The Cards We're Dealt

"I may have made it rain, please forgive me, my weakness caused you pain...."

-Britney Spears

Not everyone knows why they act the way they do. Some are trained from birth the difference in right and wrong, taught that the choices we make have consequences, some are taught to love others and have compassion. Others were never taught, they didn't have the luxury of caring parents who teach their children the valuable lessons in life, so they live behind masks of cruelty, masks of collectiveness, when really they're an inch from breaking down. No one knows this about them, because they have never been given the chance to show they are human, that they also have feelings. People become frightened of these masked beings, these beings with no feeling, with all of their inhumanity towards man, people flee from them, staying away, avoiding the cold rain that was constantly over their heads, only those who need to keep up an image stay around them, and even then...it's distant... The cards they were dealt have been dealt by a cruel hand, and they have to live with it, no one else.

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Draco was still looking at the library doors as if expecting her to come back, almost hoping she would. He had never had this feeling before, he was afraid of what it meant, what the outcome would be. He couldn't believe he was actually going to apologize to the Mudb....Granger. First he had to find a way to do it, find a way to get her to listen...he had been around her long enough (six and a half years) to know that she was going to avoid him now, at all costs. She wasn't going to show up to their respective dorms tonight for fear of facing him. She wasn't going to look at him or talk to him, and she wasn't going to insult him or join in on Potty and Weasel's little taunts. She wouldn't even talk to them for a little while, you see, even though he was cruel and didn't have any friends, he was still very observant. And without the distraction of friends, he had more time to contemplate his observations than the average person.

He sat there with his head in his arms for hours, contemplating everything from why the sky was blue to why he listened to his parents. His mother didn't really bother with him anymore, barely seemed to notice when he was injured or hurt, then again, no one noticed when he was hurt he thought resentfully. Why should anyone? It's not as if they'd really care, they would just be pretending. Yes, that's what the Mudblood had done, she had pretended, she didn't care, she only acted like she cared in case someone was watching! She is Head Girl after all, she thought someone was watching! I'm not apologizing to that cunt! He thought. And that whole crying bit was just an act. How dare she? She would pay for this; she could not make a fool of a Malfoy and get away with it! Draco decided he would get to the bottom of this, Granger would live to regret this day.

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The next day, after Potions, Hermione was walking with Harry and Ron on the way to History of Magic, they were on break so they still had about twelve minutes left. It was then that he saw her. Malfoy sauntered up to the "Golden Trio" as if he owned the whole of Hogwarts, and said, "Mudblood, Snape told me to inform you that McGonagall requests your presence in the Transfiguration classroom, something to do with Head Girl business and all that bullshit." He sneered as usual while saying all this.

Hermione said nothing, she looked at Harry and Ron as if to say sorry and then walked in the direction of the Transfiguration classroom. (Harry and Ron had been concerned about her all day, the only time she ever said anything was when they asked if she was alright, and she said, "I'm fine, don't worry.") As she was walking by she glanced at Draco, and she saw his cold, hardened, grey eyes. She looked away quickly as she started to tear up again. She was hurting inside and she didn't know why, it was tearing up her heart, and what the it was exactly, she wasn't sure, all she knew was that every time she looked at him, she felt like crying, or worse, dying.

After about forty five seconds of walking she realized she was being followed, she whirled around and saw Malfoy staring her directly in the face about three feet away.

"Why are you following me Malfoy?" she asked in a strangled exhausted voice, which sounded very unlike Hermione Granger. Draco was almost tempted to ask what her problem was, then remembered it was all an act.

"I'm not following you Mudblood," she flinched. "I'm going to the library, you of all people should know that it's located this way."

Hermione turned on her heel and continued walking, as she was passing by a broom cupboard she felt a hand come over her mouth and an arm around her waist, dragging her into the cupboard. She wasn't stupid, she knew who it was, Malfoy had been the only one behind her in the corridor. Her "kidnapper" muttered a spell and his wand lit up, Hermione turned around and came face to face with the pair of the coldest eyes she had ever seen. Cold, stormy, and hypnotic.

"Malfoy, may I ask why you just jerked me into a broom closet when you know certainly well I have business to attend to?"

"That old hag doesn't need you Granger, I said that to get you away from your precious Scarhead and Weaselby, honestly, I thought you were clever," he retorted. She gasped at this information, and it was the first time Draco could actually look at her properly, she looked worn out, weary, and haggard. She looked as if she didn't get any sleep the night before at all.

"Ok, Malfoy, why did you go through all that trouble just to talk to me?"

"Well, Mudblood, I wanted to make you suffer," he said bluntly. He saw an expression of fear cross her face, then confusion, then anger.

"And what exactly will I be suffering for today Malfoy? Hmm? Being born? Being smart? Being a bookworm? Not being worthy enough to be in this school? On this earth? Being too ugly? Not recognizable as a girl to anyone? Not being good enough for anyone? Not even my best friends? Not being capable of being loved? Which is it? Hmm? Because believe me Malfoy I suffer through these everyday, I suffer more than you'll know, I may not have it that bad at home, but here, it's a completely different story. I don't have anyone, not even my best friends anymore. So I don't know if you count that as suffering, but I certainly do, I suffer everyday Malfoy, every single day. No one knows, no one but me, and now you, and whatever it is that you had in mind go right ahead, I don't have a reason to live anymore, if u want to hex me go ahead, threaten me, please do, kill me, and I would be forever in your debt, even after death, since I have contemplated suicide myself. Hit me with all you've ever learned in your Dark Magic bullshit, because I'm tired of being here, I'm tired of being unnoticed, tired of being humiliated, tired of living a lie, hell tired of living, so go ahead, make me suffer."

Whoa...Draco thought. Throughout her rant, he had been staring into her chocolate eyes, but still drinking up every word she said, never expecting any of it, he had had a whole speech planned, and then this. He didn't know how to respond, he didn't know what to even think. He was finding it hard to stay mad at her because he finally understood that she was an inch from the edge, she was about to break down, and still after all this time she had managed to keep up a cool mask, just like him.

Suddenly it hit him, this wasn't an act, this was for real, everyday her life was a living hell, and everyday he made it worse, he was part of her misery, and for some reason, he had a tight feeling in his chest, a feeling much like....guilt. He wanted to do something unheard of when speaking of Malfoy. He wanted to help her, to say he was sorry for hurting her, and be there for her so she had a reason to live. Why? He had no fucking idea.

But as he was listening to her, he had watched her too, he had seen how she furrowed her eye brows while she talked, and bit her lip while waiting for a response, or breathed only when absolutely necessary, and he noticed how her eyes flooded with tears, but unlike other girls they didn't just pour out, a single tear rolled slowly down her face, one at a time, and for the first time he noticed all of this about Hermione Granger. Right now she was no longer impure, no longer a Mudblood, no longer beneath him, but a helpless girl. A girl who was hurting and suffering everyday, just like him. Obviously, he had forgotten who she was completely, or he would not have been saying the next words out of his mouth.

Draco took a deep breath, counted to three and said, "Hermione, I'm sorry." She looked as if he had smacked her in the face (which he would never do because he didn't hit females). She was about to say something when Malfoy's eyes widened, as if he was surprised with himself, of course he was surprised with himself, he hadn't expected it to come out of his mouth! He knew that things would never be the same, that he could never go back to treating her the same way without a guilty conscience, but was damn sure going to try! What have I gotten myself into??? he thought harshly.

Hermione just stood there, she couldn't think of anything to say, if someone would have told her a year ago that she was going to be with Malfoy in a broom closet listening to him apologize for her problems, first she would have laughed then hexed them into oblivion. "Well, umm...it's alright I guess, and umm...I think we should get back to class now, I think we're late," she said quite uncomfortably.

"Fine, Mudblood, and I thought I push people away, damn," his usual drawl returning with his usual sneer in place. Draco was a very good actor when need be. He wanted to talk to her longer, find out why she hurt; he couldn't possibly though. He had to be Malfoy, the cold, heartless bastard everyone knows and hates, yet pretends to love. And after he said this last remark Granger gasped quickly, and let it out slowly, as if knowingly.

"Yes, well I expected as much Malfoy," she said in what seemed like disappointment, "We need to have a meeting in our common room concerning a few things tonight. Meet me there at 8:00. Later Malfoy."

"Bye Mudblood," he responded. He would be there, she didn't think so, but he would be, he had to be, if he wanted to keep his Head Boy position. Malfoy had to keep that position, or there would be hell to pay with his father. Then a thought struck him, what if Hermione...WHOA he thought. What if Granger told someone about his apology and the word got back to Lucius? He had to threaten her right and proper tonight at their little meeting, if she ever told anyone about this, she'd live to regret it...