The Best Harry Potter Musical Ever

Act One

The Spell is Cast

(Overture. Medley of all the songs. We progress through the day as Harry wanders around the school in a depressed daze, Ron and Hermione argue, McGonagall says goodbye as Dumbledore leaves on business, Snape ignores Tonks who is trying to be friendly, and Ginny watches Harry from afar. We end up in the common room with Ron, Hermione and Harry all reading by the fire. The music fades, and there is a moment of silence where Ron and Hermione huff and pretend to read. Finally Hermione sets her book aside.)

Hermione: I don't see what the big deal is, I'm not going.

Ron: It doesn't matter. You considered it.

Hermione: And I suppose you considering dating Loony Lovegood-

Ron: I never considered dating her! I don't like her that way.

Hermione: And I don't like Viktor that way.

Ron: Come on, Harry, back me up. Viktor asking her to go visit him over Christmas break is completely sleazy!

Harry: Huh?

Hermione: Harry, you okay? Maybe you should go to bed.

Harry: I'm not tired. I think I'll go for a walk.

(Harry rises.)

Hermione: Are you sure? You look like you could use some rest.

Ron: You haven't been sleeping much, mate...

Harry: I'm fine. Besides, Christmas break is in two days - I can rest up then.

(Harry leaves the common room as Hermione and Ron exchange worried looks. Harry walks the empty halls for a moment, sad. He wanders past a row of portraits, and stops in front of a large picture. It's Sirius' graduating class. Harry touches Sirius' face in the picture. He begins to sing as he wanders outside the castle, onto the rainy Qudditch pitch.)

Harry (to the tune of 'On My Own' from Les Miserables):

And now I'm all alone again, no where to turn, no one to go to,

without a home, without a friend, without a face to say hello to.

And as the night draws near, I wish that he was here.

Sometimes I walk alone at night when everybody else is sleeping,

I think of him and then I'm happy with the company I'm keeping.

My schoolmates go to bed, and I can live inside my head.

On my own, pretending he's beside me.

All alone, I walk with him till morning.

Without him, I hear his voice inside me,

and when I lose my way I close my eyes and he can find me.

In the rain, the goalposts shine like silver,

and the sky is misty so I shiver.

In the darkness the trees are full of starlight,

and all I see is him and me, forever and forever.

And I know it's time to be strong,

and I'm talking to myself and not to him.

And although I know that he is gone,

still I pray, all is not lost.

I miss him and when the night is over

he's still gone, my tears fall like a river.

Without him the world around me changes,

the trees are bare and everywhere, the world is full of strangers.

I miss him, but everyday I'm learning,

from now on, there'll only be pretending

without me, could this world keep on turning?

The world is full of happiness that I have never known.

I miss him,

I miss him,

I miss him, but only on my own.

(Harry trudges back into the school. A rat runs past his feet, but he doesn't notice. He slumps into bed and stares at the ceiling, silently crying..)

Act Two

A Morning of Music

(It's morning in the Gryffindor common room. Harry and Ron trudge downstairs to go to breakfast.)

Ron: Morning, Harry. Did you get any sleep at all?

Harry: Some. Say, did, uh, anything weird happen to you before you and Hermione went to bed last night?

Ron: Weird? What do you mean weird? Things aren't weird between us if that's what you mean. No, there was nothing weird at all. Nothing whatsoever, okay? Let's just go to breakfast.

(They go downstairs and meet Hermione, and Ron avoids her eyes. They wait for Ginny, and finally Neville, who runs down the stairs once everyone is gone.)

Ron: Neville, finally! I thought you were going to make us miss breakfast!

Neville: Sorry. I overslept.

(They begin to walk down the now deserted halls.)

Ginny: Harry, do you feel alright? You look really tired.

Harry: I'm fine.

(Hermione and Ginny exchange a look. Neville is nervous, but finally speaks.)

Neville: So, did anyone else break out into song last night?

Harry: Yes! You did too?

(Everyone stops.)

Neville: I woke up in the middle of the night and went down to the kitchen where I then sang an entire medley about midnight snacking. The house elves joined in - it was insanity.

Hermione: Really? And Harry, you sang too?

Harry: I was just walking around and boom - it was as if I suddenly had to sing.

Ron: Something must be horribly wrong! Dark magic has come to Hogwarts!

Ginny: I wonder what it could be?

(To the tune of 'Theories' from Once More With Feeling.)

I've got a theory, that it's a new spell,
a crazy new spell!
No, something isn't right there.

Hermione: I've got a theory, a charm not done well,
and the result is that we're in a Broadway nightmare.

Neville: I've got a theory we should work this out

All (but Harry): It's getting eerie,
what's this cheery singing all about?

Ron: It could be house elves,
some evil house elves, (Hermione glares at him.)
which is ridiculous cuz house elves they are persecuted, really good, and love the earth, and good for SPEW and I'll be over here.

Neville: I've got a theory it could be puffskein's!

(He gets blank looks all around.)

Ginny: I've got a theory-

Neville: Puffskein's ain't just cute like everybody supposes,
they've got them long, long tongues and fur all on their noses.
And what's with all the purring?

What could they be so happy for anyway?
Puffskein's, puffskein's, it must be puffskein's!

(Everyone takes a step away from Neville, a little confused.)

Ginny: Or maybe goblins.

Neville: I've got a theory we should work this fast.

Neville and Ron: Because it clearly could get serious before it's passed

Hermione: I've got a theory, it doesn't matter.

What can't we face if we're together?
What's in this place that we can't weather?
Voldemort?
We've all been there,
the same old sport.
Why should we care?

All (but Harry): What can't we do if we get in it?
We'll work it through within a minute.
We have to try,
we'll pay the price,
it's do or die,

Hermione: It won't be nice.

All: What can't we face if we're together?
(Ginny: What can't we face?)
What's in this place that we can't weather?
(Ginny: If we're together?)
There's nothing we can't face,

Neville: Except for puffskein's.

(An awkward silence as the song ends. Harry suddenly moves to go, but it stopped by a wall of people exiting the Great Hall.)

Ron: Oh no! Did we miss breakfast for singing?!

Dean: Hey! Great news! Classes have been cancelled because of the singing curse!

(McGonagall rushes out into the hallway.)

Hermione: Professor! Do you know what's causing this magic?

McGonagall: We'll all know in good time Miss Granger. Dumbledore has been owled to return to Hogwarts immediately, he'll be here as soon as possible.

Ron: What will we do until then?

McGonagall: Surely you won't stay behind for Christmas break now that this has happened? I imagine everyone else will be going home to escape the curse. Everyone but myself, of course. There he is - Severus!

(McGonagall rushes away.)

Ron: What are we supposed to do? We've got no where else to go! Mum and Dad are in Romania...

Hermione: My parents are in Greece...

Neville: My Gran went to Wales...

Harry: And we can't go to my place!

Ginny: A little singing never hurt anyone. Come on, let's go play Exploding Snap in the common room, and forget all about this silly curse.

Hermione: You know, maybe if we all do some research together can solve this problem before Dumbledore even arrives!

Ron: More research? Hermione, do you ever think about anything besides school? I've got enough work with classes! Come on, let's go play some Exploding Snap.

(Everyone begins to leave. Hermione lags behind, not seeing Pavarti and Lavender behind her.)

Hermione: (to the tune of "You Don't Know Me" from My Best Friends Wedding. )

Oh, I am just a friend,

that's all I've ever been

'cuz you don't know me...

(Pavarti and Lavender overhear. Hermione clamps her hand over her mouth and dashes away. She ducks into the bathroom, where she stares at her reflection in the mirror. Pavarti and Lavender enter.)

Hermione: Leave me alone.

Pavarti: Look. I know we haven't always got along.

Lavender: But everyone knows that you like Ron and he likes you.

Pavarti: And frankly, we've had enough. Now, you helped me with my charms assignment last week...

Lavender: Even though you didn't know you were helping at the time...

Hermione: So that's where my paper went!

Pavarti: So I'm going to help you out today. You want Ron? You need to make him see you as more than a friend.

Lavender: Be sexy. Flirty.

Pavarti: We both know you're not the prude you pretend to be. We've seen the way you gawk at Ron in his Quidditch uniform.

Lavender: And Harry with his shirt off.

Pavarti: And even Malfoy in his dapper robes.

Hermione: I never!

Pavarti: But also being you're roommates, we know you haven't got any ass in a long, long, time.

Lavender: And it's about time to change that. It's Christmas break - the season of love.

Hermione: Look, you've got it all wrong. I've got to - (turns to go.)

Pavarti (to the tune of "Look at Me I'm Sandra Dee" from Grease):

Look at me Hermione,

it's time to talk virginity,

won't go to bed till you're legally wed?

You can't! Hermione!

Lavender: Listen!

Hey, I've got to say,

it doesn't have to be that way,

it's a very small cost,

Ron Weasley has lost,

his heart to you, okay?

Pavarti: you don't drink,

(Lavender: ah!)

or swear,

(oh!)

don't rat your hair,

(ew!)

you get ill from one cigarette!

(cough cough cough!)

Lavender: Want his filthy paws on your silky drawers?

Do what we say and you're set!

Ask him to go out with you,

he'll know what you wanna do.

In him you must trust,

be his object of lust,

not just Hermione!

Pavarti (she runs to the bathroom door and shouts outside, as Hermione tries to stop her.)

Ronnie, Ronnie! Come and see!

It's time the truth was out and free,

just keep your cool, now you're starting to drool

hey Weasley, it's Hermione!

(Ron appears at the door.)

Ron: Hermione. There you are. Are you coming to play?

Lavender: She wants to play all right!

Hermione: I'm right behind you Ron. (Stars to leave.)

Pavarti: So she can get a good look at your bum!

(Hermione casts them a nasty glare and they giggle as she leaves with Ron.)

Ron: What were you guys talking about?

Hermione: Nothing!

Ron: Look, you can tell me if you talk about Viktor, I mean, you're not going there so I shouldn't be mad, right? I still talk about Luna sometimes, even though we didn't get together -

Hermione: Ron, you just don't get it! I'm going to go... research!

(Hermione storms off, leaving Ron looking bewildered. Off to one side, Snape, Tonks and McGonagall are talking. Snape shakes his head and angrily moves to march away, almost running into Ron.)

Snape: Mr. Weasley, why are you loitering in the halls in my way? Stop causing trouble and get out of my sight!

Ron: But I...

Snape: Now!

(Ron hustles away, muttering about Snape. Snape moves to keep walking, but Tonks stops him.)

Tonks: Severus, don't you think you were a little sharp with Ron?

Snape: I don't play favourites for Quidditch champions and Potter groupies.

Tonks: Severus, something is bothering you, I can tell.

Snape: Nymphadora I don't have time -

Tonks: Afraid of a little singing?

Snape: Of course not!

McGonagall: This is no time to be arguing. We need to be searching the grounds for signs of intruders. Albus cast this Singing Spell to stop any harmful spells from affecting Hogwarts. So that means that someone was here, and tried to do something much worse to Hogwarts than a little singing curse.

Snape: Trust Albus to create such a foolish protection charm.

Tonks: I think it's kind of fun!

McGonagall: I'm going to go speak with the rest of the teachers. If you two wish to argue, then at least argue and patrol at the same time! (McGonagall spots Professor Pomfrey. She dances away from Snape and Tonks. To the tune of "Don't Cry for Me Argentina" from Evita.)

Don't run from me, Madam Poppy!

The truth is I really need you.

Through all this madness, I need your assistance.

Please keep your promise, don't keep your distance!

(She disappears, chasing Poppy.)

Snape: See what this magic does? And how long will we have to wait before it's stopped? I'm certain that Albus knows he is the only one who can reverse this spell, I'll be surprised if he arrives anytime soon. He just wants to torture us!

Tonks: Severus, you're making a big deal out of a foolish little singing spell. Tell me what's really bothering you!

Snape: I, er, I can't tell you.

(The music for "I Feel Pretty" begins. Tonks eyes Snape for a moment.)

Tonks: What are you so worried about?

Snape: It's nothing.

Tonks: Maybe you shouldn't lie to me!

Snape: Tonks, can you keep a secret?

Tonks: I want to keep your secrets.

Snape: No, I can't tell you.

Tonks: What?

Snape: I'm going crazy...

Tonks: Is it the singing?

Snape: Yes, it's the singing. I don't want to have to sing.

Tonks: Are you lying to me?

Snape: No.

Tonks: Then why are you so afraid?

Snape: I... I...

(To the tune of "I Feel Pretty" from West Side Story.)

I feel silly!

Oh so silly!

I feel silly, and frilly, and wrong!

And I pity, anyone who has to hear my song.

I feel foolish,

oh so foolish!

It is ghoulish how foolish I feel!

And so silly,

that I hardly can believe I'm real!

See that ugly man in that window there?

Who could that ghastly man be?

Such a silly face, such a silly voice, such a silly smile, such a silly me!

I feel smashing, it's entrancing,

I feel like dashing and dancing, for joy!

Even though, I know this all just a ploy!

Tonks:

Do you know what caused this dear Sevvie?

Come on with me, let's take a walk.

I sense that you're feeling quite heavy,

but if you did not sing I would feel a great deal of shock.

You think you're a fool,

to sing along with the game.

You are not a fool,

we'll all do the same!

Don't you despair,

trust me instead,

this is just a scare,

it's all in our head.

If we wanted to,

we could stop it,

you know it is true,

no need for this bit.

But to talk is too hard,

so instead we must sing.

We'll rhyme like the Bard,

the hallways will ring!

Snape: I feel silly,

oh so silly,

the castle is no place for me!

all this singing,

I must hide away, don't you see?

I feel open,

I feel honest,

I've reached Zen, the best, I'm fine!

But so silly,

I just want to up and resign.

See me singing out this stupid song?

Tonks: This song speaks the truth!

Snape: But what can this truth be?

Tonks: You can just tell me!

Snape: Such a silly thought,

such a silly girl,

such a silly thing,

don't you just agree?

I feel trusting,

and like talking,

I feel like thrusting the truth upon thee!

But I can't,

and that is what you must see!

(Snape stops singing and moves to go away.)

Tonks: Severus! You can tell me your secrets! Are you involved in this? Severus! Holding back the truth will only make you sing!

(Snape is gone. Tonks sighs and exits.)

Act Three

A Party and A Plan

(Ron enters the Gryffindor common room and slumps into a chair beside Harry.)

Harry: Where've you been?

Ron: I went for a walk to think about Hermione. What is up with that girl, honestly?!

Harry: You still don't get it?

Ron: What do you mean?

Harry: She doesn't like Viktor, same as you don't like Luna! You like each other!

Ron: What?

Harry: I'm sick of you two dancing around each other! I'm going to go talk to her.

(Ginny appears and pulls Harry aside as he moves to leave.)

Ginny: Harry! Come here! Look, we both know Ron and Hermione don't do confrontations well, so I've got a better plan to set them up. Come with me.

(Harry glances back at Ron, takes Ginny's hand and is led to a corner. Ron grins, shakes his head and marches over to Neville.)

Ron: Hey! Neville! Want to help me set Harry up?

Neville: Huh?

Ron: Want to help me set Harry up with Ginny?

Neville: You want to set Harry up with your little sister?

Ron: No other guy could ever be good enough for her.

(Neville rolls his eyes but nods. Ron and Neville chat in one corner, Harry and Ginny in another. Finally Harry and Ginny nod and set the room up for a party. Hermione enters, and Harry and Ginny rush over. )

Hermione: What's all this about?

Harry: Hermione! There you are! We've planned a goodbye Christmas party for everyone.

Ginny: We thought we could all use a break.

Hermione: A party?

(Ron and Neville join them with some conjured Butterbooze.)

Ron: Good idea, Harry, Ginny. You two make an excellent team.

Hermione: I'm not so sure about this.

Ron: Come on, Hermione, Harry and Ginny worked so well together on this-

Harry: Look, it will be harmless. An excellent chance for you and Ron to make up and be friends again.

Ginny: You are sorry, right Ron?

Neville: Of course he's sorry. He was just saying to me how bad he felt...

Ginny: And how much he hates making you mad, 'Mione.

Hermione: Really?

Ron: Uh, yeah.

Hermione: Well, I guess one party...

(Lavender and Pavarti appear.)

Lavender: Hermione! We must...talk...upstairs.

Pavarti: Now!

(They drag her away.)

Ron: What was that all about? I didn't say those things.

Ginny: We knew you were thinking them, right Harry?

Harry: Right. Why don't I get you a drink, Ron?

Ron: I've got a better idea, I'll get you, Ginny, and myself a drink.

(Ron and Harry race over to the drink table, and wrestle over drinks for a moment, until Ron finally grabs two and Harry grabs one. Each boy turns their back, and waves their wand to spike the drink. Ron gives his two to Harry, and Harry gives his to Ron. They chuckle as they return to Neville and Ginny, Harry giving Ginny one of his drinks.)

Neville (whispering to Ron) & Ginny (whispering to Harry): What did you do to it?

Ron & Harry: I just made it a little stronger. Should help move the plan along...

(The music swells and the party ensues, with other students coming downstairs. Ron, Ginny, and Harry quickly finishing their drinks. Suddenly Lavender and Pavarti appear, giggling, and they dash away. Moments later Hermione appears, in a low-cut shirt and trying to look seductive. Harry runs and grabs her a drink, spiking it along the way.)

Harry: Here you go Hermione. You sure look different.

(Ginny appears and jealously pulls Harry away.)

Ginny: Harry! Let's dance, and leave Ron and Hermione alone!

(Ron smiles as he watches Ginny and Harry start to dance, finishing off their drinks. Hermione chugs hers back, tosses it aside and grabs Ron.)

Hermione: Ron - dance with me?

Ron: Sure, Hermione, then I can get a good look at - (turns and sees her.) Whoa. You, uh, you look...

Hermione: Enough talk...

(She beckons him to where Harry and Ginny and others are dancing. Ron chugs back his drink and joins her. The music grows louder, and the dancing becomes naughty. Soon it's just Harry and Ginny, and Ron and Hermione, and they are all over each other. Finally, both couples start to passionately kiss. The slowly back into each other, and when they hit, they all pull apart, looking confused. Before anyone speaks, Colin runs in, panting.)

Dean: Colin! Where's the food? I thought you were going to the kitchens!

Colin: Everybody quick! Hide! It's McGonagall! She's on her way!

(Chaos ensues as everyone runs upstairs. Ginny pulls at Hermione's wrist.)

Ginny: Hermione! We're going to be expelled if she catches us drinking!

Ron: There's a passageway! Over there!

(All four run to a drapery on the wall, and pull it back to reveal a door.)

Harry (as everyone goes through the door): It branches off four ways so everyone take your first right, okay?

(Harry dives into the door just as McGonagall arrives to find the room deserted.)

McGonagall: Hmm... (To the tune of "Guys and Dolls" from Guys and Dolls.)

When you hear such noise, and the shouting of boys,

you can bet there's a party right upstairs.

But when you come on up and find it all cleaned out,

chances are they're in bed, still looking red, from running about.

When you peek on in, and see blankets to chins,

just one sniff and the whiff of alcohol!

Call it sad, call it funny,

but they will be sorry, honey,

cuz they're in for a loss of points for all!

(McGonagall clamps her hand over her mouth and stops singing.)

Oh, shit! (She runs upstairs.)

Act Four

Drunk and Alone

(Hermione wanders out of a secret door, into a deserted hallway.)

Hermione: Hello? I must've gone the wrong way. What did Harry say? I can't even remember. What happened back there? They must've spiked my drink! I'm going to kill them! I bet it was Ron! He's so dead! And he kissed me! Or did I kiss him? Arrgh!

(She slumps to the ground against the wall, rubbing her temples. Draco appears from the shadows.)

Draco: Well, well, well, if it isn't the perfect little mudblood. All dressed up and no where to go?

Hermione: Fuck off, Malfoy.

Draco: Such language! Say, have you been drinking, Granger? Tut, tut, that could cost you your badge.

Hermione: Like you don't drink! (She staggers to her feet.) You'll never get away with it!

Draco: What's there to get away with? You're obviously drunk. What's the matter? Did Weasley turn you down? Is he too good for mudblood filth after all?

Hermione: You shut up or I'll -

Draco: I can see why he'd have reservations, but in a shirt like that, all drunk and riled up...even you look pretty hot, Granger.

Hermione: Eat me.

Draco: Is that a request?

Hermione: Come a step closer and I will make sure you lose your badge.

Draco: Snape is too afraid of my father to allow that to happen.

Hermione: Hmmm, is that why you're here for the holidays Draco? Afraid of daddy? I bet prison made him even nastier than he already is, and all that running from the law now that he's escaped...

Draco: I'm never afraid. Unlike you.

Hermione: Oh really?

Draco: I see the way you've changed Granger. Don't know what to do with all those new curves. Time to chose between Potty and the Weasel ... but deep down you know all you want is me.

Hermione: Keep telling yourself that, Draco. (She begins to stumble away.)

Draco: You're not going anywhere. (Pins her to the wall.) You know, I've been admiring you as much as you've been admiring me. What do you say we forgot the rest of this shit and have a little fun?

Hermione: You're the last person I want to -

Draco: You just don't get it, do you? I want you Hermione. And I always get what I want.

Hermione: Not -

Draco (to the tune of "Whatever Lola Wants, Lola Gets" by Sarah Vaughn):

Whatever Draco wants,

Draco gets,

and little girl, Mr. Malfoy wants you.

Make up your mind to have,

no regrets,

recline yourself,

resign yourself,

you're through.

I always get what I aim for,

and you're the goal,

that I am game for.

Whatever Draco wants,

Draco gets.

No use to fight, don't you know you can't win.

You're no exception to the rule,

I'm the best boy in the school.

Give in.

Give in.

Give in.

(Draco leans in to kiss Hermione, who is pinned against a wall. She slaps him just as Ron enters. Draco flees.)

Ron: what was going on?

Hermione: Draco was ... being Draco. In song form. I had it under control.

Ron: Didn't look like it! Looked like you wanted to kiss him!

Hermione: What? Ron, don't be stupid! There's only one boy I want to kiss!

Ron: Who's that?

Hermione: Oh Ron, even you must know that by now!

Ron: Hermione, what happened while we were dancing, we were drunk. I think someone spiked our drinks. I bet it was Ginny and Harry, seeing has how I spiked there's. Anyway, we were drunk. We still are drunk. So let's just go back to the tower and forget-

Hermione: No. Don't. (She flees, in tears. Harry enters.)

Harry: What happened?

Ron: Draco was after Hermione, and then... Where have you been?

Harry: I was lost, looking for Ginny.

Ron: Really.

Harry: Look, Ron, I should tell you something-

Ron: Don't worry, Harry, I may not catch onto some things, but this one I think I already know.

(Ginny enters.)

Ginny: Harry! Ron! What's going on?

Ron: We evaded McGonagall, but Hermione ran off. She's still drunk.

(Ginny giggles.)

Ginny: I think we're all still drunk. That's the only way to explain what I feel right now. (She steps towards Harry.)

Harry: Ginny-

Ginny: Look, about what happened...

Harry: Ginny, (looks at Ron) we can't do this now.

Ron: I want you two together! Who do you think spiked your drinks? And don't think I don't know that you two spiked mine and Hermione's, although I can't figure out why...

Harry: Ginny, you should go talk to Hermione.

Ron & Ginny: What?

Ginny: But I need to talk to you.

Harry: Please. Just...go.

(Ginny rushes away.)

Ron: What was that? Don't you like here?

Harry: I don't know. I think I do...

Ron: Then why push her away?

Harry: There's other shit. Stuff I can't tell you. Stuff she shouldn't be a part of.

Ron: Harry, you need to talk to me, to all of us. We're you're friends we want to help.

Harry: I can't tell you. Any of you.

Ron: Ginny loves you, I know she does. Just like I know you love her.

Harry: She'll only get hurt, like everyone else.

Ron: She's willing to take that risk.

Harry: I'll just break her heart when I die in battle. It's my destiny.

Ron: Harry, stop listening to everyone else! You don't have to save the day, you don't have to be alone. You make your own destiny.

Harry: I don't have a choice. I have to fight, and I have to do it alone.

Ron: Why?

Harry: It's my fate, okay? And no one believes me!

Ron: I believe you. Forget about them. You need you're friends now, you need love.

Harry: I don't get to love. Remember the prophecy? Well, Dumbledore told me what it was. I am destined to kill Voldemort or to be killed.

Ron: What? Why didn't you -

Harry: What's the point in telling you I'm going to die?

Ron: You won't die. You'll fight him. And win.

Harry: I know what they're saying about Voldemort, he's the strongest wizard alive now that he's returned. And I hear what people say about me. People think I'm crazy to stand up to him, to make everyone around me fight him when there is no hope. They think I'm just lying to everyone, that I've got some death wish. And they're right. I can never win, never avoid my fate. I have no choice, I will die, and everyone I love will too!

Ron (to the tune of 'Listen Jesus, I Don't Like What I See' from Jesus Christ Superstar):

My mind is clearer now,

at last, all to well,

I can see where we all soon will be.

If you strip away the myth from the man,

you will see where we all soon will be.

Harry!

You've started to believe, the things they say of you,

you really do believe this talk of you is true.

And all the good you've done will soon get swept away,

you've begun to battle more than the things you say.

Listen Harry, I don't like what I see.

All I ask is that you listen to me,

and remember, I've been you're right hand man all along.

You have set them all on fire,

they are calling you a liar,

will they be with you when they find they're wrong?

I remember when this whole thing began,

no talk of death then, you were just a man.

And believe me, my admiration for you hasn't died.

But every word you say today,

gets twisted round some other way,

and they'll hurt you if they think you've lied.

Dumbledore your famous one,

should've stayed a great unknown,

with his father, doing good, just like you should.

What if he had never come?

Would you still be the one?

To have to cause him some harm, start the alarm.

Listen Harry, do you care to keep face?

Don't you see we must keep in our place.

We are just in school, have you forgotten just how young we are?

I am frightened by the crowd,

for they are getting much too loud,

and they'll crush us if we go too far.

If we go too far!

Listen Harry to the warning I give,

please remember that I want us to live.

But it's sad to see our chances weakening with every hour,

you're enemies aren't kind.

Too much evil on their mind.

It was hopeful but now it's sour.

Yes, it's all turned sour.

Listen Harry, to the warning I give!

Please remember that I want us to live!

So come on, come on,

he won't listen to me,

come on listen, listen to me

come on listen to me!

Ron: Forget the prophecies Harry. It's time now to live, and time to love. You'll face Voldemort when you're ready, but until then-

Harry: Ron, you don't understand. I will die fighting him, just like my parents!

Ron: You could defeat Voldemort, I know you could. You have weapons he could never dream of - people who love you. You need to stop preparing to die and start preparing to live! Go to Ginny, you two could be so perfect together, don't you see?

Harry: And I'm supposed to listen to you about seeing what's in front of me, about embracing life? And here you are talking to me when you should be talking to Hermione! She loves you, Ron, and you love her! So why aren't you two together? Because you know as well as I do that there is no hope for love in times like this. Why even bother?

Ron: Harry-

Harry: No. Look, I can't... I have to go. (Harry dashes away. Ron moves to chase him, but Ginny appears.)

Ginny: Ron! Wait! Hermione won't listen to me. She's really upset Ron, and only you can make this better. I'll find Harry. You two work something out, and they we'll all talk to Harry together, okay?

Ron: Thanks, Gin.

(Ginny runs after Harry, and Ron goes after Hermione, quickly arriving at the Owlry. She is crying.)

Ron: Hermione! Please don't cry. Tell me what's wrong!

Hermione: Look, Ron, I don't want to spoil our friendship or anything, so let's just forget it, okay?

Ron: Hermione, I've been talking to Harry and he told me about the prophecy. How he has to kill or be killed.

Hermione: What?

Ron: And as much as I'd like to believe we should be trying to live our lives to the fullest through the war, I'm not sure I'm right. There's so much hatred, and danger, and suffering, is there any room for love?

Hermione: Ron, what are you saying?

Ron: Hermione do you like me? Because, well, I do like you. I have for years. But now, I mean its great if you like me too, but now just isn't the time.

Hermione: You like me?

Ron: Of course I do.

Hermione: And I like you!

Ron: But it will never work. We're friends. Maybe after all this blows over, but Harry needs us right now.

Hermione: What Harry needs is your little sister.

Ron: And he needs us. As his friends.

Hermione: Ron, I've fought with these feelings for too long to turn them off now! If anything we should embrace our love! Before it's too late!

(To the tune of "Elephant Love Medley" from Moulin Rouge.)

Love is a very splendid thing
love lifts us up where we belong
all you need is love!

Ron: Please, don't start that again.

Hermione: All you need is love!

Ron: What if things went wrong?

Hermione: All you need is love !

Ron: Will you think about this song?

Hermione: All you need is love...

Ron: It would never work!

Hermione: I was made for lovin' you baby, you were made for lovin' me.

Ron: In times like these there's no lovin, baby, open your eyes and you will see.

Hermione: Forget the fight, for just one night,

Ron: there's no way, don't even say,

Hermione: in the name of love, for me, in the name of love.

Ron: It may be true, but I won't give into you!

Hermione: Don't - leave me this way, I can't survive without your sweet love, oh baby, don't leave me this way.

Ron: You know my feelings, we can't live a silly love song.

Hermione: I look around me and see it can be so, oh so...

Ron: I wish we could fill the world with silly love songs.

Hermione: Well what's wrong with that, I'd like to know,

'cuz here I go again!
Love lifts us up where we belong, where owls fly, on a mountain high!

Ron: Love makes us act like we are fools, throw this war away, so that we can play!

Hermione: We could be heroes, just for one day.

Ron: You, you will be mean.

Hermione: No, I won't!

Ron: And I, I'll fight all the time!

Hermione: We should be lovers...

Ron: we can't do that.

Hermione: We should be lovers, and that's a fact.

Ron: Though nothing would keep us together,

Hermione: we could steal time, just for one day.

Ron: We could be heroes forever and ever.

Hermione and Ron: We could be heroes forever and ever.
We could be heroes...

Hermione: Just because I will always love you!

Ron and Hermione: I can't help loving you...

Ron: How wonderful life is, now love's in the world!

(Ron and Hermione kiss.)

Act Five

A Change of Plans

(Harry is lying on table in a classroom. Ginny enters.)

Ginny: There you are! It's a miracle you haven't got caught yet.

Harry: I thought you were comforting Hermione.

Ginny: I sent Ron to fix things with her. I only hope they can work something out. It's such a shame to waste love.

Harry: Look, Ginny...

Ginny: Harry, I've been thinking. I like you, you like me, and who knows how long we have together? Look, I've been saving myself for you and I am tired of waiting. Hermione has taught me - by acting on her feelings - to act on my own and get what I want.

(Ginny kisses Harry.)

Harry: Ginny, we can't do this, I-

Ginny (to the tune of "I Wanna Be Dirty" from Rocky Horror Picture Show):

You were feeling done in,

couldn't win.

You'd only ever kissed before.

Harry: Look Ginny...

Ginny: (Shushes him with a finger.) Uh uh.

You thought there's no use getting,

into heavy petting,

it only leads to trouble and seat wetting.

But all you need to know,

is that I want you so...

I've tasted blood and I want more.

Harry: More?

Ginny: More, more!

I'll put up no resistance,

I want to stay the distance.

I've got an itch to scratch,

I need assistance.

Touch-a-touch-a-touch me,

I wanna be dirty!

Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me!

I am yours tonight!

(Ginny climbs on top of Harry.)

And if anything grows,

above your toes,

I'll oil you up and drop you down.

Harry: Down? (He tries to sit up.)

Ginny: Down! (Ginny pushes him down.)

Harry: Down. (He lies back down.)

Ginny: And that's just one small fraction,

of the main attraction,

you need a friendly hand,

oh, I need action!

Touch-a-touch-a-touch me,

I wanna be dirty!

Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me,

I am yours tonight!

Harry: Touch-a-touch-a-touch me,

I wanna be dirty!

Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me,

I am yours tonight!

Ginny: Oh!

Touch-a-touch-a-touch me,

I wanna be dirty!

Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me,

I am yours tonight!

Harry: I am yours tonight?

Ginny: I am yours tonight! Oh!

(As Harry and Ginny make out, a crash is heard, and then a scream. Harry pulls away.)

Harry: What was that?

Ginny: Probably nothing...

(Harry cringes as his scar begins to throb.)

Harry: Something is wrong. Come on.

(Harry leads a reluctant Ginny away. They sneak to the top of the stairs, and can hear muffled speaking. Hermione and Ron appear out of the shadows.)

Hermione: Harry! We were just about to go looking for you!

Ron: Death Eaters, mate!

Hermione: And maybe Voldemort too! We were in the broom closet when we heard voices - they led everyone into the Great Hall!

Harry: We have to sneak down there and figure something out!

Ginny: Hang on, what were you two doing in a broom closet?

Hermione: The same thing you two were doing in that classroom!

Harry: Come on!

(Harry motions and they follow him downstairs and hide by the doors to the great hall, peering inside. They can see students huddling in a corner and Death Eaters ushering more inside. Wormtail and Lucius talk by the door.)

Lucius: You know, you're lucky this plan worked out after all, even after your screw up!

Wormtail: How was I to know Snape was a traitor and he was lying?

Lucius: Should've seen it coming I guess, he was always a softie. Well, even though our silencing charm didn't work, the singing charm created enough chaos to let us break in regardless. You locked all the teachers up in the dungeon, right?

Wormtail: Yes, but what if Dumbledore gets back?

Lucius: He wouldn't risk the lives of his precious students. Besides, we aren't here to fight, we're here to recruit. I just hope Potter doesn't show up.

Wormtail: He's probably too busy singing.

Lucius: You didn't lift the charm? You were supposed to, to stop -

(Voldemort appears. Harry, Hermione, Ginny, and Ron hold their breath.)

Voldemort: Silence! Is everything ready?

Wormtail: Uh, yes, master.

(Lucius steps inside.)

Lucius: And now, ladies and gentlemen,

the keeper of the chaos,

the master of the mayhem,

the leader of all of us low,

Lord Voldemort!

Voldie (to the tune of "When You're Good to Mama" from Chicago):

Ask any of the members of my clan,
they'll tell you that I'm their biggest fan.
I love 'em all and all of them love me,
because the system works,
this system you now will get to see...

(Voldemort begins to dance in front of the students with the Death Eaters dancing back-up.)
Got a little motto,
always sees me through,
when you're good to Voldie,
Voldie's good to you.
There's a lot of favours,
I'm prepared to do,
you do one for Voldie,
he'll do one for you.
They say this life is for a rat,
but that's not how I live,
when you're with me just remember that,
the orders I do give.

Don't you know that this hand,
washes that one too,
when you're good to Voldie,
Voldie's good to you!
If you want my magic,
here's a hint and a clue,
spice it up for Voldie,
he'll get hot for you.
When they pass those rulings,
folks should listen to,
you ignore for Voldie,

he'll be there for you.
The folks atop the ladder,
are the ones the world adores.
So boost me up my ladder, kids,
and I'll boost you up yours.
Let's all work together,
like Death Eaters do,
when you're workin' Voldie,
Voldie's workin' you!
So what's the one conclusion,
I can bring this number to?
When you're good to Voldie,
Voldie's good to you!

(stops singing)

Shut the doors! No one will leave this room unless they leave with me!

Put someone as a watch!

(Draco rushes and closes the doors, remaining on the other side as a watch. Harry, Ginny, Hermione, and Ron hide.)

Harry (whispered): Hermione, Ron go free the teachers. I'll go in. Ginny, you go around and rescue the students.

Ginny: Be safe. (She kisses him passionately and dashes off.)

Hermione: Wait, Harry, leave Draco to me.

(Hermione saunters over to Draco.)

Hermione (to the tune of "Whatever Lola Wants, Lola Gets" ):

Whatever Draco wants,

Draco gets,

no use to fight, don't you know you can't win.

I'm no exception to the rule,

you're the best boy in the school,

give in,

give in,

give in...

(Hermione leans in and kisses Draco. As she pulls away, he falls to the floor. She pulls out her wand.)

Hermione: A stunning kiss, if I do say so myself.

Ron: Hermione...

(She kisses Ron with passion.)

Hermione: Let's go.

Ron: Good luck.

(Hermione and Ron exit.)

Harry: This is it. (He kicks open the door) Voldemort!

Voldemort: Get him!

Lucius: Avada Kedavra!

(The spell hits Harry and he stumbles, but doesn't die. Lucius drops his wand and the Death Eaters cower behind Voldemort, eyes on Harry, not noticing as Ginny sneaks the students out the other door.)

Harry: Want to know the precious prophecy? Well, now you do. It's between you and me, Voldie, so get rid of these idiots and face me. Alone.

Voldemort: You really think you can stop me?

Harry: I have the one weapon you don't. Love. I am loved by my friends, my girlfriend, and by my family. No one loves you.

Voldemort: Don't be stupid, boy, that isn't enough.

Harry: Get rid of these minions and we'll find out.

Voldemort: What about your- (looks around, notices everyone is gone.) Go! Find them! Leave us!

(The Death Eaters leave.)

Harry: The time has come.

Voldemort: For you to die.

(They duel. Fight sounds can be heard from outside as well as the students and teachers battle the Death Eaters. This distracts Voldemort, giving Harry an edge.)

Voldemort: You say you have love, Harry, but I find that hard to accept. Everyone who loves you always dies, I've seen to that.

Harry: Not anymore!

Voldemort: The first thing I'll do when you are dead, Potter, is kill that little red-head you so love, and then her brother, and then that bushy-haired mudblood. And it will be your fault, Harry, just as Sirius' death, and Cedric's, and everyone else's was your fault.

Harry: It was not!

Voldemort: I feel hate in you Harry, not love! You hate so much... join me, Harry, put your hate to good use.

Harry: Never!

(Voldemort knocks Harry down, and he loses his wand.)

Voldemort: So much hate!

Harry: No! Not hate, love...

Voldemort: It's over, Harry.

Harry (singing softly to the tune of "All You Need Is Love" by The Beatles): All you need is love, all you need is love.

Voldemort: Silence! Avada...

Harry: Love, love is all you need.

Voldemort: Kedavraaaghh!

(The spell hits Harry, rebounds, and hits Voldemort. All the teachers enter, Dumbledore imprisoning Voldemort. McGonagall rushes to Harry's side.)

McGonagall: Harry! Harry! Are you all right? Poppy! Help! The curse hit Harry as well and he's going fast!

(Harry begins to lose consciousness, and the images of his parents and Sirius appear.)

Lily (to the tune of "You Are Not Alone" from Into the Woods):

Mother cannot guide you,
now you're on your own.
But we remain beside you,
still, you're not alone.
No one is alone, truly,
no one is alone.

Sirius: Sometimes people leave you,
way before they should.
Others may deceive you,
you decide what's good.
You decide alone.
But, no one is alone.

Harry: I wish...

Lily: I know.
Mother isn't here now,

Sirius: wrong things, right things,

James: who knows what to say?

Sirius: Who can say what's true?

Lily: Nothing's quite so clear now,

Sirius: do things, fight things,

Lily: feel you've lost your way?

James: You decide, but,

James and Lily: you are not alone.

Lily: Believe me,
no one is alone .

James: No one is alone,
believe me.

Lily: Truly...

James, Lily, and Sirius: You move just a finger,
say the slightest word,
something's bound to linger,
Be heard.

James: No acts alone,
careful,
no one is alone.

Sirius: People make mistakes.

James: Fathers,

Lily: Mothers,

James and Lily: People make mistakes.
Holding to their own,
thinking their alone.

Lily: Honour their mistakes,

James: fight for their mistakes,

Lily: everybody makes,

James, Lily and Sirius: everybody makes one another's terrible mistakes.

Sirius: Feelings can be right, actions can be good,
you decide what's right, you decide what's good.

Lily: Just remember...

James: Just remember...

J,L,S: Someone is on your side,

(Hermione, Ron and Ginny appear.)

Hermione, Ron, Ginny: OUR side.

J,L,S: Our side.
Someone else is not.
While we're seeing our side,

Hermione, Ron, Ginny: Our side,

J,L,S: our side,
maybe we forgot.

They are not alone.

All: No one is alone.

Lily: Hard to see the light now.

James: Just don't let it go.

Sirius: Things will come out right now.

H,R,G: We can make it so.

All: Someone is on your side, no one is alone

(Ginny rushes to Harry's side with Hermione and Ron close behind. The images of Lily, James and Sirius fade.)

Ginny: Harry! Harry, please, don't give up! Please! I love you!

Hermione: We all do!

Ron: Will he be okay?

Poppy: I don't know. The curse -

(Harry opens his eyes and sits up, embracing Ginny.)

Harry: The curse was incomplete.

Ginny: Oh Harry!

(They hug, Ron and Hermione join. Dumbledore appears.)

McGonagall: Well?

Dumbledore: Voldemort got away. But these brave children stopped him getting many more recruits. We were able to catch some Death Eaters as well. Good work, you four.

McGonagall: I guess we'd better lift this charm and get everyone home for the holidays.

Dumbledore: Not quite yet, there's some celebrating to do. That is, if you four are up for it.

(Ginny helps Harry up.)

Harry: Of course.

(Dumbledore waves his wand and the hall is repaired and ready for a party.)

Dumbledore (to the tune of "Let the Sunshine In" from Hair):

Singing...

Our new songs,

are now here for all,

to show,

life is around you and in you,
try not to feel weary, dearie.

All: Let the sunshine,
let the sunshine in,
the sunshine in!
Let the sunshine,
let the sunshine in,
the sunshine in!
Let the sunshine,
let the sunshine in,
the sun shine in...

(Everyone dances and rejoices, all the couples kissing. Tonks even kisses Snape. Curtain.)