Voldemort Teams up with Pinky and the Brain

Voldemort Teams up with Pinky and the Brain

Or

Hedwig, the Hero

"Say, Brain?"

"Yes, Pinky?"

"Well..."

"We are going to do what we do every night, Pinky, we're going to..."

"Actually, I was hoping..."

The two infamous lab mice were having a discussion on what they were going to do that night. Brain was a white mouse with an overly large head that also had an overly large ambition of taking over the world. Pinky was a thin white mouse. He was a little dense at times (to say in the least).

"I was hoping that you would meet my master," replied Pinky, sounding a little more intelligent than usual.

Brain noticed this and stated, "You don't sound like your usual self... you sound almost - almost - intelligent!"

"It's time for me to tell you the truth," Pinky sighed, "I would have put this off longer, but my master had requested your help. You see, Brain, my real name is Peter Pettigrew, also known as Wormtail." Pinky/Wormtail performed the most miraculous thing that a mouse has ever done: he transformed into a big, gray, rat.

"Ah! Wait, oops, wrong body!" the rat suddenly exclaimed. He tried again. On the second attempt, he grew into the body of a rather pale and pasty man, "Here we go! This is who I really am. I'm not a stupid mouse as you had assumed before! I am the loyal servant of Lord Voldemort!" He gestured dramatically, and promptly knocked a bottle with some chemical substance to the ground. The liquid fizzed and a large hole appeared in the middle of the carpeted floor. "Oops. Sorry Brain."

"Well, I can see that you are no longer a mouse, but you are still stupid," Brain remarked dryly.

Pinky/Wormtail ignored this. "My master, Lord Voldemort, also wishes to take over the world. But unfortunately, there is this boy who always seems to foil his plans. My master has heard of your reputation, mostly through me of course, and he has chosen you to help him murder the boy. You will, of course, be well rewarded. He may even give you an offer of being his partner! Well?"

Brain thought a moment before replying, "I doubt that being his partner will be pleasant, but I am willing to help him if he can find me a better assistant than you."

Pinky/Wormtail was so happy that Brain had agreed that he missed the insult directed at him.

*POOF!*

Lord Voldemort Apparated into the lab. Pinky/Wormtail quickly fell to his knees. Voldie ignored Wormtail and addressed Brain and stared at him with his bright red eyes (which made him look a little high), "I assume that you are Brain?"

Brain stared back with his own pink eyes (which are just as strange), "Yes. I will help you in the murder of the boy that Pinky, er, Wormtail has told me about. As a price, I ask you to find me a better assistant than him," Brain gestured towards the still kneeling Wormtail.

Voldie agreed and he Apparated them all to his lair.

~

"I need a plan. That is why I have hired you, Brain."

"Yes indeed. Well, from what I see, you need to get into this Hogwarts castle, but you can't Apparate or fly by broom? Fly by broom? How the heck does someone fly on a broom? Brooms are for house cleaning and - and... You are a WEIRD, uh, person, no, uh, monster, wait, how about..."

"Never mind. Just find me a way in."

"If you were a mouse like me, it would be a lot simpler..."

"A mouse, that's it! You are a genius!" Voldie promptly changed himself into a mouse. He was a mouse with bad quality skin (Draco Malfoy would have been disappointed in him and probably would have offered him some of his numerous lotions) and red eyes.

"Well... I guess you can always transform into a mouse..."

~

The three (no, they weren't blind) mice crept into Hogwarts grounds through the Forbidden Forest.

"Here's the plan everyone: on the count of three, we rush them," whispered Voldie. He had always wanted to say that.

The other two nodded, not exactly understanding, but nodded nonetheless.

Voldie turned his bloody-red eyes towards the looming castle. He was about to give the trademark, evil-guy, cackle, when a breeze floated above him and suddenly he felt his feet being lifted above the ground. He screamed.

~

Hedwig was hungry. She had been cooped up in the owl pen all day. She decided to go for a night flight, and then she saw a mouse. She swooped down and picked it up with her claws. She would have sworn her dinner had shouted, "Put me down you stupid bird!" but being a hungry owl, she ignored it.

Hedwig had a full meal that night, but unfortunately threw it up later. What can I say? Evil people, logically, should taste evil.

~

"I guess it's just you and me again Pinky. Oh well..."

Pinky didn't answer. He was too busy crying, not that he missed his ugly master, but it was for the principle of it. "But what do we do Brain?" he blubbered.

"Pinky, we are going to do what we always do: we are going to take over the world!"

And from the Forbidden Forest, rang out Pinky's sobs and Brain's evil cackle.

~

The-boy-who-lived, Harry Potter, turned in his peaceful slumber, not knowing that his life had just been saved by his owl.

~THE END~

A/N: This sounded better when I was just planning it. Oh well, not too bad. Stupid Voldie. Stupid enough to get eaten by an owl. Haha... Anyways, please review. I promise that I will try to write a better story next time!