Hold Her Closer

It had always been hard for me to accept that people did actually care for me, especially given the household I was brought up in. No one did care for me and I was always overlooked unless there was trouble. It was always my fault and I had to clean up whatever mess there was.

And there was the problem of how I looked. I guess bedroom hair doesn't turn everyone on, huh? What about green eyes? Kidding. But I guess that's why I took to the wizarding world because I realized that there were people who knew about me. Because I realized the world was not so hopeless after all. Because I realized that there were people who cared about me. For once, I felt loved, even admired. But it did take time to warm up to the acceptance. And I had help along the way.

When you see love
and you don't know what it is
you might find yourself in fear

To show your heart

Platform 9¾ was where I first met him. And he treated me like a friend, at least after treating me like a sideshow in the circus for a second. My scar has a life of its own, I swear. I bet it has more admirers than I do. But back to Ron... he helped me through so much. From the first day I met him, we just progressed from there. I was cautious at first for I never knew or believed that the love between two friends could exist. But you know what? It's the best thing in life. Sure, we had a little tiff in our 4^th year but it only served to strengthen our friendship. And I'm thankful for that.

And then came Hermione. She was stuck-up when we first met her, or rather, we didn't bother to know her well enough. She's a sweet girl, and a great friend at that. She never found it a hassle to help Ron or I when we got into trouble and she cared enough to put herself in danger with us. Sure, she's sensible and I'm thankful for that as well. I can't let go of them. I can't at all.

But when you feel it
and it's oh, so wonderful
you might find yourself in fear
to let it part, in fear to let it part

But now, I'm just standing here and staring at the two of them. I've never seen Hermione so forlorn before. Her spirit's broken and those silent tears rolling down her cheeks. I never had the chance to really tell her how much I appreciated her friendship, how grateful I am for her company and how much I admire her for being herself and standing tall. No other Muggle-born would have tolerated Draco Malfoy's insults for that long. But she doesn't even tolerate it... she fights back. I wish she'd know how much I look up to her at times. All the times she could have given in, she didn't.

Why did I have to be the one to hurt her the most? I would never change the course of actions I took. It was inevitable. Oh Hermione, if you could only hear the thoughts running through my head! I miss you... I'm sorry for letting you down, for letting our friendship go. Forgive me, my sweet friend.

So hold her closer when she cries
Hold her closer when she feels
She needs a hand to hold
Someone who'll never let her go again

And next to her, I see the silly redhead who has been the one person I could trust as much as I could trust Hermione. He isn't as strong as me, I admit. But he's strong enough to handle an ass of a friend like me. He could have left me alone when I "followed the spiders". I knew he hated spiders. But he stuck with me.

Ron provided a family I knew I would never have in the Muggle world. He and the rest of the Weasleys provided that very family. Fred and George with their antics and pranks, the stringent Percy, dragon-crazy Charlie and equally piercing-crazy Bill and who could forget little Ginny. Sure, she did scare the bloody hell out of me at times when we first met but she proved to be a true Weasley that would translate to be one word... crazy. I had so much fun with them, especially all the times we practiced Quidditch around the house.

I remember the one time when we were throwing one of the older balls around the garden when Ron tripped over garden gnome. He scrapped his knee on a stone and it was bleeding really badly. It wasn't even a skin graze... it was bloody red, staining even the grass. Ginny looked like she was about to faint. Ron, on the other hand, was trying his very best to hold the tears back. And now, I was seeing that very face I saw that day. It's still scrunched up like it was that day, with his eyebrows knitted together. He might not know it, but I'm hurting as much as he is.

And hold him closer when he tries
to hold the tears back from his eyes
don't say goodbye

I did not want to take this path. I had to. Sure, I had a choice... to flee like a coward or to step up and do something for the world. Stupid Gryffindor. I swear it's in me to do something when I think doing otherwise would make me a coward. Maybe I could find the temple that houses the Gryffindor blood in me and dig it out. But you know what? I'm pretty proud to be a Gryffindor at times. Better than being a Slytherin.

Okay, I've gone seriously out of point. But what I'm trying to say is that I decided on this path by myself, without any pressure from anyone. The only pressure I had was from Mrs. Weasley. She cried when she heard I was to confront Voldermort and tried to stop me from going. Confront Voldermort... how nicely I managed to put it, huh? Either way, I chose to face him. Nice choice, Potter. And now, I end up hurting those closest to me. Funny thing is that if I could go back in time, I would not change any part of it.

When your heart decides
that it's time to let it through
there's no reason to be scared to open up

Somehow, if I changed that tiny moment or even just 5 seconds of it, life would be very different. And I don't think I would want it any other way. Sure... there are a lot of "what ifs" but I'm contented to live the rest of my lifetime this way, accepting what I did. My sacrifice was not in vain.

Like I mentioned earlier on, no one did ever care for me when I was younger. And when someone or maybe something new knocked on my door, I opened it. I guess I was searching for something or someone new. And by opening that door, I let in the best of my life. I let in love.

Cause love may be blind

But all of us don't see it
so just once in your life
if you hear the knock of love
Just let it in

After letting it in, it never left like everyone else did when I was younger. I feel like I have disappointed those around me but at the same time, I feel as though they admire me the most. Ego is rearing its ugly head once more with me but I only felt it when I entered the wizarding world. Still can see all the strange people staring and whispering at me in Diagon Alley whenever I went there. The first time I stepped foot in that quaint little place I grew to love, so many approached me, just for a touch of my hand. It felt really good to be appreciated though I was bloody petrified then.

Speaking of being petrified, Hermione's frozen face of horror and shock remains fresh in my mind. For once, I felt like the war against good old Voldie was a lost cause if I didn't have her help. Once I heard that the mandrakes were ready for the petrified victims, I didn't heave a sigh of relief. I didn't even think of Voldie then. All I could think of was seeing Hermione's smiling face again.

It was the same thing in the face-off. There he was, taunting me and insulting everyone close to me. Voldie does remind me a little of Draco, just a lot more powerful and evil. Draco is less than a gnat next to him. However, Voldie never did once make me really mad. It's pretty easy once you learn how to block out certain sounds. I've had training since I was born. (You hear me, Vernon? Thanks.) All I could think of was to go back to my friends.

All I could think of was seeing Hermione's smiling face again.

Hold her closer when she cries
Hold her closer when you know it's time to say goodbye
You hurry back to see her smile again

Now I'm staring at her. Her smile is nowhere to be seen. Those lips normally pursed in mock annoyance are turned down by my actions. She understands my path; she knows why I had to choose that path. Now it's just whether she'd be able to accept the fact that I can no longer sit and talk to her like we used to. I'm hoping that she will.

Ron is another idiot. He looks like he wants to console Hermione. I can barely blame him. The last time he tried consoling her, he made her cry further. I wish he would hold her and not speak a word. I wish I could hold her. I wish I could hold him too.

But if anyone is to be blamed, it's me. I already knew the consequences of my actions and what that was to follow. Yet, I went along with it. Good old Voldie didn't let me down. And I know I didn't let Dumbledore down as well. But yet, in my heart, I feel as though I've let down the two dearest to me.

And hold him closer when he's down
when his world is upside down
Turn it around

Can you see me, my friends? I'm right here in front of you right now. Ron, I apologize for all the senseless fights and all the times I made you angry. Hermione, I apologize for all the nonsensical arguments and all the times I made you cry. Can you feel my arms around you, my dear friends? I miss you so much.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Hermione suddenly looked up. As strange as it sounded, she thought she felt someone hold her. No warmth was felt, just the pressure of two arms locking around her tightly but briefly. There was no wind in the air. Then Ron looked up as well, slightly startled. He turned to look at Hermione.

"Did you? I mean I thought I felt... and the familiar blueberry smell..."

"He did like that bar of blueberry soap Ginny got for him during Christmas. And it was... it was untainted by the smell of blood, unlike the last time we saw him, Ron," Hermione smiled tearfully. Her eyes returned to the spot it had been resting on comfortably.

Here lies a true hero

Harry Potter

Loved by some

Admired by most

Unforgotten by all whom know him

Friend or Foe

Hermione sighed softly into the wind, "I miss Harry, Ron. I wish he knows that I'm proud of him. I wish he knew that he didn't let me down in the end. Those were his last words, weren't they, Ron?"

Ron nodded. "He did tell Dumbledore to apologize to us for letting us down. He didn't let us down. He's our Harry."

Hermione nodded and burst into fresh tears. This time, Ron put his arms around her and held her tightly, rocking a little. Harry never did let them down. He didn't let them down, when he didn't let them go. By facing Voldermort alone and finishing him off, Harry saved them. He changed the world for them.

So hold her closer when she cries
Hold her closer when she feels
She needs a hand to hold
Someone who'll never let her go again
And hold her closer when she's down
When her world is upside down
Turn it around
Hold her close