Hard Nut to Crack

Remus was still sitting in the common room as Sirius trudged in.

"What's up, Padfoot?" he called.

"I have to go to detention with Flitwick. I'm supposed to clean the prefect's bathroom," Sirius said listlessly.

"Aww...that sucks!" said Remus, with an empathetic smile. Sirius nodded and departed, looking depressed. As he made his way through the corridors and stairways to the bathrooms, he thought he heard a melody. This song grew louder, the closer he got to the bathrooms. It didn't take him long to realize that there was someone singing loudly, while taking a bath in the girl's bathroom. He tiptoed over to the door and curiously spied through the keyhole. In that moment, the door opened with such a force that Sirius was smashed against the wall. He slid to the ground with a groan, holding his aching forehead, where a bruise was already forming. He was on the verge of losing consciousness as a beautiful and angelic face came into view. Shortly after that his vision blurred.

"Spying there, weren't you," A piercing voice interrupted his daze. He sat up and stared into the cross face of a pretty girl with long straight black hair and blue-gray eyes. Seeing how gorgeous she was, he attempted to puff out his chest but shrunk back in pain.

"Did you...aww...owwwuuch...um...mean to do that?" he groaned. "I mean, the doo--ouch--r?" She looked guilty.

"You deserved it," was her only response. Then, after a noticing Sirius' pain-stricken face she added, "Well, I might have overdone it a bit."

"Um...YEAH!!!" Sirius staggered to a stand. She ignored this.

"What were you doing here anyway?" she asked instead.

"Detention," answered Sirius. "For Flitwick...clean the bathroom." Without another word he opened the hall closet, got out the broom and mop and disappeared in the bathroom.

"Wait," she called. "I'm really sorry." Sirius shrugged.

"I'll help," she continued. "You know, with the cleaning."

Sirius paused and then turned, smiled at her and handed her the broom.

"So...I supposed you have a name," he said, conversably.

"Yeah," she retorted. "And let's hope you have one too."

"I'm Sirius," he said, proudly. She looked up,

"I'm Celestina but if you ever even DARE to call me that I WILL smash you against another door. You can call me Tina." Sirius didn't doubt one moment that she would do this. Nervously, he tried a smile.

"Ok, Tina"

A long silence occurred, as both were busily working in their separate corners. Finally, Sirius cleared his throat.

"I heard you singing," he said. "You were--great."

Tina blushed.

"Thanks," she muttered, clearly surprised at his sudden complement. "You see, I want to be a singer when I grow up but...that's just a secret ambition."

"No really," he said. "You have the potential."

She didn't respond but when he looked up, he saw she was smiling.

They progressed much faster, as two, and were soon finished. They packed away the broom, mop and bucket and walked up the staircase side by side.

"So, are you going to Hogmeade this weekend?" he asked innocently. Unfortunately, Tina had overheard this innocence and snapped,

"If you wanted to ask me out, I have to disappoint you...you see, I'm going with my BOYFRIEND."

"Geez, chill out, man."

"I'm a woman, FYI."

"Would you calm down? I was just being friendly!" He held his hands up, as if to protect himself. "Seriously, all I wanted was to get to know you more. I did NOT want to steal you from your boyfriend."

He glanced at her and noticed, with regret, the crestfallen expression she wore.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

"No," she said and looked away. "I shouldn't have yelled at you. I mean-- ever since...BOB came along," she said the name as if she had just swallowed a flobberworm. "He seemed perfect but he just had to betray me for some HOLLOW-HEADED slut, who just LOVES to rub it in that SHE'S his new girlfriend WHENEVER I see them together. So then, when he notices me watching them he just SMIRKS, that FILTHY STINKING OLD BAT!!!! ARrrrrgg," with an outcry of frustration, Tina threw her arms around Sirius' neck, with a force that almost knocked him over, and sobbed into his shoulder. Awkwardly, Sirius patted her back.

"I do wanna go out with yooooooooou," she wailed. Sirius nodded, too bewildered to respond. "I'm just s-scared to g-get hurt again."

"I'll...um...try not to hurt you," said Sirius uneasily. "Okay, well, see you on the weekend." They departed with an odd feeling in their stomachs.

After a quick stop at the bathroom, Sirius treaded into the common room, where he found all three of his friends sitting around the fireplace.

"Hey, mate!" Peter called cheerfully. "What took you so long?"

"Oh...just picked up a chick after detention." Was the answer.

"Who is it this time?" asked Remus, in a wearisome voice.

"Just this girl..."

James snorted, "No REALLY, Padfootsy, we seriously thought it was going to be a guy."

"Her name is Tina," murmured Sirius with a dreamy look on his face. James looked slightly jealous. How did Sirius always manage to charm girls in a matter of seconds? He would have to try some of his technique with Lily.

The next day all four of them made their way to the grounds for their first Care of Magical Creatures lesson. The teacher, a snout fellow with odd bushels of red hair growing from his skull and out of his ears and his stubbly little nose, introduced himself as Mr. Appleclarry.

"Alright everybody," he announced. "Today, we will be de-hairing Nerfs! Nerfs are small fuzzy creatures that hide in large bushels of grass. Their extraordinarily soft fur is used to make all kinds of things from warm sweaters to poofy earmuffs to wigs. Unfortunately, Nerfs don't like to be de-haired, and you will be able to tell their dislike by the screech-like hisses they create." Mr. Appleclarry handed each person a Nerf along with a large leather glove. Remus carefully examined the Nerf in front of him. It looked like a neon pink ball of fluff, with two red eyes glaring at him maliciously. As he reached out his had to touch the thing, it let out a high-pitched hiss. Startled, Remus jumped back, which caused a couple of boys to snigger.

"Awww...it's so CUTE!" one girl cooed.

"Yes, but wait until one has bit you," Mr. Appleclarry warned. "The leather glove is provided to protect you from their feisty little fangs."

The rest of the class was a drag. The Nerfs that seemed so adorable at first turned out to be vicious, blood-thirsty demons. Scratched and bitten, the Marauders walked to lunch.

"Gosh, that with the Nerds, or whatever those little devils were called, was no joke!" James groaned.

"Yeah," Peter agreed. "One of them almost bit my finger off..."

As they were walking through the crowded hallway, James noticed Lily's red-head from the corner of his eye. Deciding to give her another chance, he strolled towards her and tapped her on the shoulder. She turned and, recognizing him, gave him an icy look.

"Can I help you?" she asked in an irritated voice. James tried one of Sirius' eyebrow waggles.

"I just wanted you to know that I am sorry about what happened yesterday." He said with a cocky smile. "And I would like to make up to you over a hot cup of butterbeer at Hogsmeade this weekend."

Lily, her face expressionless, examined him from head to toe.

"Your fly is open," she replied coldly and stalked off, leaving James gaping open-mouthed.

"ReJECTED!!" Peter crooned from behind. Remus patted him on the back, understandingly. "Don't worry, it's not just you. She's a hard nut to crack!"

"Oh, yeah?" said James, zipping up his pants. "And what do you suppose I do???"

"Cool it, and don't show your feelings for her too obviously." Remus answered. "And always remember to zip before you button."

"She's nuts," muttered James, still looking crestfallen.

"You're the nut!" a voice from behind hissed. The three turned, only to see a tall girl with long blond hair walk past.

"Who was THAT?" asked James incredulously.

"Selena Lovegood," Peter piped in. James looked confounded.

"Wait a minute, that's Lily's friend!"

"I see you've researched," said Remus, not taking his eyes off the girl's long silhouette. Peter had to tug on his robes to get his attention.

"Hey, Reeeemus, we should go!" Remus waved and he and Peter disappeared into the crowd. James caught up with Sirius, who was chatting with some girls ahead. As Sirius noticed his friend he turned away from the girls and greeted him.

"Common, let's go to the common room," James signaled that he wished to leave. Sirius was about to respond when something large and furry pounced at him from the back. He yelped with pain as the thing, which turned out to be Mrs. Norris, hissed fiercely and strode off, bushy tail held high.

"Oh no you don't," Sirius' voice sounded menacing. Before James could prevent him, Sirius had pulled out his wand and pointed it at the cat. A blinding ray of light shot toward Mrs. Norris' throat. All heads turned and multiple people gasped. Mrs. Norris stood up--and mooed. The hall erupted in sniggers as the confused-looking cat ran away, honking and mooing like a dairy cow. Sirius turned to James with a perplexed expression,

"Why the bloody hell did she DO THAT?????"

"Maybe she didn't like your smell," James guessed.

"Hey," Sirius looked insulted. "I showered TWO WEEKS ago!" James looked unconvinced.

"Still, you kinda smell like...like--dog."

"WELL, I AM A DOG!!" Sirius bellowed. A couple of Slytherins, Lucius Malfoy among them smirked and made barking sounds behind them. James pretended to hold his nose in mock disgust.

"Yeah, you can certainly tell!" Sirius punched him playfully in the arm,

"Well, beats smelling like STAG!"

Laughing loudly, the boys walked to their Defense of the Dark Arts class.

Meanwhile, Lily was waiting at the large archway for her friend Selena. Her fast-ending row with James had been a success--it felt good to see is slightly hurt expression. She had meant to set him right for ages...his arrogance, his bulling and his show-off attitude were simply vulgar...

Her daydreams were interrupted by a delighted giggle. Lily peered down the hallway and groaned as she saw Narcissa Black parading towards her, arms slung around Lucius Malfoy's neck, nearly throttling him. Quickly, Lily pressed herself against the wall, to prevent an uncomfortable encounter--but it was too late. Narcissa had already spotted her and sneered,

"Well, well, look who's here, our little MUDBLOOD! So you've hooked up with Potter, I see. Well, I have to say, your taste was better...at least Baggins was good-looking!" she referred to Lily's previous boyfriend, a hapless lad, whose first name was Bilbo.

She managed a smile,
"Well, at least JAMES doesn't look like an enfeebled old hag that struts around with a tacky serpent cane!" Narcissa's smile faded.

"Lucius doesn't STRUT!" she fumed.

"Oh, yeah," Lily continued. "But it's all supposed to be about inner values now, right? Well, I have to admit, he is good at being a stuck-up, ludicrous git! But if that's what you find attractive..." Lily gave her sweetest look as Narcissa stomped off with rage. She smiled triumphantly watching her seething face disappear around a corner. Reflecting over the moment, she wondered why she had come to James' defense so sudden...they weren't even going out...

With a sigh, she returned her attention to the almost empty hallway, immediately noticing Selena's lanky figure approaching. "Hey!" she called. Lily waved as she joined her.

"By the way," remarked Selena. "I just saw your puny admirer. Kind of cute--as was his friend."

Lily looked shell-shocked. "James is not CUTE! The way he always ruffles up his hair looks like he just ran into a wall!" Lily glanced reproachfully into her friend's startled face. "Hey, it's true!" she enforced. A secretive smile crept over Selena's face.

"Okay, what are you thinking now," demanded Lily.

"Oh, come on! How obvious can it get?? Everybody else knows you like him."

For that comment, Lily chased her up three flights, four corridors all the way to the divination room.

The rest of the day was rather eventless, except for the massive amounts of homework that was piled on the students. James was glad to take a break from studying for Quidditch practice. When he came outside, most of the team members were already waiting for his arrival--including Lily. He ruffled up his hair and tried to avoid looking into her piercing eyes.

"Ok, folks, today we are going to play a game called 'Thestral'. I'm sure some of you may have heard of it--it's often played in the muggle sport basketball as a warm up. Except for muggles it's just 'horse'. This exercise is all about scoring goals, so whenever you miss a goal, one letter is added to your word. For example, if you missed two, you have T and H. When you get the whole word Thestral, you're out. Ok, everybody make three lines at the hoops." James blew the whistle. It was a very pretty whistle and he was very proud of its shininess. (sorry, I just had to put that in!)

Naturally, James devoted most of his attention to the right goal hoop where Lily was playing. Taking the advantage, many students slacked off when he wasn't looking. A boy named Semony Lippit was swerving around in midair pretending to be some fighter rocket and tossed the Quaffel in the hoop listlessly on the way. One girl twirled gaily and purposefully threw the ball in the opposite direction, only to annoy the boy behind, who then, after getting the ball, "accidentally" threw it at her head. Awakening from his daze by a high-pitched screech, James tore his eyes away from Lily to direct his attention to the ruckus behind his back.

"WHAT'S THIS?????????????" he bellowed. "SOCIALIZING ARE WE HERE! DIDN'T I MAKE IT CLEAR ENOUGH???? NO SOCIAL BEHAVIOR OR FOOLING AROUND! GET BACK TO YOUR HOOPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

A couple people grumbled but returned to their games. This time they were more behaved, which allowed James to go back to gazing at Lily. He retired to criticizing every move she did and every path she took.

"Next time score more to the left of the hoop, Evans."

"But it flew through the very center!" Lily looked exasperated.

"Yeah, but you might be accused of using magic to assist your throw." grinned James. Lily threw him an icy look and aimed the Quaffel a bit farther left. It soared safely through the goal hoop and directly towards Semony, who was just successfully recovered his group's Quaffel from some dead-looking crabapples. It slightly scraped his shoulder and made him stagger a bit. Lily gasped, but was relieved when the still shocked Semony arrived back in the air unhurt with both Quaffels. It was getting increasingly difficult for James to hold back his laughter.

"Whoa Evans!" he tried to sound stern. "Unruly conduct displayed against fellow students. I guess I should report you-- but...I'm just too nice..."

Lily was smoldering. Turning her back at him she mimicked him with mock grimness, causing several students to laugh.

On her next turn, her Quaffle was directed to the right of the hoop, but even this still didn't satisfy James.

"Gosh, Evans! You can do better than that!"

She clenched her jaw and refrained herself from aiming at his (largely inflated and unnaturally massive) head. His bickering continued to last throughout the practice, eventually driving Lily to insanity. When she finally returned to the common room afterwards, she was in a crabby and irritable mood. She was immediately questioned by a very curious Fiona.

"So how'd it go?" she tried not to sound too eager. "What did he say?"

Lily made a dismissing hand movement. "All in all, it was strikingly close to real torture."

"How??? What happened????" Fiona implored.

"Um...he only criticized EVERYTHING I did."

Fiona gasped dramatically and put her arm around her shoulders, steering her towards the empty couch next to the one where Selena and Celestina were sitting. They were in a very engaged conversation but stopped to greet them as they sat down.

"Ok," Fiona cleared her throat. "Now, you are telling us exactly what happened."

Selena looked worried. "Why, what's going on?"

Lily sighed and told them everything.

"Geez...what an idiot!" Tina groaned. "That about the fly should have set him right but I guess he's a tough nut to crack."

"Please...just stop using that expression--it's really tacky!" Lily's voice sounded detached.

"Well," said Selena. "I don't get why he is trying so hard to make her like him--I mean, she already does!" Lily snapped back to attention with a jolt.

"I do NOT!"

Selena chuckled. "Always in denial..." she shook her head.

"I think he just wanted revenge!" Fiona concluded. "You know, for the open fly. You totally embarrassed him in front of his friends and he wanted to get back at you. Besides, he was probably just teasing you because he likes you. I mean, he kissed you once already--he just totally in love with you and is showing you how he feels in different ways."

Lily sighed wearily.

"Also, he probably likes you so much because you are the only girl that ever rejected him." Fiona continued. "What face did he make when you fired the "fly" comeback?"

"He looked at me like I was a turnip," Lily said bluntly. Tina and Selena giggled.

"See?" said Fiona excitedly. "He was confused that there actually exists someone that won't fall at his feet drooling and begging for a shag!"

Lily smiled and gave her a hug. Fiona's matter-of -fact optimism always cheered her up. "Okay, enough about me," she said wholeheartedly. "What were you guys discussing when I came in?" she turned to Selena and Tina.

"She was talking about the boy she's going out with this weekend," said Selena. Tina flushed.

"Ooooo," Lily sounded excited. "Who is it? Is he cute?"

"Yeah," said Tina. "I met him at the prefects' bathrooms, and I helped him with his cleaning for detention...because--" she coughed embarrassed. "I...um...smashed him into the wall with the door." Lily broke out into laughter. "Talk about 'hard nut to crack'! Great start for a relationship!"

Tina pretended to be seriously offended. "Well, what was that with Bilbo? You guys bonded over a stupid ring he always kept in his red vest pocket! A RING!" Selena and Fiona were giggling like crazy.

"Great," Lily ranted. "Just great. Thanks a lot for the reminder. Besides, I only went out with him for a week--until Bilbo's little brother Frodo stole his ring. Then he started getting all weird and psychopathic and I decided to end the relationship. Okay, so maybe it was a looks-based crush...you have to admit--he was cute!" (Guys, just pretend that Bilbo looks like Elijah, and that Frodo looks like Marco)

Tina rolled her eyes. "Well, duh! But his creepy personality seriously blackens his good looks."

"WhatEVER!" Fiona brought the conversation to an abrupt end. "Continue talking about this...what's his name?"

"Sirius," answered Tina. "Sirius Black."

Lily gasped loudly, causing the three to look at her questioningly.

"T-that's James' friend!" she said softly.

"GOD!" Selena groaned. "Lily, get a GRIP! Who cares who his friends are! It doesn't mean that Tina can't like him if he's nice!"

"I guess," mumbled Lily and looked reproachfully into Tina's hurt face.

"Sorry," she sighed. "I'm just kind of mad at everything that has to do with James." Selena rolled her eyes. Tina just yawned, "Whatever, I'm going to bed!"

The three nodded in agreement and the girls trudged up to their dormitory.

~~~

"Geez, where IS he???" Remus asked. The three were assembled at the edge of the Whomping Willow, waiting for James to turn up, so that they could retire to the Shrieking Shack for their monthly transformations. Finally, Peter spotted him racing around the corner, panting heavily.

"What took you so long?" Sirius greeted him.

"Sorry, practice took a little longer than I anticipated." Sirius shook his head disapprovingly, "You mean, you MADE it take longer than it should have!"

Remus punched him playfully in the arm and said, "Well, that shows how loyal your friendship is!"

"Yeah," Sirius taunted. "You'd rather watch Lily Evans' red curls dancing in the breeze than hang out with us!"

James snorted, "Right...you should see your face when I pry you away from your little fan club, Padfoot."

Sirius looked embarrassed.

"Common guys, let's goooo..." Peter whined. Then, he transformed into a rat and scampered towards the root of the willow, thus freezing the tree. James and Sirius also transformed and all three made their way through the tunnel to the Shrieking Shack. Once inside, the clouds parted and the full moon cast its silvery light through the cracks of the boarded up windows. Slowly, Remus began to transform. Ears and a tail formed, fur sprouted and his figure elongated to the lanky for of a werewolf. He let out a roar and his friends answered with their animal sounds.

"So mates," Sirius grunted. "What are we up to this time?"

"How about anther prank!" Peter's high-pitched squeak echoed through the dusty room.

"We should!" grumbled Remus in agreement. "Any ideas?"

"Nope," Sirius barked. "But maybe we should consult our prangsta prongs!" His suggestion was accompanied with squeaks and grunts.

"Hmmm..."James ruffled up his...um...antlers. "I do have an idea, but we'll need one of Remus wonderful spellbooks for this one." James shared his idea with the others and all agreed. All awaited the next day with excitement.