To Have and To Hold

To Have and To Hold

Chapter 2 - Awakening

Harry returned to consciousness and immediately felt the difference in his body. He felt - rested? Harry couldn't believe it. He had actually slept and slept well. How long had it been?

Damn, that potion had been-

His eyes flew open as he actually woke up.

Potion? Snape?

Everything came flooding back, and as much as Harry tried to convince himself it was a dream or some sort of sleep deprived hallucination, he knew it wasn't.

Harry could almost still feel those warm, moist lips on his mouth, that demanding tongue conquering his own, those teeth burning a path over his jaw and down his throat. The memory alone made him groan.

And he had just stood there, like a submissive little toy, as that mouth moved over his skin, kissing him with possessive urgency.

Harry groaned again and sat up, or rather, tried to sit up. And failed. His body felt like it was made of lead. It wasn't 100% natural either. There had to be some kind of restraining charm keeping him on the-

Where the hell was he anyway?

He glanced around with a small movement of his head. Everything was a mass of blurred shapes. His glasses? No, he didn't need them anymore. Why couldn't he see properly?

Again, he tried to take in the room. It was a sitting room of sorts. He was able to discern a fireplace across a small distance from where he lay on a couch and another chair nearby. Other furniture blurred further away in the chamber.

There was no movement, to Harry's relief. He was alone, for the moment. He really should get out. His brain locked on the seemingly brilliant idea of running. But how, when he couldn't move?

He could try to counter whatever spell was on him if he could summon his wand.

"The brave Gryffindor is not actually entertaining the idea of fleeing, is he?"

Harry closed his eyes briefly. God that voice was confection covered electricity, dripping with condescending intent.

"What would your fan club say?"

So deep and so rich. It vibrated over him like a melody.

"Mr. Potter, I know you can hear me."

Harry opened his eyes and made an effort to locate Snape's form. The large black mass was skulking closer. Harry brilliantly decided to play dumb.

"Professor," Harry managed. "What happened? Where am I?"

Snape was looming over him now and he sat down beside Harry to lean over him until his face came into focus. His black eyes gleamed with a knowing little light and the smirk was positively derisive.

"Come now, Potter, you can do better than that."

Harry decided that his brilliance was as overrated as Snape always said it was.

"Fine," Harry snapped. "I'm sorry I broke into your lab. I promise I'll replace the dragon liver. So take the damn points, give me detention and let me out of here."

Snape's brows shot up expectantly and Harry scowled.

"How come I can't get up?" he asked.

"Because, Mr. Potter," said Snape. "I added hellebore to your little concoction."

"Hellebore?" Harry frowned, running the ingredients through his head. It was poisonous but when mixed with the ginger roots and the powdered bicorn horn would leave the after effects of near paralysis as well as interrupt magic applied to the body, including glamours and the restorative on his eyes. "That explains why I can't see," he muttered and glared up at Snape. "Why?"

Snape blinked at him. "Because you're exhausted, Potter, and you need to rest."

"I can bloody well rest in my own dorm."

"You dare to take that tone with me, Potter?" Snape said, scowling again although his tone seemed more amused than angry. "A teacher?"

The amusement threw Harry off and he simply stared.

"You have demonstrated that you are completely incapable of caring for yourself," Snape went on. "Therefore, I shall do it for you."

Now Harry was blinking. "I beg your pardon?"

"You will remain where you are until I'm satisfied that you - won't take an accidental dive down one of the moving staircases."

Harry completely missed Snape's suggestive pause. "Damn it, Snape," He grumbled, trying to force his limbs to cooperate. "You deliberately-"

Snape's brow shot up again with implication and Harry froze, his mind grasping all the facts. For Snape to deliberately add hellebore to his potion, and to know it would have these effects, he would have had to know what Harry was making, what ingredients he had already put in. Accidental dive down a moving staircase? Hadn't Harry used almost that exact phrase...

Harry felt like the bottom had dropped out of his stomach.

"How long were you in the lab?" Harry asked breathlessly.

A hand came up to his face and long fingers gently trailed down the side of his jaw. Snape watched his fingers move over Harry's cheek then met Harry's gaze again.

"Long enough."

**************

By Merlin, the boy was priceless. Severus had seen the moment he woke up, his body moving in a sinfully sensual reflex as he took in how relaxed he must have felt. Ah, potions.

Then he saw the moment cognizant thought returned to that addled brain of his. No, not addled, if what he'd overheard was to be believed. Something that Severus would certainly investigate.

Yes we must explore these hidden talents of his. Start with the kissing.

But as total recall of the prior evening hit the boy's expression, so did a rush of his feelings, made all the clearer without the shield of his glasses. Realization, self-consciousness and finally panic. Potter's first attempt at feigned ignorance was classic for him and brilliantly executed. He really was a master of that particular look and Severus couldn't help wondering if there was some reserve of innocence that the boy did possess which enabled him to tap into it so easily.

Potter dropped that facade swiftly enough, returning to the irritating insolent, foul-tempered brat Severus was used to. But Severus had seen clearly that this too was another of the boy's many masks that he donned for self-protection, or was it self-preservation? That too fell away when Severus mentioned the hellebore and Severus couldn't help but notice the evidence of Potter's potions knowledge as his expression reflected thought before acknowledgement. Severus saw the information being processed until finally realization hit again.

It was that moment that all the masks dropped and Severus was graced with the opportunity to see just Harry, as he had seen last night. And again the delicate masculine beauty of that face struck him. It drew Severus' hand in a spontaneous touch.

If he hadn't heard from those full, delectable lips himself, had not felt the response from the lithe body; he would never have believed such a creature could look on himself with any sort of interest. But he had heard it and he had felt it and the knowledge went through him like a potent hex, touching every vital organ, every subconscious instinct. It was now a requirement that he possess this incredible individual; mind, body and soul. Harry Potter had to be his.

It had gone passed any moral issues or school rules. In the time it had taken to carry the boy from the lab to his rooms, Severus had made up his mind.

Cleaning up the lab had been easy since Potter hadn't left that much of a mess and he had bottled the potion. He was sure the boy would have been furious to have that supply ruined. He did indeed find himself astounded as he packed up the brat's bag. If Potter really had brewed all those potions, then he seriously needed to have a talk with the boy, and with Albus.

Everything he was striving to accomplish by himself. Courageously brewing his own potions, working on his own defenses. Enduring the pain alone. Suffering through visions. What the hell was wrong with the brat?

He obviously doesn't wish to be a burden.

He shouldn't have to endure everything alone. Be forced to-

But he tries. And you admire that. His fortitude and his perseverance.

Yes, Severus had made his decision.

Severus also acknowledged that the impudent whelp, who thought it was his duty and his right to defy everything and everybody, would put up a fight.

Probably with everything except the kissing.

Right now however, the boy's expression displayed distinct confusion. His arm twitched as if he were attempting to move it, either to touch Severus back or to push Severus' hand away from his face. The attempt failed of course, thanks to the specialized brew.

Potter's green gaze returned to his again and took on a curious gleam.

"You-you kissed me."

Not a question. Not an accusation, more like a puzzlement.

"I did," Severus admitted, his eyes helplessly falling to those lips. Potter's tongue darted out to moisten them and Severus had to restrain the urge to crush that mouth again with his own. His body responded gleefully to the very thought, his inner voice egging his body on.

He reminded his enthusiastic libido that the boy was sedated and there would be no satisfaction in claiming the drugged body. His inner voice he ignored all together.

"Why?"

Severus eyes returned to the gaze which still reflected puzzlement but it also betrayed his body's fatigue. The boy had slept but not nearly enough.

"You begged me too," Severus said simply.

Confusion crossed the face again, the brows furrowed and those lips parted in what was a silent gasp of surprise.

"I did?"

Severus didn't feel like explaining how Potter's simple vulnerable expression had been an entreaty, nor would Potter grasp the subtleties of his own allure.

"You admit it, then?"

Severus wished he could laugh at his astonishment, but the truth of the matter was that the brat was begging again. Those green eyes, wide with wonder, beckoned him.

His head inched closer, lips tingling with anticipation. Potter swallowed, drawing Severus' gaze to the pale column of his throat and thusly to the mark Severus had left. Severus slid the hand on Potter's face down the silken skin to the neck, his thumb brushing lightly over the possessive bruise his mouth had left.

A hoarse groan drew Severus' eyes again to the face in time to see Potter's eyes drift close and his head angle back.

Oh yes. Definitely begging.

Severus crushed his mouth over the parted lips, his tongue delving into the only recently explored territory. Another welcoming moan greeted his ears as a tongue met his own.

The response jolted a return groan from Severus. Through the drug-induced stupor, Potter was kissing him back. It was the reminder Severus needed.

Running the hand to the center of Potter's chest, Severus held firmly as he pulled away. Potter's chest rose and fell quickly from deep breaths and his expression, still unguarded, showed the effect the kiss had.

Lips swollen, glazed arousal mixed with surprised wonder in the green gaze. If the boy was capable of voluntary movement and actually touched him, Severus would have been undone.

As it was, Severus had to remind himself that when he claimed Potter for his own, he wanted more than cooperation. He wanted, needed, would demand the enthusiastic passionate response that Potter was capable of, displayed in everything he did.

It would be worth it, he consoled his overzealous body. Even his inner voice conceded as he could see Potter was losing coherency. His eyelids drooped but not from the passion they had just shared.

"Sleep," Severus commanded sternly.

Potter's bottom lip was pulled between his teeth and again Severus wondered about that reserve of innocence.

"For now I can live vicariously through my sordid reputation."

Severus recalled the statement. Could it be possible, mean that there actually was innocence? The very idea was doubtful but compelling. He couldn't possibly be untouched yet that prospect, which now grabbed hold of Severus with a vengeance, thrilled him to the very core.

"Sleep," he told Potter again as the lids fluttered weakly.

Severus watched him drift off and let his eyes wander over the relaxed form. His hand, still on the boy's chest, registered the even breaths of sleep and longed to travel unhindered over flesh stretched out before him.

Patience.

He moved his hand back to the face and stroked the smooth cheek with the back of his hand, knuckles brushed around the well-defined jaw.

Soon, this perfectly wrapped package of Gryffindor integrity, bravery and loyalty, the soon-to-be-savior and the desire of the wizarding world would belong to him.

**********

Severus smirked as two stragglers from Hogsmeade joined the diners in the Great Hall for dinner. They both appeared somewhat haggard in appearance and their expressions were particularly fraught.

As he expected, they both trod carefully to the staff table and stopped before the Headmaster, waiting patiently for Albus to give them his attention.

"Ah, Mr. Weasley, Miss Granger," the Headmaster said. Severus didn't even have to look to know the fool's eyes were twinkling. "What can I do for you? Enjoy your trip to town?"

Weasley nodded and swallowed but Severus noticed that the boy's eyes flicked in his direction.

"Yes sir." Granger, ever the brave mouthpiece, spoke up. "We were just wondering, well, if you'd seen Harry."

"Missing someone, are you?" Severus couldn't help it, or the accompanying smug expression.

Both sets of eyes immediately turned to him, blatant accusation apparent.

Now, Severus, if you're going to claim him, you really should be nicer to his friends.

Not bloody likely.

"What did you do to him, you-"

Granger clapped a hand over Weasley's mouth. She was the clever one of the lot, after all.

"Ah, yes," Albus intervened, ever the diplomat. "It seems Mr. Potter has been suffering from some unpleasant nightmares and has sought out Professor Snape for some Dreamless Sleep Potion."

Both Gryffindors looked at Severus again as if they knew exactly what had transpired and wanted to know the repercussions.

Oh, do tell them about the kissing! I'd love to see Weasley have a stroke over that.

"But where is he, sir?" Granger asked, turning back to Albus. "He's not in the tower or the hospital wing."

"Yes, well, it seems," Dumbledore informed them, "that the potion took immediate effect so the Professor was gracious enough to let Harry sleep it off where he was."

"And um," Granger's eyes flicked to Severus again. "Where was he?"

Severus rolled his eyes. "Miss Granger," Snape nearly growled. Idiot children, did they think him a monster. "I'm not so callous as to leave a student, even Potter, on the floor of the dungeon laboratory."

"So, where did you put him?"

Honestly, nothing of intelligence has ever come out of the mouth of a Weasley.

"He is asleep, Mr. Weasley," Severus couldn't help the sneer, "Quite comfortably on a sofa in the study adjacent to my office."

Otherwise known as the parlor in your chambers next to your bedroom.

Semantics. "When he's rested, I'll be sure to evict him post haste," said Severus. "As well as deduct the appropriate number of points for breaking into my lab and my ingredients cabinet. Not to mention, the sundry other rules he broke last night."

Like begging a teacher to kiss him. Having such a delicious throat. Being so beautiful-

"I'm sure Mr. Potter is fine," Albus said. "Run along. You'll see him later."

Severus watched the pair move off towards the Gryffindor table, whispering to each other. His thoughts wandered back to the divine delinquent held captive by sleep in his dungeon.

Severus, how positively gothic that sounds.

Severus snorted quietly into his teacup.

********

Harry moved carefully from the dungeons. The potion hadn't entirely worn off and aside from the fact that his vision was still messed up, his body still felt lined with lead. He was not going to take an 'accidental dive' down a moving staircase and end up in the hospital wing after everything else that had happened.

It was the 'everything else' however that had made him move in the first place. He just wasn't up to another confrontation with Snape.

For God's sake, Snape had kissed him. Twice. Snape! And Harry was no expert but damn...

Helen or Helena or Helene or whatever her name was, certainly wasn't doing it right because nothing had ever felt like that. Maybe it just meant that Harry's preferences ran in a different way.

Ron had said it was different, nothing to write home about.

Maybe Ron was doing it wrong too. Maybe it was just Snape. Maybe it was-

Maybe he should just stop thinking about it.

But how could he when he could still feel the heat from the man's touch on his neck and throat. He fingered his neck absently, flinching as he found it tender. Crap. How the hell was he supposed to explain the hickey? Hermione would surely-

Double crap. Snape must have heard the whole bloody conversation. He had actually admitted he wanted to kiss Snape.

Harry caught himself before running into a stanchion.

No wonder Snape said he had begged for it. He had practically asked to be kissed. Harry moved around the column and moved slowly onward. So that explained it. Snape had helped him out with the potion and kissed him.

God he was such a fool. To think he had actually kissed Snape back the second time. Snape was going to use this one until the end of time.

Harry finally made it to the dorm and wearily laid down on his bed. His body was exhausted but his mind kept straying to the man's kisses. He absently fingered his lips.

What could have possessed Snape to kiss him? Really.

Maybe begging wasn't quite as bad as it sounded. If it got him more kisses.

Maybe Harry was just losing his mind. It's exhaustion, he told himself, as his fingers trailed down the path Snape's lips had traveled, remembering. His other hand traveled south of it's own accord.

He wished...

Sleep finally claimed and Harry fell asleep with a smile on his swollen lips.

**********

"Harry? Harry?"

Harry vaguely heard Ron's voice. "Hmm?"

"Are you okay?"

He couldn't help smiling. His dreams were so sweet. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Ron shook his shoulder. "Snape said you were in his lab."

"I got caught. In a big way," he said softly. "Slipped something into my potion. Made me drink it right away."

"That stuff knocks you right out," Ron pointed out.

"Mmm. Good stuff."

"Ron, let him sleep," Hermione's voice was a whisper. "We'll talk to him later."

"Yeah, alright," Ron muttered. "At least he's out of the dungeons."

*******************

Snape looked around his chambers, his fury mounting. The bloody brat bolted!

You were expecting docile acquiescence?

Severus sighed. Actually it was typical. Potter wouldn't be Potter if he didn't display some form of defiance. A little appreciation, gratitude, for Severus' help wouldn't have been amiss however and he'd be sure to berate the boy good for his lack of manners.

He wasn't the one molesting you while you were drugged.

Severus flinched at his own thoughts. Merlin, he had probably intimidated the boy with too much too soon.

Potter?

All right, maybe intimidate was the wrong word. Spooked? Disturbed? Unsettled? Severus couldn't help it though. The vision of him looking up at Severus without any sort of mask, in effect, honest, was not only a thrill but an honor. He doubted even Granger or Weasley had ever seen such a naked expression on him in the last few years.

Naked is good.

Of course, Severus had already decided to open up that bloody can of worms. But if Potter was capable of hiding everything he had been allegedly hiding, then what was a little mutual lust?

Still, he considered, he would have to proceed with caution. And he still had to find out what Potter felt.

***********

"Harry, you're not seriously considering going back there?"

"I've got to replace the dragon liver I used," said Harry, opening his trunk. He pulled out a couple of vials and sighed with relief. He knew he had more. "It shouldn't be too hard if I make it quick. Even if he changed the wards, I should be out in no time." He rummaged through the articles in his trunk. "Where's my cloak?"

Hermione gasped loudly and Harry looked up. She had both hands clapped over her mouth, her eyes wide.

"What?"

"Oh Harry, I forgot it."

"Forgot what?"

"Your cloak," she said hurriedly. "I didn't want you to know I borrowed it, so I tucked it behind the statue outside Snape's lab and I-"

"You forgot it!" Harry stood up abruptly. "How could you forget it?" Dawning struck again. "No wonder I didn't hear him come in. He must have grabbed it and followed you in. He heard everything."

At least Harry knew exactly what Snape had heard and how.

"Well the man is a spy, Harry," Ron said reasonably.

Harry sent him a glance then turned a questioning look to Hermione. "Did you hear me, Hermione?" Harry said.

"Yes, he heard-" Her jaw falling open stopped her sentence. "Even-"

"Even that."

"Oh God, was he furious?"

"What?" Ron asked catching up on the conversation.

"Um."

"Harry, he's going to find out eventually anyway," Hermione said.

Harry made a frustrated gesture and ran a hand through his hair. Hermione took it as an assent.

"Ron," she began carefully, "Harry was serious when he said he wanted to kiss Snape."

"Ha, ha," Ron said. "Very funny." But a look back and forth between them made him frown. "You're kidding, right?" He looked at Harry who shook his head. "You're not kidding."

Harry nodded.

"And he heard you and Hermione discussing it?"

Harry nodded again.

"And he kissed you, didn't he?" Ron's voice depended and Harry couldn't tell it was outrage or confusion.

Harry flinched and Hermione looked at Ron with surprise.

To Hermione, he said, "Well who wouldn't?" To Harry, "He did, right?"

Harry only nodded again.

Now curious, Ron asked, "How was it?"

"Ron?"

"Ron, we are on the same page on this, aren't we?" Harry asked worriedly. "You do realize we're talking about Snape."

Ron nodded. "Believe it or not, I'm not a complete idiot," he told them. "I did figure out that you could be telling me the truth and I've had some time to think about it. You do know him better than we do, all the time you've been spending with him and all, and I've noticed a few times you staring..."

Harry could only blink. "And you're okay with this?"

"Hell no," said Ron. "The man will shred you alive. Even if he doesn't hate you to the extent that he used to, he's still Snape and unless he's gone completely nutters, he's going to use it. You should have seen how damned smug he looked earlier."

Harry nodded gravely. "That's what I'm thinking. He's going to humiliate me for sure."

"I don't think he will," said Hermione.

"How could he not?" Ron wanted to know.

"Because he's a teacher," she insisted. "He took advantage of Harry when he was - er not really of sound mind, so to speak. I mean there has to be some sort of rule about student-teacher relations."

"She's got a point, mate," said Ron.

"Why didn't you bring that point up last night?" Harry demanded.

Hermione flushed. "I'm sorry, Harry. I just never really thought anything would come of it. I mean you, yourself said you weren't going to do anything about it."

Harry considered it. "Alright, so what now? I forget it happened?" Pretend, maybe. Forget? Not without an obliviate.

"Just see what happens," Hermione reasoned. "I'll bet, Snape doesn't say a word about what happened."

"And what about my cloak? I'm not letting him keep it."

"You've lost your mind. Is that it?" Ron was looking at him suspiciously. "You can't sneak back there. Or do you want to get caught again?"

"Well it was a damn good kiss," Harry muttered. Did he just say that? "Look, I'm sorry. I'm just still really tired."

"Obviously," Ron said, as if he was trying to blame the whole ordeal on Harry's exhaustion. "Look, just sleep on it. You can ask for the cloak back tomorrow after class."

Harry conceded and they bade Hermione a goodnight. She headed out back to her own dorm and Harry closed up his trunk. It was late and everyone else in their room was already in bed, if not asleep. They changed their clothes and climbed into bed. Ron drifted off almost immediately, obvious by the soft snores coming from his bunk.

Harry rolled over, his mind still a turmoil of uneasy thoughts. He barely had a chance to cast a silencing spell as the first vision hit him.

Harry's weakened mind succumbed and he realized with dread that Snape also had the rest of his potion. There would be no sleep tonight.

TBC

Chapter 3: Some of Harry's secrets come out but now he has a new one he has to keep.