Useless

Many thanks to goneoffthelump for correcting typos and Freudian slips and for her useful comments.

Useless

~~*~~

Remus had said it was going to be fine, not to worry. Since Ron had left the cottage, he repeated the words over and over again, if only to reassure himself: "He's going to be okay, everything is going to be alright. It's not the first time he has had to go through this. He'll be fine ..."

It might not be the first time for Remus, but it was for Ron, in a way. Of course, he had known for years that Remus was a werewolf; he had seen him transform in third year, which had been pretty terrifying - finding out that Professor Lupin - Remus - was a werewolf, then the whole Pettigrew business. There was a world of difference, however, between knowing something as a fact and actually being involved. And this time around Ron was very much involved.

Ron knew what was going to happen. Remus had explained everything, maybe a bit too detailed for Ron's liking. He had actually been surprised that Remus had been so forthcoming with information. After all, he used to just be gone for the full moon while Ron looked after Teddy. Remus seemed to think he owed it to him, now that things were different between them. Whether his approach had been the best way, Ron wasn't sure. Bones breaking and lengthening, joints dislocating only to be aligned differently ... Ron shuddered at the feeling of being unable to do anything to help. He hated the idea that someone he cared about would be in pain, possibly even in danger (this idea stuck with him no matter how many times Remus assured him that transforming was not dangerous anymore, thanks to the Wolfsbane potion). He had known that Harry's endeavours were dangerous, he had been prepared to help him any way he could, by giving his own life if necessary. But there had been a purpose, there was a war going on, they had been working for a goal. Now, it was just an unfortunate and unfair situation, no one's fault, no grand scheme behind it all. And there was nothing heroic about all this. He would just uselessly be waiting for the night to be over. Nothing more, nothing less.

Ron certainly wasn't famous for being able to articulate his emotions, although the war had changed things, especially with him taking care of George in the first few months after the final battle. Tonight, he was nervous, so nervous in fact that it made him feel slightly queasy. He couldn't eat much for dinner. Which was unusual. What little he ate, didn't stay with him too long. In an effort to cheer him up, Molly started to reassure him that the transformation process really wasn't all that bad. Bones broke, yes, but they healed just as quickly. And Remus certainly must be used to the changes in his joint structure ... Not again! There was only so much one could take with an already upset stomach. Ron made a wild dash to the toilet, his stomach clenching at the mere thought of what Remus would be going through later tonight. It wasn't that he was afraid of pain, he'd had his fair share of Quidditch injuries, the war hadn't left him unscathed either, but on a regular basis ... This just wasn't fair.

'Thanks, Mum,' he thought bitterly, as he looked at his pale reflection before continuing to splash cold water on his face. He went up to his room, not feeling like company, especially company who was trying to be a help, but wasn't.

He was annoyed with himself for fretting so much. He usually wasn't such a sissy. He was worried, yes. Of course he was. But he had been worried about his loved ones before. Hell, he had been almost constantly worried about Harry for a couple of years. Yet, this was different. With Remus, he always felt the need to look out for him, even though he knew perfectly well that Remus was more than capable of looking after himself. Hell, Remus could very well be his dad, as some people liked to point out. Screw them! There was something fragile about Remus, even if he was one of the strongest persons Ron knew.

Just now, there was nothing Ron could do to help. He had to promise Remus that he would stay at the Burrow. And really, what good would it do if he was at the cottage now? He also knew that Remus was self-conscious about his wolf. As far as Ron could tell, the other Marauders had been the only ones who'd seen him transform. He wasn't sure Tonks ever had.

Needless to say, Ron didn't sleep at all; he sat on the windowsill and watched the moon - Bloody Moon! He willed time to pass faster, but as it does in those cases, it seemed to slow down. Ron tried to read some Quidditch magazines, but it was no use. He rubbed his eyes and sighed. 3:45. His Chudley Cannons clock glared mockingly at him. Ron started pacing his room, he went down to the kitchen to get a glass of water. He decided to have a shower - it would make time pass and he would not look quite as awful in the morning. Then, finally, finally, it was time to leave for the cottage. Well, it was still a little early, but Ron didn't feel like breakfast with his parents and he knew Remus would have transformed back by now.

~~*~~

Ron quietly opened the front door and was met with a stony silence. He swallowed, willing the lump in his throat to disappear. Why was everything so quiet? Why couldn't he hear Remus's snores? He panicked, ran up the stairs and yanked open the bedroom door, looking around wildly, prepared for the worst.

"Thank God, you're alright!" Ron stormed into Remus's arms, never noticing the slight wince that crossed his lover's features. "That was one bloody awful night, Remus, I tell you!" He burrowed his head into the crook of Remus's neck and murmured, "I absolutely hate feeling so useless ..."

Remus let his head rest on Ron's. "I'm sorry, love, I didn't do it on purpose." His voice sounded tired and raspy as he chuckled at his feeble joke.

"Git! You'd think you were having fun last night!" Ron couldn't quite keep his accusatory tone at bay.

Remus decided to ignore Ron's petulant mood. "I was, in fact. Had a fantastic run through the forest, went to the village to mark my territory -"

"You went pissing around the village?" Ron cut in, torn between incredulity and cracking up at the images that began to form in his head. "You're unbelievable sometimes!" He started laughing in earnest.

They had a fun time discussing Remus's antics of the previous night. Remus even told Ron a few of the better Marauders' Moon stories.

Suddenly serious, Remus turned slightly, looking Ron in the eye. "Ron ..." Ron frowned. What was wrong now? "Ron, you weren't useless last night. You were in my thoughts and I admit I haven't had such a fun Moon for ages."

"Let me stay next month." The request was out in the open, before Ron even knew he had thought it. Oh well. It was true; he wanted to stay. He didn't think Remus would agree, though.

Remus looked wary, as if he had expected this sooner or later. "We'll see. It's ... I'm not sure that's a good idea, Ron."

"Okay, don't fret. Now, do you want breakfast before we go to Andi's and pick up the cub?" He'd let it drop for now. There was still a month's time to persuade Remus.