It Won't Be Christmas Without You

"Wake up, Moony! Presents!" James shouted, pulling back the bed curtains before bounding off to wake Sirius.

Remus felt a small smile tug at his lips and, rubbing his eyes, sat up. James had made good time waking Sirius and Peter, both of whom were now unwrapping their gifts. Remus crawled out from under his warm blankets, honeyed hair tickling his cheeks as he made his way to the end of his bed to his presents.

He hadn't gotten much: a box of the finest French chocolates from Mum and Daddy (who always spent Christmas in the Riviera), a book on werewolves--how charming--from Peter and a dog training guide from James -- a gag, of course. He looked around for a fourth gift.... Surely Sirius had gotten him something?

He felt like his heart was breaking into a million tiny pieces, but those familiar strong arms snaked around his shoulders. Sirius's hot breath ghosted over his ear, making him shudder. The taller Gryffindor took the chocolates from his hand and replaced it with a brightly wrapped package.

"Open it later," Sirius said, "when we're alone."

Remus moaned gently as Sirius kissed him, wishing he could jump him then and there.

The gift turned out to be quite useful...but it wasn't as if they hadn't tried most of the positions in the Karma Sutra before.

*****

Remus laughed along with Harry as he bounced the four-month-old on his knee. Everything was so perfect, he realised. James and Lily were in the kitchen, bickering quietly while Peter basted the goose and Sirius nonchalantly spiked the eggnog. Harry laughed loudly as Padfoot came running into the den, stopping briefly to sniff at the tree before trotting over to Remus and the baby.

Sirius licked his godson, who giggled and tugged at the dog's great ears. Remus smiled and gently put Harry between the dog's massive front paws before climbing onto the floor and laying his head on Padfoot's side. The next thing he remembered was a flash of light from Lily's camera and her musical laughter. Sirius transformed back, threw Harry gently into the air and, after Lily's cry of terror, had nestled the boy in his arms and laid his head on his lover's shoulder. It had been Remus's favourite Christmas.

*****

The next Christmas was an utterly miserable one. He'd put up a tree and decorated the house with his mum, being extra careful to avoid the mistletoe. Outside, the Welsh countryside was blanketed in snow. The Muggle weatherman was saying "the white stuff" would stick around until New Year's Eve.

Remus went about his business as he would any other day of year. He tried not to look at the couples holding hands and kissing as they did their holiday shopping, and did his best to not think of Sirius.

But he ultimately failed. He spent Christmas alone in bed, wishing Sirius was there to comfort him.

*****

Things were looking up...or as good as they could on the day of a full moon. He had missed Christmases at Hogwarts: the snow, the food and having the run of the place. Remus sat alone in the Shrieking Shack, a small magical fire burning in the hearth and "The Carol of the Bells" playing over the Wizarding Wireless Network.

He smiled-- Sirius had escaped. Snape thought he had been helping his old friend into the castle; Dumbledore refused to believe so. How perfectly ironic.

Remus crossed to the window and looked out at the snow that was gently falling over Hogsmeade. He hoped Sirius, wherever he was, was enjoying the holiday.

The professor sighed and went back to his chair by the fire. He felt a tear slide down his cheek as he remembered a similar Christmas in sixth year when his friends had decorated the Shack as a surprise for him.

*****

Twelve Grimmauld place wasn't quite as horrid as it was during the other 364 days of the year. Harry, Hermione, the Weasleys, and the Order members who popped in randomly had made the house seem almost like a home.

Almost. Mrs Black shouted about half-bloods, blood traitors, werewolves, and her good-for-nothing son every chance she could, Kreacher lurked in the shadows like Gollum from Remus's favourite childhood book, and the amount of Dark items in the house was enough to put anyone out of the Christmas spirit. Nevertheless, Sirius, as Padfoot, had accompanied Remus and Mrs Weasley to pick out a tree and had helped trim it the Muggle way.

It was long past midnight when Remus found himself half asleep as he stared at the tiny lights that glittered over the pine. Familiar, reassuring arms sneaked around his waist and Sirius laid a kiss on his lover's cheek. God, he'd missed this.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" the black-haired man said.

Remus turned in Sirius's arm and slowly kissed him. "Gorgeous."

*****

Sirius had been gone for the better part sixth months. He still wasn't over it. Christmas at the Weasley's had been nice and had brought back some lovely memories, but it wasn't the same. Sirius wasn't there to make raunchy jokes and lead everyone in a chorus of "God Rest Ye Merry Hippogryffs."

He had put a stone up. It was plain enough-- Sirius's name, his birth and death days, and a simple epitaph. Remus visited it late Christmas night, brushing snow from the marble and sitting with his knees drawn up to his chest in front of it. James and Lily were beside them.

"Oh, Sirius," he said with a small smile. "I wish you were here."

Remus looked heavenward and sighed as the Dog Star twinkled.