Harry Potter and the Attack of the Gothic Snowchickens

Harry walked to Care of Magical Creatures with Ron and Hermione, as usual. Draco was stalking them, a habit he had taken up. 'I wonder what we're 'caring for' this time,' Harry thought, as he neared the grinning Hagrid. As the class gathered, Hagrid's grin grew. Draco was standing behind them, attempting to listen to the trio's conversation.

"Fuck off, Malfoy," Harry said, annoyed. He turned to Ron. "Do something. Get him away!"

Draco grinned. How he loved annoying the freak. Maybe he would get Pansy to ruffle his hair again. That's guaranteed to piss him off. Draco grinned at the thought as Hagrid called for attention. "Today," He began, "We will be caring for Gothic Snowchickens. They can be found on page two hundred-seventy in The Monster Book of Monsters." He paused. "I'll be right back with the chickens."

Draco's eyes widened. "Gothic... Snowchickens? What the hell are those?" His eyes widened further when he actually saw the chickens. Their feathers were black and inside their mouth were tiny, sharp fangs.

"They like to eat human flesh, so be careful when yer handlin them," Hagrid said, looking at the Snowchickens fondly.

Both Harry and Draco agreed on one point. This really sucked. When they thought it could get no worse, Hagrid opened a crate of rotting flesh. "Now who whants ter feed em?" A Slytherin student stepped forward. Her clothing, hair, and just about everything about her suggested she was morbid and quite possibly satanic. She took a meat cleaver and wrapped it in the flesh. She smiled, and handed it to a chicken. Hagrid stared at the girl. "Don' do that! You'll kill it!" he said, a bit too late. The chicken had begun to attempt to chew the meat cleaver/flesh, and small cracks began to form in its beak. The students laughed as Hagrid snatched at the chicken, trying to heal it with his pink umbrella/wand. The other Snowchickens gathered around the girl and began to peck at her. Then, they turned to the other students, forcing them into Hagrid's hut. Harry and Draco jumped up on Hagrid's table upon hearing the Snowchickens scratching and pecking at the door.

Draco looked around. "There's a-" He paused. "Bed in here." He grinned. "Would anyone like to-" He paused again. "Put it to use?"

People stared at Draco in surprise. That was the last thing they had expected him to say. An uncomfortable silence fell over them all. A silence which only Harry dared to break. "If you're that desperate, Malfoy, I'll go get you a chicken to fuck. Maybe if we're lucky, It'll eat your penis."

A figure came out of the corner of the room. "Language, Potter." It was Snape. "Malfoy, I'm surprised and a bit disturbed by your statement. Potter, I'm even more disturbed by your statement. One point from Slytherin, ten from Gryfffindor. I will be seeing you both in detention all week, as well as Ms. Taylor for killing Hagrid's 'pet'."

Severus escorted the children back to the castle, then arranged the detentions. They were to go into the forrest and collect the chickens, who were still at large. As Draco walked back to his Common Room, he looked out one of the first story windows, and thought he saw a chicken wandering around the school grounds, with a branch from the Whomping Willow in its beak.