Crying

Crying

He always said crying was a sign of weakness. So I never cried. He said laughing only made me look vulnerable. I don't know how to laugh anymore. He said showing your emotions was wrong. He taught me how to hide my emotions. I was always changing myself for him. But no matter what, I was never good enough for him.

Falling for him was the biggest mistake I could've ever made. But with him, I would feel special. He would spoil me silly, say the perfect things as we lay next to each other or cuddle, and make me believe he was in love with me. Everything was so perfect with us. But then everything changed.

~*~

I remember that night perfectly. I was in the Head Boy and Girls common room, waiting for him to arrive. Everything was just how it was supposed to be. Voldemort was dead the world was free of Death Eaters, and he and I could finally be together.

But not everything went as planned...

~*~

"Hey Ginny," he said as he walked through the portrait door. I automatically looked up, surprised that it was actually he speaking to me. He never talked to me unless he had to, and he never sounded so peppy before, especially with me.

"Hi, Draco," I replied, trying my best to sound casual. Even though we'd been together for almost five months, it still gave me that unbelievable shiver down my spine to see him. I was about to smile, but didn't want to break Draco's rule by showing my emotions. So I stopped myself mid-smile.

"Well don't look so shocked! I mean, you used to fawn when you'd see me!" he sat next to me on the couch. He took hold of my hand, causing me to shiver at his cold touch, but also remember how he would hit me.

I looked down at my hand. This was new. Usually he wouldn't touch me unless we were having sex or he would be hitting me. Never had he been emotional with me. It thrilled me, but it also scared me. He only acted like this when he'd had too much to drink, and that led him to do things he normally wouldn't do.

"Ginny?" I looked back up at him, but didn't say a word. I wasn't allowed to talk unless he, and only he, instructed me to. "You can talk."

I nodded, not wanted to talk for fear of getting hurt again. He always said I could talk, but then when I did, it would be something wrong or something he didn't want to hear. And that would hurt me.

"Do you love me, Ginny?" he asks me suddenly. I could feel his gaze on me, but I couldn't look up at him. If I did, he would see the truth in my eyes, and the truth wasn't what he wanted to hear.

I nodded anyway. True, I did love Draco Malfoy, but I also hated him. Even if he was abusive with me I loved him. I didn't care. He loved me too, and I knew it. I just got in his way sometimes and got punished for it.

"Hey, why don't you say we go up to my room?" he asked me slyly. I knew it wasn't a question, I have to obey to whatever he says or I get punished. I knew what he meant, and I wasn't up for it because of a cold I'd gotten a few days ago. He started to kiss my neck, but I didn't want him to get my cold. If he got my cold, he would only hurt me for 'almost killing him.' He's always me dramatic about everything.

"Um," I said, trying to keep my mind focused on my cold. "Today's not a good day for me. I'm not feeling so good."

"Oh come on Ginny," he whispered huskily between kisses. I closed my eyes tightly. "I know you want to. How about just a quickie?"

God he can be so horny when he's drunk. At first his drinking was funny now it was a problem, a very scary problem.

"No, Draco," I said, pushing him off me. The second I touched him, I knew there would be hell to pay.

Silence.

"Get up," Draco sneered as he got up. I didn't want to, I knew I was going to get hurt. "I said get up!"

Shaking, I got up, but not quick enough, obviously. The second I was standing, I felt his fist hit my shoulder. Oh God it hurt. But I kept my posture straight and bit my lip to stop myself from crying. I felt the second hit like a blast. This was getting out of control. I started to run.

He caught up with me and pushed me against the wall. "Don't you ever run again!" Before I could respond, I felt his fist connect with my jaw. The tangy taste of blood filled my mouth. This was new. He never hit me in the face; it was the only place he kept unharmed. I closed my eyes tightly to keep the tears back. I wanted to cry, and I would've, had he not kicked me, making me fall to the ground. He started kicking my whole body, my face, my legs, my arms, my chest, and stomach. Everywhere. Soon I couldn't feel my body at all. All I felt was this insane numbness spreading through my entire body. But the whole time, I still didn't cry.

~*~

Twenty minutes later when Draco finally stopped abusing me and went up to him room, I got up and ran as fast as I could. All the time I was running I was trying to remember the password.

After running for when seemed like forever, I finally found the Gryffindor common room. It was late and I knew nobody would be up.

Still not crying.

"Bravery," I said as I reached the portrait door. The Fat Lady looked at me, and opened the door. I ran in and was about to go to the Boys dormitories when I heard someone calling my name.

"Ginny?"

My first thought was that it was Draco and I froze, not daring to turn around to face him. I heard footsteps coming toward me and then in front of me. My eyes were closed; anticipating the beating I knew was sure to come. Then I heard a gasp and I opened my eyes to see none other than Harry Potter looking at the bruises along the visible parts of my body.

He grabbed my hand and we ran to the Room of Requirement. Inside it was a like a living room, with a fire and a couch, very similar to the Gryffindor common room.

"Take off your shirt, Ginny." he said, but not in the same way Draco would've said it. Draco would've just wanted to see my breasts; Harry wanted to see the bruises.

I lifted my arms and it hurt. It hurt to even move. I heard another gasp from Harry and soon felt his touch.

Harry examined my bruised body. He traced the bruises along my face, neck, arms, and chest with his fingers. I winced at his touch, fearing he would only hurt me like Draco had just twenty-five minutes ago.

"What in the name of God happened to you?" he whispered, examining all the bruises carefully.

"It's all my fault," I said softly, looking down at the ground. I couldn't look at him. I didn't want to see the concern in his eyes. "All my fault. I got in the way."

"In the way of what, Ginny?" he laid his hands on my shoulders so gently I couldn't even feel it. It was like with the slightest pain, I would break in a million pieces. He'd always been this way, well with me at least.

"He was drunk and I wasn't feeling good so I didn't want to do what he wanted me to. He tried making me do it anyway, but with force. I tried to stop him. I knew the consequences of disobeying him, but I went along with it. I am so stupid." I still wasn't crying. It hurt so much, but I wasn't about to cry. I couldn't cry. After three months of never crying even when you want to, you forget how to let it all out.

"Who? Who did this to you?" he had never known that Draco and I were together. A few weeks after we had gotten together, I had stopped talking to everyone, packing my things, going to the Head Boy and Girls dormitories. I moved into Draco's room. I slept with him every night, which was when he didn't hit me, or didn't threaten to kill me if I didn't do what he told me to.

"Oh my God," Harry whispered, his hands dropping from my shoulders. "You've been with Malfoy, haven't you?"

Without even talking, he knew it was true. He sighed and pulled me into a warm hug. One filled with love and care, a hug that Draco had never given to me. "Did he do this to you?"

Stupid question Harry, I thought. Who else do you know that I've been with who would do this to me?

"That bastard! I'm gonna kill him!" He meant it. He was going to kill Draco. He was grabbing his hand when I stopped him by grabbing his hand. He stopped and looked up at me.

"No, Harry. If you tell him I told you, I'll only get hurt later." I would beg. I would get down on my knees and beg if that was what it would take for him to stay away from Draco.

"No you won't. You're not going back. You are going to stay with me until Malfoy is in Azkaban and you are safe." This was not working. I had to lie.

"But I love him!" The words shocked him; they even shocked me when I realized they weren't true. I sighed. He wouldn't believe it unless I backed it up. "I really do love him, Harry. Please. Don't go to him. Please. Just do it for me." The whole time I had been looking at the floor.

"Look me in the eye, Ginny." his voice was low, but fierce. "Look me in the eye and tell me you love him, Ginny."

I took a deep breath and looked up at Harry. I was about to cry, but stopped, fearing that Draco would walk through the door and punish me for crying. "I-I..." I couldn't do it. I couldn't say I loved him while looking Harry in the eye. What's wrong with me? I thought. I'm usually stronger than this. But I wasn't strong enough to leave Draco even when I wanted to, so why would I be strong enough to say that I loved him?

"You don't need to fool yourself into believing something that we both know isn't true," Harry said softly. I practically melted at the sound of his voice. Amazing, one minute I could go to loving Draco, the next wanting to be with Harry. "Listen Ginny. I'm not going to stand here and watch Malfoy hurt you again! You need to testify again him!"

I couldn't testify again Draco. The ministry wouldn't believe me unless they saw proof, and Draco usually hid my bruises with a spell whenever we went out. Besides, who would believe a Weasley over a Malfoy? "And say what?" How stupid am I? I know exactly what Harry's talking about I just won't admit it. Damn my Weasley stubbornness.

"What do you think? That he hits you! That he rapes you! You don't deserve to be treated like that! You're better than that and you know it!"

"But he's all I have! I don't have any friends! I don't have a family! I'm not as gorgeous as Lavender or Parvati or Padma and I never will! All I have is Draco, and no matter what, I love him!" This time I was looking him straight in the eye, but my voice faltered over 'I love him.'

"Is that how you really feel, Ginny?" he wasn't angry anymore, all I could see in his eyes was care.

"I don't know how to feel anymore," I muttered, looking back down at the floor. It was true I couldn't feel anymore.

"Ginny, you have loads of friends. Your family loves you to death, and if you look in the mirror, you're the most beautiful girl in the whole school. You're perfect just the way you are, and you don't need Malfoy to prove that. And you know, that you can always come to me, no matter what."

I swallowed hard, taking in what he just said. "Alright," I finally whispered. "I'll do it."

"Do what?" Harry said, exasperated. He raked a hand through his hair and looked at me closely.

"I'll testify against him. Just please, don't go to him." I choked back the tears that were about to fall.

"Alright," Harry whispered. He pulled me into another hug and I wrapped my arms around his neck, still not crying.

~*~

A few weeks later, I stood in the courtroom in the Ministry of Magic. My mother with a hanky to her eye, daddy, Ron, Fred and George, Bill, Charlie, Hermione, Harry, Neville, Luna, Dumbledore, Dean, Ernie, Cho Chang (even though she hates me), Lavender, Padma, Parvati, Katie Bell, Colin, Dennis, Justin, Hannah, and even Percy was there on my side of the courtroom. On the other side, sat numerous Slytherins and former Slytherins including, Pansy Parkinson, Crabbe, Goyle, everyone on the Quidditch team, Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Malfoy, and other people who I didn't know were there to watch the trial of Draco and I.

"We are here today, February fourteenth of 1989 for the Trial of Miss Ginevra Molly Weasley and Mr. Draco Lucius Malfoy at nine forty-nine am," Minister Cornelius Fudge declared. "Attorney Michael MaCahvian, who do you call to the stand?"

My attorney stood up and said clearly, "We call to the stand Draco Malfoy." Everyone looked over to Draco. He sat up and walked over to the stand. Michael walked over to him, the Bible in hand. Draco laid his hands on it and Michael asked, "Do you, Draco Lucius Malfoy, swear to state the truth and nothing but the truth?"

Draco had no choice but to say, "I swear." Michael handed the bible back to Fudge.

The trial started, and everyone was anticipating what would happen. Then the question came.

"Have you ever raped Ginevra Molly Weasley?" Michael asked. Everyone was silent and I looked up for the first time. Although as soon as I did, he caught my eyes and our eyes locked. Then he looked back at Michael.

"No I haven't," he lied. I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes tightly, my jaw locking. The next question came.

"Have you ever been abusive with Ginevra Molly Weasley?" This was the moment of truth. If he weren't honest, I would take a stand.

I looked at him and this time he was not looking at me. "No, I would never abuse a woman," he lied again.

"That's not true!" I yelled, standing up. Everyone in the courtroom gasped and now all eyes were on me. My fists were clenched and pounded on the wooden table. "He's lying! He's been hitting me for five months and he's raped me more than ten times in those five months! Even before we were dating!"

The whole room was silent. I was breathing heavily, and I knew that if Draco got off innocent, I would be dead the next day.

"And I even have proof! I can show you right now if you want me to!" Murmurs filled the room and I knew what was going happen. I pulled my wand out and everybody in the courtroom knew I was dead serious.

"Show us," Fudge ordered. I nodded and stepped onto the table. I took in a deep breath and put my want to my face and whispered, "Appeario!"

Then I lifted my shirt up and pulled down my jeans. When they could see all the bruises, everyone gasped and suddenly the room was loud with everyone talking. I turned around so Fudge could see the bruises, and the rest of the jury.

Fudge banged his wooden hammer (A/N: I don't know what they call it so that what I'm calling it! lol) against the desk and yelled, "Order! Order!" The room was silent once again. I looked to my mother and she was crying harder than ever in my fathers shoulder. Harry was smiling at me as if to say, good for you. Ron looked absolutely livid and looked as if he could pop out of his seat and kill Malfoy and not even care that he would go to Azkaban for it. Hermione was crying. All my brothers looked exactly like Ron did at that point. All the students except the Slytherins and the ones on Draco's side were shocked and looking all over my body.

I looked at Draco and saw all the blood from his face was pale and horror was written all over his face. He should've just written "I'm Guilty" on his forehead and get it over with.

"There will be a ten minute recess for the jury to come up with their decision," Fudge said and everyone got up and came up to me. I pulled my jeans up and put my shirt back on. I hopped down from the table. Harry came up to me first and hugged me. Then Ron. Then my family, including Percy. Then Hermione. Then everybody else, all except Cho who only said she was sorry for what happened.

I looked over at the jury who were now walking into a separate room to debate whether Draco was guilty or innocent.

I saw Draco being put into handcuffs and brought into a different room. Before he went into the room, he looked back at me and smirked at me, like he was saying he would get away with this. I inhaled and tried not to shake. This was a nightmare, a nightmare I wouldn't be waking up from soon if he got off innocent.

~*~

The ten-minute recess went by to quickly. The jury and Fudge came back out and a man brought Draco back out and sat him in a chair. The man stood next to him the whole time.

Everyone was silent and nobody made a move.

"Will the jury please declare their choice." Fudge said and a man stood up, paper in hand.

"For the trial of Ginevra Molly Weasley (I stood up, along with my attorney) and Draco Lucius Malfoy (Draco stood up with his attorney), we declare Draco Lucius Malfoy as..."

I took in a deep breath, along with everyone in the room. I was shaking, and my brain wouldn't function right.

"Guilty."

I felt as if I would collapse. I actually did fall; I fell to my knees, my head in my hands. I was smiling. And for the first time in five months, I cried. Everyone on my side was cheering and crying and hugging each other.

Fudge banged his wooden hammer and everyone was silent, looking up at him. But I was still crying.

"I, Cornelius Fudge, Minister of Magic, declare that Draco Lucius Malfoy be sentenced to a life time spent in Azkaban! The trial of Ginevra Molly Weasley and Draco Lucius Malfoy is now officially ended on February fourteenth of 1989 at one-fifteen p.m.!"

I looked up and Draco was being brought into the same room and everyone on his side was distraught. His mother looked crestfallen and was crying.

But no one in the whole entire world could cry as much as I did. Finally, I thought. It's over.

~*~

It's been at least five weeks since Draco was sent to Azkaban. I haven't been to see him yet, and I don't want to see him. But I am going to go see him today. I want to see him see me cry, see me smile, see me showing my emotions. I want him to see what he has put me though for the last six months. Even before we started dating, all the names he called me and my family and friends.

I now live with Harry in his house, but I don't plan on ever trusting a man again. Then again, I can always trust Harry and my brothers, and Daddy. I don't want to start anything now, it's too soon, and I'm still trying to get used to life without Draco. It's hard, but I know I'll live. And if it weren't for Harry and convincing me to testify against Draco, I'd probably be dead now.

I'm actually glad that I made Draco hit me that night. All the other bruises he had given me and gone away and after he hit me, I could testify against him.

I know I'll always love Draco, he made me fall in love with him that first night he gave me a white rose. I still have the rose, but I hide it from Harry, knowing that if he knew about the rose, he would burn it. I looked over at the rose, which was enchanted to live forever. I smiled and thought, time to go see Draco.

"Harry?" I asked while I was walking down the stairs. "I'm ready to go, are you?" Harry wanted to go with me, like he was afraid Draco would hurt me again if I went alone. I insisted I would be all right with the dementors and everything there. But Harry said he was going and I couldn't change that.

I found Harry in the kitchen reading the Daily Prophet. He looked up at me and smiled, closing the paper and putting it down. "Yeah, I'm ready. Just waiting for you. You go to the car, I'll get your coat."

"Okay," I said. I didn't know how to apparate since during the time that we had been learning that, I'd been with Draco. Well, we weren't dating at that time, but every other night, we had sex in the Astronomy Tower. Amazing, in over a year, I'd lost all my power and couldn't leave him. But in a matter of days, I'd manage to send him to Azkaban.

~*~

Harry and I walked into Azkaban and walked past many prison cells before finally seeing Draco in one of the last one in the hall. He heard my footsteps and he looked up. He saw Harry standing next to me and glared daggers at him. I turned to Harry and he looked at me.

"Harry, can you go wait over there? I need to be alone with him." He looked at me like I was psycho.

"Are you sure?" he asked me. I nodded and Harry looked over at Draco who was still glaring at Harry, then Harry looked at me and nodded before walking away.

I took a deep breath and walked over to the prison cell bars. Draco walked over to me and took my hand. He's touch was still the same as ever, cold. I shut my eyes; I still felt as though every time a guy touched me, I would only get hurt again.

"You don't have to be afraid of me, Ginny," he whispered to me as he played with my hand. I looked up at him and saw that he wasn't looking at me, but looking at my hand. "I thought that you would never come."

"I couldn't do that to you," I whispered back to him. He looked up and our eyes locked. I bit my lip when I still felt like I loved him.

"I didn't want to hurt you," he said softly. I couldn't talk; I could only look at him. He looked so much different than he had five weeks ago. He looked like he'd aged more than ten years, and his hair was longer than ever, an unattractive beard growing (A/N: I'm sorry but I think a beard on Draco would just be nasty! I don't wanna kiss hairy nastiness!) on his chin. His eyes were dark and his skin looked rotted. In a younger version, he looked very much like Sirius had when he had escaped from Azkaban, I couldn't even say he was hot anymore. If Pansy Parkinson had seen him now, she wouldn't even notice him.

"I know you didn't," I replied, but I didn't believe him. I knew from day one he didn't love me, he only wanted to get into my pants than destroy me while he still had me.

"I do love you." I froze when I heard those words. He had never said them to me, well, he'd said them before we had been going out when we'd been in the astronomy tower but during sex it does really count. But right now, while he was Azkaban looking like a homeless, lunatic, crazed person, it scared me.

I bit my lip to stop myself from crying. I begged myself to be able to say those words to him too, but when I felt a teardrop fall down my cheek, I knew I wouldn't say them.

"You hurt me, you used me, and you love me? You don't hurt the ones you love, Draco! After everything you put me through, after how much you hurt and used me, how can I believe that you love me?" I wasn't yelling but I was mad. Mad that he'd hurt me, mad that he'd used me, but mad that I hadn't had the sense to leave him before he hurt me too much.

"Please, Ginny," he whispered. "Don't cry." He'd seen my tears and didn't know what to do. I shook my head and walked over to Harry. He saw me crying and stood up.

"Are you okay?" he asked me, putting his hand on my shoulder. I sighed and nodded.

"Let's go," I said and he nodded. We started walking out of Azkaban and were almost out when I looked back at Draco who was still standing by the cell bars. He saw me crying and looked down. He blew me a kiss, but I didn't take it, I just turned back around and cried the whole way home.