Meant to Be

Meant to Be

Minerva's Note: I thought it would be interesting to write this fan fiction in the present tense, for I have never done that before.

Chapter 1 Remus' Perspective Lust

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"What's that symbol?" Peter asks as reads over my shoulder while the four of us sit under the shade of our 'official tree' adjacent to the lake. I barely hear him since I am concentrating fiercely on my work in an attempt to ignore not only the blinding reflection of the golden sun on the water, but also the reflection of Sirius lounging lazily in the grass, his shirt unbuttoned as a result of the summer heat. The thrill the sight gives me makes me want to kiss the boiling sun in appreciation, yet I want to curse it for taunting me with something I can never have. Something I don't deserve.

"The rune for alchemy," I answer vaguely without lifting my gaze from my homework.

"Why did you take that boring Ancient Runes class?" yawns James.

"We've been through this since third year: I like it," I explain, still not looking up.

"Moony just likes boring and smart stuff. I mean, no one in their right mind would know what alchemy is," Sirius says.

"Alchemy is the study of how to make the Elixir of Life." I glance up when I tell Sirius this; I never pass up an opportunity to look at him.

"Moony knows, so I guess he isn't in his right mind," James jokes.

Sirius smiles smugly. "Exactly."

"I must be out of my mind," I concur calmly. "Look at who I'm friends with." They crack up at that. I love to make them laugh, for they have done so much for me. I especially love when Sirius laughs; it sounds like a bark, and when he's upset his eyes take on the appearance of a wounded puppy's eyes before they're hidden behind his mask of bravado. It makes perfect sense that his animagus form is a dog. My heart sometimes longs to believe it is fate that both of us are canines, however, my mind accepts that it was never meant to be.

Once they recompose themselves James queries, "The Elixir of Life makes people immortal, doesn't it?"

I simply nod.

James reasons comically, "So, the Elixir of Lust must make people immoral."

Lust. It's a cruel coincidence that someone mentions it whilst I am fervently attempting to put it out of my mind, which is difficult with Sirius so near and sweat is beginning to glisten on his tanned flesh.

I am not the only one who notices. Girls start to flock around us like vultures. James and Sirius flirt with them nonchalantly. I am not usually a jealous individual, yet whenever Sirius gives a girl romantic attention a surge of envy courses through my veins. Not that Sirius ever actually dates any of the girls that he flirts with (I suppose they are not up to his standards.), but that doesn't make it hurt any less. I need to get away from here before the pain causes me to explode. I gather my books and rush over the grounds to the opposite side of the lake.

"Where are you going?" Sirius calls after my retreating back.

The glimpse I catch of Sirius when I look back and shout, "To work. It's too noisy for me to focus there," over my shoulder shows him watching me forlornly. Why is he depressed that I am leaving? He must just be worried. Sirius frets about me more than the others do. I enjoy the attention, though I am unworthy of it.

When I reach the lake bank across from my friends I sit and take deep breaths. The steady rhythm of inhaling and exhaling coupled with the warmth of the sun against my back relaxes me to the point that I become drowsy. I am aware that I should be working on my homework, but what harm would it do for me to close my eyes for a few moments? I lay down on the comforting softness of the grass and my eyelids flutter shut against the bright glare of the sunlight.

"Moony," a sensual voice whispers in my ear. "Moony, wake up." Strong arms wrap around me and deliciously calloused hands slide inside the back of my shirt.

"Padfoot, what are you-" I never finish my question because sensuous lips crash against mine, effectively silencing me. After a few minutes of sumptuous kisses he slips off my cotton shirt and proceeds to lick down my chest. When he reaches my nipple he bites down almost hard enough to draw blood. A gasp of both pain and pleasure escapes my throat and I instinctively arch my back, pressing myself closer to him.

I feel Sirius' mouth smirk with satisfaction at my reaction as his tongue works its way down my abdomen until it reaches my waist. Desperately, I want him to discard the clothing obstructing the way and move lower, to make my dreams a reality. Wait, dreams...I must be dreaming now.

I sit bolt upright, wiping sweat from my brow and push my legs tightly together to extinguish a mounting pressure from a certain part of my body that is protesting much more insistently than my brow.

I let my frustration momentarily get the better of me and grumble to myself, "Why must I love and want someone desired by so many others? It isn't fair!"

"Love?" The soft voice startles me. I turn my head to see an attractive red-haired girl smiling at me.

"Oh. Hi, Lily." Inwardly, I let out a loud groan. This must be my punishment for allowing my facade of calm and pleasantness to slip.

"Hey." She drops down gracefully to sit beside me on the ground. "So, you're in love? That's wonderful! Details, please."

"I really don't want to talk about this," I sigh, sending her a pleading expression.

Unperturbed, she urges, "We've been friends for years. You can tell me who the lucky girl is."

I avert my eyes and murmur quietly, "I never said it was a girl." I carefully observe her reaction.

Lily pauses for what seems to be forever, though is probably a mere second or two, before saying, "I guess I should have known; the good ones are always gay."

"Good? Me?"

She wrings her hands in mild embarrassment. "In fifth year, when we first became friends, I fancied you a bit." She smiled again, her discomfort gone. "What matters now is what happened in that dream you were having and with whom."

Searing heat creeps into my cheeks. "Well, he and I were alone together and, uh, doing stuff."

"Like reading?"

"No...shagging, or at least we were about to."

"Ooh-la-la," teases Lily. My face grows so hot at this point I know beyond a shadow of doubt that an egg could be fried on it, which seems to sober her. "Okay, never mind the what. Now, I need to know the who."

I had kept this secret locked away for three years. Could I really tell her? Just like that? I look into her honest green eyes and the answer comes to me instantaneously: yes. "Sirius."

"Sirius," Lily repeats slowly. "Merlin's beard! I never would have guessed that. I can see how the two of you would make a good couple, though."

I shake my head.

"You don't think Sirius fancies you?"

"Well, there's that, but I was mostly wondering why people say 'Merlin's beard.' I mean, why not 'Merlin's elbow?"

She chuckled. "How could anyone, male or female, resist you?"

"Trust me, Lily, it wasn't meant to be."

Without responding Lily embraces me, stands up, and strides off purposefully. I might be wrong, but I think I heard her mutter, "Not if I have anything to say about it."