To Dream Again II

To Dream Again II

Chapter 1: Cho Chang's Letter to Harry Potter

Harry,

Now it's time for me to go, I thought I should write you a message. I don't know if we'll see each other again, but I wanted you to know how I feel about you.

I'm a seventh year now, and about to join a major Quidditch team, and I realise that some of things I did when I was younger were immature and stupid. I spent the whole summer between my sixth and seventh year of Hogwarts thinking about it, and I've worked for the whole year preparing this letter. I hope that you will keep my letter, and not just bin it as soon as you read the handwriting. I hope you'll give me this one chance to explain, and not just send my owl back to me, with this note tied around his little leg, unopened, and unread. I'll understand if you choose not to read it; I just hope you will let me communicate these thoughts to you.

I know I haven't exactly been nice to you since fifth year. Now you'll never see a girl doing this again, so treasure it, alright? But I should apologise to you. It's true that you hurt my feelings, but perhaps I overreacted as well. You had a very decent reason for seeing Hermione that day.

Do you remember when we met in the third year at that Quidditch game? When we looked into each other's eyes for the first time? How did you feel in that moment? I know how I felt. I was rather frightened. I smiled at you, of course, but I was scared. You were the best Seeker the school had ever known, and I was about to go up against you. Me on a Comet Two Sixty against you on your lovely Firebolt. What chance did I have?

I was envious at first. Both of your skill and your broomstick, which was clearly superior to my own. But I decided that wasn't going to happen. So I tried to be your friend instead. Sure, Ravenclaw didn't win, but you became my friend, and friendship is more important than a thousand Quidditch wins.

Do you remember the Goblet of Fire, when you ended up being selected for the Triwizard Tournament, even though you didn't put your name in, and you weren't old enough? I believed in you then, Harry, because I knew you didn't even try to put your name in; after all, why would you want more fame after you hated it so already?

I don't think I ever told you quite how I felt about having to turn you down for the Ball that year. I really didn't enjoy having to do it. It was the most difficult thing that it's ever been my misfortune to experience, short of catching the Snitch once with half my broom missing. And it took a lot of courage on your part, I can tell. The Boy Who Lived was truly brave that day. And even though I had to turn you down, it was still a great honour to be asked by you to the Ball.

I won't spend too long talking about Cedric. Neither of us wants to drag up those memories, I know. It was predestined to happen, I realise now, and there is nothing you, I or anyone else can do about it. You did your best, I know. You couldn't be expected to be able to beat Voldemort. It was your Triwizard training that saved you at all, and allowed you to bring his body home to us. I never told you how grateful I was that you did. Or that you survived yourself. I hope you understand, both now and then, that Cedric was the man I loved, and those feelings will never leave me.

It's fifth year I want to talk about though. I'm sure you'd already guessed that, though.

Professor Umbridge was evil, and you knew that better than any of us. You may or may not have known this, but I know what she did to you, and I spent a night in tears at the thought of you being punished in such a horrific manner. I would gladly have done the detentions for you. I loved you, Harry.

The DA allowed you to undo some of the wrongs of the Professor, and you helped me no end with my Defence Against the Dark Arts skills. I was unable to Stun things before you taught me. You'd make a fine Professor, Harry.

And at Christmas... kissing under the mistletoe... you were finally mine. I don't know how it felt for you. I hope it was nice. It said so much for me, Harry. And although some students said I was just trying to win the race to be the first to get you into bed, my interest in you was genuine and sincere.

It was our date on St. Valentine's Day that we both messed up, I think.

It wrecked what could have been so wonderful.

I'm ever so sorry, Harry, I really am. I shouldn't have expected you to know exactly how a date works. Firstly you're male, and I should have made allowances for that; and secondly, you've never had the guidance and the support of a loving family to explain to you how these things work.

On the other hand, I was very much to blame. I should have hung on to you. I don't know if anyone's ever explained to you how valuable you are. You're brave and sensitive and sweet, and I should have clung to you like iron filings cling to a magnet. You have no idea how much I regret losing you.

I know we made up for a while, and lost again when Marietta betrayed the DA. That was truly my fault, and I apologise. I should have seen it coming. She was reluctant to join from the beginning, and a betrayal was inevitable.

And my final year at Hogwarts, and your penultimate: that was tough. We didn't really speak at all, did we? I told myself I was busy with my NEWT preparation, but I'm no Hermione Granger (which I mean in the best way of course), and I think you know that. And I missed my final chance to go to the Ball with you. That stupid Michael... why did I have to go with him? You no doubt saw what happened with the big jug of Butterbeer, Michael, and my dress.

Well. Now I'm at the end. And we'll soon find out how well I did on my N.E.W.T's.

But in the meantime, maybe I'll receive another owl. One from a friend I hope I haven't lost for good.

~Cho~