What

What

The night was blistering cold as I walked down the deserted street of Hogsmeade. It seemed like I was leaving the world as I walked away from the full moon with only the clothes on my back and a small bag. I was freezing, but I enjoyed the feeling of knowing there was no one out there who could stop me. Not even my friends, if you could call them that now.

Over the past years I'd kept distance of everyone I loved and cared about, knowing they're only get hurt if I stuck around. If I had run into Her- Her - Hermione or R- Ron right now, they wouldn't notice me. It was hard to even say their names. I had gone so far to keeping away from them that I couldn't even remember how they looked or there voices.

Soon after my sixth year at Hogwarts had begun, I couldn't deal with all the whispers and pointing at me and the sad looks everyone at that damn place gave me. I had left without so much as a good-bye, leaving only a small note on R-Ron's dresser, where I knew he would see it, explaining why I left.

I knew they were in danger of being murdered by Voldemort. I realized that when I saw Sirius, my godfather, die. It was at that point that I cracked. He had been the only person to understand me, someone I could tell everything too. But with my own stupidity and not taking no as an answer, I had leaded him to his death. Something I would never do to anybody else.

But I must admit, I'll miss them. I'll miss Her- Hermione's bossy attitude, and Ron's stubbornness. I'll miss their constant flirtatious fighting. I'll even miss fighting with Malfoy or any other Slytherin. But most of all, I'll miss her.

She was always my favorite. I would've died for her, given my life to save hers. Nobody could understand me like her. Sirius could understand me, but she was different. We'd both been through the same experience with Voldemort. She would come to me when she was scared, and I would go to her when I was scared. She was the only person I dared to talk to during the summer and for the first two weeks of sixth year, but only by owl or at night under a small candle light under my Invisibility Cloak, which was in my bag along with everything from her.

I remember for my birthday in the summer before sixth year, she had gotten me a card. That's all. But it was the most wonderful present I had ever gotten from anybody. Inside the card, she had a picture that her mother had taken of Sirius, her, and me. Like most magical pictures, this one was moving. We were all waving, Sirius laughing and her and I laughing along. I couldn't find what was so funny about it. I wanted to find out.

But right now I don't give a damn. All I want is to get as far away from her as possible. Before I had left tonight, I had found a note on my bed with a black rose covered with blood lying on top of it. It was painful to even remember it...

~*~

"I want to talk to him," I had whispered to nobody in particular. Ron looked up at me and smiled sadly.

"He won't listen to you, Ginny," Ron whispered. "He won't listen to anybody."

I don't believe him for I have talked to Harry before when he refused to talk to anybody. It was hard talking to Harry, but at the same time, it was so easy talking to him. He would spill his heart out to me, telling me how he hated being here, how he hated that he had led Sirius to his death, how he hated himself. Then he would start to cry and I would only hold him, crying myself. I would say everything I could to try to make him feel better, but knowing that no one except him seeing Sirius could help him. Then he would look up at me ashamed that she had seen him cry, but then he'd see me crying and wipe my tears away. He'd wipe his own away. But the most amazing feeling I had ever felt would happen next.

At first it had only been a kiss. Then kisses. Then we'd get to the point of making out, and then to where we couldn't stop. It felt amazing feeling him on top of me, feeling his lips kiss me, feeling his hands on mine. We'd stay there all night, until the sun broke out above the horizon. I hated seeing the sun come out; it only meant that I wouldn't be able to talk to Harry until tonight.

"Ginny?" I heard a voice, and suddenly, reliving all the things that had happened with Harry and me seemed to disappear from my mind. I closed my eyes and when I opened them, I saw Harry.

"Ginny?" it wasn't Harry's voice. I shook her head a few times and then I saw it was Ron. "Are you all right? Ginny?"

I slightly nodded. I wanted to cry, but couldn't in front of my brother. "I-I go-got to g-go. See you later."

I stood up and ran, but ran to the boy's dormitories. I needed to see Harry, needed to hear his voice, I needed to feel him. I needed him. I ran and ran and ran until I bumped into somebody. Hard. I expected to fall, fall to into oblivion. But I only felt strong arms holding me tightly. I need not to think about whom the person was for I knew in a heartbeat it was Harry.

I threw my arms around his neck and pushed against him. I don't remember how long it was that we stood there hugging.

"Shh," Harry whispered. "It's okay. I'm here now. It's okay." It's funny how I had been saying those words since school started, for about two weeks. Now he was saying them to me. I never expected him to be like this. Not right now anyway, with everything going on.

"Oh, Harry," I whispered. "I can't stand being away from you. I don't like only talking to you at night where no one can see us."

"You're right, Ginny," Harry whispered, holding me tighter. "Come with me, then."

"Where?" I asked. I looked up at him with my watery eyes and tear stained face. "Where are we going?"

"Out of this place," Harry smiled at me, the first time I'd ever seen him smile since Sirius died. "So we can be together forever all the time."

This was going to hurt. It was going to kill me. But I had to.

I removed my arms from his neck and took his hands off my waist. I took a step back and asked, "What do you mean?"

"Let's get out of here and never come back," Harry said. "There's nothing here anyway. Let's get ourselves a little cottage and live together and always be together."

"Harry," I said slowly. "We can't do that."

"What do you me-." Harry stop, then smiled. "Oh. Of course we can't. Not now anyway. But if..."

"If what?" I asked. What the hell was going on? I loved but he was starting to make me think maybe he was insane.

"Marry me, Ginny. I love you. I want to marry you. Will you marry me?" Harry reached out for my hand but I took a step backward.

"I-I can't do th-that. I'm sorry." I turned around and ran away.

~*~

Those were the last words I ever heard from her. I think maybe that's why I left, other than the fact that everybody was in danger with me staying there. After she had run away from me, I'd felt so alone. Feeling like nobody loved me anymore. It is possibly one of the worst feelings ever imaginable. I truly thought she loved me. I thought she'd be happy to marry me. I thought a lot of things. But to everything, I was wrong.

I can feel myself crying and I stop walking, sitting on a cold bench. I reach into the small bag I had brought with me and read the note that I had found drenched with blood, laying on my bed. The note that gave me the strength I had been lacking, to leave Hogwarts and everyone there.

Reading the note made me shake, as I visualize it actually happen. This note will bring me nightmares, I know it will.

Mr. Potter,

You have until the strike of midnight tonight to surrender to I, Lord Voldemort, unless the girt you care and love most, will die. And I will not stop to think. I will send her to you, piece by piece until you come to me. Think wisely. Even if you do not come I will hunt you down and send everybody in your life to you in pieces. They'll have you to thank for that.

I'll be waiting.

Lord Voldemort

I folded the note and put it back into my bag. I looked at my watch; it was a quarter past eleven, meaning I only had forty-five minutes unless everybody dies. I took my wand out and muttered a single word. A blue light flashed from my wand and formed a think blue line that seemed to go on forever. I start to follow it, not sure of what was going to happen.

So for now, as I'm heading on my way to Voldemort, I have one question:

~*~

I want to die for what I did. I still can't believe what I had said to Harry. I want to take it back and tell him I love him and that I want to marry him. I do. I really do want to marry him. I'm just a little scared of being on my own right now.

Maybe he's still up there. Maybe he's still looking out his window, as he does every night before he comes to meet me.

But then this powerful feeling of difference covers me. I feel as though tonight will be different. I run up to my room to see if an owl has left a note, knowing that Harry probably doesn't want to see me right now.

On my bed is a note with an owl feather on it. It's Harry's trademark now. Every letter he sends has a feather of Hedwig on it. I hastily open it and cry as I read the letters. It has tear mark on it and it was written sloppily. Harry must have been in a hurry. But for what, I wonder. I sink to my knees, reading this note tears my heart to shreds.

My dearest Ginny,

I have to leave. I don't want to. But everybody here is only in danger around. I love you. I always will love you. Please don't forget me. I'll be with you every second you want me to be around. I won't be coming back until I'm done. Wait for me because I swear I'll be back. Not for a while though. And if I don't come back, I want you to know I love you so much. No matter what stat, dead or alive, asleep or awake, I'll always love you.

Love,

Harry

I fall completely to the ground and cry on the wooden floor. I know why he left, he didn't leave for us. He left for me. I'm the one that sent him away. I am to blame. He left because he felt I didn't love him. The only thought running through my head is:

~*~

What am I going to?

~*~

What have I done?