God Rest You, Merrye Sirius

A numb, seven-year-old Nymphadora Tonks eased herself out of bed on the morning of 2 November 1981. In London, umpteen miles away, an equally numb, twenty-six-year-old Remus Lupin did the same.

Nymph woke up and looked at the broken wood picture frame and shattered glass on her wood floor. She quickly pulled the picture from underneath the mess, and looked at Sirius. It was a picture of him when he was fifteen, long before Nymph was born. Nymph liked this Sirius. He was waving at her and cracked some jokes that Nymph didn't get, and her mum, Andromeda, turned red at.

But Nymph'd never see this Sirius again. She'd never see any Sirius ever again and it just wasn't fair. Why did Sirius blow up those people and betray Mr and Mrs Potter? It didn't make sense. Andromeda said that it was because of how his parents treated him. Nymph replied that Grandfather and Grandmother treated her that way and she didn't kill people. Andromeda gave a long sigh, and said, "Sirius was different."

Well, that's for sure

, Remus thought. Remus didn't know what to think anymore. He was le seul Maraudeur, the sole Marauder. There were no others that hadn't screwed up their lives somehow. Remus knew that in helping create the Marauder's Map, helping James and Sirius torture those poor Gryffindor girls, and in just being a Marauder he had doomed himself never to have a normal life.

Like Andromeda Tonks. She came out of one of the most turbulent families ever, and now she was married and had a daughter.

Sirius came from that family

, a nagging voice in his subconscious mind said.

Remus decided to go check on the Tonkses. Andromeda and her cousin had been close, and Nymph--she and Sirius had had a bond special to both of them. Until two days ago.

~

"Mr Lupin's here, Nymphadora!" Andromeda called to her daughter. Nymph exited her cold and wretched bedroom, and sat in the parlour. Remus waved to Nymph, but she could only gaze out the window, counting how many of Sirius's favourite things were outside. There's a woman, that's one of his favourites, there's food, and, is that beer Mr Perkins is drinking?

"Nymphadora Araminta Tonks!" Andromeda called again. She turned to Remus, and said, "Nymph's been out of it ever since the incident."

"Do you want to talk, Nymph-Girl?" Remus said, trying to endear himself to her by using Sirius's name for her.

"WATCH IT, THAT'S SIRIUS'S NAME!" Nymph yelled.

"Out of it," Andromeda whispered to Remus. But Remus refused to believe it. Nymph just needed to talk about what she was feeling and then she'd be back to normal. Or as normal as a Metamorphmagus could possibly be.

"I don't want to talk in front of Mum, if that's okay with you, Mr Lupin," Nymph said, much quieter.

"Anything's fine."

~

Remus looked a bit out of place among the huge pink stuffed animals Andromeda bought for Nymph, but settled in between a lilac Care Bear and a pink rabbit. Nymph looked at him straight in the eye with clear blue eyes that she only wore when she was scared. "I don't want to remember him. Not with what's happened. I don't want to remember things he liked, things he did. I don't want to remember anything, from the fact that his middle name is Lee to the fact that he sings 'God Rest You, Merrye Hippogriffs' every Christmas. I want Sirius to never have existed."

"You don't want to remember good things that happened?"

"Happy times make me cry. Like when baby Harry was born. Sirius was so comforting and nice to Mr and Mrs Potter that day. All I can think about is how mean he is now."

Remus tried to look at the shaking girl without tears forming in his eyes. "One day, happy days like Christmas and baby Harry's birthday will bring a smile, not tears. You just have to be patient."

"But I don't want to be patient," Nymph sighed. "I want Sirius to be good, like he used to."

"He's good, still. He's good, somewhere deep down in there. He's just feeling particularly estranged from this part of him at the moment."

"That meaning what?"

Remus pat Nymph on the back. "Someday you'll be glad you remember everything about Sirius. Like how he sings 'God Rest You, Merrye Hippogriffs' to the fact that his middle name is Lee."

"You think so, Mr Lupin?" Nymph asked.

"I bet so."

~

An again numb twenty-one-year-old Nymphadora Tonks lay on the stretch of hallway outside her flat on 15 June 1995. An equally numb (again) forty-one-year-old Remus Lupin was walking straight towards her.

Tonks's heart began to race. She couldn't help the fact that she had a tiny crush on Remus. Remus was a brick. She needed a brick. And according to her newlywed best friend Keira Perkins, twenty-one-year-old men were so volatile.

Remus saw Tonks there. She sat up straight against the wall and looked him straight in the eyes with the same blue eyes he had seen fourteen years ago. "Is this seat taken?" he asked her.

"Now, Remus, let's be honest--who would it be taken by?" Tonks said, raising her eyebrows.

Remus smiled.

Then, build-up of Sirius memories overflowed. Tonks began to warble off tune, "God rest you, merrye Sirius..."

Remus looked at the green carpet in the hallway, and began to sing to it as if he were singing to the grave of Sirius himself. "God rest you, merry Sirius."