Cub Scout

Cub Scout Part 3: Defense Against the Dork Arts

The Animagus project was delayed a bit because in their fifth year, James Potter suddenly stopped hating girls.  He still ducked when giggling clumps of Hufflepuffs or Ravenclaws accosted him in the halls; and he still pulled away with an embarrassed cough when he was smothered with hugs after every Quidditch victory.  The girls who interested him were the ones who looked down their noses at the Gryffindor Seeker, and who would sneer rather than cheer as James and company reaped every academic award.

His speeches about universal tolerance suddenly began to seem just a bit comical, as he appeared sitting by the lake, studying in the library, or flying through the air with Slytherin after Slytherin.  Helixa, Verbena, Venus, and Lily… all smart, cunning, and ready to turn James into a scorpion before they’d worship him.  Sirius would cackle and Remus would smirk when they caught their old friend smooching under the Quidditch bleachers, or flying sappy messages like papery sparrows through the air in double Potions.
 
James also acquired a new, very determined follower.  Maybe it was because he finally tired of being slimed, levitated, covered with boils, and just plain insulted by the Slytherins; or maybe it was because Gryffindor won the Quidditch Cup for the second year running; or maybe because James was now a Prefect; whatever the reason, Peter Pettigrew finally stopped trailing Severus and now focused his idolatry on James.  Where James sat, there Peter would be, what James said, Peter would echo, and at every Quidditch practice, Peter was in the stands, dressed in the Gryffindor red he had previously scorned.

Peter also promptly developed a crush on a Slytherin, but things didn’t work out so well for him.

Less than an hour after his confession of love, a nasty little Dixi Hex was set up in the first floor girls’ bathroom.  Every time someone opened the door, it would speak:

"Peter Pettigrew is a fat ugly git."

Sometimes in a squeaky voice—a parody of his own?—with a slight lisp: "Peter Pettigwew is a fat ugwy git."

Sometimes in the oily, self-satisfied tones of James Potter: "Petah Pettigrew is a faht ugly git."

But most of the time in the voice of Innana Finnigan, the only girl he’d ever dared to ask out.

Holding back tears, he ran up to Gryffindor tower, hoping someone would be there to help him undo the spell.  He didn’t even know where the voice was coming from: the door hinges themselves?  The floor, the walls?  He couldn’t bear to tell James--but maybe Remus could help.  It was all his fault anyway.

All that greeted him in the common room was more laughter and mocking faces of people who never deigned to speak to him.  He had been planning to spend this Sunday night studying, but now he’d never get to, and he’d make a fool of himself in Arithmancy again… He ran for the dormitory, intending to hide behind his drapes and sulk.  Remus’ drapes were pulled too; maybe he was napping, should Peter wake him up and--?  But no, he could hear whispers.

Jealousy gnawed at Peter.  If even Remus was sneaking girls into the dormitory… well, he was going to tell.  This was too much.  He got closer, listening.

"I am pretty confident about most of the rescue spells," Remus was saying soberly, "but I would feel so much better if I could practice first."

"Practice?  How?"  It was James.

Remus meowed, and muffled but unmistakable giggles emerged from the drapes.  "How on earth are you going to get Professor McGonagall to let you practice on her?" Sirius chortled.

"I don’t know.  With a good story--"

Peter threw aside the drapes.  The other three jumped, and James shoved a large and ancient book under the pillow.  Sirius glared.

Only Remus was friendly.  "What’s up, buddy?"

"What are you guys doing?" Peter demanded, in a tone he didn’t usually dare use to James and Sirius—but he was peeved.

"Reading about Animagi," Remus replied, ignoring the other two as they tried to shush him.  "Professor McGonagall’s one, you know.  Apparently she just showed her transformation to a class for the first time, with the third-years."

Peter’s face darkened.  "I hope you’re not thinking of trying that.  And illegally--"

"Oh, no, not me!" Remus exclaimed innocently, making the other two snort with laughter.  "The very idea gives me the creeps!"  He shivered.

"Good."  Peter didn’t know why the others were laughing.  He didn’t want to hear anybody laughing; it just reminded him of the bathroom downstairs.  Now James was pulling out that dreadful book.  They were just going to try to scare him again, he knew it.  Demons and Dementors and goblins and ghosts… "I need some help with something, OK?" he addressed Remus irritably.  "Downstairs."

"Sure, no problem.  Hey James--?"

"You want the Cloak again?"

"Just for half an hour."

"To get that other book or because you’re hungry?"

"I’m starving."  Remus stood up.  At 15, he was still barely over five feet tall and frighteningly thin, like someone with a chronic illness.  "You know what phase it is," he complained good-naturedly, rolling his eyes.

"Here, then."  James tossed the Invisibility Cloak at him.  "Go steal yourself a side of beef or something.  Honestly," he griped to Sirius as the others left, "Dumbledore is going to think I only use that Cloak to raid the kitchen."

"Well, you know," Sirius snickered, "eating for two."

Peter was paying very little attention.  They were always making cryptic comments like that around him, and he had learned to accept that he wouldn’t understand them.  Besides, he was still fighting to hold back tears.  Trying to whisper so James and Sirius wouldn’t hear, but certain that he could hear their giggles anyway, he began his story as they descended the stairway.

"You told me to be brave!"  His whisper soon became a plaintive scream.  "You told me she was probably just shy!  And then she—they—I don’t know who did it, but it’s all your fault!"
 
 

The next day they had a beastly assignment in Potions, and the day after that the moon was full, so Remus didn’t get a chance to practice on McGonagall before he woke up in the hospital wing to the sound of horrible groans.  Still woozy from transforming and from Pomfrey’s assorted treatments, he pried his eyes open and looked around—the bed at the other end of the room was surrounded by drapes.  He was about to ignore it and go back to sleep when a pained voice called, "Moony, are you there?"

"Of course I am.  James?"  He was out of bed in an instant, and ran to pull aside the hangings—"Oh!" he gasped, not sure whether to laugh or cry.  "James!  James— you’re an ungulate!"

James Potter groaned loudly again, rubbing his head that had two enormous stag’s antlers protruding at odd angles.  "My head really hurts."

"You practiced without me," Remus scolded.  "Can Madam Pomfrey fix you?"

"Yes, but it might take a week."  He lowered his voice.  "She didn’t ask many questions.  I said Sirius did it to me in a duel."

"Good.  Now look, wait for me this time: I promise I’ll practice the reversal spells.  Did you get completely stuck?  Who reversed you?"

"Sirius did.  He hasn’t tried it himself yet.  But I only got halfway there—I’m still doing something wrong."
 
 

James was back in class three days later, with nothing but a couple of bumps that his hat covered and that Madam Pomfrey promised would also disappear with time.  He still looked a bit ill, though, and it didn’t help that Sirius kept laughing at him.  When Professor McGonagall said, "It’s nice to have you back, James dear…"  Sirius burst into such a peal of laughter that everyone started.

After five years of dog jokes, that was too much for Remus.  At first he tried to cover his mouth, but soon he was laughing along with Sirius, both of them unable to restrain themselves.

"Deer James…"  Sirius screamed.  "James, you big deer…"

They were all used to that sort of behavior from him; but no one, to their memory, had ever seen Remus laugh out loud.  "May I ask what you find so amusing, Mr. Lupin?" Professor McGonagall inquired.

"Of course you may," he replied courteously.  "…But I sure as hell won’t tell you!"

McGonagall gave him detention.  Remus was still laughing.
 
 

"See, it’s perfect," he told Sirius later.  They were sitting in the dormitory, which was empty—or seemed to be.  "I have detention with McGonagall.  I’ll say anything at all to get a chance to practice, after seeing what James went through."  He touched his temples in sympathy.  "Ouch."

"Tie it in with some Defense Against the Dark Arts topic and she won’t suspect a thing.  And give her that sad-puppy look: no one can resist you when you look depressed.  I mean, when I saw you on the train—the instant I knew you weren’t a ghost—I swore I’d make you laugh if it took me seven years."

"It only took five."  Remus was grinning.  Still bruised and sore from three nights ago, he was nevertheless happier than he had ever been in his life.

"And someday--" Sirius lowered his voice, but only slightly—"I’ll make you wag your tail, too."

"Hmph," Remus sniffed haughtily.  "What do you take me for, a pet Alsatian?" He was suddenly serious again.  "I’m still worried about this whole business, I must say.  It’s not as if you get to choose, you know, Sirius.  Even I admit you’re a doggy kind of guy, but, well—what if you end up a gerbil?  If James can be a lousy old ruminant--"

"I HEARD THAT."  James had entered, removing his pointed wizard’s hat and rubbing his head where the stubs of antlers still remained.  It was a good thing his hair was so spiky.  He glared at his two friends, and shot an especially malevolent look at Sirius; no doubt he was agonized over having to avoid his cute Slytherins until his head returned to normal.  "We haven’t even succeeded yet, and here you two are already planning to eat me."

"No…" Remus said thoughtfully.  "Not with prongs like those!"

"Don’t listen to him," Sirius warned.  "I’ve seen him, you haven’t.  You’d be better off as a bear, James—or a saber-toothed cat."

"A stag is just fine," assured Remus, in whom something primal shuddered at the thought of a saber-toothed cat.  "It’s just that herbivores are, you know, stupid."

"One of us has to be," James muttered, "or we’ll be running around the village eating people."

Sirius and Remus looked at each other--but the race to the best wisecrack was interrupted.

Peter Pettigrew had slid out from under his bed, lying flat on his stomach.  His face was puffy and purple, and tears and snot streamed down his face.  Remus leapt up and ran over.

"Hey, Peter, what--?"

"I hate you, hate you, hate you!" Peter squealed, dripping boogers onto the floor.  "You promised you’d tell when you did something, and then you ignore me!"  He sat up and pointed at his friend.  "You told me you weren’t going to become an Animagi--"

"Oh, Peter."  Remus winced.  "Your Latin!  It’s one Animagus, singular.  I believe I am singular, am I not?" he inquired of the others.

"Extremely so," James muttered.

"And when I told you, Peter, that I was not an Animagus, nor did I desire to become one, I was telling you the deepest of truths."  He smirked at James and Sirius.

For once Sirius wasn’t laughing.  He stood up, towering over Peter, his long curly black hair in disarray.  "And anyway, it’s none of your damn business, and you treat your friend with some respect!"  He paused, as if not sure whether to continue, but his anger blossomed again at Peter’s whimper of protest.  "How dare you use that tone to him, when all he does is rescue you from your own stupidity.  That Dixi Hex was your fault.  The Slytherin invasion of Gryffindor tower was your fault.  And the way Severus is always following us around, trying to get us expelled… is your fault, too, you ugly stupid git!"

Peter leapt up with a terrorized look and fled, snuffling.  Remus made to follow him, but past events (and many detentions) had taught him that it could be dangerous to ignore Sirius’ temper.  He stood up and pulled Sirius back from the doorway, where he had leaned to yell invectives after the departing Peter.

"Sirius," said Remus quietly, "it’s OK.  Don’t scare him."

Sirius brushed the hair out of his eyes and scowled.  "I don’t like the way he talks to you," he grumbled.

"He’s just not afraid of me."  Remus smiled.  Nothing could spoil his mood today.  "It’s a first for both of us."

"He’s a nasty sneak, a Slytherin spy."  With a sneer of disgust, he looked under Peter’s bed—but there was nothing and no one there.

"He’s a hero-worshiper, too," James added, blushing slightly at the implication that he was a hero.  "I distrust that."

"If he had more confidence in his own powers he wouldn’t have to be that way," Remus argued in an even voice.  "Can any of us imagine what it would be like to be a Squib, or even to fear that we were Squibs?"

"Oh, very good," Sirius spat.  "So you waste your time for five years and he still hasn’t managed Serpensortia."

"He can blow things up pretty well," James commented, "remember?  It was at the full moon," he explained when Remus looked puzzled.  "We all went off and… well, it doesn’t matter.  You know, Moony, I think you’re a bit of an idealist after all."

"An idealist in cynic’s clothing," muttered Sirius, as Remus glanced once more at his friends before heading off in pursuit of Peter.  "Don’t tell him anything!" he added in a louder voice, not sure if Remus could still hear him.

He went and flung himself on his bed, glaring after his friend suspiciously.  For someone with a big secret, Remus was remarkably bad at keeping them, and Sirius could just imagine him dragging Peter into all of their plans.  It wasn’t just Peter that was making him angry, either; James had been trying for weeks to claim that there was something special about his latest Slytherin squeeze, Lily.  He never had time for his friends any more, even less for memorizing their dozens of Transfiguration spells and gathering ingredients for rescue potions: all he wanted to talk about was how smart Lily was, how brave Lily was, how he didn’t feel right hiding things from Lily.

Sirius groaned aloud, feeling as if their secret was leaking out from every direction, and at the same time they were getting nowhere nearer their goal.  Between Remus’ compassion and James’ hormones, they’d be caught and in trouble before they got anywhere past fur and horns.

"We’ll never do it," he griped out loud—surprising James, who was standing by the mirror arranging his hair.

James knew what he meant, of course.  "Sure we will."  He was humming to himself, and now he was getting a vase of flowers from his bedside.  Three guesses what he had planned, bumps and all.  "We’re almost there."

"You’re almost there.  And I suppose we aren’t practicing tonight?"

James looked slightly abashed.  "Well, if you’d let her join us…"

"She’s a Slytherin, James, a slimy, slithery Slytherin.  They’re all interested in one thing: getting you and me expelled."

"Nonsense!  Lily likes you a lot.  What’s got into you today?"

Sirius sighed, then laughed.  "I don’t know.  Maybe I’m just making up for Remus—it makes me nervous to see him happy like that.  He’s been that way ever since--"

"Since I showed up groaning in the infirmary," James smiled.  "You know how much this means to him.  And he’s been invaluable: he knows more about reversal charms than almost any wizard alive.  You know how he is with potions, though," he added as if spontaneously, but Sirius was sure it was planned, "and Lily could help him with the Renaissance Potion, just in case."

"Isn’t that finished?"

"No—Remus put the maggots in a jar and they turned into flies overnight.  They’re no use like that, and so we have to wait for the next new moon."

"He’s kind of a swot around that time," Sirius commented, and they laughed nervously.

The two had grown rapidly used to the fact that their friend’s personality was as changing as the tides.  They even thought it was part of his charm, especially since the shifts were subtle; it had been years since Remus had snapped or growled at anyone.  But he was still a bit sensitive about it, and would have been very offended to hear that Sirius and James always had the phase of the moon in mind when they asked him something.  He would’ve liked it even less that his most human phase was not their favorite.

"I hope we don’t need the potion, anyway," James commented to himself, preparing to leave.  "If it works, it turns you back into a human, but as a newborn baby.  Try explaining that one to Pomfrey."

Sirius stopped James before he could go.  "I’ll help Remus with the potion myself.  Don’t go telling any Slytherins.  Do you hear?  And if you’re done necking at a reasonable hour," he muttered, "I’ll be in the old History of Magic classroom, practicing."  The last word was emphasized with some sarcasm, and Sirius stomped off, cursing under his breath.
 
 

"James, you poor dear…"  Lily patted his head.

"Please," he grumbled.  "Not that.  At least," he muttered under his breath, "there aren’t nearly as many expressions as with dogs."

"What?" Lily sat back.  "I can’t understand half the things you say.  You have a private language, JamesandSirius-ese."

They were leaning against a wall in the Astronomy tower, looking at the stars, after a long and exhilarating ride on their broomsticks.  Lily was the first girl to ever play on the Slytherin Quidditch team—she was a Beater—and certainly the only girl James had ever met who was his match in the air.  And those green eyes…

He turned to look into them, full of doubt.  The last thing on earth Lily would ever be was a tattle-tale: she’d probably pulled as many pranks as he had, and had detention fewer times only because she hadn’t been caught.  She hadn’t been at all shocked by James’ "confession" that the bumps on his head were from a Polyjuice Potion mistake, an advanced concoction that he had no business playing around with.  Still, what he and Sirius were planning was more than a stunt: it was a crime, and if they were caught…

What if he married Lily one day? he wondered suddenly, reaching for her hand.  Would she see him any differently if he could turn into an animal at will?  Would the fact that his incarnation reflected his inner nature tell her things about him that he’d rather she didn’t know?  For a moment he understood just a little of how Remus must feel: how did one hide one’s very species?

"If I were a criminal, would you still love me?" James asked, trying to sound joking.

"More of a criminal than you are, you mean?" Lily teased—but she caught sight of his face in the moonlight and pulled her hand away.  "What are you talking about, James?"  She was suddenly very serious, and held her cloak around her and stared at him, expecting an answer.

"Sirius and I…"  He gulped.  "Well, we’re just trying a spell we shouldn’t, one that’s way beyond us… If we do something wrong, or we’re discovered--"

Lily got to her feet and stared over the side of the tower for a long moment.  Then she whirled on him and said in a very low voice, "So that’s it.  You think because I’m a Slytherin, I’ll go along with it, don’t you?  That’s why you’ve been dating us…"

"What?" asked James.  He wrapped his own cloak about him, chilly now.

She blinked several times, her eyes penetrating.  "You’re interested in Dark Magic, aren’t you."  It wasn’t a question.

James leapt up and joined her at the railing.  He tried to laugh.  "No, of course I’m not!"  He took her face in his hands and made her look at him.  "What’s the matter?  I’ve told you secrets before, and you never--"

"You’ve never been like this before."  Her eyes wouldn’t meet his.  "I’ve been suspicious of you for a while.  There’s something a little bit strange about a Gryffindor Prefect going out with no one but Slytherins.  If you think you can use me to get closer to Lord Voldemort--"

He took a step back, staggered.  Then he clapped his hands together as if calling a timeout.  "Lily!"  He stumbled through a series of protests and excuses, no-not-me’s, how-could-you-think’s, knowing by her turned back that she was far from convinced.  "I promise you I’d be the last wizard on earth to work for Lord Voldemort," he whispered, scarcely able to pronounce those last four words aloud.

"Then you’ll be the last wizard on earth," she snapped.  She took a deep breath and faced him.  "I’m sorry, James… Maybe it was uncalled-for, to make such a big assumption like that.  But what you said reminded me so much…" her voice became inaudible.  "It happened to me again today… and last week…Sometimes I think I’m the only one left who dares to stand up to Voldemort’s recruiters."

"I dare," James replied stoutly.  "And all my friends do, too.  Any one of us would die rather than work for the Dark side: even Peter!"  He reached out his arms for Lily.  "I’m sorry, I didn’t want this to turn into a conversation about Lord Voldemort."

Reluctantly, she took her hands off the rail of the Astronomy tower and nestled her head against his chest.  "You can forgive me for not trusting you," she murmured.  "Dating Slytherins… feeding me all that mushy I-love-you crap…"

"It’s not crap," he objected.

She pushed him away a little.  "No one loves me, unless it’s to prove something about themselves."

"You can’t say that," James told her.  "Even if you could say it once, you can’t any more. I love you: because you are smarter than me, and faster than me, and aren’t afraid of the Dark Lord.  Let’s be young and happy and live while we can.  Isn’t that enough?"

Lily allowed herself to be held, but she wasn’t entirely placated.  "Flattery will get you nowhere.  So what’s your big secret, James Potter?"

He stroked her hair, thinking that what he had to say would be anticlimactic after Lord Voldemort.  He tried to be light-hearted.  "Oh… Sirius and I are working on an Animagus transformation.  We have been for almost three years."

Lily, of course, was shocked—but this amount of shock she could deal with.  She jumped out of his embrace, regarding him quizzically, back to her old no-nonsense self.  "What?"  She didn’t know where to begin.  "Why?  Just to be show-offs, I’m sure.  To show up McGonagall?  OK, you’re twice the wizard that she is, but still…"

Jumping from Lord Voldemort to a discussion of why he was becoming an Animagus was too much of an emotional gearshift for James that night.  "It’s not that…" he objected feebly.

Lily reached for her broomstick.  "You send me into a panic thinking about the Dark Lord, and really all it is is that you’re risking your life to be able to chase Professor McGonagall up a tree."

"No… it’s Sirius who’ll do that," he chuckled, trying to restore some of their happiness before she flew away.

"Good night, James," said Lily, shaking her head with a wry laugh and leaping off the edge of the tower with grace that any professional Quidditch player would envy.  "I think I’ve heard enough."
 
 

It was several days before Lily would speak to him again.  James suspected that she was humiliated at having become so emotional, revealing that under the tough shell of the smartest Slytherin fifth-year, she could feel loneliness and dread.  He also realized the depth of her mistrust for him.  On a personal level, he was stung; less selfishly, he despaired of being part of a generation where something as seemingly harmless as inter-House romance awakened suspicions of Dark Magic.  Things were worse than he had thought—Lily, being in Slytherin, must have seen the leading edge of defections to Voldemort’s side.  These gloomy thoughts made him want to be with her even more.  Her honest outburst had told him that he would never need to doubt her loyalties, and he needed all the people like that he could find.

He was so distracted that in their next Quidditch match, the Slytherin Seeker sailed right by him and grabbed the Snitch without James noticing anything except that there was nothing more beautiful than a green-eyed woman in emerald robes.

One consolation, he thought as he landed, she’ll at least speak to me in order to gloat.  He planted himself in front of her as she headed for the showers, loving the mud in her hair, the triumphant look on her face, the expert way in which she carried her broom even on the ground.  "Let’s go for a fly," he suggested.  "Just you and me."

She gave him a sharp look but agreed without words, the two swooping upwards in their enemy colors, dodging and swiping at each other.

"A bit slow on the uptake tonight, James," Lily said finally.  "Have you got hooves or something under there?"

James laughed.  "I’m sure it looked bad, with those knobs on my head and everything, but…"

"But what?"

He let himself fall behind, then climbed slowly and steadily before coming zooming down in front of her like a duck shot by a hunter.  "I’m not a show-off," he called, laughing.

Lily put both hands on the front of her broomstick, and flipped up into a handstand and sailed by him.  "Neither am I," she mocked.

He gaped at her stunt, impressed.  "I’ll tell you the whole story, if you’ll let me," he promised, looping her.

She pulled right alongside and peeked at him out of the corner of her eye.  "Our side needs you, James.  You can’t afford to waste your life on silly tricks."

"You can say `our side,’" he said, holding her broom’s tail so she couldn’t escape, "but you won’t say that you need me."

"I don’t."

"Yes you do.  We all need friends, ones we can trust no matter what happens…I need you," he said solemnly, dropping like a stone on his broomstick to come to rest on the grass.

Lily couldn’t descend quite as quickly—James wasn’t a Seeker for nothing—but she quickly rejoined him.  They both stood, leaning on their broomsticks, watching the light of the waning half-moon play on the ripples of the lake.  "Why me?" she asked after a long pause, during which she caught her breath after the exertion and tried to wipe some of the mud off of her front.  "You have your little gang, James, plenty of Gryffindors to tell you how wonderful you are and to obey your every command."

"That’s not what I want," he said quietly.

He knew that wasn’t how it looked.  He thought with a wince of Peter, handing him his cloak like a house elf—his best friend as long as James never dropped the Snitch.  The girls were even worse, but how could he tell that to Lily?   He’d sound like the worst kind of snob, saying "Girls worship me and I hate it."  And why was Lily not popular the way he was?  Was she too abrupt, too aloof… a little scary?

"I like friends who are better than me," he continued at last.  "Ones who can eat me alive—literally or figuratively."  He laughed, thinking that "herbivores are stupid" was probably the most honest thing Remus had ever said to him.

"I’ll stick with the figurative," Lily replied dryly.  "So what kind of animal is Sirius going to be, anyway?  I almost don’t like to think."

Neither did James.  A nice black Lab would seem welcome after all of his worries about grizzly bears and mountain lions.  "We don’t know yet," he admitted.  "We’re getting really close, but he’s only had black fur a few times.  He’s ready to kill me because we haven’t been practicing."

"Because of me," Lily stated flatly.

"But Lily…"  He edged closer to her, hoping she’d take his hand.  She did.  He swallowed hard.  "I’m not sure if I want to go through with it.  Neither is Sirius.  It’s scary, so many things can go wrong, and… and I want to know if it will change your opinion of me."

"What will change my opinion of you is why you’re doing it," Lily replied.

"Well," said James.  "…It’s a long story."
 
 

He spent the next week telling it to her.  There was so much to say, so much the threesome wouldn’t even admit to themselves.  He told her about Sirius’ prank in the tunnel in the beginning of their second year; cousin Perseus; them sending Mrs. Lupin all over wizarding England in search of books; how he’d avoided her whenever he had fur or antlers.

The facts were easy.  Harder was explaining their motivation, how he and Sirius were constantly inspired by how their progress made Remus happy.  She only knew Remus as the small, pale boy who was loathed by the Slytherins for clobbering them all in Defense Against the Dark Arts; she hadn’t experienced his miserable self-loathing, or seen how tired and hurt he was in the hospital wing every month.  James tried to describe how as he and Sirius explored their animal natures, Remus stopped trying so desperately to deny his own, and was even beginning to enjoy sharing his unusual experience with his friends.  There was even a bit of competition between him and Sirius: while Remus couldn’t control when and where his transformations occurred, he at least knew that he would always be the swiftest, strongest, and cleverest animal.

Lily tried to understand, but it was a lot of information to process at once.  The Slytherins hadn’t even guessed Remus’ secret, something that came as a bit of a surprise to James.

"So he’s the werewolf, eh?" Lily remarked, surprised but not shocked.  They were on the grass by the lake again, wrapped in cloaks against the dry chill of a cloudless winter night.  They loved being outside together, both for the privacy and perhaps for the way the darkness hid the expressions on their faces.  "We all figured out he was gone at the full moon a long time ago," she declared, defending her House against charges of stupidity.  "We just thought it was his mum, since he always said she was ill, and supposed that he was so good at Dark Arts because he had to go home and deal with her every month!"  She snickered.  "So is his mum one too, or did he get bitten?"

James had to laugh.  "His mum!  No, I’ve met her a dozen times, she’s a nice lady.  He was bitten years ago, he doesn’t even remember being normal.  Anyway, it’s worse if you inherit it."  He took Lily’s hand, wanting its warmth against the chill of night and his own thoughts.  "That’s why they aren’t allowed to get married, or have kids…"

"That makes sense," she said in a practical voice.  "But rather lonely," she admitted, squeezing his hand.  "Still," she nudged him playfully, "When we’re married, I don’t want to wake up at night and find horns and hooves."

" Are you going to try to stop me?"

Lily shivered a little.  "No," she said, after some thought.  "If you were just trying to show off, then I would."

"You don’t--" he was suddenly hopeful "—you don’t want to try it too, do you?"

"You’ve got to be kidding."  She laughed.  "I can’t pretend to understand your motivation, James—in fact, I think it’s nuts.  But if there are Charms or Potions involved, you know you can get me to help."  She turned and kissed him on the cheek, the shy peck of a girl who really isn’t sure that she wants to do this.  "Come on, let’s go in—it’s freezing."
 
 

They looked for Sirius in the History of Magic classroom, James contrite because he'd skipped so many practices.

Sirius was there.  But it didn't look like a Transfiguration session: he and Remus were sitting on the floor, both looking pale and shaken and munching on chocolate.
 
"That was awesome," Sirius was saying.  "You were amazing tonight."
 
Remus shook his head.  "I’m still not as good as you.  A definite improvement, though."  He reached for another Chocolate Frog.  "Hey, it’s Agrippa!"  He stuck the card into his pocket.

James and Lily stood in front of them.  "What are you two up to?"

Sirius tried to smirk but he was still spooked.  "Um," he confessed, "fighting Dementors…"  He got to his feet, a bit unsteadily.

James grabbed him by the shoulders, ready to shake him.  "What?  You brought a Dementor…?"

Remus stood up too.  "No, no," he said mildly, "not a real Dementor, of course.  A shape-shifter."

"You mean a Boggart?" Lily wondered.
 
"A Hedley Kow, actually," Sirius corrected, "a harmless shape-shifter that turns into anything you want it to."

"A Boggart turns into what you fear most," Remus added quietly, "which may not have given us what we wanted.  And they’re trickier to get rid of."

"What spells were you using?"  She was intrigued.

"Well…" Remus admitted.  "We were trying a Patronus Charm.  Ridiculously advanced, I know."  It was always easy to forget how good he was since he said everything so casually, as if bored by anything the Dark Arts could throw at him.  And with chocolate smeared on his face, his robe several sizes too large, he looked scarcely more than a baby.

"But we’re getting there," Sirius boasted.  "You should’ve seen him that last time!"

"I suppose that means we shouldn’t practice transforming," James said thoughtfully.  "It looks as if you two have had enough."  He held up his hand as Sirius glared suspiciously at Lily.  "It’s OK.  She knows—wait, Sirius, wait, let me finish.  I have been thinking about this for two weeks, nonstop.  What we’re doing is very serious and more than a little frightening.  If it works, it will change us forever, I hope you realize this.  I want to share this… with a very close friend whom I think I love."
 
The others could see Lily’s cheeks redden even in the dingy classroom.  Sirius snorted in disgust; but Remus gave them a kind smile.  "That’s sweet," he said.  "Congratulations."
 
Lily glanced sharply at James, as if unable to reconcile Remus’ behavior with all that they had just been saying about him.  James shrugged and took her hand.

She looked back at Remus.  She’d never really looked at him before—he appeared tired yet strangely cheerful, despite the Dementor, and his brown eyes were very warm.  He was embarrassed by the scrutiny and didn’t hold her gaze for long.  "Would you like a Chocolate Frog?" he asked.  "We have several dozen."
 
James and Lily each took one.  They were all tense for a few moments, waiting for Sirius’ response.

It was as they expected.  He was spluttering, his usual energy blunted by the effort of the Patronus Charm, but his temper typically volcanic.  "You’re much too young for this L-word shit," he fumed.  "And—and—we can’t trust anyone, never mind a--"
 
"A Slytherin?" Lily finished for him.  "We’re not all snitches and sneaks.  Let me remind you that it’s one of yours who has the biggest problem in that area."

Sirius roared in fury.  "Don’t even mention Peter!  I bet he--" he pointed at Remus in a rage "—has told that git everything, too!"

"Well, but, I--"  Remus began defensively.

Sirius grabbed his head in both hands.  "Oh, you didn’t!  You DIDN’T!"

"I didn’t tell, I only implied," said Remus in a very small voice.  "He thinks the Animagus transformation is cool.  Think of how good it would be for him… he’d finally have to do the work on his own."

"He’ll tell," Lily and Sirius warned in a single voice.  They exchanged glances, Sirius astounded that he’d ever find himself agreeing with a Slytherin.

Remus grinned.  "He can’t tell.  Or at least he can’t prove it.  Professor McGonagall, when she was showing me how to force an Animagus to regain human form, said that you can’t do the converse.  Not even Dumbledore can tell if a person is an Animagus unless they choose to transform.  Not even animals can tell."  His tone showed that he was well acquainted with the perceptiveness of animals.

Lily fixed him with her clear gaze.  "But you have a secret, too," she reminded him.

"Oh," he said, light-heartedly, "that’s right, I forgot."  He glanced at James, not entirely sure if Lily had meant what he thought she meant, since she was so calm about it.  Then he looked back at Lily.  "You seem to be taking it rather well," he remarked with an ironic smile.

She smiled back.  "Sure, but I’m not a coward."

"Oh, Lily," he sighed, "Peter’s not really--"

"Yes he is.  He thinks Severus is a demi-god.  He’s even scared to death of James--"  she nudged him with her elbow "--the lousy ruminant."

Remus opened his eyes wide in shock.  "James, you didn’t repeat—you know I didn’t mean--"

"You did too," James laughed.  "I’m dying to hear what you say when Sirius is a bunny rabbit."

"Hey!" Sirius bellowed.  "You know the rule!"  He turned to Lily.  "Since you’re in on this now, you should know that there are certain rules—at least until I do it right the first time.  Don’t talk to me about animals.  Don’t show me pictures of animals…"

"Any animals?" Lily wondered.  "Because we had those toads in Potions today…"
 
Sirius grimaced slightly, but he regained his composure.  "Actually, it’s very hard to be a reptile or a bird.  One becomes a mammal by default."

"A good thing, too," Remus put in, "or I’d have to stand there with a goldfish bowl while they practiced."

"But no rats, mice, bunnies, opossums—oh God, I’m jinxing myself as we speak.  Did you tell Peter you don’t get to choose?"

"I sure did; he didn’t like that part at all.  I think he thought I was trying to put one over on him."

"I would if I could," Sirius growled.  "He’s be a—no, don’t make me think about it."

"Remus," said Lily firmly, "you don’t have to be a saint in order not to be a monster.  I know what he’s like, because he hung out in our house for two years—and you shouldn’t be friends with spies."

"Let’s talk about it tomorrow," James suggested.  "I don’t think any of our lives depend on Peter."  They left the classroom, and he and Lily parted on the stairs to Gryffindor tower with one last long look.  They skipped the kiss because Sirius was making retching noises.