All I'd Ever Wanted

All I'd Ever Wanted

People always ask me how it happened, they expect some romantic story, how he raced off to Ireland, hoping to stop me from making the biggest mistake of my life. But it didn't happen that way at all. Not at all.

First of all, let me properly introduce myself to those of you who don't know me. My name is Kalli, Kalli Damia. My parents are Gregory and Colette Damia, American wizards. I was raised by my uncle, Remus Lupin, certainly, you know him. Anyway, none of this is important.

As you all know, Harry Potter is famous for defeating Voldemort, and I was lucky enough to have ties to Voldemort in my family, hooray... Anyway, I met Harry in our fifth year, I had just been transferred to Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft from Scotland. We started dating towards the end of that year, and by seventh, even his best friend, Ron, knew we were destined. Unfortunately, Harry didn't.

**

I still remember standing at the train station, wrapped in my summer clothes, dressed as a Muggle, waiting for Harry to hug me. Ron stood beside me, Hermione beside him. Harry embraced Hermione, promising to return for the wedding. Moving to Ron, he shook his hand, sadness mingling with excitement in his startling green eyes. I was next. The way his flesh felt as he slipped his arms around me, the sound of his breath as he held me tight in the humid air. It all made me want to hold him there forever, never letting him go.

But he pulled away, turning to board the train. He was leaving to pursue his lineage, swearing that there must be someone out there, someone who loved him enough to take him in. I watched his great coat disappear into the stairs, watched the gleaming surface as it pulled away from the station, watched as the crowd drifted away. I watched as my life slipped through my fingers.

After a long time, Uncle Remus came for me, saying something about moving to Scotland, but I wasn't listening, I kept turning around, hoping to see him Apparate. But I got into Uncle Remus' car, and still he hadn't appeared. He was gone.

**

Summer slowly turned into fall, turning the leaves to a stunning amber gold. I began my career as a secretary at the Ministry, studying to be a Professor at Hogwarts as well. Soon, between work, school, and charms, I drifted into a dreamy state. But somewhere in my darkest thoughts, I still missed Harry, I still thought that he had gone looking for something that he wouldn't find.

Hermione and Ron were preparing for their wedding, a beautiful arrangement. Hermione asked me to be her maid of honor, and, of course I agreed. Suddenly I had so much to do, planning and laughing. I almost forgot the pain and bewilderment I had felt when I lost him.

It wasn't until late into October that I saw him again. The day before the wedding, he turned up in the midst of preparations. Of course, he was the best man. As he walked into the room, my heart leapt into my throat, and my heart raced against my ribs. He embraced us all, including Uncle Remus. But I thought he lingered just a bit longer on me, or it may have been my imagination. But I didn't want to be with him, he'd betrayed me, he'd left me behind.

**

The following day, as I donned my ice blue dress of silk and chiffon, I felt a bit hasty. Buttoning up Hermione, I felt clumsy. Walking over to Ron's room, I felt nervous. And it wasn't until Harry answered the door that I knew why. His emerald eyes flashed like lightning as he took in my dress, my hair, the stars in my eyes. Then he stepped aside. "It's time," I whispered to Ron, who stood there in a tuxedo.

A Muggle wedding, for Hermione. He'd agreed to allow her this, that's how he loved her. He dressed his entire family in Muggle attire, teaching them how to tie the shoes and buckle the belts. Harry smiled at me, and when I returned it, it was only half-heartedly.

The walk down the aisle was brutal. I recall walking toward him, my heart in my throat as he watched me. Harry's eyes never left me, I know this, because mine never left him. But, when it was over, we didn't even speak.

**

The following day, I awoke early, already packed and ready to go. Uncle Remus drove me to the station, and helped me load my things onto the train. I couldn't stand it anymore, and there was an opening in Ireland for a secretary, Muggle, but it was work. As I sat alone in my little compartment, I watched the land rush by me, watched my past drift away.

The past I'd worked to forget, the parents I feared for so long, the love I'd lost. It all drifted away with the tides, and I was left with nothing but a clean slate, and a promise of a future. But was it the future I wanted? I asked myself that question over and over, until I couldn't think anymore. Then, through the mist, the answer stabbed me like a knife. NO! I DIDN'T WANT IT! Leaping to my feet, I gathered my belongings, just as the train slowed to a stop at the station. Not my station, but I didn't care. I removed myself from the train and dragged my luggage into the bathroom with me. Without another thought, I Disapparated from the bathroom, and appeared in Uncle Remus' living room.

From the foyer, I heard voices, Uncle Remus, and Harry. They were talking. "So you see," Uncle Remus was saying, "She left, this morning, at eight." Harry stared at him, almost unable to believe.

I watched from the living room as Harry's hand flew to his head in disbelief. "She left? Just like that?" He asked.

"What'd you expect her to do?" Uncle Remus demanded. "You left the girl behind! You went off to find the person that loves you, while she was standing at the station with you!" Harry seemed to stare through Uncle Remus as I watched his emerald eyes cloud over.

"I love her, Remus," Harry replied, "I do. But I can't just tell her that."

My heart leapt into my ribs, causing tears to sprout. "Harry," I whispered, "Harry!" I said, running from the living room, down the hallway, and bursting from the door. I felt his arms come around me, and I knew in that moment that I was going to stay there for the rest of my life.

"Marry me," he whispered, clutching me. "Marry me now. Before I lose you again."

It wasn't romantic. He wasn't my knight in shining armor. He didn't rescue me from a mistake. He didn't even get down on one knee. But it was all I'd ever wanted.