The Wizard of Your Heart

The Wizard of Your Heart:

James had been lying on his bed for the last forty minutes, staring at that ugly little stain on the ceiling, hoping that -if he looked long enough- it would go away, taking his problems with it.

But he had no such luck, the harder he seemed to concentrate, the harder they became to ignore.

'-isn't that right, Prongs?' said a voice.

He didn't react, he wasn't sure whether he'd dreamt it or not.

'Prongs? James!' the voice said again. 'Do you think he's asleep?'

'With his eyes wide open?' another voice said sarcastically.

'Well, if he can catch a Snitch with his eyes closed I see no reason for him not being able to sleep with his eyes open.'

'I'm awake,' James sighed, finally realising his three best friends were standing next to his four-poster. 'I- My mind was elsewhere.'

'As always,' Sirius laughed. 'Who's it this time? Hestia? Or that cute little Ravenclaw with the French accent?'

James rolled his eyes and turned back to watch his stain.

'I think I'm not mistaken when I say you still like Lily, right, Prongs?' Remus said carefully.

Again, James didn't react. Suddenly, he noticed that if you squinted real hard, the stain almost seemed to move.

'Must be a record,' Sirius said. 'That's -what- four months now?'

'Three and twenty-eight days,' James responded automatically.

'I hate to say it, pal, but you're acting like a girl,' his best friend replied.

James rolled over unto his stomach and bit his pillow. Sirius was right. What had happened? What had made James Potter, one of the most eligible students at Hogwarts, Quidditch Captain and Seeker extraordinaire, act like a... girl?

'This is not like the others,' James managed, while spitting out his pillow. 'As much as I hate to say it, this is different. She's everywhere!'

The three other boys stared at him with a mildly uneasy look on their face.

'I mean it. Her hair- it's- And her eyes...' James had described her face so many times in his mind, but now he really needed to, he couldn't find any words matching her beauty. He wanted to tell them how her long auburn hair seemed to swirl around him, as if the warmest blanket was tenderly draped on his shoulders. He wanted to say how her eyes gave him energy, how they looked through him, right down to the very core of his being and how they represented every good feeling he'd ever felt. Instead he said: 'She's hot.'

But it seemed they understood. Sirius sat down next to James and patted him on the back.

'Well then, Prongs. How about doing something about that, then?'

'I agree with Sirius,' Remus stated. 'I don't think she understands how you really feel about her.'

'Moony, she's not thick,' James said, giving him an icy glare. 'I've been asking her out every day.'

'Yes, but you also asked Bertha out,' Sirius snickered. 'And Alice and Pandora and Kitty and Hebe and Julia and-'

'I get it,' James sighed. 'I get it.'

'And you dumped them after two days.'

'I said I'd got it, alright!'

'And you've got it bad,' Sirius barked as he took James firmly by the shoulder. 'So, let's make sure she has it too.'

'Alright, Padfoot,' James said angrily as he threw off Sirius' hand. 'You tell me how you're going to make the most stubborn girl in the world fall in love with me.'

'Back down, Prongs,' his friend replied while holding up his hands as though saying he surrendered. 'I'm only trying to help.'

'Then tell me how,' James sighed.

'I don't know yet,' Sirius told him. 'I never really had to force someone to date me. I just ask them and they say yes. That's the way it's supposed to be anyway.'

James' eyes narrowed dangerously.

'How about decorating her bed with rose petals-' Remus said quickly to prevent an argument.

'No! Lily petals!' Sirius finished. 'And then you'll wait on her bed with a Lily in between your teeth.'

'Very original, you two,' James grunted. 'And how exactly are we going to get me into the girls' dormitory? You didn't forget the Sliding Staircase from Hell, now did you?'

Remus and Sirius fell silent and stared at the ground for a minute.

'I'm afraid we actually did,' said Remus dryly.

They brainstormed for a few minutes, only to have James slate every idea they came up with. Especially the one involving him screaming he loved her throughout the Quidditch Stadium wasn't that appealing to James. That would severely damage his image.

They were about to give up when they heard a rather high-pitched voice say something.

'How about a love letter?'

James, Remus and Sirius had almost forgotten Peter was there too. He'd been sitting on his own four-poster, listening to them.

'Sure, Wormtail, a love letter,' James cried out. 'That's not the wizard thing to do. It's too Muggle.'

'No, no, no. Hold your stags, Prongs,' said Sirius. 'He might be on to something.'

'Why not a love letter? We've been talking about really complicated ways to get her attention when maybe the simplest way is the best,' Peter stated. 'Besides, I've seen them do it in Muggle movies and that always works.'

'Yes!' said Remus enthusiastically. 'Yes! It's a great way to show appreciation for the Muggle world! She'll see there's more to you than just a Pureblood.'

'Just a Pureblood, Moony?' James said, rather annoyed.

'Well, you know what I mean,' Remus replied. When Sirius and James stared at him blankly, he added, 'You're just a Pureblood to her, that's all.'

Sirius waved away this remark. 'Anyway, I think it's a good idea. Let's work on it tonight.'

'And how are we going to get the love letter to her?' James snapped. 'Thought about that?'

'Owl her during breakfast?' Peter said hopefully.

'And have her laugh at me in public, no thanks.'

'I've got it.' A grin spread over Sirius' face. 'I'll ask Hestia to place it on her pillow. She's in Lily's dormitory and she's been hoping I'd ask her out.'

'That's just plain mean, using the girl like that,' Remus whimpered.

'Well, she's getting what she wants, isn't she?' said Sirius. 'So, let's start.'

'All of us?' James asked.

'I don't expect you to be able to write a decent love letter, Prongs,' his best friend laughed. 'Let's start with: "Lily".'

'Don't you think it lacks a little bit of feeling?' Remus raised an eyebrow. 'I always thought love letters were supposed to swipe the recipient off their feet. I doubt a simple "Lily" will do that.'

'Alright, "dear Lily", then,' James said.

'No., that's not it either,' Remus thought aloud.

'How about "my Lily". Will that do?' Peter asked.

James nodded, took out a sheet of parchment and tried to write in his neatest handwriting.

My Lily,

'Then what?' he asked.

'Even with all the words in the world, I could never say what makes me love you so much,' Sirius said calmly. 'I don't have a reason. I just love you because I do.'

'And neither could all those words describe why you're so beautiful, beauty like yours isn't meant to be seen,' Remus followed.

'Even in their most lurid or luminous combinations, I could never put into words how you make me feel and how you have the power to change me, to make me a better man.'

A long silence followed in which three Marauders gaped at their shortest friend.

'Wormtail,' Sirius said in awe,'where did that come from?'

'It's not because I have never had a girlfriend like the three of you that I've never thought about love or that I've never liked a girl,' he huffed.

'But that was really deep,' James said.

'Well, I happen to think that we should make our girls feel special,' Peter answered. 'Maybe you were too busy with being the Hogwarts stud to realise that love is very complicated and very hard to find, one should be willing to work hard to keep it. Maybe that's why you and Lily are not together.'

James started stuttering.

'I actually agree with you,' Remus said, preventing another row. 'Love is rare and beautiful. I should be happy to find someone who can love me as much as I want to love her and-'

'Love is superfluous,' Sirius interjected.

'Only someone who's never really been in love can say such a thing, Padfoot,' said Remus, while pointing a finger at him. 'Love is everything-'

Sirius opened his mouth to say something, but Remus cut him off.

'Now, hear me out,' he said. 'Friendship is a form of love. Caring for your brother, Sirius, that is love. And when a girl is around and you're sure that you wouldn't function without her, that is love. Hatred is a form of love-'

'Are you implying that I love Snivellus?' said Sirius angrily.

'No, not at all,' Remus told him. 'But without love, there is no hate. You see, everything comes from love.'

'You are one hopeless romanticist, Moony,' James sniggered.

'Why, yes, I am and I'm quite proud of it.'

'I don't get that,' Sirius sighed. 'I mean, you're talking about this one girl and this one love, but I don't think I'll ever be able to stay with just one girl. I don't see how anyone can. You'll get bored eventually, you're bound to. Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a monogamist.'

They all laughed.

'You will be when you meet the right girl,' Remus said dreamily.

'I tend to agree with you on that one,' James said, while tracing one of the seams of his blanket with his finger. 'It's just- when Lily's around, I feel as if I could face the entire world. I'm not scared of anything. And when she's gone, nothing makes sense.'

'Yes, you should feel like you can't go on without that particular person,' Peter said.

'I don't have that feeling with Lily,' James said nervously. 'I can live without her, I think, but I just don't want to.'

'So I'm the only one who has never really loved someone?' Sirius asked as he ran a hand through his hair.

'I don't know, Padfoot, but I think you're well on your way to loving someone,' Remus smiled.

'Like who?' Sirius asked, genuinely interested. 'Tell me, I'd like to know I'm feeling the same thing you're feeling.'

'Hestia,' the three other boys chorused.

'Hestia?' he repeated. James could see the surprise on his face. 'I don't know about that.'

'Padfoot, you fancy her a lot more than you've ever fancied another girl,' James said knowingly. 'You know she's very good-looking and you like her.'

'Really?' Sirius was puzzled. 'But all the girls I date are very good-looking and I like them all. Besides, I've never asked Hestia out.'

'You're afraid to,' Remus said.

'Sirius Black is not scared of asking a girl out, Moony.'

'I don't mean it like that,' Remus answered. 'But you're afraid of liking her. You've never fallen for someone before and I think you don't want Hestia to be one of the many girls you date. You want her to be special.'

'You seem to know me better than I do,' Sirius said, baffled.

'We're friends, we're supposed to,' James laughed.

*

Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs stayed up all night, doing what they never did before: talk about love and write love letters.

It was nearly four o'clock in the morning when the final copy of Lily's letter was lying on James' bed, where it was admired by the four boys.

'Read it,' Peter nudged James. 'Read it aloud.' He handed James the letter, who took a deep breath and started reading.

'My-'

Lily,

Even with all the words in the world, I could never say what makes me love you so much. I don't have a reason. I just love you because I do.

And neither could all those words describe why you're so beautiful. Beauty like yours isn't meant to be seen, let alone written down.

Even in their most lurid or luminous combinations, I could never put into words how you make me feel and how you have the power to change me, to make me a better man.

I feel as if I could face the entire world when you're around. I'm not scared of anything. But when you're gone, nothing makes sense.

I think that I would be able to live without you, but I know that I don't want to- And that I don't even want to try.

I've seen the seasons change and I changed with them. I've felt so many things I never felt before. I have trouble sleeping, I have lost my appetite and it took me too long to realise what it really meant.

Everything comes from love and everything comes down to love. So does this. And I finally saw how complicated it is and how you have to work to get hold of it.

I might not be a knight in shining armour with a white horse, but I'm a wizard with a broom and a will of iron. And I'll go through any lengths to swipe you off your feet.

You've made me change, Lily, into a better person. A person I never thought I could be and I hope you will one day want to meet him.

The Wizard of Your Heart,

James Potter

'She's mad if she doesn't go for this,' said Sirius. 'This is brilliant.'

'No, Padfoot,' James said with a half-smile, 'this is how I feel.'