Nobody Knew

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Theresa was sitting on the floor, with her back against the cold stones of the wall. The cell was small and windowless while the overbearing smell of mold and must hang in the air. She didn't care. More than anything she wanted to sleep now. Sleep, wake up and see that everything that happened in the last two days was nothing but a nightmare. Wake up from this miserable situation. She had thought the days of peril were long past her. She had thought they were safe. She had been careful, she kept low profile, she worked in secret, she raised her children quietly. She failed. It all seemed so seamless and incongruous now.

She failed Severus. She failed her children.

And there she was, telling them not to slip. Where did she slip? Where? She kept her mouth shut, always. Her colleagues thought her an eccentric scientist and learned long time ago not to ask any questions. She wouldn't say a word or she would give a very ambiguous answer that could simultaneously mean anything and nothing. Where did her caution waver?

She mentally shrugged at the question and hardly noticed the tears that streamed down her cheeks. Where? Who? Why...? Why the children...?

Cassius. Caia. Aurelia.

Images returned to her, deepening the pain. Cassius blood spilled on the carpet. Pain on Caia's face. She didn't want to imagine what they did to Aurelia. They enjoyed it. She saw it in their eyes, behind their masks, heard it in their voices.

Why did she leave her wand in the laboratory? Why didn't she check the safety before she let Aurelia outside? Why didn't she take children to London earlier? Why did she tell them not to bother her? They must have noticed something...

She caught her hands on her filthy hair, resting her elbows on her knees. The numbness passed. There was only pain, only grief, only desperation.

Caia, Cassius, Aurelia. Aurelia, Cassius, Caia. Cassius, Aurelia, Caia.

She repeated the names in her mind like a mantra. Though rather than a focus of relief, it worsened the pain. She knew she should focus on something else to keep her sane, but right now she didn't care about sanity. What for?

For Severus, a little voice echoed in her head, the voice that belonged to that part of her that wanted to live.

For Severus? Severus was strong. He would go on without her. He did it once, he would do it again, another part of her retorted, determined to give in to pain and slide into the abyss of oblivion.

No, he didn't. He wouldn't again. He would regress to his former self, terrifying, consumed with hatred. Concentrate, Theresa...

On what? On revenge? It is Severus' domain. To me it is worth so little....

On Severus. Don't let the revenge be his only reason for living. Don't let him become what he once was. He also lost all he loved most. Except her. They still had each other.

Theresa broke into desperate sobs, rocking back and forth. She had to fight. Severus told her to fight. He begged her to hold on. She saw the pleading in his eyes. She failed as a mother, she wouldn't fail as a wife.

The door opened with a low crack and she looked up, wiping the tears from her eyes with a sleeve of her torn robe. Was it time to work again? What did they want now?

"I thought you are dead..." She heard a slightly trembling voice. A familiar voice, once so full of life, now weak and filled with amazement.

Theresa narrowed her eyes, seeing anything in the dim dungeon without glasses and through tears took some effort. The figure in front of her removed the grey hood and she saw the face. It took her several moments to settle the features onto the younger face, to erase the wrinkles, to add a couple of pounds, to absorb several grey streaks in once-blond hair. Her eyes widened. It's impossible...

"Peter?"

"Hi." He tried to smile but didn't quite manage it.

She jumped to her feet. "So it's true?!" she cried in horror. "It's true?!"

There was no answer and he looked away, as if ashamed.

"And I didn't want to believe when Se... when I was told you're... you were... you and..." Inside her, hysteria fought with the cold shock. She didn't know that this betrayal could hurt so much. "Why, Peter, why? How could you?"

He now looked her straight in the eye and she saw a glimpse of old Peter. Peter who used to ask her for help with Charms assignments, who knew what to say to prevent her from singing, who bought her ten pounds of transfiguration glass for birthday, Peter who warned her that Sirius Black was not going to give up on his invitation to the Hogsmeade, who thought it was necessary to defend her from the epitome of Slytherin evil, Severus Snape. What happened with this loving, if not often understanding, brother?

"I thought you were dead." He made it sound like an explanation.

"I don't understand, Peter," she whispered in reply. It was like they were back to Hogwarts, to the worst of their relationship... when he was trying to explain and she thought the explanation was not good enough... It wasn't good enough back then to justify his betrayal, it wasn't good enough now.

"I thought Snape killed you. I had to... avenge you. I had to get back at him, at them, all of them. It was their fault..." And again he looked away.

Theresa stared at him, trying to force the hazy numbness out of her mind. She had no idea what to feel. Should she be touched at the strength of his feelings for her? Or should she be angry that he was trying to blame her? And what did he mean 'all of them?' All the Death Eaters? "That's no excuse!"

"I suppose... suppose not," he whispered miserably and she saw a chance in those words. She came closer and put his hands on his arms awkwardly. It felt so strange to touch somebody she thought long dead, even if Severus reported to her all revelations about Peter. She accepted them intellectually, but her heart and emotions were detached, as if she was still thinking about a dead person who no longer mattered. She thought she had known him. They had their differences, they were not always on the best terms with each other, but... this? Seeing him now forced her to face the facts. And try to salvage her memories.

"You don't like being one of them, Peter," she said softly, trying to catch his eye. "You can still go back!"

He shook his head. "I can't."

"Yes, you can! Listen, Peter..."

"It's impossible, Theresa and you know that. Who would--"

"I would!"

He gave her a short, resigned laugh and tears fell from his eyes. "It would never be what it once was. You were never a particularly forgiving person, if I remember correctly. You've never forgiven Black, have you?"

He was right. But she had forgiven Severus. "Black was not my brother! You can make amends, I know people who did terrible things and were able to earn forgiveness and respect! You could too! Peter, just help me out of here and I--"

"I... I can't, I'm sorry... It would never work out."

She watched him, speechless for a moment. "You won't help me?"

"I can't; the Master, he would know. And there are Death Eaters all around the place. I simply can't; it would mean we both die... Can't you just cooperate?"

She opened her mouth to answer that she would die first than cooperate but no words came out. "Why did you come then? If you don't want to help me?" she choked out.

"I, um, I wanted to see you, I thought you are dead. I thought Snape killed you. I hated the bastard... how come you're alive anyway...?"

Dread came over her. Severus. "Peter, does Vol- " She saw him flinch and corrected herself, "Does the Dark Lord know who I am?"

He stared at her confused. "What do you mean?" The possibility that Voldemort might not know something seemed to be a novelty to him.

"Does he know I'm your sister?"

He furrowed his brows. "I'm not sure."

"Peter, don't tell him, I... I beg you. If he doesn't ask... don't tell."

"Why?" Well, she was always the smart one in the family.

"I'm supposed to be dead! I have a different name, I lived a life. If he realizes I escaped death he might want to punish me." And he might want to punish Severus for not carrying out his orders. With a capital punishment.

Peter run his tongue over his dry lips. "If he doesn't ask, I won't tell. If he doesn't ask." He watched her as she sat down on the floor again, shaking. "I'd better go."

"See you at the Dark Revel," she said and saw the comment was a hard blow. Well, she had a Death Eater for a husband, she heard what Dark Revels were and knew how they would affect Peter.

Peter shrank and looked at her from the door. "Theresa, I really... you don't... never...." he stammered, clearly realizing what would she be doing at the Dark Revel. "I'm sorry...."

She closed her eyes. "Get out Peter. I wish I could hold on to my illusions about you. I wish you were dead."

He left without the word, his back slouched. Theresa didn't think the ravaging pain in her heart could be any greater, but it was. It had been so good to grieve for an honest, caring Peter. It was so easy to think Sirius Black was a murderer and hate him even more than before. It felt so righteous to think he was serving his sentence in Azkaban.

And now? Her world was crumbling before her eyes over the last months, bit by bit, until there was nothing left.

Caia, Cassius, Aurelia.

Dead.

Peter... Now dead to her too.

She had thought she had been through the worst already. She had thought nothing ever would happen she wouldn't be able to cope with.

She was wrong.

For the first time in her life she was beginning to understand the choices Severus had made. Not only accept and forgive them, but also understand them. If there was too betrayal, if the pain was too great... the lines would blur, the paths would cross, there would be no right and no wrong... Only the need to crawl into the darkest place imaginable and grieve would remain.

Severus.

She still had some light on the horizon. He would get her out of here. She had to think of Severus. The first time she saw him... so long time ago. The first time she kissed him... the day they pledged their lives to each other... yes, she would think of that...