For You

Subtext

The week after Christmas holidays brought only a certain amount of hardship on Severus; it appeared that Black had told Potter all about his experience at the Prince Manor, and they took every available opportunity to point at his face and mutter to each other. Severus knew the situation could have been much worse; that they could have brought it up in front of everyone and teased him about it, but somehow, this was worse. He could handle them hating him- he really could. They'd been doing it for years, and now that he had something to compare it to, he'd take cruelty over pity any day.

This thought crossed his mind presently, as he and Lily worked on their report in the library. At the moment, Potter and Black were huddled at a nearby table, apparently also writing their report for Potions, but had just been glancing at him conspicuously.

Lily looked at him strangely for a moment. He had become slightly quieter since his return from Christmas. Lily knew enough about Severus' uncle from what she'd heard Sirius saying of him in the common room from time to time, and had long since the Hogwarts Express incident put two and two together. Of course, she didn't know half of what had gone on in the Prince Manor over Christmas, but she had noticed enough of a change in Severus' demeanour to know there was more to it than what showed on his face.

His scars and bruises were lighter now, though still noticeable enough to provoke prolonged stares, which Severus endured with quiet impatience. He referred to the situation only to Lily, not only because they were spending much of their spare time working together anyway, but also because she gently encouraged it, with what he refused to allow himself to believe was genuine concern.

Since they were having an advanced Transfiguration start of term exam, in order to recall everything they had learned before Christmas, near the due date for their potions project, they wanted to finish their report long before the due date to allow for studying time.

"Just ignore them," Lily muttered back, casting Potter and Black a withering sideways glance.

"I always do," Severus replied dismissively. At that moment, two passing Hufflepuff girls took one look at him before hurrying off in hushed whispers. With a suppressed sigh, he excused himself to the bathroom and left, ignoring the muttering that followed.

As soon as he was out of sight, Lily rose and crossed toward Black and Potter, casually perusing the bookshelf nearby. Carefully, she shifted nearer and nearer, straining to hear the conversation unfolding to her left.

"I told you- Geoffrey Prince is a right bleeder. I swear it happened right after we left that night, too, because I saw him on the train on the way back. Then again, he deserved it, too, bloody wanker just flipped on me-"

"That's it!" Lily snarled, shoving a book angrily back in its place and marching toward them. Half the people in that section of the library looked up, but Lily didn't notice.

Lily stopped in front of their table, her hands clenched into fists.

"You need to stop," she told Sirius, ignoring Potter completely. "Talk about it with your band of apes if you must, but spare Severus the humiliation and confine discussing it to your late night romping with Potter here. You don't need to talk about it every time he comes in the room."

Sirius snorted and turned to Potter. "She's your fancy. You deal with her."

He'd lifted a book to hide his face, but Lily grabbed it and slammed it down.

"I'm talking to you, Black. I know decency isn't one of your qualities, but would you mind taking a stab at it just this once?"

Sirius blinked. "Why would I want to do that?"

Lily threw up her hands and glared at Potter before stepping backwards.

"You know what? I have no idea. It's like talking to a monkey."

"Maybe so," Sirius grinned, scratching his head mockingly, "but even this monkey knows why Lily Evans cares so much about poor Snivellus. Shame for my mate, here. What do you reckon, James? Would you take her even after Snape's had his greasy way with her?"

James looked shocked. He glanced worriedly at Lily, who wasn't looking at either of them. Instead, she began gathering her books and shoving them into her bag.

"Sirius, shut up, mate," James muttered, mortified.

"Of course," Sirius continued, ignoring him, "I can't expect Old Snivelly ever knowing what to do with a girl, and Evans being the know-it-all that she is, she's probably the one who's always on top!"

The room erupted in laughter, and Lily froze, one hand still in her bag. Glancing around, she felt the colour rise to her cheeks. With one final shove, Lily crammed her things into her bag and hoisted it onto her shoulder.

"It's sad that you have the time to think about that kind of crap," she managed, able to cast them both one more glare before having to turn away. Blinking hard, she made for the door.

Then, just as she passed through, Severus entered at the same time, returning from the bathroom. They collided, much to the hilarity of everyone in the area. Lily quickly pushed him away, and with a worried glance over her shoulder, disappeared from the library.

"Evans, wait a second." She heard a voice behind her. It was Severus.

He caught up to her quickly and grabbed her elbow, pulling her back. Lily, who'd only just started to well up, pulled back, looking away.

"What happened? What did I miss?" Severus refused to let go, and tried to force her to look at him. "What did they say?"

"Nothing, it was nothing- I brought it on myself."

"Somehow, I find that difficult to believe."

"No, I- I really did." Lily managed to pry her arm away and drew in a deep breath before chancing a half glance at Severus. He was frowning at her, but with an expression she couldn't quite name.

"What?" she asked, squirming slightly.

He stared hard at her. "You don't need to do that, you know. Embarrass yourself trying to protect me."

Lily shifted awkwardly, not knowing what to say. "Sorry. I just-"

"I know." Severus stared at her intently for a moment, then remembered he was still holding her elbow and released it hastily.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he said lamely, averting his gaze. He turned and left without another word, but Lily watched him go, a hand on her elbow.

***

"There. 130%. I suppose that's 'exceptional' enough for you?" Lily teased, leaning against the counter to admire the mark.

"It'll do," Severus shrugged, though he couldn't stop himself from smiling slightly.

Lily grinned and shoved the paper into his chest. "Well, here. You can tack it up with all the others. I know it means more to you." Snape took it, trying not to notice her hand on his chest. But he couldn't ignore it; it hadn't moved.

His eyes met hers suddenly and the smile vanished from his face. Her eyes were so green...

"Listen, Evans-"

Lily, for the umpteenth time," Lily corrected.

"Er, Lily, I-" He paused, looking at her guiltily.

"What?" Lily asked, slightly irritated. She didn't like being stared at.

"Would you-" he paused a minute, looking furious with himself, then looked back at her. "Do you think you would mind if we had tea together?" Severus looked away then, toward the window. He looked relieved and yet slightly ill, and Lily tried very hard not to laugh.

"Would I mind?"

Severus glanced back at her, trying miserably to conceal his hopefulness.

Lily bit her lip to hide her smile. He had phrased that so strangely, so painfully politely, that she couldn't help but grin at the humour of the situation.

Several long moments passed without anything said; Severus had nothing else to say, and Lily knew, with dread, that if she opened her mouth just then, she'd laugh. Silently damning her twisted sense of humour, Lily closed her eyes and tried taking a deep breath.

That's when Severus lost his nerve. Forgetting the assignment on the table, he snatched up his bag as quickly as possible and fled the room before Lily could even say anything.

***

Lily had had a sleepless, guilt-ridden night. Tossing and turning in her bed, she'd groaned out loud, cursed herself and even pinched herself just to make sure she hadn't had a terrible nightmare. Even though she hadn't seen the terrified look on Severus' face when he'd fled the day before, thoughts of his utter mortification haunted her. Lily shuddered to imagine what kind of stuck-up, self-absorbed bitch she'd come across as, and was determined to set things right.

Her feelings toward Severus were textbook, to say the least; he was kind and undoubtedly cared about her, and she enjoyed his company. While she didn't know how to translate those things into a concrete feeling or label, she'd known the answer to his question before he'd even asked.

That was why, the very next day, she waited outside the classroom until everyone had left Potions. Severus, who often left last, came into the hallway shortly, not stopping when he saw her.

Lily caught up to him quickly and walked with him for a moment before realizing he was waiting for her to speak.

"Hey," she started lamely.

"Hi," he replied, looking up as if surprised.

Lily gulped; she knew that if he started in on clichés she wouldn't be able to

maintain her composure.

"Listen, I think we should talk about yesterday," Lily crossed her arms, trying to

keep her mind off what she now secretly referred to as 'the fateful words.'

"Should we?" Severus stopped, appearing unsuccessfully to be puzzled.

"Yes, we should. I'm really sorry about what happened, I don't know what happened- I'm twisted and weird and it shouldn't have happened. I mean, I already knew what I was going to say, but you asked me in kind of a weird way, so I couldn't help it- it was funny, and I knew that if I opened my mouth I'd laugh, even though I guess getting it over with would have been better than not saying anything because then we wouldn't have to be standing here talking-"

"Lily." The sound of her name startled her into stopping. Lily blushed and looked up at him, hoping it was his turn to talk.

"What was it?"

"S-sorry?"

"What was the answer?"

"Wow, you don't beat around the bush, do you?"

"Neither does Potter," Severus replied in an unrecognizable tone.

"Yeah, and he's got quite the lead, hasn't he?" Lily joked, hating herself more and more with every word that came out of her mouth.

Severus didn't reply. Instead, he started intently at her.

Lily gulped again and turned a strange shade of pink.

"Um, well, I mean- of course I want to have tea with you- I'd have tea with you anyway- you know, I mean if you didn't like- I mean, if we weren't-"

But Severus had heard all he needed.

"Hogsmeade is next weekend," he told her informatively, readjusting his bag and turning for the staircase. Then, he stopped and turned back.

"You really want to have tea?"

"Of course," Lily said, sounding more confident than she felt. She didn't regret her decision, per say; she was just trying to figure out what had just happened.

Severus' mouth twitched in what Lily chose to interpret as a smile, then exited quicker than he had yesterday. This time, however, Lily followed him around the corner.

"Wait! Is that it then? Nothing else? There has to be more to this- a guy doesn't just ask a girl out. He has feelings- words. They're not a subtext!"

Before she knew what had happened, Severus had turned around, dropped his bag and grabbed her by the shoulders. They backed up into the wall and Lily, trying desperately to keep up with what was going on, forgot to close her eyes. Instead, they remained wide open.

Severus kissed her, holding her shoulders, pressing her against the wall. One hand strayed to the nape of her neck, and he ignored the burning stare coming from Lily's end. Then, before Lily could even gather her wits, he'd let her go and stepped back.

They stared at each other for a moment. Lily didn't notice she was still standing on her toes, against the wall.

The colour rising again in his cheeks, Severus picked up his bag and turned to go, but Lily reached out and grabbed his arm, turning him around again.

"Oh, no you don't," she said breathlessly, pulling him back to her.

The bag once again dropped to the ground, and two bodies once again hit the wall. Lily grasped the front of Severus' robes, holding him in place.

The kiss that followed was far too aggressive; bruising to the point of being awkward, but neither of them noticed. Their eyes were both open this time, as it was Severus' turn to be surprised, and Lily had forgotten to close them again.

After yet another try, Lily's stomach sank down to the soles of her feet and she looked at Severus reproachfully.

He looked down at her, a strange, unlabelled expression forming on his face.

She hadn't removed her hands from his robes, nor had he released her shoulders, but neither could think of what to say.

Then, as if they'd been burned, both let go of the other, Severus stepping backwards.

"I- don't really want tea. I don't think I want anyone to know. But I'd like to see you again," Severus ventured.

Lily inwardly cursed herself for being struck so dumb. Ordinarily, she was witty and sharp, but at the moment, she was completely taken aback.

"Me too," she managed quietly. "About everything. Actually, I don't ever want to hear the word 'tea' again."

Severus gazed at her for a moment longer, moved his hand up to touch her cheek, then stopped shortly before any further contact was made. He left then, though not quite as hastily. Picking up his bag, he cast her one more unreadable look before disappearing around the corner.