Pushing Me Away

Pushing Me Away

lyrics sung by linkin park, story written by Nicolette Coer beta'd by Ren

I've lied / to you

Draco looked at his hands. He figured he might as well confess. "Ginny, It's true. I've been cheating on you. I know it's wrong of me but maybe-"

"Listen, Draco. You want to keep this relationship? You need to be truthful, and you need stop cheating on me. I don't care who with or why." Ginny threw her red hair over her shoulder. "Besides, you know for a fact that I'm not scared to hex you. I just don't want to ruin your looks. But if you keep destroying our relationship, I will not care. Damn, I have to get back to the castle... see you later." She ran from the edge of Hogsmeade back to the school. She had made this journey so many times, she knew the exact amount of time it would take her to get back.

Draco watched Ginny's retreating back, and shook his head. He couldn't figure out how she had become the dominate person in the relationship. It was insane. He wanted out sometimes, but he had feelings for her. But he just wasn't a faithful person. He stood up, and walked to the Three Broomsticks. "A hard butterbeer," he told the new bar tender.

The new lady smiled. "My boss told me you'd be in. My name is Bethney. What's yours?"

Draco struggled not to think of what this girl would look like in bed. "Just get me a drink. My name is Draco Malfoy. Here's the money for the drink." He pushed the money with a healthy tip across the bar.

"Okay, jeeze, don't act so bloody cold. I'll get you your drink." The tall blonde took the money, and got the rude gentleman she was serving his drink. What a rude person he is. I wonder, is he the same kid who was in first year when I graduated? He doesn't seem like it. Oh, well, I'll just forget about it. It is none of my trouble, I'm only the tender. And she didn't think of it again, or at least for a long time.

The same way that I always do

Draco woke up next to Blaise a week later. This always seemed to happen. Some times with Blaise, sometimes with Hermione (when he got her drunk), and even once or twice with a drunker then hell Harry Potter. A year out of Hogwarts, he was indifferent to who his sexual partners were, as long as Ginny didn't find out.

Ginny Draco sat up, found his clothes and his wand, and got dressed and ready to leave. Always, he lied to Ginny, and he felt guilty. Every time, she found out, and every time, Draco apologized. Again, Draco asked himself, "Why don't I just leave Ginny? She is strong enough to deal with it. She may bitch me out, but still.... " And that was how every morning went. The first thoughts upon awakening were, 'What if Ginny finds out?' And she always did.

Maybe Draco was weak. Maybe he had lost his strength after being with Ginny for two years. At first, he had seduced her, hoping to get laid by her before he graduated. Actually, he had bet his second cousin if he could sleep with Ginny, he would get the invisibility cloak from him. If not, he had to give his cousin, Willhelm, the hand of glory he had bought. They always bet on things like that. And, of course, Draco had slept with Ginny, but by that time, she had him wrapped around her finger. And besides, he had found she was a great lover.

But it just wasn't in him to stay faithful. Sure, he was content with her varying ways in bed, but... well, he wanted variety in WHO he slept with. So, three months after he slept with Ginny, he went, got Hermione drunk at a local bar, and slept with her. Of course, Hermione was ashamed of herself and had turned him in. And that was the first time. But now it happened all the time.

He left Blaise sleeping in her flat. The neighbor would tell Ginny about the whole ordeal the next day, after he lied again, like he always did when he slept with other people.

This is / the last smile

Draco found himself under the wrath of Ginny again. "Ginny, honey, I'm sorry, I-"

"Draco, I'm sick of it. I might have to bind you from doing this. I am going to make sure I tell all those sluts not to sleep with you. Now, let's move on. How do you want it today?" Ginny's anger faded as she grinned naughtily at Draco.

"Same as always, hun." And that was it. They didn't talk about anything that made much sense for a while after that.

That I'll fake for the sake of being with you

He hadn't slept with anyone but Ginny for a week. It was a long time. And he wasn't sure he could take it. Next time, it'll be the last time I am cheating on Ginny. I will dump her. I'll not go back, begging for forgiveness.

He faked a smile as Ginny looked at him. It was almost horrid the way she had him under her control. Maybe he should dump her before he cheated again. Maybe this will be the last time he would fake a smile at her.

"Ginny..."

She turned to him with a smile on her face, and her eyes seduced him again. "What, my love?"

"Nothing... just how much longer till we can go to my flat?"

She laughed. "Two more hours, then the teachers will think I'm back at the school. Okay?"

Draco nodded, mad at himself for backing down, for being seduced. For being with her. For giving in all those times. But he just kept it inside, to torment him.

[Everything falls apart / even the people who never frown / ventually break down]

He woke in a daze. He had cheated on Ginny so many time with so many people last night. People he knew, a few prostitutes, people who had found him attractive in the bars... every one. He had broken down.

He knew that Ginny would hex his ass to bits. But he didn't care. It was over. This was the last time. And he was broken, and he told him self the lie that he would never smile at her those fake smiles again.

He didn't care. He just rolled back to the stranger who was in his bed, and went at it again. Every thing had fallen a part, and if he was trapped up in ecstasy, he wouldn't feel it. He wouldn't feel the pain.

The sacrifice of hiding in a lie [Everything has to end / you'll soon find we're out of time / to watch it all unwind]

"Ginny, I think it's time we split. Everything has to end some day, and I think our time together is non-existent any more. I need to leave you. Goodbye" Draco turned to leave.

"Not so fast, smart pants. Totrificus totalus. You aren't going any where. You are staying with me. And there are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. I am going to bind you now. I bind thee, and keep thee, from sleeping with any other." She finished this up, and left.

The sacrifice is never knowing//Why I never walked away //Why I played myself this way

Draco sat in misery in his flat, becoming drunker than hell. She had made it so he couldn't even think of being laid without the sound of her screeching out of nowhere in his ears. She was turning into a nightmare. He couldn't leave his flat, and he had to have a house elf bring him his food. And even then, he had the sickest thoughts he could have.

So, he wrote in a journal.

May 15th,

I think that I messed up. Why didn't I walk away before? I am an ignoramus. Why did I let her hold over me. I don't think I can live this way. I might have to take my life soon... because if I don't, I will end up in St. Mungo's. I think such dirty thoughts... I imagine what it would be like with the house elf. Power help me.

Now I see your testing me pushes me away

"Ginny, I can't do this any more. I think you are testing me, and it just makes me hate you. I think that it might be better not to live then to live this way. Please.... take this off me." Draco held his breath.

Ginny laughed. " If you can go a day without thinking of anyone else, I'll let you go. And then maybe I'll even let you out of this relationship. Now, I have to go study for NEWTs. See you next week." And she left.

I've tried /like you//To do everything you wanted too

It took him two weeks to pull it off. But he did it. And she released him. He was free to go. No strings attached. He tried. He thought of new ways for her. He did every thing she wanted. And finally, he was free from her. And he left, and went home to his parents, who hadn't liked Ginny in the first place. And he realized something. Mummy is always right.

This is / the last time//I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you.

*Two years later*

Draco looked at his wife and kid. He had eventually married Blaise, and she let him bring others into their bed because she understood. He felt trapped, and was phobic of commitment. But he loved her, and it wasn't lust. As for Ginny, she had married Neville Longbottom, and she didn't have to worry about whether he was going to be faithful, as he was nuts about her. But Draco didn't know this. The last time he'd seen her was at her graduation. Blaise had had some relative who was graduating that same year. and that was the last time he even let himself feel guilty for having moved on. The last time he took the blame. And he didn't want to be with Ginny. Never again. and he refused to do anything for the sake of being with a woman.

Fin