Winning/Losing

I move as if in a dream. Time has slowed. She falls in slow motion. Her eyes meet mine. Then everything seems to speed up. The ground rushes to meet her. I fall to my knees a few feet away. All my worst nightmares are coming true.

~Flashback~

Laughing we run hand in hand through the crowded streets of Hogsmeade. When we reach The Three Broomsticks she pauses and leans against the door panting and laughing.

I hold her face in my hands and we kiss. Then the door of the pub opens behind her and she falls backwards on to her behind. Her ringing laugh carries on the crisp fall breeze.

Later, as we sit on a dilapidated bench near the Shrieking Shack, I pull a small box out of my pants pocket and ask her to marry me.

She kisses me fiercely and as she breaks away, she whispers, "Yes."

~End Flashback~

I crawl forward to where her body lies. I reach out and touch her hand. It is cold. This can't be happening. What about all our plans for our life together? How can I live without her?

I rest my head on her chest. My weariness taking over. Tears fill my eyes. A hand touches my shoulder. I look up into Tonks' tired, gray eyes. I look around and notice that the battle is over. We won today. But I feel like I've lost everything.

"I'm sorry." Her quiet voice is filled with pain, "Someone will be here in a minute to take her up to the castle."

I nod, mutely. It is time to leave this bloody field.

A few minutes later as Professor Sprout floats the stretcher carrying her body toward the castle, I hear someone sobbing and I turn. Lee Jordan sees her at the same time I do. He swears and jogs over. Katie's face is buried in Oliver's shoulder. He is limp and cold.

Lee picks her up and starts toward the castle. Her normally petite form looks even smaller in his arms.

~Flashback~

I watch as Katie nervously gives her name and Quidditch experience. She mounts her broom and Oliver's wary expression changes to one of glee. He has found his new Chaser.

"She's good." She stands at my elbow and watches intently as Katie scores.

"You up for the competition?"

She rolls her eyes at me, "Ha, ha"

"Want to go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend?"

"Ha, ha."

"I'm serious!"

"What! You are serious?"

"Very funny."

"No."

"Why not?"

"I can think of a few reasons. Most of them having to do with your reputation." I grin. Oliver waves her forward to fly with Katie. I watch her go and smile.

~End Flashback~

I look around the Great Hall at all the dead and wounded lying on floating stretchers. This has got to be some kind of twisted nightmare. I feel as if my will to go on died as she fell.

Ron is lying near the head table and yelling at McGonagall and Madame Pomfrey. Hermione is trying to calm him down. His leg is at an impossible angle.

A heavily burned Bill hugs me, "I'm sorry. Tonks told me." I cannot talk. I cannot think. Everything is a blur of grief and pain.

How can I go on? We won the war, but it seems like I lost more than I gained.

Weeks later, Katie knocks on the door to of my flat and hands me a slip of paper. I raise one eyebrow and she nods, "Thanks Katie."

"You shouldn't do this. She wouldn't want you to."

"Katie-girl. I can't live like this." She hugs me and I hand her an envelope to give to my family.

I visit the address on the slip of paper Katie gave me, the next morning. At home with it in my hand, I touch her face in the photo on the mantle. I'm coming.

I raise the gun to my temple and pull the trigger.

-

Dear Mum and Dad and whoever else is reading this,

I love you. It's nobody's fault. I just couldn't take it anymore. Life without Angie isn't life. Ginny, the box under my bed in the flat is for you. Use it well. George, I love you. You have all your life. Don't waste it just because I'm gone. Mum and Dad, I love you more than anything. You have raised me well.

Love,

Fred