Unexpected Turns

Chapter 1: A Monologue From the Perspective of Hogwart's Bushy-Haired Maiden

I only really realized it last year. We were walking down the hallways and Ginny kept on talking about boys. And I realized that what she was saying didn't seem to make any sense to me at all. I mean... boys? Why boys, after all? I caught myself thinking these things and I sort of mentally slapped myself and just kept "uh-huhing" Ginny.

Thinking those things put something in my brain that night, I surmise. I was laying in my bed and all of a sudden I look over at Parvati Patil. I mentally commented on how awfully pretty she was. At the time, I didn't think these feelings would stick in my brain. Mind you, they haven't. My feelings have moved on to someone else. However, it is another female. I don't know what exactly happened that day. I don't even know if that's the day that I became a... well, I guess I should come out and say it now, shouldn't I? I don't know if it's even they day I became a lesbian. But, I know I am now. I don't know exactly why. That's one thing that I haven't come up with an answer to yet.

But the simple fact is that I am. No one besides you, reader, knows. Does that satisfy you? Being the only one in the world to know my dreadful secret? It bothers me to have it, honestly. I'd like to get it off of my chest. Especially to... her.

You're probably wondering exactly who she is, aren't you? Well, I've never liked to rush things myself. But, I can bring things out of the past tense for you and bring you up to date.

I'm staying with Ron's family right now. Fifth year just ended and seeing as how I'm a coming-of-age-wizard, my parents wanted me to stay here over the summer. Ron and I owled Harry to ask him if he'd like to come over. He sent back a small piece of parchment with the word 'No' on it in pencil. Just no. Harry, I suppose, is still upset over Sirius. By all means, I understand and all. Sirius was one of my best friends... but, still it'd be nice to hear more than just one word from Harry. I think losing someone so close to him, closer than Cedric could ever have been, really set something off in his mind. I don't think he's going mad or anything like that, but I do believe he has quite a good bit more on his mind than Voldemort. Ron tried to conjure up this plan on getting Harry away from the Dursleys, and all. I reminded him of what happened last time and he yelled at me, telling me I 'always take the fun out of things'. Not very flattering, I know.

I feel very uncomfortable staying here, for reasons I'd rather not say at this point in the story, reader. Before I enter a room, I always look in there. I can't sleep very well unless I move away from my assigned room and into the living room, which I seem to be doing every night now. When at the dinner table, I sort of have to hide my head. I know the Ron and everyone have noticed. The few nights that Fred and George have been here, they've even cracked jokes about it. It feels weird, though.

I don't know if I can keep on writing this monologue without telling you the name of her. It's very difficult to avoid writing something so as not to spoil anything. And it gets annoying. So, the one I love is none other than Ginny Weasly. There, I said it. I try to tell myself I am not ashamed of it, but if I wasn't then why would the first line of this story not have been 'Hi, my name is Hermione Granger, and I love Ginny Weasly'? Why would I continue to avoid being in the same room with her? So, I am ashamed of it. But, I'm also ashamed to be ashamed of it. Does that make much sense?

Getting back on track, I really don't like not having complete freedom in this house. Granted, I have this lack of freedom due to my own foolishness but it is still very annoying not being able to look at anyone when eating my pot roast. That, perhaps, is the only thing that would ever make me want to tell Gin.

A/N: Was that any good? If it wasn't, tell me. The second chapter'll be up soon. I've already started writing it. Also, the next chapter will appear more as a story than a journal entry. I just kind of wanted a 'monologue' feeling to the first chapter. Hence, the chapter title. ^_~ Speaking of chapter titles, yes, they will all be that long.

Also, you probably noticed how much more melancholy Hermione sounds. That's intentional. I'm going to try to bring up this sort of happy front she puts on that only Ginny can make disappear or something like that. I don't know. You'll see. Anyways, toodles!