Gazing

~~~

It took Remus less than a minute to clear his head after James and Sirius left the infirmary. He didn't know how things could have ended in such a misunderstanding, but he knew one thing: he had to stop Sirius. He didn't know what he was going to say or how he was going to explain his wounds if he had to admit only one bruise was Lucius Malfoy's handiwork.

But he had to stop Sirius.

Remus pulled the blankets aside and stared wide-eyed at the huge bandage on his leg.

'What the hell did I try to do?' he wondered. 'Maul my leg off?'

Remus shook his head and stepped off the bed. His legs trembled instantly, but he ignored it. He couldn't let Sirius get into a scuffle with the Slytherins over a stupid bruise. Remus pulled his robes over his head quickly in order to hide the bandages. He released his hold on the bed and gave five solid steps toward the exit before his legs gave way and he fell to the floor. He swore loudly and forced himself to his feet once more. His legs were practically screaming, but Remus ignored them, ignored the pain and just ran.

~~~

"Sorry!" James apologized to the third person he had bumped into as he ran after Sirius in the crowded halls.

He couldn't see Sirius anymore, but he knew exactly where the other boy was heading: the Great Hall. Breakfast was over by now and everyone knew that the Slytherins liked to linger in the empty hall. After three years James believed he could predict Sirius's every move. He'd been wrong. What had happened to Remus was unmerited; Remus would never attack anybody, so he didn't deserve to be beaten. James was angry too, but in his eyes, Sirius's reaction was a little over the edge.

He arrived at the Great Hall, he was too late.

~~~

Sirius's blood felt on fire. He couldn't remember what he had said to Lucius Malfoy to get his attention, but it must had been something rather nasty by the look on the blond boy's face. Soon there was a roar of laughter and Sirius felt like he was surrounded by Slytherins.

"Aww, how sickeningly sweet, the traitor has come to defend his little pet," Lucius Malfoy drawled in a thick tongue. He didn't bother to stand up even as Sirius Black was glaring at him.

"You--"

"Sirius!"

The whole Slytherin table seemed to turn at the new voice. James stood there, his face red from running.

There was a long silence.

"Oi, Black, now you're letting your mates fight your battles for you?" someone in the back yelled, and the Slytherins snickered.

Sirius ignored everything and everyone except Lucius Malfoy. "Why the hell did you hit Remus?"

Malfoy grinned. "Payback. He was an easy target, a shrimp, pathetic. He's a nobody, deserved what he got if you ask me."

The Slytherin table roared with laughter for the second time. Sirius's eyes were impossibly wide, and his hand was a fist because he was going to erase that smug look on Lucius Malfoy's face out of existence. He swung his arm backwards for force and there it stayed, because not one, or two, but three hands grabbed his arm. James was holding both his upper and lower arm while Remus covered his fist with a bandaged hand.

James was talking, something about stupid gits and not being worth it. Remus didn't say anything; he just looked at Sirius, his eyes doing the talking for him: Don't do anything stupid.

Sirius lowered his arm, and both his friends relinquished their grips. They ignored the Slytherins calls as they walked away and left the Great Hall without another word.

Sirius walked ahead with James slightly behind him and Remus bringing up the rear. Neither noticed Remus's limping, but that was fine with him; he could sneak back to the infirmary later and tolerate Madam Pomfrey's scolding. There had been no fight, no punches thrown, no wands raised, no one had done anything for which to be expelled.

The silent war between the Gryffindors and Slytherins had begun.

Remus was just grateful that his secret was still safe.

~~~

The weeks following the Malfoy incident were quiet ones, and there was little action apart from a couple of dungbombs that mysteriously exploded on the Slytherin table during dinner and James and Sirius once returning from the Quidditch field covered in green polka dots. Nothing happened to Remus, probably because Sirius never left his side outside of Gryffindor tower. The only eventful things were learning about vampires in Defense Against the Dark Arts class and Remus's visiting his sick mother for three days in early November. So it was quite a surprise for Remus when James approached him after Transfiguration and asked him if they could have a word in private. It was only after the room had emptied that James spoke.

"Remember that chat we had in September? When Sirius invited you to sit with us?"

Remus tilted his head to the side slightly, his eyes confused. He had no clue what James was talking about.

"The night you got detention for sneaking to the Great Hall with Sirius after curfew," James added.

Remus mouth formed a small 'o'. That chat. When James appeared to be anything but nice. The threat.

"Listen, you, I don't know why Sirius has gotten this recent 'thing' for you, but-"

"'Thing'?"

"He is my friend, understand? I'm not going to let some bookworm destroy our friendship! So you better watch it!"

Remus had completely forgotten about it.

"I want to take back what I said." James finished quickly.

"Eh?" Remus blinked at him, then, "Oh, all right then-"

"Right," James nodded, pushing his glasses back up into place and just staring at Remus. Remus had the impression James was waiting for him to say something else.

"Okay?" he offered

James laughed.

"Okay," he agreed and patted Remus on the back.

~~~

December was getting nearer and along with it, another full moon. Remus calculated that it made a lot of sense that his mother was still ill, and that he might have to go see her again. Both James and Sirius accepted his excuse without wanting a thorough explanation, which unnerved Remus to some extent, but he shrugged it off and disappeared for two days.

"He's doing it again," Sirius said nonchalantly to James as they walked towards Gryffindor tower after saying goodbye to Remus by the front gates.

"Who's doing what?" James replied, as if Sirius just hadn't said something that didn't make much sense.

"Remus, disappearing every once in a while," Sirius added, making a hand gesture.

James gave him a bemused look as they started up the dorm steps. "Now we know why. His mum's sick."

'Then she's been sick for a very long time' Sirius thought, but he didn't say anything aloud because, after all, he didn't know the whole story. However, he was determined to find out. "Yeah," he said. But he almost didn't believe it himself.

~~~

Remus came back ten days before the end of term looking ghastly and weak, so pale in fact that both his new friends were afraid he'd caught his mother's mysterious illness.

"You look like you're about to die, mate. Shouldn't you be in the infirmary? Or at least resting?"

Remus looked up from his potions text at Sirius. "I need to catch up in my studies. I don't want to fail."

"But you're ill."

"I'm fine." Remus could have sworn that he had read the last paragraph over ten times already, but for some reason the information just wouldn't sink in. He hated potions, so much information that he probably would never need in his life. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He opened them again to find that Sirius was staring at him. Remus quickly placed a hand on his cheek. "What?" he asked. "Do I have something on my face?"

"No," Sirius said calmly. He dipped his quill in the ink once more. "How long has your mom been sick?"

Remus paused briefly. "A little over a month," he answered.

"Is she getting better?"

"I hope so." Remus gave up on the paragraph and turned the page. "What did you and James do while I was away?"

Sirius's brows rose slightly. "Got bored, mostly. We even left Snivellus alone. It's just not the same without you."

"I'm flattered," Remus said with a lightly mocking tone which Sirius took lightly. He responded with a smile, and Remus smiled back.

"Oh, that reminds me." Sirius stood up, pulled something from a pocket in his robes and gave it to Remus. "An owl brought this for you this morning while you were still resting. When it couldn't find you, it decided to give it to me." Remus scowled as he took the sealed letter, which was clearly from home, but shrugged it off. He would have to talk to his mother about their owl's habits and remind her not to send post so soon after the full moon. He opened the letter.

Dear Remus,

As you may know, your father's company holds an annual Christmas raffle for its employees, and Remus, your father won! It is a trip for two to Ireland. Your father and I would really like to take the trip, but if we decide to go, you're going to have to stay at Hogwarts for the holidays. I know how you always look forward to coming back home for Christmas, and if you ask us, we won't hesitate to stay.

Study well.

Love,

Mom

Remus put the letter down and slumped back in his chair. Stay at Hogwarts for the Holidays?

He wanted to go home. Home was safe. There he wasn't alone.

But he wasn't alone at Hogwarts anymore, either. He had friends now, even if once every while he believed Sirius would snicker at him and tell him it was all a joke and that Remus was a fool to ever believe Sirius Black would care about someone like him.

James and Sirius were not staying at Hogwarts, they are going home to their families. The best thing would be to tell his mother that he didn't want to stay over the holidays.

Remus couldn't remember the last time the family took a vacation, much less his parents alone. It would be so easy just to tell her no.

"Are you okay, Remus?" Remus snapped his head upwards and met Sirius's eyes. "You look worried. Is your mom all right?

Remus smiled. "Yes. She's okay now."

Then he took a new piece of parchment and wrote his reply.