For You

Hidden Charm, So Very Awkward

They met again. It was an accident, but too convenient a time and place to ignore. Lily had been on her way to the library from the Great Hall and had passed through a hidden corridor behind a tapestry - a little shortcut shown to her by an older bookworm student while in her second year- only to meet Severus on his own way through.

They both stood in the hidden tunnel for a moment and Lily swallowed before letting the tapestry drop behind her.

There was a collective thud as two book-laden bags fell to the ground.

***

"Finally! I thought you'd decided to stand me up," Gretchen greeted Lily as she hurried into the library. "Lil? What's wrong?"

"Huh?" Lily looked up from digging into her bag.

"You look all hot and bothered," Gretchen said, reaching across the table for Lily's forehead. "You're bright pink."

"I ran here," Lily said, ducking away from Gretchen's hand. "I was late, remember?"

Gretchen shrugged and pulled a comb out of her own satchel. "Well, here. Comb your hair- it's all messy."

Lily flushed deeply and grabbed the comb.

***

Sleep became an allotted time for an abyss of thought. After a week of a full mind crippling her sleep patterns, Lily took to reading in the Common Room to pass the time. It was a trivial pastime; when she read, her thoughts would go elsewhere, but as soon as she put the book aside, all the inhibitions and considerations flooded back, and sleep became impossible.

Often, she would wake up in the early hours of the morning, still sitting up by the fireplace, using the book from last night as a pillow.

Yet surprisingly, despite the lack of proper sleep, Lily showed none of the usual signs of insomnia. She appeared as fresh and energized as ever, and was even friendlier toward people who usually annoyed her, such as Potter and Black, even when they were making an effort.

Severus had a similar problem, although rather than being chipper and bright, like Lily, his lack of sleep resulted in a bitter and sharp disposition. And his patience didn't extend anywhere near to putting up with Potter and Black.

The only brightness in his day occurred whenever he could get a glimpse of a certain girl with dark red hair. Lily seemed to be in good spirits, but she made a point of not acknowledging him. They hadn't quite spoken about their previous encounters yet, and therefore the extent of their relationship hadn't been defined. Neither wished to cross an invisible line, so they remained relatively detached about the situation.

However, after nearly two weeks of very few and brief meetings, Lily was past having trouble sleeping. She couldn't even concentrate on books.

And so, the following Monday, Lily took a strategic stance, selecting a seat near the far left of the class, forcing Severus to sit nearer the door. She then waited a precise amount of time after class had been dismissed before rising with her books and passing by his desk, where he was still packing his books. Lily gave him a hard and pointed look, raising her eyebrow.

Severus looked up at her as she passed, surprised, but Lily pretended not to have noticed, and simply walked out the door.

"Hey-" Lily turned at the sound of his voice, grinned, and turned the corner.

Severus glanced around for a moment before following.

"I'm going to assume that look meant to follow you," he said once he'd caught up to her.

"Oh, the powers of deduction," Lily replied airily, leaning against the wall.

Severus frowned slightly.

"Well, what was it?"

Lily cocked her head to one side. "You- you've never liked anyone before, have you?"

Severus frowned harder. "I suppose not."

"Then I won't hold this one against you," she said softly, taking his hand.

Severus stepped forward hastily, his hand straying automatically to her hair.

"Hey, wait a second," Lily grabbed the hand and brought it down. "I actually have an agenda, here."

"Oh," Severus tried not to look as embarrassed as he felt.

"I was just wondering- are you having trouble sleeping?"

Severus smiled suddenly.

"Like you wouldn't believe."

Lily smiled up at him.

"Good."

***

It was already a decision that neither would speak of the occurrences to others. It was one of those things that was never really considered, rather, it crossed the mind as common sense and sharing the information never really became something to be considered. Therefore, Lily didn't tell Gretchen or Marla.

That said, whatever their feelings were, they only grew in time, and before Lily or Severus could even take the time to look around, it was mid-February.

Their meetings were infrequent, but never lacking in unspoken understanding. Whether it was a brief rendezvous beneath a tapestry tunnel, or time well spent in a Prefect's bathroom in the middle of the night, it was undeniable that both students enjoyed their time together. They mostly talked at first, but as they grew more and more comfortable with seeing and being with each other, the other things that come with romance flowed easily between them.

It wasn't until 12:03 am, sitting at the bottom of the empty bathtub in the Prefect's bathroom on the second corridor that they came to the realization of how much time had passed.

"Wow," Lily exclaimed, examining her watch. "I mean- a part of me knew it was almost March, but at the same time, this is complete surprise."

"It's especially sad because I can't make fun of you for not noticing," Severus replied. "I'm only ashamed that I didn't see it either."

"We're quite the pair of idiots, that's for sure," Lily grinned, leaning her head on his shoulder. "Severus, where are we?"

"The Prefect's bathroom on the fourth floor."

"No, I mean- where are we?"

"Oh... Where do you want to be?" Severus tensed, as he usually did, but he didn't mind as a whole.

Lily thought for a moment. Girlfriend and boyfriend labels seemed so trivial, especially since they hadn't told anyone about them.

"Do you still want to keep this a secret?" she ventured, lacing her fingers with his.

"I thought that was the general consensus," he replied cautiously.

"Oh, I know, but I wouldn't mind telling people if you didn't."

"Neither would I," Severus replied, releasing her hand, "if I wanted to get the magic knocked out of me by Potter and his henchmen."

"I didn't think of that. But- he's been much better these days; maybe he won't care."

Severus snorted. "Oh, please. You seem like such a smart girl. Don't tell me you're naïve as that."

Lily sat up to look at him, a dangerous glint in her eyes.

"Excuse me?"

Severus sat up too, a derisive look on his face. "Of course he'd care. Come on, Lily- you share a house with the prat- you can't tell me you don't think he'd care, just because it was me."

"I know he's an idiot, but if I told him to-"

Severus snorted again. "To back off? You're right, that would stop him for sure. He'd leave me alone and he wouldn't spread any stories about me and he wouldn't take the mickey out of either of us, just because you told him to leave me alone. After all, it always worked before, didn't it?"

"What is your problem?" Lily asked, getting to her feet. "I was only trying to help you those times-"

Severus got to his feet too. "Yeah, you were a great help, Evans. Always there, just waiting to pounce on him whenever he put a toe out of line. It looked really good for me though- letting you do all the fighting for me."

"What, so we're back to Evans, now?"

"It seemed appropriate- I don't really think I know you."

Lily frowned at him, unsure of what to say.

"Listen, if you don't want to tell anyone, just say so."

"I don't want to tell anyone." Severus said severely.

"Fine!"

"Fine."

There was an uncomfortable silence before Severus wanted to drown himself in

the giant bathtub for his stupidity.

"Look, I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that... I just- I don't want to ruin this. If we tell people, everyone will be ridiculous, and it won't be the same. This is good like it is. Isn't it?"

"It was, I don't know," Lily said, not looking at him.

"Lily, I'm sorry. I didn't mean all that idiocy. You know how talking about Potter makes me want to hex things."

"Yeah, I guess I should've seen that coming," Lily replied, allowing him a half-hearted glance.

"If this means something to you, we can tell people. I just-"

"No, that part's fine. I don't care. But I am not naïve."

Severus almost laughed with relief.

"I don't think you are. You're smarter than me, for god's sake."

Lily raised an eyebrow.

"Hey- you can't say that. Using the Lord's name in vain is my Muggle legacy in this place."

Both grinned before Lily stepped into Severus' arms, putting her face in his chest.

"So where do you want us to be?" Severus asked, realizing she hadn't answered his question from earlier.

Lily looked up at him, her eyes sparkling.

"Right here."

***

Due to this newfound contentment, Severus found himself much more adept at ignoring Potter and Black, except during extenuating circumstances. As well, Lily found herself less bothered with Potter's advances, though she still maintained a few biting remarks for when she really needed them.

The world was a lot lighter for both, though Severus especially. He still got regular letters from his Uncle, and received no reply to the letters he sent exclusively to his mother, but he found it easier to deal with when he was concentrating on Lily. She made a sickening cliché image of a girl who took all the world's troubles away, and he told her so.

"What do you mean?" she asked one night, while they walked through Hogsmeade one weekend. "What kind of terrible skeletons do you have in your closet, Snape?"

"None of your damn business, Evans," he replied cuttingly, gently bumping her with his shoulder. "All I'm saying is that you do a good impression of a distraction."

He stopped suddenly and looked around.

"I want to show you something," he told her, looking at her intently.

"Oh?" Lily asked, smiling. "I hope it's warm. It's freezing out here!"

"Funny you should say that," he replied, leading her off the main road onto a dirt trail.

"Severus, where-?" Lily looked around, wincing as the wind lashed her hair around her face.

It was getting darker, and Severus, maintaining an air of particular secrecy, only made Lily a little nervous. Where was he taking her?

They walked along the dirt pathway for a while longer before coming upon a large dark shadow on a hillside.

"There," Severus stopped at the fence, slightly breathless.

Lily stopped too, and frowned.

"The Shrieking Shack?" Lily asked incredulously. "This is your big surprise? I've been here before, you know. Why would I be interested in the- oh," Lily trailed off, glancing up at Severus, who looked only slightly embarrassed.

"But... isn't it haunted?" Lily ventured as they began picking their way across the front yard.

"But... isn't it a place where students shouldn't be because it's a dilapidated building and is unsafe for human habitation?" Severus answered with a grin.

"Right. But even so- if it's unsafe-"

"Look, if it wasn't 'haunted,' then people would be here every Hogsmeade weekend vandalizing it. It's not that unsafe."

"We might be late getting back to the school," Lily said, allowing Severus to help her across a broken and dangerously springy mattress on the front step.

Severus looked down at her.

"If you don't want to do this-"

"No, it's not that, I just-"

Severus waited.

"I have no further arguments. Let's go."

"Besides," Severus added, pointing his wand at the door, which opened despite the many nails and boards keeping it closed, "I know a secret way to get back from here."

"You do? How?"

Severus hesitated before stepping back and letting Lily through.

"I ah, found it by accident in my fifth year."

"But how-" suddenly, Lily had no other words. She was silenced when she saw the room to the right of the front hall.

Stepping forward, she entered the room, which was dusty, crooked and filled with candles of every shape and size.

"Lumos, Severus said quietly, watching her face carefully.

In a sweep of light, the candles began to glow with their own little flames.

Lily took it all in for a moment, a smile playing on her lips, then turned to Severus.

"You are so cheesy," she teased, reaching out and taking the sleeve of his cloak. Severus, relieved, allowed her to lead him into the room.

The fireplace was filled with crackling orange flames, filling the room with a warm glow.

"I wouldn't sit there," Severus warned as Lily went to take a seat on the sofa in front of the fire. "I wouldn't be surprised if it impaled you- it's very old."

"Oh. Thanks for the warning," Lily stood upright again.

They stood in the room for a moment, silent, not knowing what to say.

Suddenly, it hit Lily. Trying to hide her horror, she turned to Severus.

"Did- did you bring me here to-"

Severus looked equally mortified.

"No- well, not if you-"

"Because we wouldn't-"

"No, we'd never-"

"Well, not 'never,' but-"

"Never is a long time."

"It's just that, I've never-"

"I know- I mean, I didn't know, but I figured-"

"You figured what?"

"That you hadn't-"

"Have you?"

"What?"

"You know..."

"Oh! Um, once."

Lily raised her eyebrow.

"No. Never."

Lily sighed.

Severus took off his cloak and spread it on the floor in front of the fire.

Together they sat on it and leaned against the sofa. Lily relaxed a little bit and rested her head on his shoulder.

"You know that... eventually, we'll probably..."

Severus glanced at her sideways, his eyes wide.

"I didn't really give it much thought."

"Please. We're both teenagers here. We don't need to pretend." Lily turned to look at him, her chin on his shoulder.

"Well, when... we do... it has to be-"

"Of course."

"Ok."

Lily suddenly buried her face in Severus' robes and burst out laughing.

"So awkward! So very, very awkward."

Severus smiled too, slightly, despite himself. He reached up and placed his hand on her head, taking a moment to feel the softness of her hair.

Lily dimmed her laugh to a smile, and peered up from his shoulder to gaze at him.

"I love that you did this," she said.

"I'm glad you liked it."

Lily lifted her hand to turn his face toward her, and reached forward with her body to kiss him. Severus' hand went from her hair to her waist, and in that single movement, the tense air disappeared.

It was late before they returned to the castle that night, Lily wrapped in Severus' cloak and laughing the whole way around the lake, Severus leading the way with a feeling in his chest impossible to compare and even harder to describe.