For You

Close Calls, Mending Bridges

Sirius Black and James Potter had always hated Severus Snape. It was no secret, not to Snape, not to Black and Potter, not to anyone in Hogwarts. So it was understandable that when Black started on Snape, no one really paid much attention. He could be hanging upside down in a corridor, or trapped inside a closet trying to bang the door down, and the only people who would pay attention were the ones who found the situation amusing. Well, almost everyone.

Lily Evans had long-since despised the way Potter and Black treated people. They had managed to keep their bullying under-wraps for most of first year, when they were still trying to find their footing, and Lily hadn't had much of a problem with them. But then, second year brought a flurry of activity. Snape had the nerve to insult Potter and Black's intelligence after enduring a week of taunting about his hair, and a war had begun. Potter and Black still enjoyed hexing people randomly, but Snape became their specialty. And Lily began to hate them, standing up to them every time she caught them bullying someone.

This, in turn, brought her to Potter's attention. At first he hated her as well, teasing her ruthlessly for most of second year, but when third came upon them, his hate had bloomed into a crush. It had been growing ever since, and Potter, not knowing quite how to change her mind that he was a bullying git, didn't handle the situation well at all.

He tried everything from impressing her with his popularity to ruthlessly asking her out, but for reasons unknown to him, it never worked. She only seemed to despise him more. When sixth year came and he still hadn't convinced Lily that he was truly, at heart, a good person, Potter began to get desperate.

And so, in mid-March, when Sirius Black approached James with a brilliant plan to humiliate Severus Snape, he had to count himself out.

"What?" Sirius crossed the dormitory and put his hand on James' forehead. "Are you sick? What's wrong with you?"

James swiped Sirius' hand away. If he loved anything more than his best friend, it was breaking rules and hatching brilliant plans with his best friend, but desperate times were calling for desperate measures.

"Nothing," he lied, "I just think-"

"He's in love with Lily Evans, for Merlin's sake," Remus said from behind his Transfiguration book.

James and Sirius turned slowly to look at him, jaws dropped. Remus was usually so discreet and tactful.

Remus lowered his book. "He thinks that leaving Severus Snape alone will change her mind about him being an arrogant prat." He looked from one shocked face to another.

"Sorry," he apologized, putting his book down. "Full moon's coming up."

James shook his head and returned to fixing his hair.

"The thing is, Sirius, we're graduating next year, and she still thinks I'm a giant idiot."

"You are a giant idiot," Remus muttered from behind his book.

"Do you mind?" James exclaimed, throwing a folded pair of socks at him.

"You try feeling cannibalistic and incredibly depressed at the same time and then ask me if I mind," Remus snapped, not looking up.

"Anyway, if I'm even going to become friends with her, I have to stop doing stupid things like magicking Snape's underpants off him."

Sirius stood silently for a moment, taking it all in.

"Fine then. Chase your bird all you want, but let's see how you like being friends with a girl who refuses to skinny dip in the lake at three in the morning, and won't let you borrow her underwear when you forget to put yours in the hamper! Your laundry's finished, by the way, and I'd like them back now!"

He stormed out then, slamming the door behind him.

There was a long silence, then Remus' voice cut through it again from behind his homework.

"You guys are so married, it scares me sometimes."

James threw another pair of socks at him.

After their first night together, things changed. Not enough for anyone to notice, but had they been looking for it there would have been cause for questioning. Hands brushed more often, eyes met. Notes magically found their way into cauldrons, shoes, pockets, even hands. Lily continued her late night walks after curfew, though she was still always in her bed again by morning. The Shrieking Shack was their meeting place, and by the time Lily got there, a fire was always lit, the room bathed in a warm, orange glow. Lily sometimes heard what others said about him and would wonder what she saw that others couldn't. She saw him at school sometimes and would wonder what others saw that she couldn't.

They met regularly, often in response to each other's notes, but didn't always do the same thing. Sometimes they just revelled in each other's company, sat on the sofa and did their homework, talking about everything. Lily found herself falling in love with the strange, lonely boy, and Severus found himself battling emotions he didn't even know he had.

One chilled, blustery evening, Lily opened her Potions book in the Library to find a small slip of parchment holding the page for her. Grinning, she took it out and, glancing around to ensure no one was near, unfolded it.

If you aren't too busy being better than me at nearly everything (I still reserve the position of best brooder) I'll be around tonight. Same time.

When Lily opened the decrepit door and entered the living room, Severus was already there, pouring over a book on the sofa, a fire roaring in the fireplace.

"How are you?" he asked, closing the book.

"I'm great. I finished Transfiguration, and I'm nearly done with Charms. This," she said, climbing onto the sofa he'd repaired magically, "is my break."

"Really? Well, we should cut right to the chase then. I wouldn't want to keep you from your work."

He turned his head to look at her then. Lily smiled; she usually did the smiling for both of them. Severus touched her cheek, and Lily, in such a good mood despite the weather, responded by grabbing the front of his robes and pulling him off the couch.

Things had gotten quiet in the shack; the fire had burned low, various noises, so different than the other sounds heard by the villagers once a month had died down as well and were now nothing but whispers.

"You're too heavy," Severus grunted as Lily, their maroon blanket draped over them, crawled on top of him, giggling.

"Uh uh," she teased, shifting her weight so it was all on him, "I'm not that heavy. C'mon, you. Be a man!"

Severus responded by rolling over, pushing her off him and burying his face in her neck.

Lily let out a girlish shriek, which was cut short by a loud banging. She and Severus both looked toward the cellar door.

"What was that?" she whispered.

"Probably just the wind," he replied, frowning.

"Right." Lily climbed onto the sofa and wrapped the blanket around her shoulders. Severus made to get up to stoke the fire, but was stopped by another loud bang, this time followed by a series of voices.

"Oh my God," Lily barely got it out before they both flew to get their robes on.

"They're going to find us; we don't have anywhere to hide!" Lily hissed, but Severus grabbed her wrist and pulled her around into the hallway, then into a closet.

"They'll find us," she said.

"No," Severus replied, "Underneath us is a trap door I found once. It leads to Hogsmeade. Not the most convenient of places, but better than here."

With that, he pulled the door open, and Lily looked at him with only a moment's hesitance before jumping down into the dark hole.

Severus jumped down after her, pulling the trap door closed after him. It made an unnecessary bang, which sent them both racing down a dark tunnel, both wands lit. Lily didn't answer Severus when he wondered aloud who it possibly could have been; she was surprised he hadn't recognized the voices like she had, actually.

In actuality, he had, which had motivated him to get Lily away from there for more than one reason.

Coincidently, neither decided to tell the other that they knew it had been James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin, especially since Lily had no idea why.

They refrained from returning to the Shrieking Shack for a number of weeks after the incident, which had resulted in them coming through another trap door that was located in the Hogs Head. After only barely managing to slip out of the pub unnoticed, they were then faced with the winds and rain that had intensified during their time inside. Severus put his own cloak around Lily's shoulders and together they snuck back into the castle. Once safely in the castle, Lily had taken him by the hand and led him to a secret tapestry, one of the many Gryffindors passed through on the way to their tower. At this time of night, the possibility of someone walking through was considerably low, and Lily took advantage of that.

"That was fun," she'd giggled into his chest, still recovering from the stress and fear they'd experienced only moments ago.

"Never again," he replied, though smiling. He rested his chin in her hair, which was wet and windswept.

After a few more moments of recovery, Lily handed Severus his cloak back and kissed him on the cheek goodnight.

"We'd have never gotten out of there if it hadn't been for you," she praised before turning and disappearing out the opposite side of the tapestry, not even giving Severus the opportunity to deny his genius.

While the notes hadn't ceased, their frequent meetings had, at least for the time being, and it wasn't until nearly three weeks later that they had the nerve to return.

After making up for several weeks of restraint and aching discipline, Lily and Severus lay side by side in front of the fire once again, conversing in quiet tones about anything and everything.

"What do you think you'll do when we graduate?" Lily asked, snuggling under the maroon blanket that, mercifully, had been waiting for them where they'd left it.

"There's a difference between what I'd like to do and what I'll most likely end up doing," Severus replied darkly.

Lily propped herself up on her elbow.

"What do you mean?"

Severus suddenly paused, as if he'd said something he shouldn't have.

"Never mind," he replied quickly, "I don't know what I meant."

But Lily was interested now. He could tell by the way she'd raised her eyebrow.

"Yes, you do."

Severus sighed, scowling.

"This is one of those things where you get the hint and leave it alone."

Lily looked taken aback, and rolled onto her back. "Fine," she said dismissively.

They passed a few moments in a strange silence before Severus turned to her.

"My uncle has recently been expressing his interest in my, ah, career in the Dark Arts."

Lily rolled back over to face him, an eyebrow raised. "I'm going to assume he doesn't mean becoming a professor."

"No."

Lily then gazed at him in the way that unnerved and calmed him; made him feel safe yet defensive.

"Don't look at me like that. Nothing's final. He has these sorts of ideas all the time. It's whatever's popular that month for young rich purebloods to become. By the time I graduate it will likely be back to Ministry coattail rider."

Lily didn't reply. She was still gazing at Severus, recalling a time not too long ago when she'd seen a gruff, isolated Severus on the train, covered in bruises.

"You don't have to be like him, you know," she whispered, suddenly looking on the verge of tears.

Severus frowned. "Stop, don't do that." He reached over to touch her cheek, but she moved. He sighed.

"Lily, it's more complicated than that."

"It doesn't have to be," she said.

Severus averted his eyes.

"Promise me you'll make your own choice, Severus." Lily's gaze had turned into the penetrating stare that he had begun to fear and loathe.

"I said it's not that simple."

"Yes it is. You can be whatever you want, Sev. Hell, you can teach Defense Against the Dark Arts if you wanted, right here at Hogwarts. All you have to do is ask Dumbledore. He can show you how, he can help you."

Severus watched her for a moment.

"Why do you care what I do?"

"What kind of question is that?" Lily snorted.

"A simple one. Why should you give a damn what I do?"

"Oh, right, because I only come here for the good time," Lily retorted, now grinning. "You don't honestly believe that, do you?"

"I-" Severus didn't want to say it. He allowed himself just enough vulnerability to be with Lily, but afterwards, it was too difficult, too much at stake.

"I care about you," she said softly. "I care about what's going to happen to you. You're a good person, Sev, you just need better friends and a better family."

Severus opened his mouth to argue, but closed it again. She was right.

Lily sat up, allowing the blanket to fall around her waist, and looked down at him.

"You know that, don't you? That I care about you?"

Severus sat up as well; he hated being looked down upon.

"Yes. I... do too. For you, I mean," he offered, cupping her cheek in his hand for a moment though unable to look at her.

Then, in an act of compensation for his idiotic way of speaking, he reached forward and pulled her toward him, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and bringing his lips to her forehead.

He felt her sigh against his chest and held her a little tighter.

Lily and Severus were studying in the Library, pouring over books at separate tables in a corner of the study room, talking to each other discreetly, occasionally getting up to find sources for their homework deep in the stacks of the most boring sections of the library.

"So," Severus said quietly, taking a book off a shelf and opening it nonchalantly, "I heard Potter was making a fool of himself this morning at breakfast. Again."

"Yeah, well," Lily ran her fingers along a row of thick, dusty books on a lower shelf, "I guess he thought if he asked me out before my coffee he'd catch me off guard. Fat lot of good it did him."

"But still," Severus put the book back, "he's reasonably popular- for some reason, everyone seems to like the git. Don't you- I mean, do you ever feel pressured to just say yes?" He tried to look nonchalant, but couldn't hide the disgusting fact that it bothered him.

"Wow," Lily looked up at him from her crouching position on the floor. "Severus Snape- are you jealous?"

"No, why would I be?" Severus demanded, dropping his book clumsily and bending down to pick it up. Lily grabbed his sleeve before he could stand again.

"Please," she said smiling, "you're human, even if you try to convince people otherwise. And don't think for a second I'd ever even give that prat a chance." She kissed him quickly, Severus yanked away, looking around nervously in case someone had seen.

Lily shook her head.

Lily was on her own in a corner of the Common Room later that night, snuggled in a window cubby with a thick woollen blanket, absent-mindedly shuffling a pack of Exploding Snap.

"Oh, go on, for Merlin's sake," Remus growled at James, who'd been craning his neck to make sure she was still there every five minutes for the past half hour.

"No," James shook his head. "You saw what happened this morning. There's no way in hell that she'll go out with me... She hates me, Remus."

Remus didn't reply. Instead, he got up, crossed the room and sat down on a chair across from Lily.

"Hey," he greeted her.

"Oh, uh, hi Remus," Lily tried her best to smile winningly, but failed miserably. Ever since their near run-in at the Shrieking Shack, she'd been increasingly awkward around the Gryffindor prats, as she liked to refer to them as, despite her indifference for Remus Lupin.

"Look, James really wants to talk to you. If he comes over here, will you at least be nice to him so I can get some sleep at night?"

Lily looked at him quizzically. "What does that have to do with you getting sleep?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "It mostly has to do with James' tossing and turning every night, moaning your name and then waking up, crawling into my bed and whispering he had a bad dream. Just trust me, it'll help."

Lily looked taken aback, but nodded. "All right, I'll talk to him, but if he asks me out-"

"Yes, yes, you'll charm the orange juice to pour itself continuously over him. We get it."

Lily sighed with her hands in her lap as she watched James Potter cross the common room late morning the next day. She'd been out nearly all night, as it had been Friday, had woken late and, remembering she'd promised to meet with Potter at ten-o-clock Saturday morning to go on a walk, had hurried home without waking Severus. She'd only had time for a brief shower before dressing and hurrying downstairs with barely enough time to sit before Potter emerged from the boy's dormitory, nervously flattening his hair.

"Lo, Evans," James said cheerily, as if flipping an invisible switch from disturbingly nervous to ridiculously charming.

"Morning," Lily replied, looking at him expectingly.

"Er- shall we?" he asked, gesturing toward the door.

"Alright then," Lily shrugged on her spring cloak and stood up.

She didn't know why she'd agreed to do this. Or why she'd decided to 'forget' to tell Severus. Well, that wasn't entirely true; she'd decided to forget to tell him because she knew he'd do his Severus thing, where he tried pathetically to trick her into saying she found Potter handsome and wonderful and everything he wasn't. Lily supposed that somewhere, in the back of her utterly hopeful mind, she thought this was going to be The Apology; Potter would say he was sorry for being a prat all these years and promise never to bother her again. Of course, this could also be another lewd attempt to get her to be with him, but if it was, at least she'd have a reason to hex him.

"So, not to be blunt, but what is this all about?" Lily asked as they walked along the corridors toward the front doors of the castle.

Potter didn't answer at first, choosing instead to shove his hands deeply into the pockets of his jeans.

"Well Evans, I guess you could say that this is The Apology, where I say I'm sorry for being such a prat all these years and promise never to bother you again."

Before Lily had time to wrap her mind around how strange that had been, James ploughed on.

"But there's something else too."

"Oh?" Lily pushed the oak door open and stepped out into the mild April morning.

"Yeah- I want to start completely over."

Lily looked up at him quizzically.

"I want to be friends- think about it," he added quickly as Lily opened her mouth, a laughing expression on her face, "we're two and a half months away from being done with our sixth year. I don't want to be enemies when we leave here and I think we could really make our last year here fun if we both just start over and pretend all the stupid other stuff never happened."

Lily was at a loss for words.

They walked along the grounds, which were still a little wet from rain during the night, and headed toward the lake. They stopped at the edge of it, and James turned to Lily.

"So, what do you say? Start over?"

Lily thought a moment about how this might affect her relationship with Severus. It seemed like a pretty adult thing to do, and to refuse would be childish. Not to mention, it could result in awkward questions. Severus would probably hate that more than her being friends with Potter.

"Just because we're friends doesn't mean we'll hang out all the time, alright?" she said warningly, eyeing the hand that was extended toward her. "We'll just be cordial. We're not pals, we're just friendly acquaintances."

James seemed slightly faltered.

"If- if that's what you want," he agreed, re-extending his hand.

"I just think it's the smartest thing to do. No use rushing into things."

"Right then. Well, hi. I'm James Potter. It's nice to meet you-?"

"Lily," Lily grinned in spite of herself, grasping his hand in a business-like shake. "Lily Evans."

"Well Lily Evans, I don't usually do this, but how would you like to get a butterbeer sometime? I'm kidding! I'm kidding," James said quickly at the look on her face.

Lily shook her head, but smiled. "I can't say I should be surprised."

They began to walk slowly back to the castle.

"So, what inspired this?" Lily ventured.

"I was just sick of being afraid to talk to you. I mean, we've been living in the same house for six years and we've been enemies for most of it- I just don't want to hate anyone I don't have to hate when I graduate."

Lily frowned. "Well, you don't really have to hate anyone, do you?"

"You know what I mean," James replied, looking slightly uneasy. "It's harder than it sounds to get along with some people."

"Like who?"

"Well, for instance, perfect example, Snivellus."

Lily blinked.

"That's a bridge that's going to be burned forever. On the one hand, it's a shame, but on the other, it's not really that big of a deal. It's not like I'll always have a hole in my heart that only Snivelley can fill or anything," James chortled, walking so easily in his perfectly renewed sense of accomplishment.

Lily had nothing to say at first. Then-

"Actually, on second thought Potter, I don't think I can actually be friends with you."

"What? Why?"

Lily stopped walking. "You said you don't want any enemies, but when you think about it, you only have two: me and Severus Snape. I don't think it's fair that I'm an exception, especially when I dislike you just as much as he does."

James looked wildly confused at what was happening.

"Lily, wait a second-"

"No, I think you'll have to fix those burned bridges. Why should you be nice to me and not him? He's in sixth year, too."

James ran a hand through his hair.

"So you're saying you're just going to keep hating me until I'm nice to Snape?"

"I guess I am," Lily shrugged. "You can't do a half-arsed job with these kinds of things."

"You're joking."

"I'm completely serious. Otherwise, how do I know this isn't just another ploy of yours to trick me into going out with you?"

"But it's not!"

"I think you're missing my point."

James looked utterly crestfallen.

Lily shrugged. "It's up to you, Potter. Personally, I'd be impressed if you managed to clean up that mess."

With that, Lily turned and walked away, back up toward the castle, leaving James Potter feeling strangely as if he'd just climbed a giant cliff, and had been suddenly shoved back to the ground. Except, even after a fall like that, he wasn't dead. Just incredibly sore, and that, somehow, was worse.