

But I'm just not bothered anymore. I don't want to know. I'm going to bury my head in the sand and wish it would all just go away.

For the first time in months he was romantic, sweet, caring and he even let James bury him in the sand. Anyone watching would have thought us a nice, young happy family.

I wish we were.

I wish we were like we were when James was five. When we were still happy when Draco hardly ever worked.

Life is full of wishes.

Mine never get answered though.

April 2^nd

It's a Saturday and some how it feels just the same as every other day.

I've just got an inter-house owl (as he likes to phrase it) from James. Lazy boy, he won't even get out of bed unless you use a foghorn and a bucket of water. I mean - we're in the same house. The house elves have to strip his covers from him. It's only because of magic that we get to school on time every morning.

He's not a morning person and this cheeriness is bogus- even in a letter. It's raining outside as well so he'll come back in all muddy and soaked. I'm going to keep him in and MAKE him do at least some of his work. Maybe I should buy some Hogwarts books for him. It might give him a head start. But he'll just whinge about how he's going to become a Quidditch star, not some paper pushing Ministry bureaucrat. A phrase that he's stolen from his father.

I wonder if he will. Become a Quidditch star.

I'd better go up to him, though not with toast as he'd asked, we need to get to Diagon alley before the crowds get there.

~*~

We were too late; it was packed in Diagon alley even though it was raining cats and dogs. James dragged me to the Quidditch supply shop so I dragged him out into the Muggle world to get some fresh air, and away from my paranoia. I let him deal with the money and he seemed to know what sort of food and drinks to order from the small café we hid in.

We went into the Leaky Cauldron, James couldn't stop staring at a hag, and I swore I heard the word 'Malfoy' and 'Attack' in the same sentence.

The feeling of uneasiness is growing in the pit of my stomach as quickly as my tan is fading.

April 3^rd

Draco came home dressed in black last night. I've never seen him in black that often- it was the colour of those memories he didn't need.

Anyway, black robes, black gloves, black shoes- the whole works.

He wouldn't look me in the eye and grunted something about needing a shower.

He's done something again.

Something really bad- I can just tell by the way he's acting. The way his body moved. He sort of slinked, almost unconsciously keeping to the shadows. None of the floorboards creaked like they usually do. That can only be a bad sign.

I don't want this to happen.

Anyway, he's coming down the stairs so I'm going to have to out this away somewhere.

I really don't want him finding this.

Luckily James was already in bed when he came home. He knows nothing about his fathers' connection with the Dark Side, and I want to keep it that way. Permanently.

April 4^th

Now I really am buggared. It's less than I week until my son's birthday and I don't know what to get him. I saw a book on Quidditch Chasers that looked good but it turned out that he's already got like three copies of it. I'm starting to panic - Draco has no idea.

And I don't mean about presents. I mean about the fact it was his only son's birthday. He didn't even know until I reminded him.

Is it right to have a child with all these things? He is so spoilt compared to others. But it's odd. He never asks for things.

When I was his age, I had to have Ron's old robes, which wasn't that nicest way to start Hogwarts. Half my books were taped together.

He has more money than my family did when I was younger.

I can feel a headache coming on. James will have to miss school. A major sacrifice I'm sure.

~*~

Last night was weird.

Draco came down about eight o'clock. I had made James go up to bed early with a promise that if he did he could stay up as long as he wished as long as he stayed in his room.

For once we talked. I just sat next to him and talked.

When he came back dressed in black a couple of night ago, I was scared of him.

He was radiating power and I was afraid. He walked different; he spoke different but somehow was ashamed of it.

Back to last night, he wasn't so, so, so. I can't think of the words but for the first time in weeks I felt like I could talk to him. Something that was between us has dissolved.

By the end of the night I was lying in his arms just watching the fire lick at the logs and thinking. We lay in comfortable silence before he said:

You know I love you

What could I say? Of course I loved him. I fell in love with some one else from what he is now but I still love him. I never feel like I know him, he blows hot and then he blows cold. I just can't explain. I wanted to cry. But I love him still.

I said yes but he looked at me like he knew better.

I fell asleep in his arms right there and this morning woke up alone without a note only a blanket thrown over me.

April 5^th

There's been another attack. For the first time in years there's been an attack. Three Muggle's and a wizard dead and instead of a dark mark the killers left a message to the Aurors.

Don't know what it say- the newspaper wasn't allowed to say. I might have to ask Draco. One way or another, he'll know. That can only be for a bad reason right? Got to go- doorbells been ringing for a minute non-stop and it looks like the house elves aren't answering.

I'm not expecting company.

~*~

He's been lying to me.

All this time, all the nights away he's been with them-

Scum. Murderers. Deatheaters.

I really have a headache now.

I've just had a couple of Aurors round and the attack a couple of days ago; they think Draco had a part in it.

Mrs Malfoy, one of them said, where was your husband on the third of April? And at night?

The night he came home in black clothes. The night I had been waiting for him in the kitchen. The night he seemed to glow with power. The night he wouldn't talk to me let alone look at me.

They think he killed those people when only a week ago we were in Italy and he was buried in sand, laughing as James pushed him into the sea.

If they find out that he had a hand in this, he'll be in Azkaban longer than James in old. People go mad in months in Azkaban - how will he survive years?

How I will survive? I'm alone enough as it is. The person I gave everything up has betrayed me.

I need to ask a house elf for something for my head. I really need to lie down now.

Why? Why would he do this to us? We were perfect, we were happy. I can't understand.

I never will.

~*~

They'll be back tomorrow at about half past five in the evening. I don't know what I'm going to do.

They said if I don't tell them the truth they'll take James away and I'll never see my son or my husband again. One owl and he would be theirs. I wasn't sure whether to believe them or not. They said it so straight-faced, not emotionlessly. I wonder if Harry knows.

I don't know what to do.

I don't dare go to Harry and ask if they can do that, I can't ask Hermione to look after James tomorrow and worst of all Draco always knows when I'm lying.

April 6^th

My life seems to be made up of me waiting, waiting for one thing to go wrong, waiting for someone to come home but this is much worse.

The people I am waiting for will one way or another will ruin my family, split us up, and break us apart.

Only three day's to go until my son's birthday and still no sign of a present. Draco is spending more and more time away from me.

For once I'm glad for this.

Even James is picking up on things, the way yesterday I hugged him for no reason. For once he didn't push me away, wiggling and whining in embarrassment. Instead he hugged me back. We stood there, embraced until we heard the door opening and James shot upstairs. He was out of sight before Draco had set one foot in the house.

~*~

I asked him to go upstairs to do his homework about fives minute before they're due to come. He knows some thing is up but he went upstairs without a word of protest. He's looking at the books I brought him. I've no idea what books he'll really be having for school but they're a good start I suppose.

They're here now. The doorbell is ringing.

Those two people don't realise it but they're my fate.

April 7^th

I am so spineless.

I didn't tell them anything... at first.

We had been sitting there for about fifteen minutes talking. Well, them talking and me just covering up for my husband. That stupid patronising woman was here again, trying to get around me with false alliances.

I had to keep saying that to myself. Draco is my husband for a reason.

He is my husband. You love him. He is my husband. You love him. He is my husband. You love him.

They threatened to take me to the Auror Headquarters; they went on and on about the families of those killed - how they deserved justice. They didn't know I didn't care about that kind of thing any more. It feels like a sleepwalking - awake but not conscious. Everything feels like a dream. A long and painful dream.

Maybe this time I'll wake up for once.

Then they brought up James. They knew that they struck a nerve and keep on at me.

I had to do it. If only for James' sake.

I told them everything I knew. From when he came in late to the surprise trip to Italy. It all came out.

I don't even know why. I'm so happy here. I have a wonderful son and husband that love me and Draco gives me everything I ever wanted.

Jewels, clothes, perfumes, everything.

But there was this little voice nagging in the back of my head saying:

Ah, he only gave you those things to make you feel loved. He was feeling guilty

They went after that. Told me to choose a side. But I'm in the middle. I made that choice years ago, stay in the middle, try and appease everyone. It doesn't work. You're told to make a choice; you make one but have it thrown back in your face by those it concerns, it is as worse as taking a definite side because this time you have no one to comfort you.

I've lived in the Dark and Light side. I don't like either.

I'm on nobody's side. Because no one is on my side.

Where did I go wrong? When did everything derail?

Why did he go back to the dark side?

Was it me? Was it me who pushed him back and away?

I don't think I'm going to sleep to night.

Oh god, I've just looked up and James is sitting on the stairs.

He's just heard everything, how his daddy's killed someone and how his mummy told on him. He is going to hate me.

Draco is coming through the door now- I can hear his shoes on the stone floor.

James has given me one last emotionless look before turning round and going back up to his room.

I have to hide this.

April 8^th

I've chosen a side. Either way someone is going to hate me.

And both times it's James. He'll go into care if I protect Draco and if I give him up, James will grow up without a father.

What can I do?

I've been too worried to write in this even. I don't even know why I'm doing it now because Draco is due home any second.

I got an owl today from the Aurors office.

--

Dear Mrs Malfoy,

A group of ten Aurors will be sent to your house at about 7am tomorrow morning. Make sure your husband is there.

Head of Operations

Daniel Edwards

That's just a copy. I burnt the real one in the fire as soon as I read it. After I shredded and spat on it.

Life doesn't seem real anymore. I haven't even bothered to take James to school and he just stays in his room all day. He eats in there, sleeps in there, and plays in there. That room is now his life. Once it was his father and I.

Now it's his broom and his many books.

I ought to go up there but I know what he will do. He'll do what his father does.

I'll talk with him, plead with him, and his face won't change. He can be so loving; so caring sometimes but when he's upset and hurt- the mask comes on.

I've hurt him; I've upset him so I've a price to pay.

It sounds so crude on paper but it's true. He's done this before to both Draco and myself. Draco has done it to me so many times. And it's worse than having them scream and shout, hit and bruise... Somehow they both know this instinctively.

I give up.

Those I love no longer love me. All the memories I have are worthless. The past can affect the living in my life, but never in the way I want.

The past can come to haunt you and for me it comes at night when I'm sleeping. But I feel more in my sleep than I do when I'm awake.

This time tomorrow things will be so much different. For once this doesn't affect me. What will be will be and it is done for the best whether it feels like that or not.

It's James birthday tomorrow. I doubt he's excited and I still have no-

~*~

I had to stop mid sentence there. Draco has come back.

Before, I had chosen to hand him over to the Ministry but now I'm confused.

He came over and kissed me properly for the first time in weeks and I remembered why I fell in love with him. He ran his finger through my hair and as if he could read my mind said:

I will always love you Ginny, wherever I go

I had avoided looking in his eyes. But he cupped my face in his hands and made me look at him.

He knew he was cornered and the only thing stopping him from taking off was his love for James and me.

I leaned forward and kissed him, one last desperate kiss he picked me up in his arms and took me upstairs towards our bedroom. I'm glad James was in bed.

He seemed to know what I'd done. Or, he seemed to know something was wrong. He knew I knew about him and what he'd done. I wanted to cry.

I know you're afraid, but you can't leave me now. Lean on my shoulder, it'll be over soon. You're the only one l love - the only one I trust

Those words are going to haunt me. I can feel it.

April 9^th

Today is my fate. It's half past six and Draco is sleeping soundly.

He looks so peaceful, so innocent I almost want to wake him up and tell him to run.

But I don't.

I'm sitting here like a coward writing like a mad man on the desk. Half an hour and our family is no more, half an hour and my life as I know it is over.

I can't write fluently - I have to keep stopping. I take another look at him, knowing this might be the last time I see him alone like this. I know what Sirius looked like in Azkaban, will Draco be like that? Will he care? Will he recognise us?

Luckily, James is not a morning person and won't be awake for a couple of hours at least.

It's funny, in situations like this you think of the most random things. I wonder if Harry knows? I wonder how many detentions Hermione has given out? What are James' teachers going to say? I wonder if my family really do hate me...

I have loads more all just as inappropriate and unnecessary.

For once time is flying and it's now five to that hour.

There is about fifteen Aurors on our lawn looking up at the house- I recognise one of them as I peek out of the window. He caught my eye and saw the doubt in me.

He just mouthed the word James and that was it.

Time to face the music now. I'm going to wake him up and say that there's someone outside to see him.

What have I done?

~*~

I just looked out of the window and he's surrounded and Daniel has a wand pointed at him and I can hear his yells,

"Give it up Malfoy!" "Come in without a fight and no one will get hurt!"

I can't stand it. He's a solider, of course, in a war he didn't want to win.

James will be up because of this noise and his window faces the garden as well. If he didn't already hate me- he will now.

I'm going to go out there.

I'm going to die with the man I love. I'll go down with him if I have to.

Maybe someone will find this journal one day. Maybe they will pass it on to James.

I love you James. And you father. We both do. No matter what people might say. I can hear the shouts now - there're even worse. If Draco keeps hurling abuse like that, he's going to be a dead man.

Ginny Malfoy

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.