Not as Easy as It Looks

Don't give up. That is a mantra we have come to learn and repeat at regular intervals. But what happens when the time comes to simply throw in the towel and admit defeat. There simply is no longer any use in beating the proverbial dead horse. It's not bad luck, or a cruel twist of fate, or any such thing. It is simply life. It is a fact of life that no matter how badly we want something to work out, sometimes it just doesn't happen. We can't always get what we want, and no one can foresee it or predict how a situation will end up. When plans come together and decisions are made, there is always the risk that it will turn out to be a mistake.

Sometimes they are big mistakes, sometimes they are small, and sometimes they can change your life completely. One such mistake was made not so very long ago, July 25th, 1978 to be exact. That is the date engraved on the bottom of a picture frame containing the wedding picture of James and Lily Potter. The picture, which is by now old and tattered, showed two incredibly happy teenagers, fresh out of school, deeply in love and ready to face the world head on, and laugh in the face of whatever life may send them. This picture is the evidence of their lives together, it showed that they were in love, and it showed they were happy. Sometimes the truth is better left unsaid. It is best that we leave the ones we love with an image of happiness, rather than one of sorrow.

October 24th, 1978, 11:00 PM

James Potter was lying on the couch, staring up at the ceiling with a sheet draped over him and a crick in his neck from lying there without a pillow. This was the third night in a row he'd been locked out of his own bedroom, but to him it was just another night to add to the dozens he'd spent on his own since he got married. This certainly hadn't been what he had imagined when he'd said his wedding vows. He'd just turned 21 years old. He was in his prime, and here he was pouting on the couch and wishing to God his wife would just get off of her high horse, swallow some pride, and apologize. He knew it was wishful thinking of course, that woman had turned out to be completely impossible.

Upstairs locked in the bedroom that she sometimes shared with her husband, Lily Potter wasn't sleeping either. However she was sitting on the edge of her bed wondering what sort of mess she'd gotten herself into. She didn't think it had always been bad. She didn't think that it had started out badly at all. They were in love, horribly in love, to the point where she thought she might become physically ill if away from him for too long. Once she'd finally let her guard down with him, he'd consumed her every thought. Getting married had only seemed to be the natural course of things. She hadn't been so naive to think they would never fight, but over the last couple of years it had just gotten ridiculous. So for now she was just wishing he would come to his senses, realize what he'd done and come apologize. She knew it was wishful thinking of course, that man had turned out to be completely impossible.

It had started small, as their fights often did, and only escalated throughout the day. Both of them too bitter and too proud to admit any wrong doing. When James had woken up that morning, he'd noticed that there wasn't any soap left in the bottle that was on the edge of the tub. So not only was all the soap gone, but there was now an empty bottle just left in there. Lily had been the last one in there, and she really should have replaced it. She always was a lousy housekeeper, he thought to himself. Being that he was already in the shower, and was not about to drip water all the way down the hall to retrieve another bottle of soap, he settled with using shampoo. When he had finished his shower and had his bathrobe on, he walked down the hall to their bedroom. Lily was sitting cross-legged on the bed changing their son out of his pyjamas and into his day clothes. James was a bit sore after the soap incident so he didn't say much to her upon entering the room. Instead he went straight to his dresser and started looking for clean clothes.

Lily mentioned excitedly that Harry had taken five more steps that morning, than he had on the previous day without falling or holding on to anything. James made some sort of sound implying that he'd heard her. Lily, for her part, held back a sigh as she concentrated on cooing and making funny faces at the infant who was standing up on the bed and holding tightly onto his Mum's hands. The fact that she was so cheerful only served to annoy James a little bit more. He took a deep breath and closed his dresser drawer a little louder than necessary. He turned to look at her ready to complain about the soap. Instead he was distracted by the sight of Harry's legs bending and flexing as he bounced on the bed and laughed at Lily's faces. He smiled a bit and shook his head. It was hard, even for him, to remain angry when confronted with the sound of his son's laughter. If they had one thing in common, it was that they both adored their child. And over the past 15 months since he had been born, while they had grown more and more distant towards each other, they could always count on Harry to bring them back to earth and remember that at least they still had him.

James walked over to the bed and sat down and tickled Harry on his stomach. He chuckled when Harry laughed loudly and bounced even more. He didn't really notice, and if he did he didn't acknowledge that Lily wasn't smiling as widely as she had been. The fact that he had slammed the dresser drawer hadn't escaped her attention and she had already put her defences up to ward off whatever he was thinking of complaining about. After a few moments, when he didn't say anything, she thought she might be in the clear. He stood quickly and picked Harry up and held him high over his head and spun him around. Lily's breath hitched in her chest and she had to bite her tongue from saying anything. James hated it when she mentioned anything about being more careful with their baby. Instead she stood up and walked down the hall to the bathroom without saying a word. James hardly noticed she'd left.

He did notice, however, when she came back into the room with a wet towel, a pair of his underwear, his pyjama bottoms and his white t shirt. She walked into the room shaking her head and clenching her jaw. She chucked the offending items into the hamper one by one, with much more force than was necessary. He rolled his eyes and looked over at her. "Problem?" he asked smirking a bit.

"Nope! No problem here at all James! I do so love being a Mother to a one year old AND a grown man," she said with mock cheerfulness. She wasn't looking at him, and she was now on a rampage. She picked up a stray sock and shoe and threw them into the wardrobe before shutting the doors loudly. After a moment, she realized the room was mostly clean and the best she could do was grab an empty cup from James's night table.

He watched her and tried not to chuckle. "This from the woman who can't even replace the soap in the shower when she's used it all?"

She turned slowly towards him her eyes narrowing. She had to remember he was holding a baby so she couldn't throw the cup directly at his forehead. Lily had decent aim, as he well knew, but she didn't want to risk him dropping Harry. "There was soap in there James," she said through clenched teeth.

He snorted indignantly. "There was not. You used it all, and you left the empty bottle in there," he said in a bit of a condescending tone.

If there was one thing she hated, it was being talked to as if she were a lesser human, some sort of peasant who had displeased the Lord of the Manor. She set the cup down on his dresser, just in case. "Tell me James, did you throw the empty bottle away?" she crossed her arms over her chest and shifted her weight to her right foot. She stared him down. Hard.

He shook his head. "Why should I have? You used it all. Besides, that isn't the point. I had to use shampoo to wash myself!" he was trying best not to yell. Harry had already stopped laughing, and was now trying to amuse himself with a string on the collar of his Father's bath robe. Every now and then he would look back and forth between the two of them, feeling the tension.

"Perhaps because you're an adult James? Did it ever occur to you that you are perfectly capable of replacing the soap yourself? If you used shampoo, that's your own fault," she snapped back at him. "I won't be held responsible because you're as lazy and stubborn as a mule."

James glared at her. She really was rude. "Thanks Lily, I love you too," he spoke with disdain, and rolled his eyes dramatically when she threw her hands up in the air in disgust and walked out of the room.

About ten minutes later he and Harry padded down the stairs and into the kitchen where Lily was slamming things around and making Harry some breakfast. James didn't say anything, but found it amusing none the less. He put Harry in his high chair and sat down at the table and snorted when she dropped an entire box of baby cereal all over the floor. "Hey Lil, you dropped something." He smirked, after all, he was quite clever.

She turned around with a look of vehement loathing on her face. "Don't test me James Potter. I'm not in the mood." She pointed her wand at the broom and watched as it swept up the mess she had made.

James looked back at Harry, who was watching the broom, his eyes were wide with wonder. James stood up and walked over to the cupboard and took down the jar of peanut butter. Lily had her back turned and was slowly stirring warm milk and strained peached into the rice cereal. James shook his head, he felt bad for his son, if he had been forced to eat that crap he might vomit. It was no real wonder that Harry spit up from time to time. He sat down in the chair closest to Harry's high chair and opened the peanut butter and dipped his finger in and took a glob of it out and moved it towards Harry's mouth who was thrilled and his mouth smacked as he tried to eat the peanut butter. James then put his finger in his own mouth and the smacking sounds doubled. Lily turned around, although she was afraid to and saw her son with peanut butter all over his face and her husband dipping his finger back into the peanut butter. "James!" She said loudly, both James and Harry jumped. She felt bad, and took a deep breath lowering her voice. "Do you think I am making this baby cereal for my health?" she said, as she brought a wet towel and the bowl of cereal over to the table. She quickly pulled her own chair up next to the high chair, and started wiping Harry's face gently.

He raised an eyebrow at her. And gave both her and the cereal a look of disgust, "You certainly aren't making it for his health. It looks toxic."

She took another deep breath through clenched teeth and spooned out a bit of cereal and tried to give it to Harry who after the treat of Peanut butter, he moved his face and pushed the spoon away with his hand. "No!" he said in his baby voice. Lily shook her head. "James . . . Look what you did. This happens to be healthy and good for him. Peanut butter is not going to do anything but make him sick, and chubby, and hyper active," she said trying once again to feed her son the cereal, and he kept reaching for the peanut butter.

James chuckled. "Jesus Lily let the kid live a little. A bit of peanut butter isn't going to kill him." However he put the lid back on the peanut butter and got up putting it back in the cupboard. Harry then started to cry. This of course was James's cue to practically sprint out of the kitchen swiftly. Lily wasn't surprised he always left her with a crying baby.

When Harry had finally calmed down, Lily managed to make him eat some cereal. She cleaned him up, cleaned the kitchen, took some meat out of the freezer for dinner, and started laundry. She put Harry in his play pen with a huge assortment of toys, and she went to find her husband. He was of course lounging on the back porch reading a Quidditch magazine. She walked out there and stared at him for a moment before speaking. "Come fix the leak under the sink," she said flatly for what had to be the third time that week.

Without looking up from his magazine he said, "I will in a bit, if its bad just put down some more towels and do a drying spell."

She shook her head, appalled with how impossible he was. "No, I've been asking you all week. Go in there and fix it, it's ruining what we have stored under there," she said pointing with her thumb toward the kitchen.

He turned the page in his magazine. God she was a nag. "I'll do it today, I promise," he answered still not looking at her.

In a flash of anger she reached over and grabbed the magazine and chucked it across the lawn. And smirked at him. He looked like he could spit nails. "Jesus Lily! What the hell is the matter with you?!" he asked standing up from his chair. It was always best to argue with her standing up. She was likely to tip his chair over.

"What is the matter with ME?! What is the matter with you James?! You've been in a foul mood all effing day! You've been snickering and smirking to yourself, and not helping me around here, mostly just getting in my way! Like ALWAYS," she spat back at him.

He glared and puffed out his chest, "I'm always in the way am I? You think it would be so much better if I wasn't here? That makes me feel so incredibly good you have no idea Lily. Thanks, you really know how to make a man feel helpful."

"Well my goal in life isn't exactly to stroke your ego, that's what your mates are for right? And maybe I would congratulate you on being helpful if you were actually . . . You know, helpful?" she said trying to regain her calm composure. They were outside after all. Not that anyone knew they were even here, but she was raised not to air her dirty laundry anywhere but in the comfort of her own home.

James snorted and paced around a bit before finally looking into the back door. "Is Harry asleep?" he asked changing the subject. One never could tell if he was just baiting her however.

She answered cautiously. "He's in his play pen," she said carefully so as not to give him any sort of ammunition.

He scoffed. "He's in his play pen!? You left him alone in the house? My God, the Mother of the Year award goes to Lily Potter," he said loudly and dramatically before going into the house and slamming the door behind him, practically in her face.

James had gone into the living room to check on Harry, when he was sure that all was well, and Harry was actually rather enthralled by one of his toys he went into the kitchen and sulked. Not long after he went inside Lily came into the kitchen and stood a few feet away from him; she was beyond angry. Her emotions were written all over her face. As for James, he looked at her with feigned indifference.

"James . . ." she started to say.

He got up, pushed the chair away with a vengeance and started toward the doorway and left the kitchen as soon as she said his name. She followed after him hollering his name repeatedly. He ignored her for the most part. He really didn't have the energy for it at all. Finally when she followed him into the bedroom he turned around and she almost ran into him. "Stop hollering at me! Stop nagging me! And for the love of all that is holy stop following I! You were head girl for Chrissakes Lily, one would think that you would be able to figure out the hint that when someone walks away from you, they don't want to be in the same room as you! Is it so hard?! Do I have to spell it out for you? Leave. Me. Alone." He nodded once firmly and looked at her expectantly.

She opened and closed her mouth couple times, trying to regain any sort of composure for a moment. If there was one thing she despised, it was when he talked at her instead of to her. She could feel her bottom lip start to quiver a bit but she took a deep breath and refused to cry. She shook her head at him. "You know what James, you brought this on yourself. You can get as mad at me as you want, but this is my house to, and I will go where I want, say what I want, and do what I want! Excuse me for wanting a bit of help from my HUSBAND. You know what marriage is? It's helping each other out! And it certainly isn't hollering in the face of the woman who gave birth to your child! You don't clean up around here, you don't EVER go get Harry when he wakes up in the middle of the night, you don't shop, all you do is make jokes, and demand to be fed, and sneak off to the pub! Don't try and deny it James! You think I don't know James Potter but I do!"

He threw his arms in the air frustrated. "Lily! Just shut up! For one God damn minute! Just shut up please! I said I would fix the sink, and I will! I am oh so sorry I entertained our child with a treat! Please God can you ever forgive me for leaving my towel on the floor?! If you want to nit pick Lily, I have plenty of things to say! You can't clean a house to save your life! Cleaning includes actually putting things away, not just moving the mess from one side of the room to the other, and pushing things against the wall to make the middle of the room look bigger, your trifle tastes like arsenic, you gave me a rash on my arse with the amount of laundry bleach you use, you spend more money than we have, and you're an insufferable nag! You're completely insane with harassing me about being careful with Harry, but you'll leave him alone in an instant won't you?!" he asked pointedly and continued hollering.

Lily's face was reddening with anger, "I don't care what you say about my cooking or my housekeeping, or anything, but I have about had it with you insulting my parenting skills. I do the best I can! He's safe! He's fed and sheltered and happy. He has two parents who love him! He's FINE!"

James snorted. "Two parents who love him but can't stand each other. That's rich. I can't wait to see his counselling bill when he's 40. But with my luck I'll be dead by then and free of you!" he said scathingly. He didn't really mean it, at least . . . he didn't think he did. But he didn't let his guilt show on his face. He wasn't about to apologize, not for anything.

Lily sighed and shook her head. "Nice James. Real nice. That's one for the family album I think."

He cut her off,"What family Lily?! Honestly? You call this, what we have here a family?! You're crazier than I thought you were." He couldn't stop his mouth from saying these things, they flew out before he could think about it.

Lily turned around and covered her mouth refusing to say anything. He stood there looking at her back and tried not to let it affect him when he noticed her shoulder start to shake a bit. He knew she was crying, but dammit, she was to blame too. "Don't cry," he said flatly. "Crying isn't going to solve anything Lily. It's not doing anything for your cause."

She turned around, tears streaking down her face she put her arms out in front of her and shoved him. "You're a prat. And I hate you. Look at us James! Maybe you're right, and we can't stand each other! So what do you expect us to do?! You want to leave me?! You want me to leave you!? Tell me James. Since you know everything there is to know, tell me what it is we should be doing here!"

James stumbled back when she pushed him, but he didn't make any move to stop her either. He listened to her rant and rave for a moment before shaking his head. "I don't know. I need time to think. I'm going out." He brushed past her quickly and left the house without another word.

And that is how he came to be lying on the couch that first night. By the time he had gotten home Harry was asleep in his room and Lily was in their bedroom with the door locked. He grabbed a sheet from the hall closet and settled down. He tossed and turned and hardly got a wink of sleep. When the next morning rolled around, they didn't say a word to each other. They went about their day, him not fixing the leaky sink, and her not replacing the soap. He washed himself with shampoo again. He was tempted to use Harry's baby soap, but he couldn't justify bringing any of his son's belongings into this mess. They both sat out on the porch while Harry was in the backyard they took their turns picking him up when he fell, and stopping from eating rocks. But they never spoke to each other, not even in passing. A few times he wanted to ask her where something was, but instead he searched until he found it, or got so frustrated he gave up.

As for her she had plenty of things on the tip of her tongue, she was afraid to open her mouth for fear of what might come out. So she held her peace. She said nothing, but when the time came to make dinner, she toyed with the idea of making food for only Harry and herself, but changed her mind. She fed the family, gave Harry his bath, tucked him in, and went to bed locking the door behind her. She wondered briefly if this was to be their lives now, nothing more than silence. No more I love you's, no more fighting, no more laughter, and no more tears, she wondered if they would ever speak again. She didn't know, she wasn't even sure if she wanted to know.

On the third night as they both lay awake thinking about the mistakes that had been made, they both came to a similar conclusion. They couldn't live like this. But they couldn't live the other way either. Something had to change. The change would have to be huge, they both knew it was. It was something that scared both of them beyond belief. Perhaps maybe it was time to accept defeat. The next morning, both of them, haggard and tired once again weren't speaking. They had both made the agreement with themselves that once Harry was down for his nap they would approach the other.

That is how they came to be face to face to face in the hallway. They stood there uncomfortably for a moment neither one speaking, but both wanting to. James took her hand gently, and she allowed it, he led her into the kitchen and pulled out a chair for her. He sat across the table from her, keeping his hands folded in front of him on the hard surface. She looked down at her lap where she toyed endlessly with her wedding ring. She finally looked up at him. "So . . ." she said softly.

"Are you happy Lily?" he asked plainly. He had to take charge here, or nothing would ever get done.

She opened her mouth to say yes, but couldn't. She shook her head no instead. "Are you?" she asked trying not to cry.

"No." He didn't think that it would be this painful. After all nothing could hurt more than them constantly hurting each other right? Wrong. Accepting defeat never came easily to him, and if there was one thing he was sure of throughout his school days, is that he would make Lily Evans the happiest woman in the world. And he had failed miserably. "I'm sorry Lily. I only ever wanted to make you happy," he said sincerely.

Lily was in tears already. Was all this really ending? Were they giving up? Was it right to give up so soon? Had it really been so bad? Didn't they have good times too? "I wanted to make you happy too," she said wiping the tears from her face. "What do we do now?" she asked in true Lily fashion, always ready for the plan of action.

James hated this, his own emotions were failing him, and his own eyes were starting to mist over. He took a deep breath and shook his head. "I could leave for a while. Move out? You and Harry can stay here. I'll drop in once in a while. But . . . I don't want you or him to leave. It's not safe," he said firmly.

She nodded, numb to it all. He was really leaving her. Her marriage was on a dead end road. She couldn't even begin to imagine what life without James would be like. She didn't know what this would do to their son now and in the future. Then again, how healthy was it for anyone that they were always fighting? She was trying to be logical, but all she could think about was one word. Divorce. No one in her family had been divorced before. She had no one to ask for advice. She didn't even know where to start. Was she jumping the gun? Maybe he would leave and then come back? She put her hands on the table and slid her wedding ring off her finger and put it in the middle of the table. James's breath hitched in his chest when he saw her action, but he soon followed suit and did the same.

He took her hand gently and they looked at each other for a long time. Finally he let go and stood up. He went over to her side of the table and took her hand. She stood up and wrapped her arms around him tightly and cried on his chest dampening his shirt. He kissed the top of her head fiercely and shed tears of his own. "It's for the best Lily. We both know this," he said trying to reassure her, as well as himself.

She nodded. "I know," she replied in a weak tone.

When he broke the embrace he didn't say a word, he simply left the room. Quietly he went up the stairs and packed a bag taking a moment every now and again to memorize his surroundings. After what seemed like hours, he finally went into to kiss Harry good bye. Harry was still asleep and James stood over his crib for a moment taking a few deep breaths. "I'll be back soon for a visit, I'm sorry Harry."

He walked out of the room quickly and left the house without another word. When Lily heard the door close she started sobbing harder and harder. She was still quite unable to believe that her husband had just walked out that door, with the intention of staying gone, it seemed so surreal. Things like this happened sure, but to other people, not to her. She stayed in the kitchen for two more hours sobbing to herself until she heard Harry start to cry. She took a deep breath, wiped her face and went into get him.

The next six days passed without much consequence, James came back twice to gather some more belongings and to see Harry. He told her that he would be staying in a muggle motel not far from Godric's Hollow if she or Harry needed anything. Each time there was hardly any talking, and neither could make eye contact with the other. James spent his nights alone, sometimes crying, sometimes wishing he could cry, and most of the time talking himself into the fact that he had made the right decision. He missed his son every minute of every day. He didn't want to be without him anymore. But he wanted to do what was best for everyone involved as well.

He wrote her several letters of apology but never sent one of them. He didn't think that going back and trying to fix things would help. He believed that they truly were doomed. They weren't well matched, and as much as they might love each other, their relationship was badly broken. And there was no going back. There was no taking back what they'd said. They'd made a decision, and he was sure it would get easier once they got used to it.

Lily for the most part was getting on with life. Sort of. She had Harry to keep her occupied during the day. She focused all of her attention on him, and it helped to soothe her pain. But at night, alone in the bed she'd shared with her husband of three years, the pain overtook her. She'd slept in their bed alone several times, but always knowing he was coming home, or that he was just on the couch. This was different. She didn't feel as safe, she couldn't get warm, and she felt like half of her had died. In spite of her emotions, she tried to remain busy, convincing herself that all would be okay in the end. It was just new right now, and it was supposed to hurt. It would get better. Plenty of people had been divorced and moved on. She would do the same, she was a survivor. She knew she could handle this situation. She wasn't so worried about Harry, she knew James would never do anything like leave Harry to grow up without a Father. There were plenty of people who loved Harry, once this silly hiding out business was over, he would have his Godfather as well. Yes, everything would be fine.

On the early evening of October 31^st 1981 James came by the house to check on Harry, and to wash some of his clothes. He felt bad intruding like this, but he hoped she would understand it was only until he was able to find a place more suitable than the hotel. Harry was sound asleep in his crib and James stood in there talking to him quietly for a good amount of time, before going downstairs and fixing the leaky sink. When he was finished, he walked into the sitting room and faced Lily. She was reading a magazine on the couch with her feet up on the table. He sat down next to her and sighed, he moved his hand to her knee and rested it there, but he wasn't ready to speak.

Neither of them said anything at first, this time it was Lily who broke the silence. "James, I dried and folded your clothes, they're in your laundry bag," she said trying to sound as calm and as indifferent as possible. One might say she was trying to keep it professional.

"You didn't have to do that Lily," he said quietly.

"Well I didn't want you to forget anything. And I needed to do some laundry myself."

"Lily . . ." he started to say, unable to take it much longer.

"Sssh. Don't James, you're only going to make this ?" she interjected quickly.

"Lily, I love you," he had said it anyway. "And I can't let you go without you knowing that," he finished softly.

"James, I love you too. More than you know. But it isn't true what they say, love can't overcome all obstacles. Love can't always win out over two people who never got along to begin with. There is, and probably never was, any reason to think that we would be able to live together." She had said it to herself in the mirror over and over again, just in case the time came when they were tempted to try their hand at marriage again. It had been so easy to say it then, but now that he was here she had trouble getting the words out.

He listened to her and knew that she was right. But . . . It didn't stop him from continuing on, "Lily, maybe we can just try? I'll go out with you again, I'll do anything you want. We can start again," he said starting to feel a bit panicked.

"No James, we're passed that now," he paused, "Listen James . . . "

He cut her off quickly, "I fixed the sink."

At those words Lily's eyes filled with tears and she put her head in her hands and cried. Through her sobs she managed to say, "I replaced the soap." James wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly as they both sobbed.

He sighed. "But that doesn't fix us does it?" he whispered.

She shook her head, "No James, it doesn't fix us."

It was then that they heard the back gate creak as it opened. James jumped up quickly and looked out the window. "Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off!"

Lily stumbled from the room and hurried up the stairs as she heard the back door burst open and James's voice was hollering something, she heard a cackle of high-pitched laughter and then the sound of a body hitting the floor. Her heart broke, because it wasn't the laughter that stopped. It was her husband's voice. And she knew he was gone. She ran into Harry's bedroom and he was crying she picked him up and warded the door. She had no where to run. This was it. They were all going to die. She found some comfort in that she would be with James soon. He shouldn't have even been here. She wouldn't think about that now. She put Harry down in his crib and stood in front of it with her wand drawn. She knew Voldemort was out there, just outside that door breaking down the wards she had put up. They were simple, but they had bought her some time. "I love you," she said to Harry just as the door opened.

Voldemort pointed his wand at Harry, and Lily moved in directly in front of her son and stared The Dark Lord down. "Not Harry! Not Harry! Please not Harry! I'll do anything!" she cried.

"Stand aside, you silly girl . . . stand aside, now . . ."

"Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead."

"Stand aside!"

"Not Harry!! Please! Have Mercy. Have Mercy!!"

A shrill high-pitched laugh, a flash of green light, and Lily Potter fell to the floor.