Healing

Healing

Part Five

"I'm coming with you tonight," Harry said at breakfast two days later. He still hadn't told any of them he was an animagus. Remus knew everything else, and the others knew bits and pieces.

Remus's eyes widened and Peter almost choked on his toast. James and Sirius looked worried.

"He knows?" Peter managed to get out, a bit scared.

"Well, as I'm not registered either I don't think there will be any problems," he shot a small smile in Moony's direction. The amber eyes softened. They kept their newfound relationship quiet from the rest of the school, though Harry assumed that Albus knew. Harry was tempted to brew Wolfsbane for Moony, but didn't want to get Peter suspicious.

"You're one too?" Sirius asked.

James was shaking his head and laughing. He ran his fingers through his hair in the same manner that Harry always did.

Lily leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Like father, like son."

Harry smiled at her. She and James had taken to sitting on either side of him at meals. Now that his secrets were out he was getting much closer to them. He learned about his family histories, something he had not been able to get from anyone else. That afternoon was a free period. Moony was getting tired. Fighting the pull of the full moon was instinctual and exhausting. Harry sat his bed, holding onto the other boy. Moony's body would sometimes twitch as his muscles got closer to the transformation. He would have to leave for the hospital wing soon and Poppy would escort him to the Shrieking Shack, his friends close behind.

"You never told us what you are," Moony said, referring to Harry's animagus form.

"I wanted it to be a surprise. It's a little unusual," he said, bending down to plant a kiss on the werewolf's forehead.

"Can you show me now? I don't remember everything that happens, not like a human would. The wolf sees things differently too," he said, fear laced through his words.

"Only for you," Harry whispered.

He gently moved Remus so he was propped up on the pillows. Harry slid off the bed and stood on the floor in the center of the room. He concentrated on his griffin form and moments later felt the freedom of the wings and powerful golden paws. He stretched out his wings for Moony. Seeing Moony from his animagus form was interesting. He could see the wolf within the man. His griffin self was every bit as attracted to the wolf as Harry was to the man. He had always had a dark side. He transformed back and joined Moony on the bed.

"You're beautiful!" Moony whispered in awe.

"So are you. The griffin can see the wolf," Moony flinched.

Harry knew that Moony was afraid that the griffin, a powerfully magical creature, would reject the wolf. The wolf, after all, was Dark where the griffin was Light. Harry leaned forward and nibbled on Moony's neck. He was rewarded with a moan. Hands traced Harry's back and slid into the back pockets of the jeans he was wearing, squeezing. Harry captured Moony's lips beneath his, slipping his tongue into the other boy's mouth. They had shared the same bed for several nights now, though fully clothed. They knew Harry would have to leave soon, and didn't know what would happen when they saw each other after he got back.

"Mmmm. I hate to go, but I have to. The moon rises in two hours," Remus said, not needing to look outside to know.

"You better go. You'll hardly be able to move in an hour." Harry gave Moony a final, parting kiss and watched him leave.

Harry went down to the common room to meet with James, Sirius, and Peter. When the four of them were all together James spoke up nervously. They had left Gryffindor Tower and were hiding behind the greenhouses. They had an hour until the moonrise.

"I don't think we'll all fit under the cloak."

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Sirius whispered in his ear. "The transformation is not pleasant."

"I've seen it before Padfoot, or rather, will see it," Harry whispered back.

"Oh yeah," Sirius said.

"Don't worry about the cloak James," Harry said. He rapped them each on the head, muttering the Disillusionment Charm under his breath. Strangely, he could see a faint glow where each of them was. It must be because he had cast the charm.

"Cold," Peter commented.

"Definitely up there on the weird scale," Sirius said.

"Let's go, we've got to get to the Shack and transform," James reminded them.

They set off. When Peter transformed to touch the knot that froze the Whomping Willow, the glow changed a bit. The rat remained invisible. The boys climbed down to the passage under the tree roots and entered the Shrieking Shack. Harry knew that Moony was in the back bedroom, waiting for their animagus forms to greet the wolf after the transformation. No one was allowed to watch the process. Harry removed the Disillusionment Charm from all of them, feeling the familiar warm sensation that accompanied it.

"Okay Harry, you've kept it a secret all day, now change," James ordered.

"Yes, Dad," Harry said sarcastically. They all laughed, though Peter for a different reason than the others. Harry transformed smoothly and turned in a circle. He had an urge to take to the sky, but could sense the wolf in the other room that needed him.

"Wow. You're a griffin!" James said.

"They're really rare!" Peter exclaimed.

"Nice. My big black, grim-like dog doesn't seem nearly as impressive now," Sirius complained before transforming.

The others transformed and the animals greeted each other. The griffin felt an instant distrust for the rat. Harry knew Peter had already fallen to Voldemort. Harry tried to ignore him and romped with the dog. The griffin was slightly larger, but the stag was larger still.

There was a horrifying howl from the next room. It had a mixture of human scream and animal sound. It was no wonder the villagers in Hogsmeade thought the shack was haunted. When the sounds stopped the door was nudged open. A large wolf bound out of the room. He headed for the griffin first, rearing up in play-fighting. The griffin responded in kind and both sets of forepaws met in the air. The animals nipped at each other, and the wolf turned to great the other animals.

* * * * * * * *

The Halloween Feast was the same as every other Halloween Feast Harry had attended at Hogwarts, only without the extra activities. There was no troll attacking someone in a girls' toilet. There was no Death Day Party with ghosts and petrified people. There was no escaped convict trying to get into the dorms. Harry imagined that this was what the feast was like for everyone who was not him or his friend. It was nice, but there was something missing. He could stay here forever if it wasn't for Ron and Hermione. He couldn't do that to them.

"You're leaving us, aren't you?" Lily asked from across the table.

"Why would he leave?" Peter asked.

"I don't really belong here," Harry responded. He felt Moony's hand tighten on his under the table.

Peter looked confused but didn't inquire further. Harry's pity for him had only increased while he was here. Peter wasn't strong, or brave. He wasn't ambitious, or particularly intelligent. He certainly wasn't loyal. Harry supposed the Sorting Hat had put Peter in Gryffindor in hope that he would acquire some of the classic Gryffindor traits. There wasn't a house at Hogwarts where Peter would fit.

"I have to talk to Albus," Harry said. "I'll be back to say good-bye."

When the feast was over Harry did not return to Gryffindor Tower. He went instead to the headmaster's office. As he passed some Slytherins on the way they stayed out his path. Word had gotten around that house not to cross Harry Jameson, though no one had been punished for the incident in the corridor days ago. Harry wondered for a moment how they had gotten free from the ivy. Harry spoke the password and the gargoyle moved aside to admit him.

Minerva was startled when Harry entered. He had changed dramatically in his time there. There was still an aura of sadness around, she didn't suppose that would ever go away, but he was calmer. She saw that he was ready to leave before he spoke the words. They had never discussed what Minerva was like in the future. She guessed that she was not nearly as close to him then as she was now. It hurt knowing that she would not be there for him when he returned in the way she would like to be. She hoped there was someone there who could.

"It's time to leave Albus. I know you've been able to send me back for quite some time," Harry accused, knowing his eyes were twinkling the same way Albus's always did.

"Not much gets past you, does it Harry?" Albus stated.

"No, though you usually are the one who tells me," Harry responded a bit sadly. He would miss the headmaster.

"You will do fine on your own. Come back after you say your goodbyes and we'll send you home," Albus told him.

Harry nodded and left. He headed straight for Gryffindor Tower, not wanting to waste any time now that he was on his way. He entered the tower and found the common room crowded. The seventh year boys, and one girl, were missing from the scene. Harry went up to the room he had been sharing with Remus, Sirius, and Peter. All five of them were there waiting. Peter looked confused. They obviously had not told him what was going on.

"Peter, you have a choice. I can tell you why I'm leaving and where I'm going or you can go downstairs while I say goodbye," Harry said to the shock of the others in the room.

"I'd like to hear it," Peter said.

As Harry told his story Peter's eyes grew bigger and bigger. Harry showed him the picture he carried and told him finally what he had told no one else. Peter had been sent to kill Remus, only able to do so because of the silver hand Voldemort had created for him. Severus had discovered the plot and saved Remus. The Potions Master had finally been able to save one of the Marauders, though he was injured in the process. Harry described how Peter had been caught by the aurors, killing two of them with his silver hand in the process. His silver hand had been cut from his body and destroyed before he had been given to the dementors to receive the kiss. When he finished Peter was crying.

"I haven't joined You-Know-Who, I swear. The Slytherins won't leave me alone, but I haven't. Please believe me. I won't do it. I can't do that to you," the boy cried. Harry saw that if he left things as they were Peter's Gryffindor bravery might finally surface, but he couldn't.

"Peter, I have to memory charm all of you now," Harry said.

"What? You can't! If I don't know what will happen..." Peter trailed off.

"Peter, I can't change the future. If you don't do all those things, Voldemort might never die," Harry explained with Moony's hand on his back for support.

Peter looked around at his friends, "I'm sorry I'm not strong enough."

"It's okay Peter," Lily said as she stepped forward to hug him. "We all play the parts that were given to us."

"We forgive you Peter," James said. "Stronger people have fallen to his persuasions."

"I don't blame you Peter. I blame You-Know-Who," Sirius told him.

"Everyone has to drink this," Harry said, holding out the last of the Dreamless Sleep potion he had brewed. "When you're asleep I'll perform the memory charms."

"I'm sorry I don't get to see you grow up Harry. I'm proud of who you've become," James hugged Harry and took one of the goblets. He crossed to his old bed and sat down to drink the potion. "I love you, son."

"I love you too, Dad," Harry said as James fell into sleep.

Lilly hugged him as tightly as her arms could manage. "Thank you for telling us Harry. I'll be watching over you. I love you."

"I love you Mum." Lily lay down next to her future husband to sleep.

"If I have to die, I'm glad I do it for you." Sirius hugged Harry and took his goblet to his own bed.

"I'm sorry for everything Harry," Peter said, his hand shaking as he drank the potion.

"I don't blame you," Harry told him as Peter slipped away.

Harry turned to say goodbye to Remus.

* * * * * * * *

"Harry," Moony began, "you don't have to charm me. I won't create a paradox. I want to remember this, remember you."

Harry felt tears forming. He knew this would happen. "No Moony, it might be too hard to resist. Can you really watch all your friends die, knowing you could save them?"

"I have you to wait for," Remus said. He took Harry in his arms and kissed him.

Harry returned the kiss. If anything could keep him here, this could. He could spend the rest of his life waking up next to Remus Lupin. There was too much at risk though. He raised his wand and had it pointed at Remus as they pulled apart from the kiss. Remus never saw it.

"Obliviate," Harry said, tears streaming down his face.

Remus froze in place. Performing a memory charm was more than saying the word. The caster had to know exactly what memories they erasing, or they could destroy the mind they were tampering with. That was what Lockhart had tried to do to Ron and Harry, and had succeeded in doing to himself. Harry left the memory of a boy named Harry Jameson, and the love Remus had for him, but left no memories of Harry Potter or a griffin animagus. In the aftermath of the memory charm Remus was disoriented. Harry put a sleeping charm on him.

He went around the room, performing the memory charm on each person in the room. He would only see one of them ever again. He woke Remus before leaving the room, to make sure the charm had worked.

"Harry, what's with all of them? It's too early to go to sleep. Why are James and Lily in your bed?" Remus asked.

It had worked. "I have to go Remus," Harry said. "I'm on my way to see Uncle Albus. Please give Sirius my broom. I won't need it." He turned and walked towards the door.

"Harry, wait!" Remus cried. "I - I wanted to tell you..."

Harry's heart ached at the need and uncertainty in Remus's voice. He stepped across the room and pulled the other boy into a kiss. Remus's lips under his were still at first, surprised. They began to move, responding to Harry with passion and desire. Remus's hands gripped Harry's robes, pulling Harry against his body. Harry broke the kiss and gently pushed Remus away. Amber eyes pleaded with blue.

"Do you really have to go?" he asked.

"I can't stay," Harry said, tracing a hand down Remus's face. He wiped away the tear that spilled out of Remus's eye and turned away. He picked the photograph up off the trunk and slipped it in his pocket before leaving Gryffindor Tower.

He walked quickly to Albus's office, wanting to get this over with and get back home. He entered and saw Minerva and Albus sitting exactly where he had left them.

"Are you ready Harry?" Minerva asked.

Harry nodded. She got up and hugged him. This was one more thing that would probably never happen again. The Professor McGonagall Harry knew was not the hugging type. He handed her his final goblet of Dreamless Sleep potion. There was only enough there for an hour of sleep. Minerva looked down at the goblet and back up Harry.

"If I don't tell you in the future Harry, I want you to know now. You are an amazing person. I'm thankful for the time I had you as a friend." She drank the potion and fell asleep before he could respond.

He pointed his wand at her and erased all memory of Harry Potter. He left behind the young relative of the headmaster that became her friend after his parents died. Harry turned to Albus. He took several rolls of parchment out of his robes and passed them to the headmaster.

"I've written letters to everyone, explaining that I had to leave to fight the war in my own way. Can you post them for me later?" Harry asked.

Albus nodded. "I will. Shall we?" he asked, settling in his chair.

Harry performed a memory charm on the headmaster. He left the knowledge that the young man who had appeared at Hogwarts on July 31, 1997 was Harry Potter, come from the future after defeating Voldemort. He removed all other knowledge of what would happen, including the timing of the headmaster's death. Harry finished the charm and Albus took a few moments to recover from the disorientation of the memory charm.

"Take this Floo powder Harry. It has been adjusted to allow you to pick any place, in any time. Choose carefully Harry. I recommend returning to this office not too long after the battle," Albus suggested.

Harry took the Floo powder and addressed the headmaster, "Thank you Albus. I love you."

"And I you, Harry. I will leave you to your departure now," Albus stood and left Harry in his office with the sleeping deputy headmistress.

Harry saw the clothes he had arrived in neatly folded on a chair. He changed into them, surprised to find that the robes were a bit small for him. He had grown an inch or two in his time here. He threw the Floo powder into the fireplace. Instead of turning green, as the flames normally did for travel by Floo, they turned purple.

Harry stepped into the flames and shouted.