Not So Alone Anymore

Not So Alone Anymore

Is this a dream?

If it is please don't wake me from this high

I've become comfortably numb

Until you opened up my eyes

To what it's like

When everything's right

Oh I can't believe

You found me

When no one else was looking

How did you know just where I would be?

Yeah you broke through all of my confusion

The ups and the downs and you still didn't leave

I guess that you saw what nobody could see

You found me

~Kelly Clarkson - You Found Me - Breakaway

It was too crowded in the library. The common room was too loud. All the classes were full. The only place she could find to do her homework was in the astronomy tower.

It was a dark night and the stars shone above her, making her look pale, but at the same time beautiful. There was no lights, no candles, and she could barely see. If the full moon hadn't been shining on her, she wouldn't even be about to see.

This was exactly how she liked it. People would consider her an outcast because she didn't have many friends. She liked being alone. People annoyed her. They were too loud, too nosy. It was like with every step she took a new rumor was starting.

The only person she could consider a friend was Leah McKealen, a seventh year Gryffindor. But she barely talked to her. Leah was always wrapped up with boys and gossip. But she'd known Leah since she was a baby. She couldn't possibly ditch Leah seventeen years later.

Then there were all the popular people. They were all the same: rich, good looking, nosy, annoying, loud, talented, stupid, and rude. She wouldn't pay a knut to be one of them, even though everybody seemed to love them.

She stood up and walked over to the telescope. She sat on the stool and looked into the telescope and counted the stars. That's what she loved to do. Stars were her passion. She would come up here at night and count the stars for as long as she could stay awake. Sometimes she would fall asleep up there. Everybody would ask where she was, but all she would do was ignore them. They didn't need to know what she had been doing. It was her damn business.

She heard a door opening a few hours later. She groaned, and continued to count the stars. It was probably just some couple wanted to get hot and heavy. They would leave when they saw her. Nobody talked to her anyway...

"Lily?"

Lily jumped and turned around only to face the famous James Potter. He was standing in the doorway with a candle. His face was confused and he looked a hell of a lot different without that infamous smirk displayed across his lips.

"Yes?" she asked, not getting off the stool. She looked back into the telescope, not wanting to talk to James. He was always trying to get her to go out with him, but she had always thought it was an act. Why would anybody like her anyways?

"Dumbledore noticed you were gone and sent a search team out for you." He closed the door, and walked over to her. He set his palms on the windowsill and looked into the sky.

"Why would he send a search team? I told Leah where I was. You could've asked her." She still hadn't taken her eyes off the stars.

"Well...you've been distant lately. Dumbledore didn't want anything bad to happen to you. At first he thought you probably just doing your homework but when people said they hadn't seen you for hours he thought something bad must've happened."

"Well I'm perfectly fine. So you can go tell Dumbledore that."

"But Lily...you're not perfectly fine. You haven't eaten in three days, you've been slacking in your classes, and I heard Allison McHavian saying she heard you making yourself throw up. Please Lily, you're so pretty; you don't need to look like one of those Barbie dolls."

"That's just a rumor," she whispered even though it was true. She saw how skinny those other girls were and how the boys were always saying they were sexy and she wanted that.

"But you see, I don't think it is," James said softly, turning around to look at her. He pulled her face away from the telescope and looked into her eyes. "I don't think it's just a rumor."

It took Lily a while to remember what was going on, and when she did, she flinched away. "Don't touch me, Potter. Well, you've done your job. Go tell Dumbledore you found me so that he can give you another pointless trophy."

"I wasn't trying to insult you," he said. "I just want to help you."

"Ha, yeah right," Lily laughed, looking away from the telescope. "Why in the world would James Potter want to help anybody? Especially me. Seriously, go. You don't need to be here and I don't want you here. You don't want to be here."

"Lily, please," James whispered, grabbing onto her hand. "Just let me help."

"It's because of you and your friends that I do this! You look at those other girls and say how gorgeous they are, how big their boobs are, how fat their arse is, and how skinny they are! How much you 'wanna hit them from the back!' I feel that I'm not good enough, that I'll never measure up to them, and that I'll never be perfect."

She was sobbing now. Her face was red and she was shaking. She had stood up, and now all she wanted to do was do damage to this stupid castle. She walked over to a wall and kept punching it over and over and over again. She stopped when she felt hands on her hips and a body pressed against hers. She turned around and saw James there.

"It's okay," he whispered, stroking her hair and tucking it behind her ears. "It's alright now."

"I just don't want to be so alone anymore," Lily choked out through her tears. "I want to be somebody, not just Lily Evans, the loser. I want to be special. I want to be loved by somebody."

"You are never going to be alone," James whispered, holding her close. "You'll always have me."

For some reason, Lily believed him as she cried on his shoulder until the early hours of morning.