Harry Potter goes on Celebrity Jeopardy

Harry Potter and the Celebrity Jeopardy Game

Alex Trebek: Welcome Back to Celebrity Jeopardy. Once again, my poor ego is about to take a beating like an altar boy on Sunday. With that being said, let's take a look at the scores.

Alex Trebek: We have a close run for second place between Mr. Potter and Mr. Malfoy, who have impressively managed to set a new jeopardy record at negative 150,000 dollars a piece.

Harry Potter: Yeah, well, I'm a late bloomer.

Alex: Great.

Draco Malfoy: We aren't blind, Potter.

Alex: Thank you Mr. Malfoy. And in a commanding lead, with 0, we have none other than... ugh... Sean Connery, our returning champion, who seems to have missed the flyer saying that this was a special Wizarding episode, and is once again here to make my extremely sad, broken life a living hell.

Sean Connery: Ha Ha Ha! I'm back, ye robe... take me to your mother!

Alex: Right. Moving right along, let's take a look at the board. "Potent Potables, A Wand or a Sexual Thing... this category, I hold up an object, and you tell me if it is a wand... or a sexual thing, Potpourri, Summoning Charms that begin with Accio, Pretty Objects, Fuzzy Animals, Pink Things, and finally, Dark Lords named Voldemort. Mr. Connery, you have the board.

Sean: Yes, of course I do ye greasy Dago. I'll take your mother for two dollars.

Alex: I loathe you. Mr. Potter, why don't you pick?

Harry: Uhhh.... Er..... um.... Errr.... I'll take... uhhh.... I don't know the answer!

Draco: Wow.

Alex: Mr. Potter, we have not begun yet. Ugh, you know what, just forget it. Mr. Malfoy, why don't you pick a category.

Draco: Yeah, Gimmie the sex one. I like sex.

Alex: Oookey, a Wand or a Sexual Thing. For how much?

Draco: Like I care... I'm wealthier than all you game show hosts combined.

Alex: I almost started liking you.

Harry: Don't, he's an arsehole...

Sean: HA! You said hole!

Alex: Seek help... fast. Alright, a Wand of a Sexual Object for 200 hundred.

Alex: Is this a wand, or a sexual thing? Mr. Connery?

Sean: Brigit Fonda!

Alex: No, Mr. Connery. Sexual Thing... NOT Sexual Fling. Uugh... Mr. Malfoy?

Draco: Ginny Weasley.

Alex: NO! What did I just say? Ugh... Mr. Potter?

Harry: My left hand.

Alex: ... You lead a sad life.

Draco: Well, at least he's honest. Heh... stupid Gryffindor.

Sean: Don't worry lad... my left hand was a big slut too until I met Trebek's mother.

Alex: Someone shoot me... please. Alright, Mr. Malfoy, the board is still yours.

Draco: Yeah, Gimmie the sex one for two hundred.

Alex: We already did it!

Draco: I know, but I want to see Potter make a total prat out of himself again on national TV.

Harry: Suck it, Malfoy.

Sean: Ohhh Hooo HOOO Har har har.... He said Suck it! Buck Futter!!!

Alex: Ok, why don't we just try Summoning Charms that begin with Accio for six hundred... this summoning charm is used to summon a pencil... Mr. Connery?

Sean: Come and give James Bond a flu shot...

Alex: Summoning Charm, Mr. Connery, not Sexual Charm. Mr. Potter?

Harry: I don't get it... what's a flu shot?

Draco: One day, when your sixty-five and loose your virginity, you might get it.

Alex: Ugh... Mr. Malfoy?

Draco: I don't know.

Alex: They why did you ring in?

Draco: To piss you off.

Sean: HA! Good show, lad!

Alex: Ugh, the answer was... Accio Pencil... and Mr. Malfoy, once again, has control of the board.

Draco: This game is stupid. I'm going to take a nap.

Alex: Thank the Lord. Mr. Connery, go ahead.

Sean: Alright, Tra-BECK. I'll take Crustymold for more than your worth!

Alex: That's Dark Lords named Voldemort for... ugh... 400. And we have an Audio Daily Double. Here is the question: Is this Lord Voldemort?

Tape Recording: I AM LORD VOLDEMORT.

Alex: Someone? Mr. Potter, you might want to take a shot at this...

Tape Recording: I AM LORD VOLDEMORT.

Alex: Mr. Potter?

Harry: Ron Weasley.

Alex: Ughhh!

Draco: Couldn't go for thirty minutes without getting a hard on over the Weasel huh?

Sean: Ohh.. HAR HAR HAR HAR!

Harry: No! I just promised I'd mention him at some point...

Draco: That's cute.

Alex: Ok, you know what? Let's move onto Final Jeopardy. And the category is... ugh... I tell you what... I'll make one up. The category is: Is Magic cool?

[url=http://www.rarenet.com/Games/Music/jeopardy.mid] [/url]

Alex: Is magic cool... yes... or no will do. You could even get creative and say... maybe, or most definitely... or I could point to you and you could simply shake your head.

Alex: Alright, let's get this over with... let's see what Mr. Malfoy had for an answer...

Draco: None of your damn business.

Alex: But, if you don't show me... you cannot get it right.

Draco: Why don't you go shove a broomstick up your arse until it looks like a hard on is coming out of your mouth...

Alex: You know what... that was uncalled for. Well, let's see what he would have won or lost.... Go to Hell you Stupid Muggle.

Draco: If you look close, there is a subtle message to you, Trebek.

Alex: Good work. Mr. Potter...

Harry: ... I didn't know the answer, so I copied off Malfoy.

Draco: Bastard, don't show him!

Alex: Ha, the day is mine, Mr. Malfoy... and your answer: Lord of the Rings Sucks.

Harry: Damn straight.

Alex: And your wager... JRR Tolkein Sucks. Go back to England, all of you. And last, and most likely least... Mr. Connery.

Sean: Ha ha ha...

Alex: Either you think you got the right answer... or you have a really good insult coming up... let's see...

Alex: "You?"... Ok, I don't get it... but I'm sure I will when I see your answer.

Sean: Heh heh heh...

Alex: And your wager... Faerie...

Sean: You Faerie! Taaa Har har har har... You Faerie!!

Draco: That was lame. You are a sad old man.

Sean: Suck it long, and suck it hard...

Draco: Dirty too...

Harry: Hey, Alex, did I get the answer right?

Alex: That's all the time we have for Celebrity Jeopardy. I'm going home to my Ginn and Tonic now and contemplating suicide.

Harry: But, Alex, was my answer right?

Alex: If you don't get back behind your podium, Mr. Potter, I'll kill you myself...

Draco: Oh yeah, that's convincing... the big stupid Muggle game show host with the dirty hair and small member is going to pound Harry Potter.

Alex: That's it... that was the insanity comment!

Draco: Oh look, the big scary Muggles trying to.... Ugh... ACHE!!