The Parents Who Died

The Parents Who Died: Part XI of Tale #1Spaces

You cannot quit me so quickly Is no hope in you for me? No corner you could squeeze me But I got all the time for you, love The Space Between The tears we cry Is the laughter keeps us coming back for more The Space Between The wicked lies we tell And hope to keep us safe from the pain But will I hold you again? These fickle, fuddled words confuse me Like 'Will it rain today?' Waste the hours with talking, talking These twisted games we play We're strange allies With warring hearts What wild-eyed beast you be The Space Between The wicked lies we tell And hope to keep us safe from the pain Will I hold you again? Will I hold...? 
--the Dave Matthews Band, The Space Between 
The next day was one of the strangest Lily could recall ever having at Hogwarts, which was saying something. It was the Monday classes started again. She went down the breakfast with Padmavati and Kaye on either side of her, the three of them having both renewed (Lily and Padma, and Padma and Kaye) and started anew (Lily and Kaye) their friendships. Both Padmavati and Kaye felt guilty for almost causing a nervous breakdown in Lily, and were ready to mug anyone who chose to tease her under false pretenses. Frank, Lily noticed, seemed to be avoiding her, and though she wondered why, she had other things to worry over.

Lily saw James was in the same situation as she was, with a friend by his side, at breakfast. He sat with his little group at the opposite side of the table, and Lily thought, immediately, that he was trying to avoid her. She knew it wasn't because of the rumors, which most of the school probably thought, but because of what had happened in Dumbledore's office. It was hard to comprehend that such a mild atmosphere as in Dumbledore's presence could blow James's hidden feeling out near the surface, but it had happened, and Lily knew it. Now all she was to James was a reminder of why he couldn't express his deeply hidden angst.

She inwardly kicked herself for feeling awful about that. What did she care? It wasn't like James really meant anything to her.

Such thoughts as these were what caused her to actually kick herself. No more lying, Evans, she scolded herself. Face the facts. You care about him.

All of which caused Lily to feel almost more muddled and lost than she was the night before.

Classes breezed by. She wrote notes mindlessly in Charms, dozed off in Divinations, and stared at the blackboard during History of Magic. Professor Binns had the lullaby voice that one found they always had to fight, so, although Kaye had her face hidden in her arms next to her, obviously dozing, and although Padmavati had her head turned to the window so she could shut her eyes and take a quick nap, Lily stayed away and tried, unsuccessfully, to actually hear what Professor Binns was saying.

"...and I should remind you all," he said, heightening his volume so his snoozing students might hear, "that you should be working on your school projects diligently right now. Yes, it's due at the end of the year, and no, that is not much time."

Lily snuck a look over to where James sat next to Peter Pettigrew (who was pulling a Padmavati), to find him surreptitiously staring at her, an almost thoughtful look on his face. Something seemed to sizzle when their eyes met, and they both quickly looked away.

"So," Binns went on, "I'd advise you all to get working." He paused, his eyes registering a stream of spittle running out of the corner of Padmavati's mouth as her head flopped down onto the crook of her arm, his ears noting the soft snoring emitting from Peter Pettigrew. "Class dismissed," he said resignedly.

Lily, James, and Lydia Figg were the only three people who actually moved and started getting their things together at this, as everyone else was sleeping.

"Hey. Padma," Lily said, nudging her with an elbow as she slipped her history book into her sack. "Up, Kaye."

They both looked up drearily. "Is it time to go pick tomatoes already, Mummy?" Padmavati asked drowsily.

Kaye, sharper when woken, rolled her eyes at Padma. "Yes, Balverj. Let's go pick tomatoes in beginning of January!"

Padmavati was oblivious. Not surprising, that, though, eh?

Groggy Gryffindor students streamed out of the History of Magic class early, most wondering what was going on and just following the clumps of people to the common room.

"I have a crick in my neck," Kaye complained, rolling her head over her shoulders. "Aah."

"Not surprising," Lily remarked, shifting her shoulder strap.

"And my nose. Ow!" Kaye touched it gingerly, and Lily noticed it was pink.

She smiled slightly. "That was a slightly hard-on-the-nose position you were in, Song." 

"Hrrmph." 

Padmavati, running her hands through her hair in an attempt to tame it, giggled. "It's Rudolph!" 

"Look! It's Mr. Coffee's wife!" Kaye snarled. 

Blink. Pause. "Huh...?" Padmavati asked stupidly. 

"Automatic drip?" said Kaye, raising an eyebrow. 

"You drooled, Padma," Lily explained. 

"Oh." She wiped at her chin. "Is it gone?" 

"The drool? Yes. The nickname? No." 

The continued on in silence then, Padmavati disgruntle, Kaye smug, and Lily contemplative. Most of the other sixth year Gryffindors were quiet, all hushed with sleepiness, so the corridor was oddly quiet for a class to have just ended, quiet but for the sound of clunking feet, swishing robes, rubbing nylons and cotton, and soft voices. 

A weight suddenly fell on Lily's shoulder. "Evans," a soft voice said near her ear. "Hold on a second." 

She turned her head although she recognized the voice, and she inwardly throttled her heart for twisting. Kaye glanced up, her face masking an annoyed type of curiosity, as James took stride to walk by Lily. 

"What?" Lily asked, shifting around so her hair blocked her face from Padma's gossip hungry eyes. 

"We - " he hesitated, taking a deep breath. "We need to work on the motives." The last word was spat, as if it had a nasty taste to it. 

"I know." 

"Are you free at four-thirty?" 

She nodded. 

"I'll meet you in the library." 


* * * * *


The table was quiet except for the sound of scratching quills and turning pages. No voices dared breech the silent code of conduct, and the lack of speaking rang so loudly in Lily's ears it was driving her crazy. 

"We need to talk," she said suddenly. 

James glanced up from the parchment he was scribbling on. "About...?" 

Lily replied partially sans thinking. "Us." 

He blinked once, twice, slowly, as if scooping out the possibility of this being an optical and audible illusion. "What about us?" he finally asked. 

She nervously wet her lips. There was no way out now. Was she ready for this? She had to be. "Everything. Starting with the exact definition of 'us.'" 

James carefully set down his quill. "All right. I'm listening. Talk away." 

Tapping her fingers worriedly against the table, Lily hesitated, gathering her wits. "I hated you," she began. "You stole my average without even trying. All you ever did was pull pranks and snog with Kaye." 

He let out a hoarse laugh. "Gee, this is nice." 

"But - but then I was assigned this project with you, and, although, at first, you still acted the same, I found out that there's more to you than a lazy pervert..." She took a deep breath. "And, sadly...well, I liked it." 

His eyes were on her, doing their sluggish blinking again. 

She pushed an errant strand of hair behind her ear, uneasy with such an intent gaze on her. "James, I feel awful for you about the whole Magid thing. I know you don't want to do this project, but we have to. I'm not really into the whole alternative-stopping-Voldemort-by-loving-him-mumbo-jumbo either. After all, he did kill my parents. But we have to do it. For the grade." She paused. "And then, once we have the grade...we'll damn Voldemort thrice to hell." 

James was silent for a moment, his eyes cemented on her face. Blink. Blink. Blink... 

But then, abruptly, his solemn expression brightened, and he was laughing crazily, wildly, freely. 

Quite annoyed he was laughing over a speech that had taken Lily, like, forever to muster the strength to give, she opened her mouth to snap at him. "And, just for your ability to find humor in a perfectly serious situation, I'll damn you thrice to hell as well-" 

He was shaking his head, still laughing, and got to his feet. "No, no, Lily, it's not that..." To her surprise, he walked over and knelt beside he chair, placing his left hand on the back of her chair and his right on her thigh. His eyes sparkled. "Lily Evans, will you marry me?" he asked cheerfully. 

Her mouth dropped open, this time in shock. "Excuse me?" 

"I think I've fallen desperately in love with you," James explained casually. Then, grinning at her horrified look, he explained. "Only you would advocate damning Voldemort thrice to hell after that little speech. Only you could squeeze that in so effortlessly." He reached up and took her face in his hands. "Kaye-shamye. Dumbledore-mumbledore. It's you who has what I want." 

He gently pulled her head down to his level and pressed his lips softly to hers. Lily felt her own mouth tremble under his as he angled his head to get more of her in the kiss. She felt the tip of his tongue on her lower lip, felt one of his hands entangled in the front of her robes, and something rather electrical shot through them both and the gentle kiss turned frantic. 

"This is crazy," Lily mumbled between his mouth and fresh air. "I just wanted to talk." 

"We can still talk," James replied although her front teeth were somehow blocking his mouth. "Talk...talk...talk...ooh, look, my hand is talking to your button...talk..." 

"So I guess my...pep talk...worked?" Lily asked, snatching his hand from inside her blouse. "No-no zone, Potter," she warned with a devilish grin he moved to remove from her lips. 

"Not as well as your kiss," James answered, occupying his hands with her hair instead. 


* * * * *


"In conclusion," James said, wiping the screen clean with a tap of his wand, "we have decided, in scientifically logical terms, that in order to counteract Voldemort, you have to be greater than Voldemort." 

"Greatness comes in higher numbers," Lily took over, indicating to the hoards of students in the Great Hall, all of whom winced when Lily and James called You-Know-Who by his name, "but it also comes in a greater concentration of loyalty, bravery, and love in those numbers. In order for Voldemort to be defeated, we must gather together all these ingredients, throw them all into the melting pot that is the magical world, and force it down his throat." 

"Metaphorically, of course," interjected James, shooting a sly look at his partner. 

"Literally, if possible, actually," Lily responded seriously, acknowledging James's slyness with a somber expression. "We were asked to discuss motives. We brought up the motives. Everyone is who he or she is for a reason. We did. We must remember Voldemort is human. He is neither immortal nor invicible. Remembering this, we have to gather together the counters of his hate - loyalty, bravery, and love - before we can ever face him equally." 

There was an awkward pause as the student body shifted nervously and as Lily and James stood on the raised platform, finished. 

James cleared his throat. "The end," he said, grinning. 

Tension was broken slightly, and there was sporadic applause. 

Lily hastily stepped off the stage as James bowed. She felt wired, nervous, and yet free at the same time. No more considering Voldemort a person! Thank God. 

She brushed her sweat-dampened hair off her forehead with a shaky hand. Now that she'd conquered the feat of presenting her project, she had to prepare for the next feat of living through summer break. This was the last day of school, and they'd be loading on the Hogwarts Express in a few hours. And Lily would be headed to Petunia and her new husband Vernon Dursley's house. Oh, how much she wished her parents were still alive when she thought of that. If Petunia was bad in their parents' house, how awful would she be in her own house? 

Lily felt sick to her stomach whenever she thought of it. 

A hand plopped down on her shoulder, stopping her progress out of the Great Hall (Lily and James were the last presentation, so the Hall was emptying of its summer-antsy students). "I must say," a warm voice said above her, "I could not have done better myself." 

She swiveled her head around to find Professor Dumbledore beaming down at her. "Um. Thank you, professor," she said inelegantly. 

"I hope that the school heard you two, and I hope you two heard yourselves," he continued, eyes twinkling. 

"Yes, sir." 

"Good luck this summer, Lily," Dumbledore told her, giving her a slight nudge to get her moving again. 


* * * * *


Lily shared a compartment with Frank and Padmavati, as always. Except this time Kaye joined them halfway through the journey, and with her newly acquired pleasantness, played a few games of Exploding Snap with them. Once this had grown incredibly boring, they settled back and talked. 

"Lily, my mum says you can come over to our house for two weeks this summer," said Frank, fidgeting with his travel chess set. He seemed to have noticed how, as he, Kaye, and Padmavati chattered cheerfully, Lily had been staring morosely out the window. "Save you from Pet-oon-yah." 

"That'd be really nice, Frankie," Lily replied gratefully. "Owl me when. I know I'll want to come as soon as I sit down in their car." 

"I really appreciate the offers, guys. I don't want to be a nuisance to your families, though." 

"A nuisance?" Frank laughed. "Never a nuisance, Lily. You know Mum loves you to death." 

Lily arched an eyebrow. "I do?" 

"Now you do." 

She grinned. "Well, tell your mum I love her to death, too, so I might just have to force that offer into three weeks." 

"She doesn't love you that much," Frank warned, and they all laughed, Lily included, and for a moment she forgot just where she was headed. 

When the train pulled into the station, and there was a frantic rush to get off, Lily was swept along in the fervor, slightly lifeless. Padmavati actually had to tug her along by the arm. "It's not that bad, Lily! Cheer up, you'll be at my house in three weeks!" 

Frank agreed. "And my house too!" But then he spotted his mom, said "goodbye," and he forgot all about Lily. 

A few moments later, Padmavati saw her family, and she too was gone, leaving Lily all by herself, searching for any sign of her sister. Five minutes passed. Then ten, and still no sign of Petunia. Lily was beginning to worry as the students began thinning out. 

"There's a really ugly looking woman giving you a sour look, Evans," a voice said at her ear. "Could she be your chauffeur?" 

Lily spared a glance to the side, saw that it was James Potter who'd spoken, and then looked in the direction he was pointing. Petunia stood on the curb, glaring at her, not daring to get any farther into the clusters of wizards and witches. "No. That's my sister." 

"Impossible," James said with gusto. "How can one be so...horse-faced and the other be so...um..." His eyes searched her face as if the adjective would be there. "Yummy?" 

She rolled her eyes. "Since when am I food?" 

"Since always. May I have a taste?" 

"You never change, Potter," Lily snipped, but her voice lacked the sharpness it had used when she'd first met him. She bent to pick up her bag, and grabbed the handle of her cart. She then looked at James, who still stood there. She wasn't sure what to do. "Well. Um. Bye?" 

James seemed to have an idea, though. He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her up against him, planting a huge, wet kiss on her mouth. 

"Ew," said Lily, making a face. She pulled away and wiped at her lips. "Stop slobbering." 

He winked at her. "What can you expect from a beast like me?" 

Another roll of her eyes. 

"Anyway, Evans, before you skip on off to join your stallion of a sister, and before I'm off with my parents... We forgot to damn Voldemort thrice to hell! I was quite disappointed." 

"Okay," Lily said agreeably. "You're right." She paused. "Voldemort, I damn thee thrice to hell." She shot a sideways look at him. "Happy?" 

"Fairly." 

"Lily," Petunia snapped from her spot on the curb in annoyance. 

"Ooh, the stallion's getting fidgety," said James, smiling. Surprising Lily with such tenderness, he bent and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek. "Good luck, Lily. Maybe I'll fly on over sometime and surprise you." 

And he was gone, leaving Lily touching her cheek, wondering yet again what she had gotten herself into by admitting she felt anything for James Potter. She shrugged it off. No need to worry over him. She had something else to face now, so she turn, pushing her cart, and faced the snarling, newlywed "stallion." 

Look at us spinning out in The madness of a roller coaster You know you went off like a devil In a church in the middle of a crowded room All we can do, my love Is hope we don't take this ship down The Space Between Where you're smiling high Is where you'll find me if I get tickled The Space Between The bullets in our firefight Is where I'll be hiding, waiting for you The rain that falls Splash in your heart Ran like sadness down the window into... The Space Between Our wicked lies Is where we hope to keep safe from pain Take my hand 'Cause we're walking out of here Oh, right out of here Love is all we need here The Space Between What's wrong and right Is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you The Space Between Your heart and mine Is the space we'll fill with time The Space Between... --the Dave Matthews Band, The Space Between