A Journal Called Adelaide

A Journal Called Adelaide

January 14, 1976 (Wednesday) I told Remus today that I want to be an Auror so that I can throw scum like Snape and my brother in Azkaban when they get caught. Remus didn’t tell me off or to grow up or to have realistic dreams or anything and just told me whenever I killed someone I’d have to write up reports that are more coherent than my school ones. So I decided to start a journal called Adelaide so my writing will get better. So far it is not working. I’ll ask Remus though.

January 15 (Thursday) I don’t want to do my Divinations homework so I’m writing in this. But apparently I've nothing to say. Wait yes I do. James is a prat that’s what I have to say.

January 17 (Saturday) Nevermind I hope James has scores of Lily Evans babies. Rather that Lily Evans has scores of James babies. The babies will be dead fierce like their parents.

January 20 (Tuesday) The reason I said I hope James and Lily have babies is that he found this journal and read it because hes a prat. And then he beat me up but its’ all right really. I’m hiding this in the bottom of my dirty laundry which is somewhere where nobody will ever look because they are all reasonable folk’s.

January 24 (Saturday) Remus told me he’s not reasonable folk’s and he looked in my laundry so he could send it away to the House-Elves for cleaning. He said he couldn’t stand the stink but these’ve only been here since Hallowe’en and he’s no rose either. But he said it doesn’t matter because he did his laundry himself before he went home for Christmas and I didn’t do mine. But my stupid mum says we shouldn’t air our dirty laundry in public so I feel bad doing it at school and its’ too much to lug ALL THE WAY HOME TO LONDON. Stupid Remus doesn’t understand, all his parents are really nice.

February 1 (Sunday) Now I feel guilty about saying mean things about Remus because this month was really awful. He looks like someone dropped him down the stair’s. I’d give him my journal so he can have a good laugh but its short and he say’s that he doesn’t want to see it again until I fix my problems with apostrophe’s.

February 2 (Monday) I like Peter he is so good hearted and nice. A bit to nice with Joanna in Ravenclaw if you catch my meaning.

Remus is still stuck in bed so I brought him an apple. He only eight half of it and I had the other half. Then he read a little out of the book I gave him for Christmas and he played a game of chess with James. I got him a book called War and Peace because it was the longest one I could find. He reads so much he is like an atlas.

Still February 2, still Monday, but roundabout half past nine

I told Remus he’s like an atlas and he told me an atlas is a book of maps or a god in the Hercules myth who holds the world on his shoulders. The whole world! Sometimes I feel like I’ve got the world on my shoulders but then I realise that’s Dumbledore who does. Then Remus told me I wouldn’t recognise a gazetteer if it danced naked in front of me but I told him no, that’s someone who hunts gazelles, I’m not that stupid!!

February 9 (Monday) Today I snuck to Hogsmeade with James for butterbeer. He is a good lad. Madam Rosmerta laughed so hard. I saw her bosom heaving under her robes. Undulating is a good word for it. She gave us each another free bottle so I didn’t have to move for a bit. That was really thoughtful of her but I hope she couldn’t see my lap over the bar?

February 12 (Thursday) I HATE SEVERUS SNAPE HE IS A PILLOCK. Because he ruined James and me’s Defence Against the Dark Arts project at breakfast. Him and my brother came over to the Gryffindor table and Regulus asked me a stupid question and we’re both stupid so me and James looked at him and whilst we were doing that Snivellus dumped a whole carafe of pumpkin juice over and into my bookbag. Everything is stuck together and orange. HE WILL PAY. Also my brother but its’ harder to hide from him.

February 13 (Friday) Remus is so boring, he is like a wet weekend. He is sick AGAIN! With a cold this time. It is really hard being his friend sometimes because he’s always getting sick or sleeping or doing his homework. He is no fun at all. Tonight he went to bed straightaway after supper and he needs to get a life or a girlfriend of something. He claim’s to be worried about his OWLs but they are months away, how can he worry?

February 8 (Sunday) Yesterday I got Remus to explain apostrophes to me. They are dead simple once you get the hang of them. But it proves my point that he’s boring. I ought to find James, he always has something exciting up his sleeve. Not like dull Remus, who will become a professor if he’s not careful.

February 9 (Monday) It’s almost Valentine’s Day. I wonder how many Valentines I will get. See Remus I am good with apostrophes now.

February 10 (Tuesday) My laundry disappeared again, but this time Peter did it. Do I smell that badly? Is my nose broken? It’s certainly smaller than Snape’s, perhaps mine doesn’t work as well cos it’s smaller. But that means that Snivellus gets a big whiff of me every time I walk by. HA HA.

February 11 (Wednesday) My clothes are not back yet as apparently they are backed up at the laundrette. Actually Hogwarts doesn’t have a laundrette, it has House-Elves instead. But Muggles take their soiled clothes to somewhere called a laundrette isn’t it neat? Maybe I’ll live in one when I run away from home. My Muggle Studies book says that they have very reasonable rates. James and Peter are laughing at me cos I am actually doing my homework. Well they can sod off.

February 13 (Friday) I showed my journal to Remus, who is now sulking. He wouldn’t say anything to me except that I have mastered apostrophes but still have miles to go on comma splices and run on sentences but he wouldn’t tell me what those are so I can’t fix them. I don’t know why he is so sulky I guess if I read back over my journal then perhaps I could figure it out.

February 14 (Saturday) I’ve read over everything and it’s no wonder Remus is not talking to me, I am awful to him. And worse that that it’s not even to his face like with Snivellus it’s behind his back and I’m so mean! I’d try to explain my feelings to him but it’s Valentine’s Day and that would be gross. I only got six cards for the occasion, worse luck!

February 17 (Tuesday) I told James about my predicament and he told me not to worry, he says Remus never stays angry long. I told Peter about my predicament and he told me to panic, he says Remus will never forgive a grammar or punctuation mistake. Peter missed my point I think but who to believe?

February 20 (Friday) James is back chasing Lily again, it is infuriating. He uses all my best moves but she never likes them. In fact today Lily slapped him when he used my Bludger line on her. She has got no sense of humour she’s just like Remus!

February 25 (Wednesday) I decided that I never write about boring everyday things in this journal, only the things that are out of the ordinary. I don’t think that’s much like Aurors do I bet their reports are full of boring mundane things. So today I’m recording my typical day for practice. It’s boring too.

7:15 a.m. Peter woke me up opening the curtains, so rude. I go back to sleep.

7:42 a.m. James and Remus woke me up, they were wrestling on the floor. I didn’t ask why. James lost but I think he did it on purpose?

8:08 a.m. James pulled me from my bed and made me get dressed for breakfast. He said he didn’t want to hear me complain about being hungry in class. I told him I wasn’t planning on attending class today but he’s making me go, worse luck. At least the House-Elves brought my clothes back to me and got all the Marmite stains out.

8:19 a.m. Breakfast is toad-in-the-hole and scrambled eggs. The kitchen is certainly up to its usual standard.

8:33 a.m. Only three minutes late to Defence Against the Dark Arts. We’ve got class with the Hufflepuffs who are a bunch of duffers. Better than the Slytherins though. We’re doing Reductor Curses today. I already know all about them. My mum tried to use one on me when I was seven and it decimated our credenza.

10:25 a.m. Divination’s all hot and boring and I’m really hungry. Wish whats-her-face would let me have another cup of tea that’d be a girl.

11:17 a.m. Herbology is really boring who cares about a bunch of plants?

11:31 a.m. Nevermind. Professor Sprout said these ones have hallucinogenic properties so I’ve nicked some for use later.

11:37 a.m. What if the Ministry ever get hold of this journal I will never get a job! I gave all the leaves away and I didn’t know it was stolen property.

11:41 a.m. I am changing my story if anyone asks I skived off Herbology today and no I don’t know what rye grown in a bog will do if ingested.

12:05 p.m. Lunch is a choice of liver or fish. I chose rolls and cheese which is better than choosing to go hungry.

1:30 p.m. Transfiguration is usually fun but today McGonagall is in a foul temper and we are doing theoretical book work, so dull. I predicted classes wouldn’t be worth going to James! You are on my A list now, A for arse.

2:47 p.m. Rolls do not stop hunger they only postpone it. I am famished.

3:12 p.m. What if the House-Elves get hold of my journal, can they read? If they can I will have to lop their heads off to keep my secrets from getting out. Does that make me as bad as my family?

3:57 p.m. Classes are out for the day. I hope there are lots of biscuits at tea. OH WAIT SCHOOL DOES NOT HAVE TEA. I WILL HAVE TO NICK MY OWN BISCUITS. James really is wise I ought to listen to him more.

5:47 p.m. We four (Me James Peter Remus) all went to the library to do our homework, Remus made us. I did mine in about two minutes.

6:25 p.m. I gluttoned at supper. Now there’s a good word, gluttoned. I think my writing is getting better.

7:07 p.m. This is all very boring. I hope Aurors’ reports are not all like this. It’s enough to put someone off dark wizard catching forever, pity that.

10:37 p.m. Played Gobstones all evening with James, who is very good, too good even. I wonder how he does it? I couldn’t see him cheating.

February 28 (Saturday) Today we planned our adventure for tomorrow night. I can’t say what it is because House-Elves might know how to read. Sounds like a cracking good time though. The full moon is on leap day this year, which has nothing to do with our adventure so don’t even think about it.

March 1 (Monday) It was a cracking good time but when it was over we had to leave Remus bleeding in the Shrieking Shack. I felt really bad again cos he looked like a delicate wilting flower that needs water or it will shrivel and all its petals drop off dead. But we had to leave him or we’d get caught by Madam Pomfrey and she’d ask awkward questions like how come we aren’t all werewolves too? And we’d be in big trouble, worse than ever. And expelled that’d be quite bad I think.

Anyway after we left him we went back to our dormitory and I felt really bad so I decided to sleep in Remus’s bed. I dunno why it certainly didn’t make me feel any better. His whole bed smelt like him and that smell is all sawdust and apples and dusty books and things but it’s certainly not rosy and I wonder if Remus knows he smells like that? I’m not sure if his nose is bigger than mine or not. I think not.

March 2 (Tuesday) Remus is back in his own bed. I gave him my journal to read. He says it only chronicles six entries he hadn’t read about yet but that it’s really funny. Maybe he has got a sense of humour but it doesn’t feel nice to be laughed at. He kept looking up from it and saying things like yes you have got issues with run on sentences and he hoped I believed both James and Peter cos they were both right about Remus’s grudges and no James didn’t let him win at wrestling and if he doesn’t make us do our homework then it won’t get done at all and he noticed a stink in his bed today and wondered if it was me. I am sitting on his bed beside him and he is reading what I am writing as I write it and he says that the last sentence I wrote is the most awful run-on ever and that this one is quite bad too. Now he’s explaining that if it makes a sentence it should be a sentence and I should stick in some full stops rather than prattle on at will. I understand. Well I think I do. Remus says this is much better. I think it looks a bit dull but writing is not my forte. Thanks Remus. Now get off my bed. Stop writing in my journal Remus. OK. That’s better.

March 3 (Wednesday) Remus is up and about again. It is good because I have a date with a girl and we are going to Madam Puddifoot’s next Hogsmeade weekend. I need clean clothes but I don’t know where to move my dirty ones so that the House-Elves will wash them but he knows. Her name is Sandra and she is a year below me. She has got no bust at all but she seems nice enough. Remus says she’s probably loads more mature than me. In fact, he said he’s willing to bet a Galleon on it but he can’t find anyone to bet against him. I’ll show him.

March 4 (Thursday) This evening I offered to read Remus part of him Potions homework because he looked really tired. Remus said no. Then he said I’m better at reading people than at reading books but I said that people haven’t got pages. Then he told be I’m literarily feckless and I said I didn’t know what that meant so he told me to look it up. I said well I haven’t got an atlas now have I and he told me I’d have a hard time finding ‘feckless’ in a gazetteer and I said that’s really mean to go around doing that sort of thing to a gazelle they’re only trying to eat!

I hope he is mistaken for a gazelle. He certainly has the colouring for it.

March 4 but bedtime.

I have just remembered that an atlas is a book of maps. Thanks loads Remus. You are my human wotsit.

March 6 (Saturday) I can’t wait until I turn twenty five. Then I will no longer be a teenager and I won’t have to cope with being one either. I have a date tomorrow. I hope it is not as laden with turmoil as I am.

March 7 (Sunday) Sandra is nice but I don’t think I will see her again. After our tea at Madam Puddifoot’s I took her to the Shrieking Shack. We stood at the fence for awhile and then I dared her to go in the garden. It is covered in snow but she went anyway and I followed close by to protect her. Then we went to the other side and she let me do things to her. I touched her left breast but it was not thrilling like I thought. Peter’s chest is curvier than hers. That is the best I can explain it. Remus’s bet would have been a draw. We could both tell a teaspoon from a salt spoon and used very cordial manners.

March 8 (Monday) I found some of the plant I nicked from Herbology in the bottom of my bag. There’s not much there but I think there will be enough for me and James to share. I will have to go look it up in the library and see which way of using it gives the best hallucinogenic effect. I wonder how I can get into the Restricted Section to get ahold of a copy of 1000 Magical Herbs And Fungi?

March 9 (Tuesday) I’ve devised a very cunning plan for procuring a copy of the book from the library. I will go in, take it from the shelf, and check it out seeing as it it not in the Restricted Section at all. It is actually in the Herbology section. Something is finally going my way.

March 10 (Wednesday) I pulled James away from his arm-wrestling with Peter cos it only makes Peter feel bad and brought James over to where I’d hidden my stash of leaves. They’re all dry and crumbly now. Actually they WERE dry and crumbly, until Remus confiscated them that is! James was sitting on my bed looking at them and I was reading the bit in the library book out loud to him and the curtains were closed and everything and Remus came in the room and heard us talking and then he pulled the curtains and caught us in the act. As a prefect he said he couldn’t let our stupidity go unpunished but he is too nice to give us detention so he let us off with a warning. But he has ruined our plans for Saturday. Now what will we do? Perhaps we could get something like the Muggles do but I don’t think Hogsmeade has any dark alleys like the ones they show in our Muggle Studies book? It’s very progressive. I rather like the author.

March 11 (Thursday) Remus was right about me being better at reading people than reading books though I still don’t see how you read a person. But obviously I read them better than books cos I showed Peter the book and asked him if he knew any dark alleys like that one that I could go to in Hogsmeade. Peter pointed out that the picture was in the Muggle Crime and Punishment chapter and that the possession of hallucinogenic drugs bought in alleys is punishable by time in PRISON. I definitely don’t want to go to prison so I’ll just ask Frank Longbottom to buy us a bottle of Firewhisky instead. But I wonder what the drugs penalty is if you buy them in a well-lit street or garden market?

March 12 (Friday) Frank Longbottom wants a GALLEON on top of the price of the Firewhisky as a finder’s fee. He is a very cunning sort. I wonder why he isn’t in Slytherin, but then I realise he isn’t usually a slimeball. He knows we haven’t got anyone else who will buy it for us. James and I will have to pay up or face another sober Saturday soirée.

March 13 (Saturday) BRILLIANT DAY! Not only did Frank get us our Firewhisky but Remus gave us back our plant!! It was still dead but that’s OK. He said he felt ashamed after he confiscated it cos we’ve been his friends and he doesn’t mind what we do with it so long as nobody gets killed. We said we’d be really careful with it and not let anybody die so he gave it back. He even said he’d be willing to try some if we were offering since he wasn’t on duty but we told him he’s too delicate.

March 13, midnightish DREADFUL DAY. James and I went to smoke it under the school in the passage to Honeydukes but we couldn’t really inhale it well and it made the corridor smell like Italian food. I experienced a new feeling which I think was related to lack of oxygen. Stupid James passed out at the bottom of the shaft and I had to carry him back upstairs. When we got back to our dormitory we found that Remus had given our Firewhisky away. That was such bad news that I dropped James on the floor. I don’t think he was pleased. Remus had switched our plant for things he found in the school herb garden and then made our alcohol disappear. He is too clever by half. There is a word for people like him. I think it is hippocampus.

March 14 (Sunday) Sundays are so dull. Thank god they cancelled obligatory C of E attendance for Muggle Studies students. At least now I can have a bit of a lie-in rather than have to be awake for more of the most boring day of the week. Me and James are out two Galleons for our missing Firewhisky and one Saturday night as well. I don’t think James cares too much at the moment though as when I dropped him he was knocked out again. It is not my fault I didn’t notice. I was too concerned with my own conscienceness. Anyway I think the reason James is not too concerned is that we had to take him to the Hospital Wing when he wouldn’t wake up. It took three of us to carry him down there which was strange considering it only took me to carry him up the turret. Peter and Remus each took an arm and I took both legs. When we got there Peter explained that James had inhaled too many fumes from his Potions homework and then passed out and bumped his head. This was a bad lie because it was Saturday night but Remus was there so it was believable. She got James to wake up straightaway but made him stay overnight for observation. I hope James stays there for awhile. I don’t want him knowing I carried him all over last night like a new bride.

March 15 (Monday) Snivellus saw James in the Hospital Wing and has spread a rumour around that James cursed off all the hair in his nether regions during a drunken game of wizard’s poker. Anybody who knows James well will realise this is rubbish as James hasn’t got any hair on his nether regions. Not that I’ve looked.

March 18 (Thursday) Today I told Remus he owes each me and James a Galleon for the loss of our Firewhisky. He PUNCHED me, and not in a kindly way. He said it was our own fault the Firewhisky fell into the hands of the fourth years and asked me if I’d forgotten he’s poor and hasn’t got two Galleons. In his angrier moments remus is less like a wilted flower and more like a prickly shrubbery.

March 19 (Friday) How can you not have two Galleons? It is not very much money at all. It will only get you two bottles of Firewhisky, one if Frank Longbottom is buying! I will ask Remus. I think perhaps he is not willing to pay up because he does not believe in the joys of alcohol.

March 23 (Tuesday) Remus says he is not lying when he says his family is really poor and he really hasn’t got two Galleons to spare. He only has one Galleon, nine Sickles, and two Knuts to last him the rest of the school year! It’s no wonder he didn’t go in for the Cockroach Cluster last time we snuck to Honeydukes. Anyway, Remus said that his whole house has only got four rooms and that the toilet and the bath are both outside. He said he wanted to invite us to visit for a week in the summers but his parents don’t want someone from the Black or Potter or Pettigrew families to see their tiny house. Remus said his parents don’t think he’s heard these secret conversations but the walls are parchment-thin and his bedroom is right next to theirs. I’ve invited myself over for the summer but I’ve not told Remus yet, though I think I oughtn’t make a surprise visit else I might get punched again and it hurts. I was spot-on with the prickly shrubbery bit.

March 25 (Thursday) After our financial conversation I wondered if I could just drop some money into Remus’s trunk accidentally-on-purpose and leave it there but he’s sure to notice because it’s got nothing to blend in with. I wouldn’t notice if someone put an extra Galleon in my moneybag but that’s because there are loads of them in there already. It’s like trying to be the wolf among the sheep when the entire flock only consists of one ewe. It just doesn’t work. I need an alternate method. Why didn’t I know Remus was poor at the beginning of the year? Then perhaps I could have dropped in a Sickle or two.

March 29 (Monday) Full moon tomorrow so we’re planning the adventure tonight. I dunno why we don’t plan it more than eighteen hours in advance. It would be more to look forward to then. I tried to ask James about it but he told be to shut up and gave me a look. Well James Potter that look doesn’t work on Lily Evans and it doesn’t work on me! Though I wonder why you’re giving us both the same looks. You don’t want me to snog you, I hope? I don’t think I’m up for it but it might be funny in front of a crowd. The crowd thinks we’re funny enough already, HA HA.

March 30 (Tuesday) Everyone is excited except Remus, who is really a bit of a downer. James says I haven’t got any compassion but the pain only lasts a couple minutes. It can’t be that bad. We all squash up against him while he changes. It’s quite nice and cosy except when Peter forgets to brush his teeth. Can’t wait for tonight.

March 31 (Wednesday) WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL US IT WAS HOGSMEADE’S TWELVE-HUNDREDTH BIRTHDAY? There was a bloody PARADE. Remus nearly ATE a villager. We came very close to getting SHOT. I was nearly turned into a CARPET or perhaps a lively WALL-HANGING or stylish MITTENS.

IT WAS BRILLIANT!!!

March 31, roundabout ten in the morning.

Remus came back from the Hospital Wing straightaway. He looks like he was trapped in the greenhouse during an earthquake and all the glass flew around and cut him in a thousand different places. He has been sleeping it off since then. We’ve been finishing all our neglected homework. If we listened to Remus we’d all be revising for our OWLs now but he’s in no condition to talk so we are letting our conscience decide for us. Peter James and I only have one conscience among us. Usually it sounds like Remus but today it sounds like Winston Churchill. What’s that all about? I know there’s a war on but this is downright silly.

March 31 even later, more like lunch time.

It’s a right good think that Prime Minister Churchill showed up when he did else me and James wouldn’t have remembered our Defence term project which was due at four o’clock today. What I really want to know is why we’ve got a term project in the middle of the term but you can’t really get a straight answer out of Professor Mulroney. Mainly it’s James’s fault seeing as he charmed off the good professor’s vocal cords but then again he should have known better than to stand between James and the raven he was practicing on. I would say that James needs to work on his aim but he really just has to work on his temper.

It seems Remus is up and about again, which is good. He finished his whole project last week without us even knowing! He didn’t have a partner or anything, just wrote a boring paper on the origins of Dark creatures. Me and James did something far more exciting: we snuck out of school this morning and chronicled our voyage to catch a grindylow. We didn’t make it to any classes today but we had lots of fun seeing the Welsh countryside. Remus would have been furious with us but he was passed out when we left and when we came back he didn’t want to ask us where we’d got the grindylow. Instead he asked where we’d got the tank. We stole it from a Muggle aquarium like the juvenile thieves we are but I said we bought it at the Magical Menagerie and told him he could have it when we’ve finished with it. He said OK and this is like killing two birds with one stone: I can give the stolen property to someone with an alibi and at the same time Remus gets something of value he can sell in a pinch. The bigger question of course will be what to do with the grindylow but I’m certain we’ll think of something.

James and I are spending the rest of the day planning our All Fools Day pranks. The first one is for Lily Evans, who is so sick of James’s antics that I’m surprised she doesn’t smack him more often. She is going to wake up and discover a wedding ring on her finger that says: “To Lily, the love of my life. James Potter.” This is not actually a prank but it will be best if she thinks it is. This will be kind of complicated to pull off because we need to sneak into the Ravenclaw dormitories and get to the girls’ rooms. The first bit won’t be too difficult seeing as we have the Invisibility Cloak but getting to the girls’ beds is a bit of a challenge. They don’t have stairs that shift into a slide but instead the floor gives way like it is made all up of trick stairs and you sink in waist-deep for everyone to see, as I learned all too well last year. The girls aren’t too keen on helping you out, either, so you’ve got to wait until it lets you go which is precisely eight embarrassing hours later. James and I have a plan for this, though, cos we’re really forward thinkers these days. We’re going to bribe Remus into sneaking in because the Gryffindor girls’ stairs don’t send HIM sledding down so we think Ravenclaw’s will be all right as well. He should be up to it. Right now he’s curled up in his smelly bed. We’re not too sure what we’ll offer him yet but it will have to be something good because his Prefect’s badge has been worth its weight in gold this year.

For our second prank, we are getting a school owl to deliver Peter a broomstick. Not a magical flying one, just the sort that Muggles use to sweep the floor. We’ve written a note that sounds like it’s from his mum and we even made it smell like her too with a bit of Stockton’s Sudsy Soap which is her favourite. We didn’t even need to buy a bar. I found one in my trunk and I hadn’t even used it yet which means I hadn’t stunk it up and it still smells dainty. We put a bit in the envelope with the note. We know it is a bit of a stretch cos his mum has never let him have a broom at school before but it’s only a week until his sixteenth birthday so we hope he’ll think it’s for that. I can’t wait to see the expression on his face when he finds it won’t lift off the ground.

Third we are playing a trick on Remus, which will be that I change into Padfoot and pretend I can’t change back. He has been worried that we’re going to do something stupid with our Animagus transformation so this will be a cracking joke. For so long he has blathered that we should register ourselves etc. that this will show him.

We’ve also planned a prank for Snape but if he has any brains at all he will not get out of bed tomorrow.

I’ve also planned a joke for James that will involve three House-Elves and a Bludger. It will be another brilliant day!

April 1 (Thursday) The day is only half-finished so I haven’t got loads to report. Remus said that no amount of money will convince him to brave the Ravenclaw girls’ dormitories and refused to go. He went back to sleep but I dunno why, it was four a.m. on the best day of the year. It’s not like we leave him out of anything anymore. We try to be sports but he is just not up for it. Before he went back to sleep he said he won’t fall for any of our pranks. He has had this day marked on the calendar since he bought it. Every month has a different painting by a man called Van Go, which sounds like the name of a Muggle public-transit company.

Peter fell from the broomstick completely. He is still outside trying to get it to fly. I dunno why he hasn’t figured the whole thing out yet. James whittled a logo into the handle but it reads Cleensweep Sevin, which even Peter oughtn’t fall for. I dread to think what will happen when he figures it out, but I think it may be awhile.

Still no sign of Snape. Perhaps he is cleverer than I give him credit for. Though I strongly doubt it.

Later April 1, still the best day of the year, but two-thirds of it has passed! James is the most brilliant friend I have ever had because he fell for the House-Elves. It is a wonderful thing indeed that I always know exactly what he will believe and what he won’t and what he will laugh at and what he won’t. For this one I knew he would believe that the House-Elves were bringing him a melon and that he wouldn’t laugh when the supposed melon flew out of the basket and smacked him in the head. The only down side is that he hasn’t yet tried to pull a prank on me today and I must anticipate the whole bit at every corner. I wonder if he has anything planned?

April 2 (Friday) He had nothing planned, which is highly suspicious. Perhaps he is maturing like Professor McGonagall is always hoping in Transfiguration. Although I sincerely suspect I am wrong. More likely is that by the time he regained consciousness it was past midnight. Snape never got up out of bed. At least I never saw him. I will save that prank for the Easter holiday. He never goes home because his family hates him, and I never go home because I hate my family. Which makes us complete opposites, mind you. I didn’t see Remus at all yesterday either, except when I woke him up at four and he declined the trick on Lily. But he must have stayed in bed all day. He is such an upstanding young gentleman, which means he is so lacklustre. (I know ‘lacklustre’ is a big word but yesterday Remus left me a wrapped gift on my pillow in his absence. After looking at the tag I unwrapped, it, cos I know he would never do anything mean to me. It is a book you use to look up words you know to find bigger words with the same meaning. The bigger word is called its cinnamon, which just goes to show sometimes you need to be careful as sometimes words will sound the same and if you look up the big word for the wrong definition you look like a fool in your Charms assignment.)

Overall the day was a bit of a dud. Only the jokes on Peter and James worked. It’s a shame. It really is. But Peter is still trying to fly his Cleensweep. In fact, he is debating whether to hold his broom out the window and jump on it to make it fly. He says that is the same way he learned to swim. His mother threw him in the lake and there was nobody there to rescue him so he scrambled to shore. No one here has realised yet that I don’t know how to swim, but then again nobody here is strong enough to throw me in the lake. Peter seems to think that broomsticks have survival instincts. He is wrong but at least he will bounce. And float, apparently.

April 3 (Saturday) Today I was doing my Defence homework for no reason at all, really, and to spice it up I decided to use the book Remus gave me. I looked up ‘unreliable’ and it said see ‘faltering’ so I saw ‘faltering’ and it said see ‘fluctuating’ so I saw that and it said see ‘irregular’ so I looked up that one too and it told me to see ‘sporadic’ and I saw that and it said see ‘unreliable.’ Which is obviously the entry I looked up in the first place. Very funny Remus ha ha. Only you would think of giving a trick book as a gift.

April 4 (Sunday) Though I suppose the gift was given on All Fools’ Day. I’ve been had!

April 5 (Monday) It’s Peter’s birthday and we’ve organised a party for him. The four of us are sneaking to Hogsmeade, then we are taking the birthday boy to the Hog’s Head as our treat to him for letting him break both arms and a leg in his astounding fall from Gryffindor Tower. We owe him that much, though not any more. Can you believe he is the first of us to turn sixteen?

Later April 5, still Peter’s birthday. Remus says it wasn’t the fall but rather the sudden deceleration that mangled Peter’s limbs. I don’s see why Remus has got no sense of humour about this sort of thing. He is always in the Hospital Wing and Peter hasn’t been there in ages really. It’s like it was his turn. Speaking of people who have got no sense of humour, Madam Pomfrey wasn’t too pleased when she had to levitate Peter in the infirmary window Friday. She said something about not running an establishment for the reckless and athletic, but I don’t know what she’s on about. Remus isn’t reckless and Peter isn’t athletic. So obviously her complaint fell on deaf ears. Hog’s Head tonight should be fun. I am determined to introduce Remus to the joys of alcohol.

April 6 (Tuesday) Sunrise. I hate the sun.

April 6, Afternoon. I have not made it to any classes today, but then again nor has Peter nor James. Remus refused all alcohol after the first shot of Firewhisky. He is a clever boy. The three of us have been lying in bed all day whilst whimpering, but he is off at classes, which gives him many opportunities to look down the girls’ jumpers. Why must I always do stupid things when I drink? Not that I remember anything I did last night. But why must I always awaken hungover and why must I always drink myself into utter oblivion? I think that is a rather stupid question really. I am obligated to do it cos the bartender never asks for proof of our age. Otherwise we would have our arses kicked out of his admittedly grotty yet highly enjoyable tavern.

April 6, Evening. Peter wanted to get cleaned up because somehow he ended up with edam in his hair but he’s run out of soap so he asked me for some of mine. I was up and about by then so I said all right and got for him a bar of soap out of my trunk. He took one look at it and somehow his little brain worked out that it was us who sent him the broomstick. I said well of course mate it was All Fools’ but he didn’t seem too pleased so he immediately returned my soap to me by chucking it at my head and now he refuses to talk to me. Sometimes he is so rude I wonder how I put up with him. I bought you FIVE ROUNDS of Firewhisky last night you ungrateful schmuck and this oughtn’t be how you repay me! (The word schmuck is a cinnamon for dork. I looked it up in the book Remus gave me.)

April 7 (Wednesday) Peter is still not talking to me, thought he’s still quite chatty with James which is odd considering he is in on the joke. Remus is being insufferable cos he has half a brain and uses it with what he calls great frequency. James has charmed all the professors into letting us do make-up work for our missed day of classes, very good since I wouldn’t want to lose my 98% in Charms cos of a stupid hangover.

It seems when one person stops talking to me another starts. I say this since stupid slimy slithering Slytherin Severus Snape started speaking, saying ‘Sirius, seems someone skipped six subjects. See, someone shan’t skive sans somebody saying something so success stays subjective.’ Personally I’ve no idea what he’s on about, other than spending too much time in the ess section of the atlas. Our skiving off was only successful in that it saved me from the trauma of Tuesday’s classes.

April 8 (Thursday) I hate my family. My mother in particular. She sent me a Howler over breakfast. I thought I’d outgrown them when I got big enough for my father’s favourite belt but her acid tongue hurts as much as his lashes. Not his eyelashes obviously. It seems that my worthless brother got wind from Snape that I wasn’t in classes on the sixth and sent an owl to my mum. I wish I could send her a Howler back but the post office in Hogsmeade put an end to that in second year after James took advantage of the opportunity and sent one to the Minister for Magic requesting that they lower the minimum flying motorbike conductor age to ten. Too bad we didn’t know at the time that flying motorbikes were illegal but we managed to shift the blame to our superiors without loads of trouble.

April 9 (Friday) What do I care what my mum says anyway? She is a pureblood-adoring Mudblood-hating child abuser who wouldn’t know what tasteful knickers were if they bit her on the bottom. And I suppose she wouldn’t get on very well with Remus either.

April 10 (Saturday) I know I said it before but I think perhaps I won’t go home at the Easter holidays. Remus keeps mentioning our OWLs and such.

April 11 (Sunday) Now I’ve thought about it a bit I think perhaps it’s better if I do go home for Easter. I’ve a really good plan. I can leave all my things here and go home with my empty trunk. Then at home I can pile loads of my other things in. Then I can bring those to school with me. That way my things will mostly be at school and not at home. This plan is brilliant and so am I.

April 12 (Monday) Today Lily Evans and Annette Philpot compared their knickers in low tones over their Herbology tray. Remus said that overhearing their conversation was the low point of his educational career but James seemed dead pleased. Apparently Lily’s pants have got bunnies on.

April 13 (Tuesday) Why was Remus so upset about Lily’s knickers? They sounded like very lively specimens. Perhaps he has no interest in underwear that isn’t pressed and neatly folded in a drawer. That cannot be right.

April 14 (Wednesday) Why have girls’ knickers got pictures on if all I can buy are white ones that turn grey after too many washes? I wonder if there is anywhere in Hogsmeade that sells school spirit pants with Gryffindor stripes. They would fly right off the shelves regardless of whether or not they had wings HA HA.

April 15 (Thursday) Easter holiday starts tomorrow. I’ve emptied my trunk and left all my things on my bed. I am leaving this journal here lest it fall into the wrong hands. Where will I sleep tonight? My trousers are all in the way.

April 20 (Tuesday) Holiday was murder. When my mother wasn’t screaming at me for being too tall or in Gryffindor or naked cos I left all my day clothes at Hogwarts, she made me revise for my OWLs in our ridiculously dank study. If my family weren’t all so barmy they would realise that those places where you store books shouldn’t be wet. The whole place reeked of mould and I sneezed into my Transfiguration notes about seventeen thousand times. Luckily my stay at Grimmauld Place wasn’t a complete loss because I managed to hide loads of stuff in my trunk to take back with me to school. I even made off with mum’s biting teapot set. I’ve only just realised it’s contraband like the flying motorbike I’ve wanted but I’m certain I can dispose of it without too much hassle. I might even be able to make a Galleon or two off it. You never know.

April 21 (Wednesday) It is again that time of month. Poor Remus is chained to unpleasantness like a Roman slave was chained to his slave mates. Like usual we’ve not thought up any plans. Perhaps a pumpkin-squashing contest is in order but Remus really doesn’t like to follow rules when he’s gone all lupine. I’m sure we will think of something. Even if we think of nothing, that’s something.

April 21, around tea time. Remus’s face is full of dread, and he says that only a cuppa will put him right again. In fact, we are all longing for a nice bout of tea right now, but once again I must mention that Hogwarts does not keep on with this valued English tradition. Perhaps this is because Hogwarts is in Scotland, but I’m sure the Scotch appreciate their tea as much as the next man. I certainly would if I were one of them. We could even discuss our plans or lack of them if only we had some doilies and such but this school has really taken up a never-you-mind attitude in the past few centuries. I love you usually, Hoggywarts, but today you are simply not one of my best mates.

April 22 (Thursday) It was unfortunate that I was not injured enough to miss class today. Remus is definitely down for the count. Even James discovered that you cannot run headlong into a tree without becoming dangerously close to veal. Next time we will not get distracted by hordes of rampaging villagers and we will keep our metaphysical trousers on.

When we got back to the Shack I told James and Peter to go back to the castle to check their wounds and said I’d stay until Remus woke up. He is so bruised and bloody that looks like he fell off a broomstick from not less than sixty five feet. I curled up with him afterward on the dusty bed and tried not to injure him every time I sneezed. He didn’t seem to mind though. He was out like a wet candle. I fell asleep also which was a bad move because the next thing I knew Madam Pomfrey was standing above us and as we were both in our birthday suits she looked slightly miffed. We are really bad at avoiding awkward questions, but she didn’t comment that we looked a couple of poofters, which is a relief.

April 23 (Friday) Whenever our big adventures are on Thursdays, we don’t feel much like going out on Fridays. Particularly Remus. He feels his bones need time to heal. He still looks quite ill. I suppose that since he had an easy go of it last month this time was rather more difficult. Oh well, it is his life to live and we cannot live it for him.

April 25 (Sunday) Remus has spent his time lounging around and finishing his homework for all of next week so he can have his evenings free. I asked him why he would want his evenings free as he has nothing to do during them besides homework. He said he has other plans. This is so suspicious that it must be false.

April 25, later. Has Remus signed up for an extra class and need the time to do his other homework?

April 25, even later. Is Remus doing prospective professor things? I bet Dumbledore will have a job lined up for him once he leaves school. Then he will never leave school after all. Typical.

April 25, yet later still. Does Remus have a date, and he doesn’t want us to know which evening so we will not mess it up for him? I will think on this more tomorrow.

April 26 (Monday) I cannot think of anything else, meaning ‘these possibilities are exhaustive’ and not ‘I cannot take my mind off it.’

April 27 (Tuesday) For the second night in a row, Remus is hanging out with us like a normal person. He hasn’t tried to sneak off once. He hasn’t done any homework, either, but neither have we so I guess that’s all right. He is not too bad at Gobstones.

April 29 (Thursday) Remus has just been hanging around with me and James and Peter all week long. Maybe he is trying to pull the wool over our eyes for something he is planning this weekend. It is a Hogsmeade weekend after all. Well I will not be falling for that, Remus Lupin.

May 1 (Saturday) Hogsmeade is so dull when you can go there at your every whim. This must be why we never see the teachers there. That, and they never go to Zonko’s. You think that they would go to Zonko’s, though, so they could see what they’re up against, but they aren’t forward-thinking sorts.

It was really stupid of the staff to plan our Hogsmeade outing for May Day. None of the shops were open. We had to relinquish defeat and vandalise the well-lit alley behind the Hog’s Head. It is a good thing that nobody complained. I mean I’m sure lots of people saw us, but it seems that ‘WE LOVE YOU HOG’S HEAD’ in lime green paint is not considered graffiti in this neck of the woods.

May 3 (Monday) Remus didn’t pull anything off all week and all weekend. He just had fun with us. How strange. Usually he prefers having fun with things that are nonliving.

May 4 (Tuesday) Why can’t Potions be as fun as Defence Against the Dark Arts? Class today was dead dull. All we did was brew a Forgetfulness Potion. Professor Barber told us the reason why they are important but I don’t remember. I partnered with James, and good thing too, because he reminded me that shaken is not the same as stirred but I think he only brought it up because he snuck out to the cinema at Easter holidays and wants to rub it in. I don’t need to be reminded about spending four days with my family James! I would much rather take our Forgetfulness Potion to erase the whole incident from my memory.

After class Severus was hanging about and trying to get Barber’s attention. He can’t have had any questions. He always does everything in Potions right on the first try. Perhaps he gets help BEFORE lessons. Perhaps he’s blackmailing Barber to teach him what to do beforehand! What could he possibly have that’s bad enough to blackmail the professor with? Moving photos that show him performing disgusting acts with McGonagall? But then wouldn’t he blackmail her too? Could Barber be keeping illegal stocks of Veraitaserum? What could it be?

May 6 (Thursday) James and I got full marks for our Defence Against the Dark Arts project on the grindylow. I cannot stand Professor Mulroney when he doesn’t get our projects back straightaway. This time it took him more than a month! Professor Mulroney explained that it was the most creative project he’d ever got handed in in all his six years of teaching. Of course, he explained this in his squashed handwriting on a scrap of parchment he’d stuck to the grindylow tank because he hasn’t let Madam Pomfrey fix his vocal cords yet. That’s a pity cos Madam Pomfrey’s very good with things like that and I liked hearing him shout at other people. In the note he also explained that we no longer need to worry about how to dispose of the grindylow. He wrote that they are considered quite the delicacy in Kent, which is where he is from, and he is having it sautéed in a mild white wine sauce for Friday’s supper. This does not sound overly appealing but a grindylow will only feed two people tops so I don’t think there’s anything to worry about on that front. Thank Merlin he’s returning the tank, though. Otherwise I would have felt dead guilty as I promised it to Remus.

May 7 (Friday) I’ve decided that perhaps Snape is not actually blackmailing Barber at all but instead has merely found the only thing he is decent at ever. Mind you by ‘decent’ I do not mean ‘good’ but rather Snape seems much more at ease whilst lurking around a dungeon than he does at anything else. I think perhaps that he is allergic to sunlight and functions only in dark damp places like a disgusting plant thing. But the minimal light in Potions class makes his whole face into a shadow. It is like an eclipse. The larger satellite (his face) has a shadow cast on it when his mountainous nose passes in front. I should use that analysis when my next astronomy essay is due. I suppose it is no real surprise that Snape is decent at a subject like Potions.

May 8 (Saturday) I gave Remus the grindylow tank today. He seemed unsure as to what to do with it. I told him he ought to use it to keep his treasures in but he said he’d rather I use it to wash my feet.

May 9 (Sunday) I hope Professor Mulroney enjoyed dining on our project. He stopped me in the corridor on Friday and said that he’d made ‘Essence of Grindylow’ consommé to go with his kebab and I was welcome to some and James too if we wanted. I respectfully declined. Mainly because I don’t want to know what part of a grindylow the essence comes from.

May 17 (Monday) I am no longer speaking to James. I don’t want to talk about it in here because he might read it and assume that I’m trying to correspond with him, which would be a mistake on his pratty part.

JAMES I HOPE YOU’RE READING THIS. YOU ARE A GREAT PILLOCK AND WILL NEVER HAVE SCADS OF BABIES WITH LILY EVANS, SO QUIT THINKING ABOUT IT. AND ABOUT THAT OTHER THING. YOU WERE WRONG THERE. AND STOP CALLING REMUS A POOFTER HE IS SIMPLY A MUCH NICER BLOKE THAN YOU COULD EVER BE. IT DOESN’T MATTER THAT HE ACTS LIKE A GIRL ALWAYS. HE IS NOT TRITE. HE IS PLAIN AND SIMPLE AND LOVELY.

May 21 (Friday) Only Peter and I will be with Remus tonight as James is officially out of the group forever. Remus says I should forgive and forget and I said that you should neither forgive nor forget a traitor and he said that what James did did not stem from treachery but from stupidity. I get so angry when I think about this that my new-found writing skills go straight out the window. It is awfully cold out there for May.

May 22 (Saturday) I had quite a good time last night. Remus looks as though he impaled himself on a Viking paddle ship that went off to the new world with him between the oars. It has been raining since yesterday morning so the Hogsmeade grounds were sopping wet. We are all covered in mud and tracked it in all over the bedclothes. It was good though because it’s much harder to hurt yourself badly when you are stuck in a mud puddle. Hogsmeade itself seemed more like a bog. Peter is quite pleased that his swimming skills transferred over to his rodent form. I am too. Otherwise we’d have a drowned rat and no Peter and a lot of questions to answer.

May 29 (Saturday) Peter says that my feudal tendencies are wreaking havoc on his studies. I don’t know what he’s on about. My family hasn’t had fields for ages, and I would never keep a serf. It is like the Roman slaves I was talking about earlier. It is far crueller to let them free from me and have them always ponder what they’re missing. I HOPE YOU’RE LISTENING TO THIS JAMES, YOU GREAT PRAT.

May 31 (Monday) When I said forever I meant for the time being. It’s good to have James back in the group again. It was just loads of homework completion when he wasn’t here. Life was too dull to enjoy. Of course I am naturally sprightly and amusing but it is not so easy when everyone else is a wet blanket. Sorry Remus. You know that you are an excellent mate. You just aren’t the same as James, because I can be a prat with him and not feel stupid.

June 1 (Tuesday)

We all skived off Charms this afternoon and went for a conciliatory picnic. And of course James suggested we intake our butterbeer and sandwiches beside the lake. And of course we always listen to James because although he is an arse he is also our Leader. And of course we followed him like lambs to the slaughter. I grabbed my sandwich and three butterbeers out of our basket and climbed up the apple tree to eat my food out of range of the water. My corned beef was quite good as usual but I didn’t get a chance to finish my butterbeer. This is because James started up the tree after me, claiming I was holding his beverage hostage, and threatened to singe my trousers if I didn’t give him a bottle. I opened up a bottle and took a swig just to spite him and he followed through on his threat because although he is our Leader, he is a pillock and I leapt from the tree like a great leapy thing and ran into the lake. I splashed around for a bit and my trousers stopped flaming. Then Remus came in all heroically and tried to rescue me but I said I wasn’t drowning. So he said ‘oh all right then,’ and told me it was like I was trendsetting by wearing flares but I didn’t know what that meant so I just smiled and nodded.

He asked me if I knew how to swim and I had to admit the awful truth.

Then he did something very nice and taught me how to float. It was really difficult but Remus is a good teacher so it wasn’t that bad. First he told me what he was going to do and then he did it himself, and he is really experienced so he made it look like it was simple. Then he made me do the same thing but first he made me take off my charred jeans cos he said they’d make me sink.

While he took them back to shore where they could dry off I sat down in the water and turned my pants around so the hole was in the back. Then Remus came back and told me to stick out my arms and legs like a sea star and I did and then I lay down and he put a hand under my shoulders and another one under my back and held me up. And then he took away the hand under my shoulders and I stayed up. And then he took away his other hand and I sank from my hips out, like a closing book. And Remus said that it was all right cos Rome wasn’t built in a day, and that’s a silly thing to say but I smiled and nodded cos probably I just didn’t hear him right, and he kept coaching me for another fifteen minutes or so, and eventually it got so I’d just sink on purpose to infuriate him. Except that Remus is too nice and never gets infuriated. He was just helpful and then I felt guilty and offered him an extra sandwich. And he said ‘yes please’ and he was all very polite and eager and he probably is a poofter after all, worse luck.

But I am glad that it wasn’t James who taught me. I don’t think I trust him to keep the water out of my nose and anyway I don’t think I believe in being saved by nudity, which is his mantra these days. He prances around the beach like a barmy naked person.

June 4 (Friday) I cannot believe that my fifth year is nearly over. After this I will only have two years left at Hogwarts before I go out and terrorise the real world, as Dumbledore has so often said to me in one of our quieter moments together.

June 6 (Sunday) This weekend was boring like a wet weekend because this weekend was a wet weekend. Funny how these things work sometimes. In other words, I did loads of homework and revision so that I will be prepared for my forthcoming OWLs. I am not too concerned about them, but everyone else is, so it seems like I ought to be. But strangely, I am not. Peer pressure once again fails to move me. I am a large stone. About eleven stone, in fact.

June 11 (Friday) Exams start on Monday. I am not too worried, although Remus is doing enough of that for all of us and half the Hufflepuffs. All he does is revise and sleep and eat. He is like a baby who knows how to read complicated textbooks. Not that he whines or anything but he only has a few activities he participates in, and they get quite dull after the first go round.

June 14 (Monday) All I had to do on my Astronomy exam was think about how Snape’s nose lingers so plaintively upon his horrid face. It was done within the hour. It was cloudy. Wait. I don’t think ‘plaintively’ is the word I was looking for there.

June 15 (Tuesday) We are having a study day, better known as a bit of a lie-in.

June 16 (Wednesday) We had Defence Against the Dark Arts this afternoon. I’m sure Remus got top marks, what with his intricate knowledge of werewolves and all. Afterward we went out and sat on the grass and long story short, I ended up seeing Snape’s underthings and James is angry at the world again. I’d best not say more than that.

June 17 (Thursday) I transfigured a ladder into a gangplank, and then the examiner pointed out that I had not actually transfigured it but actually just let it fall from an upright to a sideways position. So I turned my desk into a giant tortoise named Bertha and she seemed rather pleased.

June 18 (Friday) Full moon is tonight and nobody’s thought about it at all. We’ve only got three hours to come up with something good. It’s a good thing we always plan at the last minute or we wouldn’t be half as good at thinking on our toes. This time it was a Herbology exam that got in the way. Good thing tomorrow is Divination or we’d actually have to worry about getting back in time to get some sleep. I can’t believe they’d schedule an exam for the weekend, but there you have it. Good thing we dropped Divination when we realised that it’s stupid. I can’t believe we lasted this long. Remus never took it. He always thought it was a bunch of hogwash. What a clever fellow.

As it is, we Marauders have designated tomorrow a study day, which means recuperation.

June 19 (Saturday) Clearly thinking on our toes is the worst skill we’ve got. Anyone would think we haven’t got toes or even feet if they’d seen what we’d got up to last night. Since we didn’t have a plan we sort of wandered up to the caves behind the village and then I think Remus caught the scent of something cos he darted into one of them. James tried to follow him but his antlers got in the way and he got stuck partway down the cave whereas Remus didn’t cos in his other body he’s sort of skinny and deformed-like. So I tried to run under James’s legs but I am too wide and I got stuck between his two front hooves. Then the only person left to get Remus was Peter and he scampered under the both of us and into the dark where Moony’d gone. Me and James had no idea of how to get unstuck and for a minute I thought about transforming back into a person but I decided not to cos that’s really stupid when there’s a werewolf about.

But James is not so clever and he did transform and he got stuck to the wall of the cave by his messy hair and I couldn’t reach him. He thrashed around for awhile and only managed to get himself more tangled. Then we heard footsteps from the dark part of the cave where Wormtail and Moony’d gone and I turned to look and Moony had Wormtail clenched in his jaw like a piece of furry steak. James screamed and turned back into a stag right as Moony dropped Wormtail and lunged at the spot where James was attached to to the wall. Moony got a mouthful of antler and as he tried to bite it off he un-jammed James’s head. I hauled Moony off all by myself into the Shrieking Shack and as I found out this morning James turned back into a person and carried Peter as a rat all the way into the castle and only let him transform back into a person when they’d got behind the statue of the naked Greek discus thrower beside the infirmary.

James told me that Madam Pomfrey asked some questions of why Peter has inch-deep teeth marks all around his belly and back in the shape of a giant jaw and Peter burst into tears as if on cue and said he didn’t think his life was worth living with his remaining exams and so he tried to kill himself with an ice-pick and make it look like a freak accident with a particularly misplaced bear trap. Peter is a really good liar when he needs to be.

I waited in the Shack with Remus until about seven. He is so black and blue and green and red and violet that he looks like something the carnival spat out. He changes back earlier now that the sun is up longer. If I were him I would move to Norway for the summers. I kept stroking his hair as if to say that it was OK he almost ate Petey because he didn’t swallow any bits but he just sort of curled up against my leg. Then I went back to the tower and went to sleep. I suppose I ought to go to the Hospital Wing today, seeing as two-thirds of my mates are there. Peter has to stay in for observation of his suicidal tendencies and Remus has to stay there cos he’s ill. Whenever the full moon’s over we just say that Remus has been ill. Once we tried to say that he’d got food poisoning but the House-Elves got wind of it and there was very nearly an inquiry.

June 20 (Sunday) Remus asked me for something to read so I brought this journal. I showed it to him and he read the whole thing and then he passed it back to me and said ‘Thank you.’ What is that supposed to mean? I have the most atrocious handwriting in the world. He can’t have made out half the things I scribbled down. He mumbled something about it being ‘quality content’ but he is clearly still reeling from his injuries. Then he said that I had best not show up at his house this summer without a proper invite from his mum and dad. I said that I was quite a charmer when I needed to be but he looked incredulous.

Then we got to the matter at hand, which is what I will do with this book over the summer. I can’t take it home with me because my relations will get hold of it and discover I’ve been a carousel of emotions since Christmas and that I have friends of particular surnames who are not appropriate company. Remus suggested he take it home with him but then his relations will read it and expect me chez them and have reason to be rid of me at the first opportunity. I could leave it in our room in Gryffindor tower but I still haven’t gathered if the House-Elves can read. Perhaps I will burn it, but then of course my memories will be gone forever.

June 21 (Monday) Charms went well but I don’t know why I bother writing this all down if it will just go up in flames like my trousers. I am a brilliant scholar and as such this is all to be expected.

June 24 (Thursday) I am writing this from a broom cupboard I have never seen before. This is all very strange indeed as we know all of the secret passages and such in the castle. I was pacing one of the upper corridors and suddenly there was an extra door, so I darted in. It is awfully dusty and I am therefore awfully sneezy. But this is a brilliant cupboard cos if I haven’t seen it before then certainly most people do not see it and I can leave my journal here and nobody will discover it.

So adieu, Adelaide, I had a wonderful time whilst it lasted and I hope to see you again in September. Don’t forget to write.