Before Evil Came Along

Chapter Six:

And that's when I realised Tom was gone. This was no longer my Hogwarts boyfriend. This was Voldemort.

I try to console myself with the thought that nobody could have made him love anyone at that point. I did the best I could, but he just had Voldemort in him.

I can see you're wondering why I stayed with him. You know what? I do too. I reckon I just convinced myself I could make him human. And by the time I realised I couldn't, it was too late... I had already given him a child.

Hebe Gül Riddle was born on the 3^rd of April, 1955. I couldn't leave him now we had a daughter. It would have been a disgrace, I wouldn't have been able to live with it. And obviously, Tom wouldn't let me. Ruin his image? He would've rather seen me dead.

But it didn't matter. He was from home so often, he hardly ever saw Hebe. Which is, when I look back, probably a good thing. At least our daughter didn't turn out like him. At least I got a chance to raise her the way she should've been raised: as a warm, friendly, caring girl who understood what was important... Who understood the meaning of love.

Meanwhile, more and more horrifying things happened in the wizarding world and I felt so awful because I knew that it was because of Tom. Do you see why I feel so guilty? I feel as if I've provided him with the key to his success, as if I'm responsible. If I hadn't tried to be so bloody noble, maybe none of this would've happened.

When Hebe turned fourteen, we last saw him. After that, never again. Only his nickname in the pape -the nickname I once had thought of- with awful headlines. I had tried to send him owls, numerous times, but they always came back with the letter still tied to their paw.

Do you know how horrible it is when your daughter comes and asks you why her father is doing these horrible things? It... It's heartbreaking. And even though she was sixteen, or seventeen, by the time he got full reign of the wizarding world, Hebe still wanted to believe he could be a wonderful, heroic, flawless father who brought her presents. Who could be a father like other girls had fathers.

She never got to see that beautiful image brought to life. And I do not think I will live to see it either.

What happened to Hebe? I think this is the most horrible part of the story. Hebe... She, erm, died. Almost sixteen years ago. She never even lived to see him fall. Two bloody weeks before the horrible incident at Godric's Hollow, she passed away... I'm sorry, it's just... Losing a child is the most awful thing anyone could ever go through. And she was so young, she had so much to live for.

How she...? Well, she got pregnant. She was going to get married too. Oh, why do happy times always precede hell itself? She had such a wonderful life ahead of her. She could have watched her children grow up, she could have been happy with her husband. But it didn't happen. For too many reasons.

After six months of her pregnancy, we got the horrible news she was going to be a single mother. A widow before marriage. Benjy had died in battle. Benjy Fenwick was such a gentleman. He would have been so happy with my Heebs. He had been killed by order of Tom. I wonder if he ever realised he murdered his own son-in-law. The father of his grandchild... I don't know. I could not think Tom capable of consciously doing such a thing. But there was no Tom left in him. Voldemort had taken over and I cannot bear the thought that I lived with that beast... that I loved that beast. I console myself with the idea that the Tom I knew is not at all the dictator who has so many lives on his conscience.

But my Heebs was a strong woman. She got through that horrible period quite all right and I thought we were going to have a reasonable fine life, me, Heebs and her child. But again, my plans did not find fruition.

Hebe had to go through a very hard and very long delivery. She did not survive it. She died alone, right after having given birth, on the 18^th of October. I- The doctors said she had no power left to live. Apparently, she just named her baby and then she... It was the most awful, horrifying moment of my life. I don't think there are words to describe the pain you feel at that time. There shouldn't have to be words like that.

I had been sitting in the waiting-room, when suddenly a team of medi-wizards came to get me. All their faces grim and sad. They took me, to- to Hebe's body. She looked so pale, so sick... so cold and lifeless. She was not the lively, colourful Hebe I had raised. She was but a mere shadow of who she always had been. It had been a struggle for her, but she chose for the life of her baby, instead of her own.

And my grandchild? I do not know what happened. At first, I thought some error must have occurred, because not five minutes after she was born, her name was down for an orphanage. I did not know why, I did not know who decided and that just made everything worse. I was not allowed to raise my granddaughter. I was not even allowed to see her. I still loathe the doctors who made that happen, who took the only memory I had of my daughter and of her happy family life.

Of course, I made sure the Wizengamot heard of this. After loads of research, awful things started to come to light. Apparently, this hospital was a hospital run by Death Eaters. They-they took the children, the babies of Muggle-borns and... and... murdered them. Benjy wasn't born a pure blood, and so, my grandchild was part Muggle. I do not know what happened with her, but after one hears this, one can only draw one's conclusions.

And so, I lost my daughter and granddaughter at the exact same moment. And again, it was Tom's fault. But I refuse to believe that I loved that man. You may call me naïve -as Tom once did- or, I don't know what you want to call me, but I'm not. Believe me, I loathe the man who caused these things and if I had a proper wand and a proper shot I would not hesitate for one second to take what he has appropriated of so many others. But that is not the man I loved, it cannot be. I cannot believe it to be.

Excuse me? Oh, how Hebe named her daughter? She named her after my sister. That's the girl she was. I miss her so much... I'm sorry, I really do have to pull myself together. Her name was Shiva Ishtar Fenwick. Beautiful isn't it.

***

Well, I guess I've pretty much told you everything. The story of my life and, thus for a very large part, Tom's life. I hope people will understand. I don't expect anyone to understand Tom. I couldn't, so I don't see how anyone else can. I just want people to know that, at one time, I believed him to be human. That, at one time, I loved him and I believed I was loved back.

It had to be told. People had to know. And I'm glad I was the one to tell it.

People should know that everyone, even those close to Tom, suffered. He made everyone suffer, he wanted everyone to suffer. I lost a big part of my family because of him and I'm scared to death of who I still have to lose now that Voldemort has returned.

I hope I still have enough of strength left to make it through this second war. I hope I can set things straight and I somehow cannot but hope that maybe, really maybe, I can still bring Tom back. But I must not get my hopes up. Dreams will be dreams...

But I had to tell you. I had to make sure people knew about Ishtar, about my Hebe Gül and my Shiva Ishtar. People need to know about Benjy Fenwick and the stomach-turning hospital.

Can I suggest something? I'd like you to interview other people with stories like my own. Well... Yes, I know, there is no story such as this one, but there still are heartbreaking adventures that happened when Tom thought himself master of the universe. Who knows what other things might come to light.

I hope I didn't bore the life out of you, sir; thank you, for letting me do this. And please, let them remember what Tom was like Before Evil Came Along...