Over the Edge

Over the Edge

Minerva ran down the hall towards her common room. She didn't get it. She didn't get it at all. It had all been so wonderful, so nice, so... perfect.

She didn't bother to wipe away the tears that began pouring down her face. She didn't care if she cried, she didn't care if she looked horrible, she didn't care what people would think if they saw the famous Minerva McGonagall crying. For once in her life, she didn't care about anything.

It was all like a dream, it had to be a dream. It had to be. She had been so happy, so content, so stable, but the tears had been growing inside her like a volcano that lay dormant for thousands of years, and then suddenly erupted in one horribly powerful spurt of lava and dust ...

What the hell was she thinking?

How did it get like this? How could she have been so messed up not to realize what was happening to her, to him.

Tom. Tom Marvalo Riddle.

No! Don't think about Tom

Don't think about Tom

Don't think about Tom.

She thought about Tom

Today had been graduation day. The evening had been sunny, too sunny, she realized now, too sunny to be real. That fake sunlight, just there to fool people until the storm clouds come in. Like people, hiding behind cheery outgoing masks, pretending nothing is wrong, nothing at all, nothing dark lives behind those happy shining faces, there couldn't be...

And there was Tom, dark, mysterious, tragic, twisted Tom, standing there, waiting for her. And her, despite all of her morals and warnings, transfixed by his mystery, fooled by his integrity, going with him.

This was her now, this was Minerva now. The old Minerva wouldn't have gone with him, the old, responsible Minerva would have passed him by... What ever happened to the old Minerva? She had changed so much that all remembrance of her old self had fled from her memory. Minerva couldn't even remember what the old Minerva would have done... To tell the truth, Minerva wouldn't even be able to recognize the old Minerva if she saw her again. She had changed...

People always change. They say that it's from the influence of the people they meet, the stuff they go through. But maybe it's not that. Maybe it's just them. Maybe change happens because of you. Because of how you look at things, how you take things. Maybe people change at the most critical points of their lives, not because of what that critical point is or who stands by them. Maybe... maybe all that stuff doesn't matter, and maybe when they change it's just because a bit of their heart and soul is breaking through their sunny social shells.

Tom didn't have a social shell. Tom never needed a sunny shell. Maybe people like Tom, who people with shells called twisted and detached, maybe those were the people who lived by their heart, by their soul.

Minerva wondered if her soul showed through her mask.

So she had followed him, no surprise. It seemed that lately she would have followed him anywhere. She would have followed him forever. Forever is a long time.

Tom was her everything, her life, her compassion, her heart. Tom was the only thing that kept her hanging on. After her mom had died, Tom had been there. When she found out her dad wasn't really her dad, Tom had been there, when she was alone and vulnerable, it had been Tom who had saved her. Minerva couldn't imagine what would have happened if she hadn't had Tom.

They had left the great hall... They had gone to the towers, and he had told her what he had wanted to tell her for months, he had showed her. He had told her everything...

And she had run.

Why had she run?

Yes why did you run Minerva?

He had spilled his soul to her and she had run.

He had admitted everything. That he was Slytherin's heir. That he had controlled the Basalisk. That he had killed the girl... and she had run...

He had told her his plans. He had told her what he wanted to become. He had told her that after he graduated he would rule the world...

And he had asked her to come with him.

And she hadn't spoken. Her heart had wanted to go with him, to be with him, to run away on the fantastic adventure that he had planned out for years. Now that she thought back, half of her had wanted to go...

But then something else woke up in her, something that she hadn't heard for quite some time. It was the logical Minerva. The top of her grade Minerva. The old Minerva, maybe.

She couldn't go with him. He was evil, dark and evil, twisted, and dangerous. That's what the old Minerva had said. And then she knew she couldn't go with him.

And he had looked at her with those beautiful silver-green eyes that she had grown to love. Those eyes that she had sunk into so many times before. And he had kissed her and asked her again. He had asked her again to go with him.

And she had been torn.

And she had looked into those eyes and she had said no.

No is such a small word.

And he had looked at her, kept looking at her with those silver-green eyes. And suddenly those eyes had become harsh and frightening. And they had pierced her like a thousand knifes.

And then he had looked at her and said the last words that she supposed she would ever hear from Tom Marvalo Riddle, her Tom, the real Tom.

He had looked at her and he had told her the worst thing possible.

He had told her that he didn't deserve her.

Minerva ran to the window ledge across from her bed that overlooked the lake. The water was sparkling in the moonlight, silver like jewelry, like the moon, like his eyes...It was such a far way down, a few hundred feet, she supposed. What would it be like to jump? To let it all go, to not have to face any of this anymore. She leaned out farther and felt the cold dry the tears on her cheeks.

Tom had saved her so many times, been there for her when she had had no one left. But she had not once been there for him. Not once. She had been so absorbed in her life and her worries that she had never stopped to consider that maybe Tom was breaking inside too.

Tom had given his heart and soul to her and the one time she had the chance to save him, she had thrown it all away. Because of her he had finally gone over the edge. She had broken him... and now it would haunt her forever.

Minerva climbed up onto the marble ledge that led down to the abyss.

If she jumped it would all be over.

If you jump it will all be over...

Tom had given his heart to her but she had never given her heart to him. Now she wished she had. Minerva didn't need two hearts. Minerva didn't want two hearts... Minerva didn't deserve his heart...

She stood up on the wall and wondered that if she jumped, she would fly...

As Minerva leaned forward she heard a voice screaming behind her.

"Minerva, get off of there!"

She couldn't tell if she had fallen or if the owner of the voice had seized her in time.

She could only tell that everything went black as a single thought ran through her head,

No Tom, you're wrong. I don't deserve you.