Refuge

Refuge

~~*~~

Remus Lupin had been wandering around London for the past couple of days. First in Diagon Alley, then moving to the seedier parts of the wizarding district when proprietors in the respectable part of wizarding London became increasingly reluctant to offer even their scraps to a vagabonding werewolf, fearing repercussions by the Ministry officials who had begun to conduct surprise investigations. Competition in Knockturn Alley was fierce, and Remus, still recovering from the last moon, stood no chance. Dirty, exhausted and hungry, he now found himself huddled in an alleyway, hidden from the prying eyes that were full of pity, or disgust. The latter was easier to bear. It was the pity that Remus couldn't face, which was why he was hiding.

He didn't look up when a shadow remained cast over his figure, unlike the others that hurried past. With a bit of luck, the person would take him for a beggar and leave a couple of Knuts. He waited patiently, trying not to attract more attention than necessary in case this was someone looking for an excuse to relieve his aggressions. But the shadow didn't move. Uncertainly, Remus lifted his head and stared into Albus Dumbledore's brilliantly blue eyes.

"Good day, Remus. I thought it might be you." If Dumbledore was surprised to find Remus in such a state, he wasn't showing it. Instead he simply smiled down at him as if they'd just met during their respective run of errands.

"Hello," Remus answered miserably. This was possibly one of the most mortifying moments of his life. If there was one thing that Remus had always prided himself on, it was his ability to look after himself, no matter how difficult things were. None of the people he was close to had ever seen him like this. Remus wished he could shrink into the wall behind him.

Dumbledore seemed to sense his unease as he quickly continued, "I am just on my way to Lovely Luncheons, would you like to join me?"

"No, that's fine, Albus. I -" He broke off, not having a valid argument as his stomach chose to rumble loudly at that precise moment.

"It's my treat, Remus."

"No, I can't. I'm fine, I don't need your charity!" Remus got up and tried to push past Dumbledore, who proved to be a surprisingly uncooperative obstacle.

"Nonsense, Remus," Dumbledore said, his hands gripping Remus's too thin shoulders. "I could do with a bit of company. I also have a favour that I need to ask of you. Why not do so over lunch?" Dumbledore's eyes twinkled and Remus, familiar enough with his old headmaster's ways, knew that resistance was futile. Besides, he really was hungry. He nodded.

By the time they had finished their lunch, Remus had not only been offered a job as Defence Against the Dark Arts professor at Hogwarts, Dumbledore had also managed to convince him to help out an acquaintance. Not that Remus had needed a lot of convincing; anything to get him out of the country was highly welcomed at the moment.

~~*~~

Charlie hadn't told his parents that he was in contact with Albus Dumbledore, or that Dumbledore had recruited him for his revived Order of the Phoenix. He wasn't even sure why exactly he kept it a secret. Maybe because his mum was worried enough as it was about his job at the Reserve. He wasn't doing anything dangerous for Dumbledore, it was mainly passing on letters or letting people stay with him in Romania for a couple of days, but still, he somehow knew that his mother wouldn't approve. She would know about the Order from the last time, she would have heard stories about the dangers and the deaths.

When the owl arrived, Charlie pretended it was from his superior at the Reserve. They were having some troubles with the Norwegian Ridgebacks and needed Charlie back to help. As Charlie packed his bags, he thought about what the message had said. Not much, really, someone was coming to stay with him until the beginning of the new school year when he would return to England to teach at Hogwarts. Not much else, except that Dumbledore expressly mentioned the bloke's superb knowledge of the Dark Arts (which was to be expected if he was going to be the next DADA instructor) and could be of value for the Reserve's documentation centre.

Apparently, as an owl his boss sent later that evening informed Charlie, Dumbledore had also convinced Charlie's boss that the Reserve needed an assistant to help the wizard who currently ran the centre. Carlton had been one of their chief dragon tamers - one of the most talented, too - before his accident that had cost him both arms as well as his eyesight. Needless to say, Carlton wasn't the happiest chap on earth, and Charlie did not envy the poor bugger who'd have to put up with him.

~~*~~

When the man, Remus, finally arrived in the Reserve, Charlie almost laughed. He was thin and looked exhausted, as if he had just recovered from a serious illness. Carlton would have a walk-over with that guy! Charlie beckoned Remus inside and realised that the man was walking with a pronounced limp and his right arm was held by a sling. Maybe he was the right match for Carlton after all.

Remus proved to be a quiet and polite guest. Charlie enquired after his injuries and found out that his guest was a werewolf and his wounds a result of the last full moon. Charlie was intrigued. He had never met a werewolf in person. Fascinating!

It didn't take long for the two men to settle into a comfortable routine. Remus cooked in the evening, and he was more than decent. That was a welcome change for Charlie, who usually just warmed up some tinned stuff when he got back from work. Their evenings were spent in conversation, exchanging their Hogwarts stories or talking about magical creatures. Yes, Charlie decided, Remus really was a good bloke to have around. Not only that, but now that he'd recovered from the moon, he really was quite nice to look at, too, unlike the other guys that Dumbledore usually sent his way.

~~*~~

When Remus got back to Charlie's empty cabin - Charlie didn't usually get back until after sundown - he took his spot in the battered but very comfortable armchair in front of the cabin's fireplace, a book in his lap as he idly watched the flames. He had finished his work at the documentation centre earlier in the afternoon. There really wasn't that much to do, and Remus was glad for that. It was close to the full moon, and he was tired and found it hard to concentrate for longer periods of time.

The quiet was suddenly broken as Charlie stomped in, startling Remus out of his light doze. "Oh, you're back. I'm sorry, I must have fallen asleep." Remus got up off the chair and in the process his book slid off his lap with a loud thump.

"Woah! Careful there, Remus." Charlie laughed good-naturedly. "Don't stress. You might as well nap for a bit longer; I need a shower anyway."

He took off his shirt and left it on the coffee table. The shoes and socks followed, and Charlie was about to pull down his trousers, when Remus cleared his throat.

"Um ..." Charlie looked at him sheepishly. "Sorry, been living here alone for too long. Didn't think you were watching me. Didn't think you'd mind, really."

As Charlie made his way over to the bathroom, Remus mumbled, "I don't," loud enough for Charlie to turn around and grin.

Cheeky bugger, Remus thought. When the water started running he tried to visualise Charlie under the shower - naked ... lathering up soap and spreading it down his arms, over his chest and down - Remus shook himself out of his daydream. Remus Lupin, you dirty old man! He's only a boy!

Once finished with his shower, Charlie strode over to his bedroom clad in only his skin-tight white pants. He also didn't go straight into the room but made sure he paraded along the fireplace so that Remus got a good view of his rear before he disappeared into the bedroom.

Remus rubbed his eyes fiercely to get the image of Charlie's very delicious arse out of his mind and himself under control, which was harder than he expected. Merlin, he really is too cheeky for his own good. He has no idea what he's doing to me. Or maybe he has ... Why is he doing this to me?

~~*~~

Their days continued much the same, Charlie working with his dragons, Remus helping Carlton. During the evenings, Charlie continued to tease Remus - just because he could, Remus figured. Secretly, Remus was proud of the fact that a twenty-one-year-old found him worthy of such teasings. He was dwelling on that notion, when the door crashed open and Charlie stumbled in. As Charlie was usually stomping around the house, it took Remus a while to realise something wasn't right.

"Shit!" Remus jumped up from his seat and rushed over to the door. Charlie's left side was singed and burned. The side of his head, his neck and his torso down to his hips was one big angry burn. Charlie himself was looking around in a dazed manner, clearly in shock.

Remus grabbed Charlie's right hand and dragged him over to the bathroom. By now he knew where the potions and salves were located. He was also aware that time was crucial, especially with a burn this large. He spelled the remnants of Charlie's clothing off him and began to apply the burn salve, pressing a bottle of painkilling potion into Charlie's hand and ordering him to drink up.

The potion took effect and Charlie was already beginning to regain some of his liveliness while Remus was still working on the burn. He started recounting the story, and it didn't surprise Remus that he had, once again, been careless. Charlie did have a gift with magical animals, there was no denying it, but all too often, he forgot that they really were wild animals.

After Remus finished his ministrations, his hand lingered on Charlie's hipbone as he took the empty potions bottle out of his hand. "You're lucky, Charlie. This could have been so much worse!"

"Oh yeah, I'm lucky to have you." Charlie grinned.

Remus answered with a cautious smile. "You will need to be more careful, Charlie. Please."

~~*~~

When the day of the full moon arrived, Charlie could tell that Remus was tense. He wondered how stress affected the transformation. Charlie had chosen to stay at home with Remus. He wouldn't be Charlie Weasley if he'd pass up an opportunity like this. He had made sure he'd be able to watch the transformation through a window. Part of him felt a bit guilty at the thought that he was studying Remus like one of his dragons, but he couldn't help it and in the end his excitement won the upper hand.

He watched Remus carefully for the rest of day, noticing a number of odd little things. Remus ran his thumbs over his canines, more and more frequently as the day wore on. When Remus was having a nap on the couch, Charlie couldn't get rid of the feeling that he was actually observing him, using his sense of smell rather than his eyes. It made him feel a bit uneasy.

Before long, Remus requested that they go to the shed so that Charlie could lock him in. He stood in the doorway, making sure he went through the instructions again before Charlie left. Under no circumstances was Charlie to open the door before moonset, let alone enter the shed. He'd best cast a silencing spell, too, as Remus wouldn't be able to, but would most likely cause a bit of noise. Charlie hated the fact that Remus was so apologetic, that he thought he was a nuisance. None of the dragon tamers would mind a bit of werewolf howling; after all, dragons weren't exactly quiet animals. Charlie waved his hand impatiently and said, "Don't worry. We're used to dragons, don't think a werewolf will give us much trouble."

Remus looked at him intently. "Remember to not come in until after moonset, all right?"

Charlie breathed in relief when Remus shut the door behind him. For a moment, he had thought that Remus actually knew what he was planning. Charlie locked the door as instructed, feeling terrible about confining Remus like that, but knowing it had to be.

Charlie carefully approached the window - and saw nothing. Where was Remus? Surely he couldn't have escaped! Charlie was sure he had locked the door, or hadn't he? He saw a movement in the far corner - Remus must have hidden himself there - and shook his head. There was no reason to be so scared, he was used to dragons in heat after all.

Once the cries of pain, still all too human, and the howling started though, Charlie began to doubt his decision to make his guest - his friend - one of his study objects. He shuddered, unable to actually look; he hadn't thought the transformation was so painful.

When silence fell again, Charlie peered into the shed. A magnificent wolf was examining his surrounding, sniffing the air and the dusty floorboards. Charlie gaped. Wow, that really was something! His mind wasn't quite able to process the fact that this was actually Remus Lupin he was looking at. Before he knew it, he had left his post by the window and went over to the door.

The wolf didn't look dangerous at all, couldn't possibly be as dangerous as the dragons, and Charlie had a talent with animals. Charlie unlocked and carefully opened the door, hesitating on the threshold. The wolf stopped in his tracks and turned around slowly, growling quietly. Charlie took a small step forward and whispered soothingly, "Well, aren't you the most beautiful creature I've ever laid eyes on. You really are -"

The wolf snarled, his fur standing on end. Charlie stepped back in alarm. The wolf leapt. Charlie saw his large, ravenous mouth with the chops drawn up and teeth bared as he jumped toward him - dangerously close, before reason kicked in and he shut the door. Just in time by the resounding crash from the other side. While Charlie's shaking hands fumbled with the locks, the wolf angrily tried to find a way out.

As soon as the door was once again locked, Charlie ran over to the cabin where he collapsed on the sofa. Bloody hell, he thought, running a shaking hand through his sweat-soaked hair. That really had been close, too close.

~~*~~

Charlie was unusually quiet the next day. Remus had waited for him - Charlie had promised to bring him a blanket and something to drink. When Charlie finally arrived, he quickly dropped the blanket and a cup of tea right next to the door and left again without a word. Remus frowned.

He had noticed the window when he'd woken up. Charlie's less than friendly behaviour let him to believe that the boy had seen him as a wolf, or even seen him transform. Remus sighed. He'd hate it if his lycanthropy would now be a problem for Charlie, who had always been very open and nonchalant about it before. He would have to talk to him about it.

Remus went back to the cabin, cleaned up his wounds - nothing too bad this month, just a cut on his neck - showered and got dressed in his pyjamas. Charlie was sitting at the dining table and staring at his hands when Remus approached. He winced when Remus cleared his throat.

"Um, I'm going to sleep for a bit. I would like to talk to you afterwards." When Charlie didn't say anything, Remus added, "Please?" Charlie nodded.

A few hours later, when Remus emerged from his bedroom, Charlie was still sitting at the table. Or again. Remus couldn't imagine Charlie sitting still for that long. He also couldn't imagine that seeing a werewolf would have quite such an effect on him. But if he had witnessed the transformation ... Remus knew that people tended to keep man and wolf apart. The transformation irrevocably made them one, and Remus could understand that Charlie was having trouble coming to terms with this new aspect of his guest.

"You watched me last night, didn't you?" Remus's tone held no threat, nor was it chiding, even though he had asked Charlie not to come near him during the moon.

Charlie nodded, then looked at Remus for the first time that day. "I'm sorry, Remus, I know I said I wouldn't ... but I just couldn't help myself. I wish I hadn't. I know it's not your fault, but fuck, it was close!"

"I don't blame you for wanting to see Moony. It's okay. As long as you keep him at a safe distance - Wait, what do you mean, it was close?"

"I - I know I shouldn't have, but you didn't look dangerous at all."

"What did you do, Charlie? What did I do?"

"I opened the door ..." Charlie mumbled.

"What? Are you hurt? Were you bitten? Did I hurt you?" Remus's panic was evident as he hoisted Charlie up by the arm and began looking for scratches or bite marks.

"I'm not hurt," Charlie said. When Remus didn't stop his frantic examination, he repeated loudly, "I'm not hurt!" He pulled his arm out of Remus's hands. "I was stupid and ... you scared the hell out of me."

"Oh god, I'm so sorry, Charlie. Really I am. I have no control during those nights. I didn't mean to attack you." Remus felt tears choking him. He needed to leave.

They settled back into their amicable, if now a bit awkward, ways over the next few days. It seemed that once Charlie had got past his initial shock, he was mainly dealing with his guilt at having disobeyed Remus's requests. A guilt, which, judging from his renewed ease around Remus, was nothing compared to what Remus felt. Not having control over yourself was one thing, not even remembering yet another. Remus hadn't thought about all this in quite a while, having settled into a monthly routine, however unpleasant for him personally. A routine which did not include other people and therefore meant that he wasn't a threat to anyone. Now, though, he was a threat. He had very nearly bitten someone. He knew Charlie shouldn't have opened the door, but maybe he, Remus, should have made clearer that working with dragons was quite different from wanting to pet a werewolf.

"Remus?" Remus snapped out of his musings, startled by the quiet request from the doorway. "Are you awake?"

"Yes, I am. What is it, Charlie?"

"I can't sleep." Remus almost smiled at how young this made Charlie sound, so conflictive with the tall, well-built young man who was now approaching his bed.

"I can't sleep either."

Charlie hovered uncertainly at the edge of the bed until Remus patted the duvet in invitation. Charlie sat and then pushed himself back toward the headboard where Remus was sitting.

"I think that whole thing really was one of the more stupid things I've done, don't you?" Charlie joked. Remus made a non-committal noise, starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. For one, he didn't really want to talk about what Charlie's so-called stupid thing meant for him, how it affected him. Secondly, he didn't want to think about how Charlie's proximity was starting to affect him.

"Charlie ..." Remus turned his head to look at Charlie, wanted to ask him nicely to leave, do the mature thing, the right thing. Only, Charlie's face was all together too close. Before Remus knew it, Charlie had leant forward and kissed him. More a brushing of lips, awkward as their noses bumped against each other, but oh so wonderful ...

Remus jerked back. "We really shouldn't be doing that!"

"Why not? I've been wanting to ever since your third day here."

"My third - Charlie, don't be ridiculous! I'm much too old for you, not to mention too dangerous." Remus wanted nothing more than to reach out and pull Charlie close, how long had it been since the last time he'd been so close to someone? Instead, he crossed his arms over his chest and looked sternly at Charlie.

Charlie simply leant over again, this time for a proper kiss with no nose bumping and very little resistance on Remus's part once Charlie had managed to coax his lips open. Worrying - about the implication, about the future, about life - would have to wait.

~~*~~

"Do you have to go?" Charlie buried his face into the folds on Remus's robes, more like scared child than the tough dragon tamer that he was.

"You know I do. The job. I can't get another job in England at the moment. You heard about the new legislation." Remus stroked the back of Charlie's head a bit clumsily, surprised by the display of affection that was so unlike Charlie.

"I don't want you to go."

"Charlie..." Remus took a steadying breath. "I owe you a great deal for taking me in this summer. I wish I could stay for a while longer, but you know this isn't forever. You know as well as I do." He took hold of Charlie's shoulder and pushed him off his chest and held him at arm's length.

"No, Remus, don't think that you can just push me away." He smiled, but Remus could tell he was serious. "I know you have to go. I just wish you didn't. You'll be a great teacher." He hugged Remus fiercely and whispered a quiet promise into his ear, "I'll see again next year. Dumbledore will fill you in, but let me tell you, it'll be brilliant. And not just because we meet again."

Remus looked at him in confusion.

"I can't tell you more, sorry. Promise you'll write."

"I will."

Still embracing, the two men looked into each other's eyes, and then spoke at the same time:

"I'll miss you."

They smiled at each other.

"Take care of yourself, Remus." Charlie trailed his fingers along the still red scar on Remus's neck.

"You too," Remus answered, lightly caressing Charlie's burned arm. He let go of him and stepped towards the Portkey that would take him London and to a new life that would hopefully be better than what he left behind. Even if it wasn't, Remus felt that he might now have enough strength to face whatever was to come.