The Unforgettable Caving Expedition

It had been 2 weeks since Hogwarts had let students out for summer break. After a summer of Hermione staying at the Burrow, it was time for her to invite Ron and Harry to her place. Harry couldn't come- the Dursleys were making him pick the trash off the highways for community service. Ron however came the day he was invited and planned only to stay about a week or so. Hermione promised she'd take him to do muggle activities everyday, and today just happened to be caving. She had all her hair tucked up in her helmet except for her bangs, and was wearing her father's KISS shirt and dark denim pants. Ron was also wearing jeans and a Prince shirt and one of Hermione's hot pink helmets that clashed horribly with his hair.

"Turn you light on, Ron. You won't be able to see a boulder three centimeters in front of your face if you don't."

"I thought it was on! Sorry I'm not the spelunking queen you are. You'll have to forgive me, mistress."

Ron groped for the light on his helmet and twisted it on.

"Apology accepted. Now here's how you get around a cave. Always have three parts of your body touching the ground. I prefer both hands and knees, although several slide on their bottoms."

As she showed him the different techniques for getting around in a cave, Ron started to look very annoyed. "You know, I think I've crawled before. Oh gosh, I have! I even did it before I knew how to walk! Amazing, I know."

Hermione shot Ron an I'm-better-than-you smirk. "Fine, Mr. Smart Guy, You know so much, you go first. Go on.... SCOOT!" she gave a small push on his back, although it was a lot harder than she thought it was.

Ron lost his footing and fell all the way to the bottom into a big lake of water. As he fell, the batteries in his helmet fell out and he didn't have light most of the fall. Hermione jumped when she heard the splash of water, and rushed as fast as she could do retrieve him without falling herself.

When she got to the lake, she noticed Ron was covered in mud and was soaking wet. She sat down and laughed, although she was still a little worried.

"Ron, say something. Anything. Talk baby talk if you want to." Ron didn't answer her, but looked at her with a quizzical look.

"Ron, do something. Uh, crawl, sing, roll your eyes...." But he interupted her her and, trangely, Ron mumbled weird sounds.

"Ron, Do something to prove you're not four anymore," Hermione spoke slowly.

"I'll crawl.... Will that make you happy?" Ron asked her, obviously a little ticked off.

Hermione started to look worried. Surely Ron crawled before he was four? "Ok, let me ask you another question. Where do you live?" Hermione moved her hands around her into different symbols in case Ron didn't understand. This didn't help anything.

"Voldemort. Look! I said his name," Ron said in a very most sarcastic voice. Now Hermione was very frightened and slowly backed away. Ron, however, kept his confused look.

"What, did Malfoy possess you? Do you know where he is?" she asked in her calm, desperate voice.

"The Burrow. Duh," Ron said. Now Hermione was very freaked out and stayed where she was even though it felt like her body was moving.

"Ok, let's change the subject. Ron, are you a virgin?," asked Hermione, trying not to crack a smile.

"Hermione, why are you asking me these stupid questions. Of course not!!" Ron bellowed. Hermione decided it was now time to leave and see if she could ask more questions outside of a dark cave.

"Let's go. I think I've had my share of questions for today. Are you hungry?"

"Yes I am," Ron said very flatly. Hermione however, was startled. "Then let's go! Back to my home!"

"No," Ron responded.

"I don't care what you think anymore, Ron, we're going. Follow me," Hermione said, trying to hold the anger inside of her. It was taking all her will power not to slap him.

"Ok. Sounds good," Ron replied. Hermione was now very confused. He just said he didn't want to go, now he was fine with it. And him let her lead something? Hermione knew something spiffy was going on.....

**

Neither of them talked the journey back home. When they got back to Hermione's abode, Hermione made a peanut butter and honey sandwich, cut it in half down the center, then gave half to Ron and kept the other half for herself.

"Ron, I decided you should go back home and figure out your issues. Make Draco leave." Ron just stared at his sandwich and didn't say anything.

Hermione stood up. "LISTEN UP, RON! YOU'RE GOING BACK TO THE BURROW AND I'M GOING WITH YOU AND YOU ARE KICKING DRACO OUT OF YOUR HOME AND LEAVING HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED. IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?" Hermione screeched. Ron slouched in terror. "But I don't want to...and what are you talking about?" Before he could take the final bite from his sandwich, Hermione grabbed his wrist and pulled him from his chair. "Follow me," she said and took off, unable to hear is "Whatever, you're really scaring me" comment.

***

After both flying to the Burrow, Hermione jumped off her broom before she even landed and brought Ron along with her, causing him to fall flat on his face. She pulled him up, ignored the bloody nose, and stormed inside the tilting house.

When Mr. and Mrs. Weasley saw Ron, they're jaws dropped open. Hermione, however, was the first to speak.

"There is something wrong with your son," Hermione said.

"We can see that," Mrs. Weasley said as she laid her book beside her and stood up. She looked very worried.

"No, ignore the bloody nose. I did that....sorry," Hermione replied. " He says lies for no reason. I can't figure it out. All we did was go inside a cave and-"

"Wait. You said you went into a cave. Ron didn't by chance touch any water from inside the cave, did he?" Mr. Weasley asked, starting to look interested.

Hermione's face lit up. "Yes! Yes! He did actually....fell into it completely."

Mr. Weasley twitched. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. Mrs. Weasley left, claiming she had to go and check to make sure the twins weren't causing any mischief.

"Weasleys can't touch cave water. We're allergic. It's rather strange. If we touch it, we'll either turn into a green weasel or answer a question the question after you ask it," Mr. Weasley said, obviously proud to show off his intelligence.

"O...K...," Hermione replied. She had no idea what he just said.

"Try it. Ask him a question. Any question," Mr. Weasley announced, guiding swooshing his hand in a gentle movement towards Ron's direction.

Hermione looked Ron in the eye. "Ron, would you like something to drink?" Ron just looked at her as if she hadn't said anything.

"Now ask another question...something not related to what you just asked."

"Ron, what day is Christmas?" This time however, Ron opened his mouth.

"I would. Water sounds good." After he said this, Hermione understood. She chucked to herself. "How the heck do we get this spell off him?" Hermione asked, still looking at Ron, then to Mr. Weasley. "I've never heard of anything like this before."

"All we have to make him drink pickle juice. I'll go buy some right now," Mr. Weasley said as he left the room. "And Hermione, do get Ron a rag or something for his nose...it's rather gross."

**

Soon Mr. Weasley came back with his pickle juice and sat next to Ron. His nose had fully healed. He unscrewed the top and made Ron drink it, pouring it down the mouth Hermione had to hold open. Ron was in panic as anyone who was forced to drink pickle juice against his will would be. After a little less than half the jar of pickle juice was drank, Hermione let go of his jaw. Ron had a twisted look to his face, as if he was about to puke. Hermione looked frightened, although Mr. Weasley seemed to be having the time of his life.

"What was that all about!" Ron yelled. Hermione shot Mr. Weasley a small smile.

"Ron, how toes does Neville have on each foot?"

"Six...but that's so-" but before he could finish what he was saying, Hermione gave him a huge hug. Ron was very confused, although he hugged her right back.

"Ok then," he said. Hermione look