A War of Nerves

CHAPTER 23: Three Years

Three years to the day, the reunion of what had been called Dumbledore's Pride, took place. Hogwarts was decorated with banners saying the names of those who died, the names of the people that survived, those who did great things. The school colors were brought up and hung all over the school and students were in awe of it all. They all felt fortunate to be able to even see these people.

The famous Harry Potter! His friends Hermione and Ron Weasley, and of course his wife, the beautiful Ginny. They'd get to see the striking beauty that was Morgan Black and wonder why she'd married that awful, ugly Sirius. They'd get to see the threatening Brigid Kells and her famed daggers, the ones that'd killed the Death Eaters trying to make the Juggernaut. They'd get to observe the sneaky little twins, Katie and Gwen, the ones that'd spied with the famous Weasley twins. They'd get to see Draco Malfoy, the Malfoy who had turned his back on his evil father and married the beautiful half-Veela, Gabrielle. All the people they'd heard about in stories, in tales. All the people that had dedicated their life to saving them. Maybe they'd even get the great Dumbledore to tell them the true story, for he was coming too. Half of the students remembered him, the kindly old man that, despite his oddness, was one of the most powerful wizards ever.

There were a few that had even known the great people of history. Two of them had played Quidditch with the great Harry Potter, the strong Ron Weasley, and the mysterious Lily Merrins.

Lily Merrins was perhaps one of the most wonderful and fantastic people in the stories they'd heard. Their evil potions teacher had actually fallen in love with her, and when he'd died, he'd become hard and jaded. It was hard for them to believe that she'd loved him back, who could love such a horrible, awful man? That was all part of the romance that was their history. There were rumors that Lily Merrins hadn't died at all, but was still living and had fallen in love with the Death Eater she'd battled, Lucius Malfoy. There were rumors that she'd been the one that freed him from Azkaban the night before his execution, that they lived somewhere, protected and plotting. There were other rumors that said Snape kept her locked up in his rooms, and you could hear them make love in the late hours of the night.

Whatever the stories were, whatever the myths were, tonight would be a night of magic and fancy, a night of wonder and famous people.

A hush fell over the halls as the great Harry Potter arrived with his third time pregnant and shining wife. Next to them, the smart and beautiful Hermione Weasley-Granger and the handsome and heroic Ronal Weasley walked. Behind them, came the darkly beautiful Morgan Black-Estellan and Sirius Black. The dangerous yet gorgeous Brigid Kells was behind them with a young looking Severus Snape that could only be Aden Snape, Severus's cousin. After them were the twins, their eyes still as sharp and playful as they'd been told in stories. The red-headed Weasley twins followed with the oldest Weasley boy, Bill, and their father and mother. And of course the Minister of Magic, Percy Weasley had come with his family, his teary eyed wife Penelope smiling and glowing like a pregnant woman did. Draco Malfoy followed with his young and striking wife, Gabrielle. More famous people followed. Mad-Eye Moody walked with Albus Dumbledore and Remus Lupin. An African Wizard, one of the famed Channelers of America, Esactia Badu, was talking to the tall and elegant Deputy Headmistress Sinestra and an Oriental woman named Cho Chang, a Hogwarts Prefect. More foreigners followed, some from America, one from Russia, another from Turkey, and more yet from America. It was a grand procession indeed, a grand procession of glittering good and hope. The world would never be boring with these people in it, this the students of Hogwarts knew.

"Now go on, go on," Headmistress McGonagall said hurriedly to the students. "This isn't a zoo, we don't stare like that. Come now, Prefects, lead your students to their common rooms, dinner will be served around seven and they'll be able to stare all they want then. But if they are too busy staring, they'll never get to hear the true tale, told by Harry Potter himself! Now go and get them cleaned up, hurry, hurry now."

The prefects did just that, they wouldn't miss this for the world.

"I wonder if he'll remember me," said a stalky Gryffindor.

"Stop showing off, you know he will!" said a prissy sixth year boy that could have been a young Percy.

"It was only one season," the seventh year said, "And he called me Venns all the time, like he didn't know my first name."

"He'll remember us," said another Gryffindor seventh year, "he has to, we were his Beaters."

"Orwell Venns! Henry O'Connel!" the Head Girl cried over to them, "Come on!"

The two boys shrugged and mane their way to the common rooms. They walked across the green at the end of a long line of students, but their attention was captured by a person walking towards them, a dark cloak on. They were tall and threatening looking.

"Henry," Venns said, "Who is that?"

"I don no," O'Connel said stupidly, "Probably another visitor for the feast."

"I don't like the feeling of this," Venns said. "Why are they wearing a cloak? It is summer. What if it is Malfoy?"

"It isn't," O'Connel said boredly, "Come on, I don't want to be late and loose house points."

But both stayed and the cloaked figure stopped in the middle of the green. They pointed at the two boys and said, "Come here."

"Who are you?" shouted Venns.

"Who are you?" the cloaked figure said.

Venns drew his wand and so did O'Connel. "Don't come any closer! We are very strong wizards! You are only one and we are two!"

The figure raised their hands and said, "I don't want to fight you. My name is Sharon, Sharon Callahan."

Venns and O'Connel put their wands down and Venns asked, "Why are you here?"

"I don't know. Where am I?" the woman, still cloaked, asked as she walked towards them.

Venns and O'Connel looked at each other. "What do you mean, 'Where am I?'?" Venns asked. "You're at Hogwarts, the feast is starting, are you supposed to be here or not?"

"I don't know," the woman said again. "Feast for what?"

"The feast in memory of what happened three years ago, Dumbledore's Pride," Venns answered. Was she dumb? Maybe she was a Muggle. "Are you a Muggle?"

"No," she answered. She was close to them now, and Venns got the feeling she wasn't from around here. "I'm from very far away."

"Well you must've come from really far away not to have heard about Harry Potter defeating He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named," O'Connel said stupidly.

The cloaked figure seemed surprised by this. "Did he really? And he is here? Could I see him, talk to him?"

"I - I suppose," Venns answered. "Have we met, because I think I know you from somewhere. You're voice...it is kind of familiar."

"You might," the woman said. "What is your name?"

"I'm Orwell Venns, this is Henry O'Connel," Venns said.

Her hand went to her chest and she gasped. Venns saw her shadowed jaw move up and down a couple of times before she spoke. "Venns, and O'Connel?"

He nodded. The woman pulled back her hood slowly and her dark hair pooled about her face before she swept it away.

"Do you remember me?" she asked. "Do you know who I am?"

Venns was stricken silent and he felt his eyes widening ever so slightly.

"Good Merlin," O'Connell said, "Lily Merrins. You're alive!?!"

"It is her!" Venns said in surprise. "But how - I - why didn't you - you - how?"

Lily smiled and said, "Are they in the Great Hall?"

Venns and O'Connel nodded and Lily thanked them and headed towards the Great Hall.

"It WAS her!" Venns shouted as they headed to their dormitories. Part of their myth was coming to life, a part people fantasized the most, the part people wondered about the most. She was alive, and she was going to be in the Great Hall. This should be a great story indeed.

"Three years ago," Dumbledore began. Everyone was there. They came to show their respects, to catch up, to chat, to remember, but most of all, to remember. "It all happened three years. For some of us it feels like yesterday. For others, it feels like an age. We all lost something that day, no matter how much we gained. We all lost friends, allies, mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters. The world lost that day. But the world was liberated that day. That day that will live forever in the hearts and minds of wizards around the world, as the day that we saved the world from Voldemort.

"We've had three years. Three years to morn. Three years to remember. Three years to hunt down the remaining Death Eaters. Three years to squash rebellions. We are done with these things. You have the rest of your lives to build. Some people in this room will be building longer than others. Some people will have to build themselves, before they can build the rest of the world.

"I ask you to move on - "

Severus Snape stood up abruptly and walked out of the Hall, every eye on him as he left to the dungeons.

Dumbledore sighed and continued, "I know it is a hard and evil thing to ask of you. But I want you to try, not to forget, never to forget, but to remember. Remember the people that died that day as they were. Professor Joanne Vector, Amos Diggory, Mundungus Fletcher, Abrella Figg, Zechariahs Zabini, David Ackerley, Viktoria Polinen, Lelila Nottingham, Liliokalani Moi, Red Decovenney, Austin Bowler, Akira Hino, Steven Woodsrow, and, of course, Lily Merrins, the whole reason we came together like we did.

"These people gave your life for you to live, for you to remember, not dwell.

"This is why I called you here - "

And at that exact moment, there was a creaking of the doors, and the doors banged open.

A dark, cloaked person walked in a few steps. Every head in the Great Hall swiveled toward the stranger, suddenly brightened by the sun setting behind them.

"I need to talk to Albus Dumbledore," said the stranger. "It is about a woman named Lily Merrins."

There was a great silence in the hall as all the people turned to this stranger.

"I am Albus Dumbledore, I will speak to you," said the great wizard.

The two people left the hall and went out a small door behind the head table. Immediately, people began talking and whispering. Who could this stranger be? What did she know about Lily Merrins? Was Lily living? Had she somehow been about to come back in time again?

Only one person appeared to know the answer, and they were walking out of the room next to the aging Dumbledore.

As soon as Lily was alone with Dumbledore she took off her hood and stared at him longingly, her great, sad, green eyes filling with tears. "It's me, Albus, Lily Potta'. I'm in the right time? Ya do know me, right?"

Lily watched at the blue eyes of the old wizard flashed in recognition. "Miss Lily," he said.

"Oh, Albus!" she wailed, throwing herself at Dumbledore and sobbing. "I searched fo' so long, so long. No one knew me, Albus! I couldn't find my home!"

"Sh, sh, my child," Dumbledore said soothingly. "You are home now. We will keep you safe here. Come now, sit down and tell me what happened. Clear your eyes child, there is no need for tears."

Lily sobbed again and then hiccupped. She sat in the seat Dumbledore called and blew her nose in the tissues he provided.

"What happened, my child?" Dumbledore asked again.

Lily took a few deep breaths. She had found it, finally! Her home, the place she belonged. She'd been searching so far...so long...

"The day I went back ta my time, back ta the future, somethin' happened. I don't know what, Albus! I couldn't fin' my time. I programmed it correctly, I turned it ta the right time, but it got confused o' somethin', it took me somewhere else. I didn't know, so when I saw ya I came ta ya, but ya didn't know me. No on knew me. I searched so many times. But I never found my home, my time. It's gone, Albus! I messed things up, I created too many alternate time lines. Some didn't have Vold'mort at all, some were ruled by him. There were so many, so many! But I couldn't find my own an' I didn't know why!"

Dumbledore listened in silence for a while, his hand in Lily's trying his best to sooth her. "It is because, Lily, you weren't born here, in the original timeline. In coming back to this time the first time, you created alternate universes, like you knew would happen. But time split off, splintered into multiple directions, none of them with you because you didn't get born here. Ginny had a miscarriage because of the attack on Hogwarts the night you left. No, she is alive, no one died in it, but because if it, you weren't born."

Lily's mouth moved open and closed a couple of times. "I wasn't born, so my whole timeline died?"

"Yes, that is my guess. Unfortunately, all we can do is guess. I recommend, however, that you stay here, here with people you know. You will never find the time you came from though, that I can say for certain," Dumbledore said kindly.

Lily swallowed and her eyes brimmed with tears. "He's here?"

"Yes," Dumbledore answered.

Lily bit her lip and said, "How long - how long has it been since I disappeared?"

"Three years," he replied.

Lily took several deep breaths. "I want ya ta tell the people in there this: I went in search o' the remnants o' Vold'mort's soul, an' didn't fin' any, so I returned. You can tell those who knew the truth what actually happened lata'. I have somethin' I need ta see to."

Dumbledore nodded and said, "It is nice to have you back, Miss Lily."

Lily brushed a tear from her eyes and kissed Dumbledore twice in each cheek. Then she pulled her hood over head and Dumbledore whispered after her, "I hope you can save him, Lily. I've tried, but I hope you can save him from what he's become."

He couldn't handle it. Being in there with them all. It brought back the memories, brought back the visions, the day nightmares. He had lost himself that day, those three years ago. He had lost the part of his soul he valued most, her half. She left though, left him to his grief. The only hope he'd had was gone.

It had been a miscarriage. She had been killed inside her mother's womb before he had the chance. He would love her forever. He would have watched her grow, and then come here. Maybe he would show her someday. But he wouldn't. He would never see her again.

Only his promise to Dumbledore (and the multiple charms Dumbledore put up making sure he didn't commit suicide) kept him alive. He'd promised Dumbledore that he'd find Lucius and kill him. He was so close to that, so close. Then he could end it all. There were many things he could take in his private cabinet. Things that would give him memories. As it was he had a Pensive with only memories of her in it.

How she haunted him. She haunted him at night in his dreams. He would feel her tender kisses, her smooth skin, and wake to find her gone. He would be alone and he would cry sick, cold tears until he slept. Why should he not? He only love was gone.

But the day was worse sometimes. He would hear her voice in the halls, her sweet accent would tingle all the way down his spine. It was so clear, the first time he answered her question before he realized it couldn't be her. He would see her walking around his rooms too. She would wear his black shirt and those green knickers that drove him wild. Those times weren't even the worst.

The times she'd talk to him would be.

"Sev'rus? Why don't ya talk ta me any mo', Sev'rus? What is wrong? What'd I do?"

The voices taunted him. They were always filled with that love, that little hitch when she said his name.

Then, every night, he'd spend hours in front of the Pensive before getting drunk on her words and body, and cry himself to sleep. He felt so cold, so lonely. How could she do this to him? He'd never hate her, this he knew, but how could she hurt him? He didn't even care who she was, he'd stopped caring long ago! But why couldn't he have come with her? Why couldn't she stay here? He didn't have a purpose like she'd promised, unless you counted finding Malfoy.

He was so lost in thought, he jumped when he heard the door to his classroom opening.

"Go away, Dumbledore," he spat, not wanting to talk to the coddling old wizard.

"It's not, Dumbledore," she said. He should have expected it. His visions wouldn't give him rest on this day, not the day she died. Had they no respect? Couldn't they leave him be?!

He tensed and took his glass of brandy and threw it in the fire harshly. "Leave me be! I don't want to see you today! I don't want to see you ever."

The vision gasped and said, "I unda'stand. I - I jus' wanted ta see ya once. I'll l - leave if ya want."

He wheeled on the vision and said, "You've haunted me enough! Can't you rest on the day it happened? Can't you see you've already ruined me?"

A tear ran down the vision's cheek. They'd never done that before, the visions. They were always happy, or confused. This one was crying. Some new devilry to mock me with, he thought darkly.

She wiped a tear from her face and said, "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, Sev'rus! I wanted ta stay! I wanted ta stay so badly! My world wasn't there, it was gone when I tried ta return! I searched fo' so long, thinking it was a mistake. I came here today, an' I thought I'd finally found my home. But I'll leave, if ya really want that. I'll leave an' I'll never come back."

Snape stopped dead. What was she talking about? Lost? In time? She was back? What WAS she talking about? The vision looked solid, the vision looked real, but all of them looked real.

"Wait!" he shouted sharply to the vision walking out the door.

She turned around, tears shining in her brilliant green eyes. They were so sad. And she was older. She looked older, and more tired. But still beautiful, she would always be beautiful to him. Her jaw was trembling fiercely and her arms were wrapped around her stomach. She looked sad, thinner than she had been, and definitely older.

Hesitantly, he reached out to her face. He gasped as her smooth skin met his. He pulled back quickly and touched his cheek with his hand.

"It's me, Lily," she whispered brokenly. "I wouldn't lie ta ya, Sev'rus. It's me." She reached out to him but dropped her hand, as if unwilling to touch him.

"I waited - so long. And - and the dreams and - visions - "

And at that moment he was kissing her; backing her up against a wall in a passionate and urgent need to feel all over her. He needed his soul back, he needed her. She hit the wall hard under the force of his body and felt his tears run down her cheeks as he kissed her powerfully. He kissed her so hard her lips hurt and her head spun. It was like he wanted to suck all the air out of her to purify himself with.

"Sev'rus," she managed to choke out. "Oh..."

But he captured her mouth brutally with his and ground against her with all the force he could. Penetrating her lips again he tasted every crevice of her mouth. He moved lower and kissed every inch of her neck and then pulled her tight to him, forcing his face in her luxurious dark brown hair.

"Lily," he whispered. "I've waited so long...so long."

"I know," she said to him softly. "I know. I'll neva' leave again. I was wrong, I'll neva' leave ya now."

Years later, people would look back and see the appearance of Lily as a miracle, and in some ways it was. How often do you find your soul, lose it, and find it again over the great expanse of time? Whatever the chances were, there was one thing both of them knew, for as long as they lived, there would be no shadow of another parting.