An Undying Insanity

Prologue

The Way my Life Should Have Been

My life should have been more normal. I should have had parents. The only family I had left should have cared. I should have been a muggle.

I should not have almost been murdered when I was a year old. I should not have been the boy who lived. I should not have had to live in fear of assassination my entire life. I should not have fallen in love.

Not with....

God.....

I feel like I could vomit. Like I could spew forth the most vile and putrid concoction of partially digested food...oh god...I may actually be sick now.

I don't feel like I can live this life anymore.

I keep telling myself that it will be over soon.

That I'll kill him...

Or he'll kill me...

Either way it will be over for me.

Then everything gets more complicated. I'm feeling things I can't explain. About people I can't explain. Ginny loves me so much...

How can I tell her I don't feel the same...

I don't love her...

That I love...

Jesus.

Put me out my misery Lord.

God, I wouldn't ask for your help if I didn't think it was important. Save my soul. Save me. Before I'm out of control. Before anything can happen.

Wild images of Sodom and Grehmora are flying through my brain...

Or is it the Snitch??

I have to catch the Snitch...

but if I do...

I still lose.

I always lose.

And then again I have nothing left to lose.

I think I'm going insane.

I'll go to bed and dream.

Maybe they'll give me a nice warm bed at St. Mungos, and I can sleep and dream....

Not of....

Not of love...

Not of...

No. No. NO!!

I'll dream of the way my life should have been.

An Undying Insanity

Chapter One- An unexpected turning

Harry walked out of the potions classroom with a slight daze on his face, feeling worse then disoriented. Worse then upset and out of place. The throbbing in his head growing steadily more painful. He ran his fingers slightly over the damned scar and felt a white hot pain flash before his eyes. Even a shallow breath over it could have sent him to convulsions of pain. Harry stumbled blindly. He's lost Hermione and Ron in the crowd. It didn't matter. He couldn't go to class anyway. He had to lie down. The dormitory was closer than the infirmary. He would go there. He couldn't stand anymore he could barely see. He was trying desperately to regain his composure. People were staring. He hurried and at a slow run turned a corner. He stopped and heard a sob escape he's throat. He couldn't see at all now. The pain was too intense.

"Potter?" Malfoy sneered, "Cutting class? Tsk, Tsk, Tsk. I shall have to tell Professor Snape."

Harry tried to look up at him, but he couldn't see. It was absolutely pointless. He was either going to pass out or die. He prayed for death. God let it end, he prayed.

"Potter?" Draco peered down at the boy, concerned. He was sweating profusely. His eyes were unfocused, tears streaming down his face, his jaw slightly ajar.

"Potter? Are you all right?" Draco got down on knees and grabbed Harry's face trying to get Harry to focus on his eyes. He stared with all his might.

"Potter? Harry can you hear me?"

Draco was worried, he may have been Harry's worse enemy but he certainly didn't was him dead... or insane. In fact, a part of Draco secretly loved Harry very much. More then he would ever tell. He worried at Harry's state.

"Jesus. You've finally cracked haven't you Potter?"

And still Harry lay silent. Harry felt as though he's lost control of brain. 'I'm not in right now.' said his brain, 'please leave a message after the beep.' Wild, half formed images were flying through his brain. Memories... Old memories. Memories of seven murder attempts. Of friends dying. Even enemies dying. It had always hurt just as much to see an enemy die. Harry got lost in his madness.

"Harry?" Draco said tentatively, "Jesus...Harry please okay. You're really scaring me."

The sound of his name grabbed the attention of Harry's subconscious. It found his voice and spoke. Grabbing the collar of Draco's robes and pulling his face down so they were only centimeters apart. The dark green eyes shooting painful daggers in to the icy mist of grey.

"Would you kill me if I asked you to?" the voice asked in a strange rasp unbeknown to Harry until this point. But before he or Draco either one could fathom where it came from, Harry's body went slack. He was unconscious.

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" Draco was panicking, "Shit! Don't be dead! Oh God!" He bent down and listened to the faint rapid heartbeat, felt the very slightest trace of living breath on his cheek.

"How the hell can there be no one around?" Draco screamed to the empty corridor.

He didn't know what to do. He was frantic. His worst enemy's life was literally in his hands. But then again, though his enemy(and partially because of that) Harry was also Draco's greatest passion.

Draco gently laid the Raven-Haired boy on the ground and pulled out his wand. As he did, Harry's last disturbing words rang in his ears, 'Would you kill me if I asked you to?'. Draco gave a slight shudder and a sharp shake of his head.

"Mobli Corpus," he muttered.

He knew that he should rush Harry immediately to the hospital wing, but he didn't. He took Harry up the stairs to Gryfindor Tower.

"Wolfsbane," he told the Fat Lady (Draco had been having an affair with Lavender Brown, she had given him the password so he could sneak into their common room at night. And he was glad now. It had come in handy.) The Fat Lady gave him a wary look then swung forward.

It took Draco awhile to find Harry's room, and when he finally did he tucked Harry's in somewhat fondly, though still extremely worries... not to mention confused. When done, he ran for the owlery. He would send Potter's fluff ball to the mud-blood. She would at least hear him out.