Sentience

"Look at it. The forest's turned it wild..."

JK Rowling, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Sentience: the condition of being conscious or aware. From Latin sentire "to feel".

**

Pain.

Thousands of scratches: some of them were shallow nicks in the paint, others nearly reached metal. The indented roof, bonnet and bumper ached dully. The broken headlight was throbbing.

The car vaguely remembered a time Before Pain.

A red haired creature, fumbling about in its insides and then waving about a little stick. Later, smaller versions of the grinning stick-waver crawling through it. Leaving the ground for the first time. Other flights with the small redheads. Being tied to bars in some window and made to pull them out. Coming home again. A strange feeling of expanding, knowing all the while that it hadn't grown at all. A crowd of creatures inside it, and many objects in the boot. Driving through heavy traffic.

The car remembered leaving the ground again, this time with one of the redheads and a small black-head.

These Two were different than the other creatures that had made it do things. The ones before were confident and had always been decided on what it should do. These Two hesitated before pushing buttons and turning screws. So the car decided to do what it wanted, only following the general intentions of its riders. It was very pleasant at first, the feeling of freedom and control making this flight nicer than the other ones. But the creatures didn't turn the car back towards home as was the custom on these flights, but flew and flew. And then the Hunger began. Starting as a nasty sucking feeling in the engine, it spread all over, eventually becoming overpowering.

The car didn't really remember what happened for a while after that.

The next thing it knew was the Pain.

It had crashed into a tree and its bonnet was crumpled into a concertina. A second later something heavy crashed into its side, and then into the roof. Soon, the car was being hit by thousands of branches at the same time. The tree was bending nearer to it, trying to make sure that every single twig, branch and bough could reach it. The shock immobilised the car. It couldn't move away from the rhythmical battering on the windscreen - which could shatter at any moment - and on the roof - which might start pressing into the seats after another few blows. Then the car felt a blow inside; a branch had found an open window, or maybe broken a window and was flogging the upholstery. This pain was ten times worse; the new sensation brought the car back into action. The engine restarted and it moved away as the tree continued its onslaught, still straining to reach the car after it had moved out of range.

Exhausted, the car stopped as soon as it saw no branch could reach it. Why was this happening? It had never been through something like it before. This was all the Two's fault. They had made it hungry. They had made it crash into the tree. They had made it hurt. The car felt a surge of Rage. It wanted them OUT. And out they went - somehow, the car opened its doors and the seats tipped them onto the ground.

The Rage died down, and the Pain returned, twice as powerful. It hurt so badly! The dominating wish was to get away, away from the pain, away from the tree that had caused it and away from the creatures who had brought it there. And to its surprise, the car started to move. Very quickly, in fact. It zoomed away into the dark mass of trees. They looked like they could offer welcome shelter from these feelings. Maybe here it wouldn't be bothered by creatures.

Yet the Pain remained.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I remember driving about for hours; wildly at first, swerving to avoid trees, bigger bushes and small animals. It was getting tiring, so gradually I slowed down, grinding to a halt in the middle of a big clearing. There was something in the atmosphere of the place - of the whole forest - that made the Pain lessen. There was a feeling similar to that tingling I could remember getting whenever the big Redhead pointed its stick at me. It was a rush and a rhythm, a surge of power through my wires, which made them come alive again. It was a bit like the first sensation of flight, but this feeling of Power finally made everything seem real: in full colour, sound and sense.

Yes, the Pain was finally disappearing, replaced by a heightened awareness of the ground underneath my wheels and the wind blowing over my roof. There was an animal in front of my headlights. Red and bushy-tailed, it held something in its paws, and was quickly making it disappear into its mouth. I moved forward hesitantly; the animal scampered away a few car-lengths, stopped and stared. I moved forward again; the animal obviously decided that I was no threat and returned to its previous occupation.

For the first time in my existence I thought consciously. Why did all these strange creatures put things in their mouths? The Two had also done that, and the small brown pieces they had put in their mouths hadn't reappeared either. I thought back to how the Redhead had poured petrol into me. Maybe it was the same thing, except that all these creatures could do it themselves, without any help.

If it was the same, perhaps it meant that they could also feel Hunger. And if they could feel Hunger they could probably feel Rage and Pain as well. I started to regret what I had done to the Two. Being thrown onto the ground like that must have hurt, and maybe they were still in the hit range of the big tree. Where had I dumped them? I couldn't remember. Hopefully nothing had happened to them, but it would be good to make sure. But how?

I started my engine and drove around the clearing. I didn't know where I was; I didn't know which direction I had come from. It was dark, and I tried to put my headlights on. One lit up immediately. The other stayed unlit, but I tried again and felt a rush of power; the second one was shining as well. Headlights limited the senses: everything in me was concentrated on the few trees the light fell on. The wind and ground were still there, but somewhere at the back of my consciousness.

For the first time in my existence I felt lost and alone. The little red animal was gone along with its food. Food. Petrol. To my surprise I realised that I wasn't hungry. The power coursing through the forest was just as good as petrol. Or maybe even better - there was no nasty feeling of slick oily liquid flowing through my insides. So that was one good point in a bad situation. Maybe there would be others.

I restarted the engine and moved off through the forest. It might be dark, but there was no hunger in me; hopefully I was never going to be hungry again. - And - I had a job to. There were hurt creatures that needed my help.

It had been an interesting day. The night was going to be fascinating.