Healing

Healing

Part Three

"Harry's the new seeker for Gryffindor. Apparently he let a bludger hit him just so he could catch the snitch. Lily Evans was quite upset," Minerva informed the headmaster.

They were sitting in his office on Saturday evening after curfew. Lily had been to see her after Poppy shooed her and Remus from the hospital wing. The Head Girl had asked what Minerva knew about the deaths of his parents. After hearing that Minerva knew all the details Lily broke down and told her the whole conversation she and Harry had in the Great Hall earlier. Minerva knew the girl wouldn't breathe a word to her friends but needed someone to talk to. The young professor also realized that Harry had been talking about Albus, not his parents.

"She is a very sensitive young lady," Albus said, a lemon drop in his mouth.

"I am more worried about Harry," she began.

Albus looked at her over his spectacles, not responding. His gaze just urged her to continue.

"Lily told me Harry has been under the Cruciatis Curse. He let it slip, probably distracted by his shoulder. I'm afraid the boy has been through much more than he lets on," she said. Her growing affection for the boy made this concern more potent.

"I doubt Harry has ever been just a boy. He seems much more adult than any of his current classmates, even those who have been touched by this war." Albus continued to suck on his lemon drops.

"I am sure you are right Albus." She paused, wondering whether to express her opinion on the next matter. "Have you found a way to send him back?"

"I may have," he temporized.

"I don't think we should tell him yet," she stated. It had been difficult to suggest.

Albus raised his eyebrows at her in inquiry.

"He's in pain Albus. In Harry's time nearly everyone he loves is dead. He watched Voldemort kill you right before he got here. Have you looked at his eyes when he looks at you? They're full of pain and longing. You are his mentor. He loves you. When he gets back the adult left for him is Remus Lupin," she explained.

"He will also have you Minerva," Albus reminded her.

She swallowed hard. She had been considering this. "We don't know that Albus. Harry will memory charm us before he leaves. We have no idea what my future relationship is with him. I'm not known for getting close to students."

"It strikes me that Harry is not just any student Minerva."

"I know the women in my family Albus. I know what I'll be like in twenty years. It's highly unlikely that I'll befriend a boy forty-three years my junior," it hurt her to admit. She actually hoped that her future self would not be the stern and forbidding McTavish matriarch.

"What do you suggest we do Minerva?" Albus asked.

"Give the boy time to heal. Spend some time with him s he has a chance to say goodbye. Let him get to know his parents and say goodbye to them and to Sirius Black. So many people were ripped from his life, and now he a chance to be with them again. I would be surprised if he asked us anytime soon about going back. He did leave there in the middle of a battle. For all he knows he will find both Remus and me dead when he gets back." She was nearing tears at the thought.

"Very well Minerva. We will not bring up the subject. If Harry asks, though, we will not lie to him. We are not going to keep him in this time if he asks to return to his own." Albus looked very stern as he said this.

"You have figured out how to send him back," Minerva accused.

"Yes Minerva. It is a very difficult spell, and a potion is required as well. I will have to brush up on my potions skills before I attempt it. Even if Harry wanted to go back today he couldn't. It will take at least a month before we are ready." He looked at her with his probing gaze before saying anything else. "You may go to the hospital wing if you are satisfied here."

Albus always knew exactly what she was thinking. She was sure he knew everything she was going to say this evening and had framed his questions to draw her opinions out. She walked to the hospital wing where she knew she would find Harry sleeping. He looked peaceful in his bed, doubtless from Poppy forcing Sleeping Potion down his throat. Harry's right arm was bound to his chest, to keep him from moving it and disturbing his mending bone. Healers could repair breaks in bones, but they were still tender and fragile for a week or so. His left arm rested over his covers. Minerva took his left hand and held onto it, settling back into her chair. The sound of the door to the wing opening startled her and she let go. She relaxed when she saw Remus Lupin walk in. As a prefect he was technically allowed to patrol after curfew; and Poppy was very lenient with him.

"Mr. Lupin, I take it you are here to visit Mr. Jameson." she said.

"Professor! I didn't know you were here," he looked a little frightened. Remus was very conscientious. She had been more surprised that he had known his friends were illegal animagi than she had been that they become so.

"Don't fret Mr. Lupin. You are not in any trouble. Why are you visiting so late?" she inquired. Lily had said she was the only one Harry had told about the battle. She also mentioned that he seemed a bit dazed when spoke about it, like he was reliving it. Minerva wondered if he had opened up to Remus as well.

"There's just something about him. I'm sure he's keeping things, important things, from us. He's a very bad liar. Still, I can't help but trust him. There's something about him," he repeated quietly, looking at the sleeping boy.

"There certainly is Mr. Lupin," Minerva said.

"Do you think I could tell him?" Remus asked nervously. "You never know how someone will react."

"You are considering telling him?" Minerva was amazed. Remus had only known Harry a few weeks and apparently his best friends had been kept in the dark for over a year.

"I don't know. What if..." Remus did not finish his speculation.

"I don't think you have to worry about that Mr. Lupin. I am fairly certain Mr. Jameson will not judge you," she said as ambiguously as possible.

A scream from the bed interrupted any continuation of the conversation. Poppy came tearing out of her quarters and Remus backed up against the wall, clearly frightened. Harry was thrashing on the bed. Poppy and Minerva both bent over him, trying to still him without further injury to his shoulder. He stilled and the screaming stopped. The two women backed away, relieved and worried at the same time. He woke up and his right hand instantly went to his forehead, to the lightening bolt scar. The binding holding his arm in place was gone. The movement must have caused pain but he showed no sign that it did.

"It doesn't hurt anymore. It usually hurts, but he's not dead here," Harry muttered.

"Harry?" Minerva said, laying a hand on his uninjured shoulder.

"Minerva? I thought Poppy gave me Dreamless Sleep. I shouldn't be dreaming," he said.

"What's Dreamless Sleep?" Remus spoke up from the corner.

"Moony?" Harry said. Minerva suspected he was still mostly asleep.

"Never you mind," Poppy said, guiding the young werewolf out. "Not get back to your own bed."

Once Remus was out of earshot Minerva addressed Harry, "There is no such thing as Dreamless Sleep Harry, not here anyway."

"Damn. I did it again. I'll have to brew some on my own later." He lowered his right arm and winced. "I'll take some pain potion if you've got it, though."

* * * * * * * *

The full moon came and went. Harry suspected he had enough information to confront Remus now. Once you knew what to look for werewolves were very easy to spot. To make matters easier they had confronted a boggart in Defense Against the Dark Arts. As Harry had never figured out how to make a dementor amusing he had to perform the Patronus Charm. He had gotten another strange look from Remus after that. Sirius, James, and Peter had not been paying close enough attention to see the form his patronus took. He suspected that if he did not confront Remus soon Remus would take care of it for him.

His chance came the Saturday after the full moon. Quidditch practice had been cancelled due to a torrential downpour. They were going to start training the third year girl that had tried out for the seeker position, Julia Abbott, as a replacement for the next season. James, Sirius, and Peter had gone to raid the kitchens. Remus had said he wasn't hungry and Harry jumped at the opportunity. He said he had some homework he wanted to do. Lily was studying with some friends from Ravenclaw, but the common room was still pretty crowded. Harry and Remus were sitting on a couch by the fire, where Harry normally sat with Ron and Hermione. The memory brought a lump to his throat. Did they know he was missing? Was he missing? Were they even still alive?

"Remus, can we talk about something?" Harry asked quietly.

Remus looked at Harry in surprise. He clearly hadn't expected this. "Sure. Want to go up to the dorm; it's empty with the other guys down in the kitchens."

Harry nodded and got up. They headed up the stairs to the room the seventh year boys shared. James, as Head Boy, had a private room, so Harry got his bed. It was next to Sirius. Remus and Peter were across the room. They both sat on Harry's bed and neither one seemed to want to start the conversation. Harry drummed up his courage, after all he had defeated Voldemort; what was so hard about this?

"Remus, I know," Harry started.

"Know what?" Remus seemed a bit jumpy.

"You're a werewolf," he rushed on before Remus could deny it, "but it doesn't bother me! One of my parents' closest friends is a werewolf." And he's sitting right in front of me, Harry thought.

"It didn't bother them?" Remus asked, amazed.

"No. They loved him for who he was. They didn't care what he was. He's like an uncle, or older brother to me," Harry explained. He wanted to tell Remus everything. Of all the Marauders, Remus would understand.

"I can't tell you how much that means to me Harry. There's something I've wanted to talk to you about, though," he said.

"I'll try to answer any question I can. There are some things..." Harry wanted to reach out. Remus was such an important part of his life, especially since Sirius died. "There some things I can't talk about, as much as want to."

Remus nodded. "What's Dreamless Sleep?"

"It's a sleeping potion that keeps you from dreaming," Harry stated.

"There's no such thing. I checked the potions books in the library. I even got a pass for the restricted section," Remus said.

"No surprise there," Harry muttered.

"What?"

"It just seems like something you would do." Harry rushed his explanation.

"How did you know I'm a werewolf?" he asked.

"Well, your eyes are kind of amber, you're sick after the full moon and no one was here that night. Your boggart is the full -"

Remus interrupted Harry, "How do you know what my boggart is?"

"We tackled one in Defense -"

"I didn't."

"You didn't?"

"I wouldn't get anywhere near one here. Someone might figure out what it means," Remus sounded like he was getting a little angry. "What is going on Harry? You're not who you say you are."

* * * * * * * *

Harry tried to think of some way to get out of this. After he had faced the boggart he had been exhausted. He assumed that every student had faced it. Remus must have avoided it, probably with some help from the professor just like Remus had done for Harry. He couldn't think of a way to cover his tracks. He had finally learned Occlumency, but never succeeded at Legilimency, so that would work. Harry drew his legs up to his chest and dropped his head on his knees. Tears started to well up in his eyes. He could keep lying, and probably lose a friend, or tell the truth and maybe create a paradox. It was not a choice he wanted to make.

Harry felt the mattress shift as Remus moved. A hand started rubbing his back. Remus must be sitting next to him. Harry knew he could trust the Remus he knew with this, but could the younger Remus handle it? There was only one way to find out.

"My name's not Jameson."

"What was that Harry?" Remus's breath tickled Harry's ear.

Harry lifted his head. "My name's not Jameson. I'm not related to Albus. My hair isn't blond and my eyes aren't blue."

"Who are you?"

"When would you say I was born?"

"1960 or 1961, like the rest of us."

"My birthday is July 31, 1980."

Remus gaped at him. "That's impossible."

"I have proof."

Remus raised his eyebrows. Harry launched into the story of how the Marauders became animagi. He told Remus about the Marauder's Map and the invisibility cloak. He explained how and when Remus became a werewolf. He described the incidents with Snape and his father in their fifth year.

"You could have found that all out somehow. Maybe you're a legilimen," Remus suggested.

"No such luck. I've managed Occlumency, but I can only turn it around when someone is attacking me," Harry said.

"No, I still can't believe that," Remus whispered.

Harry got up and fished through his trunk until he found a worn wizard photograph. He handed it to Remus and the werewolf's eyes bugged.

"Is that Sirius? And me? We look so...old. Who are the kids? One of them looks just like James." Remus was awestruck.

Harry had taken to carrying around a photograph Ginny had taken at Grimmauld Place on his birthday. Sirius and Remus were standing in the back grinning. Harry was in front of them, flanked by Ron and Hermione. They were all so happy in that picture, right before everything went downhill. The haunted look that Azkaban had put in Sirius's eyes was barely detectable in his picture-self.

"The one that looks like James is me, and that is Sirius, and you. It was taken at Number 12 Grimmauld Place on my fifteenth birthday. That was right before I started my worst year at Hogwarts, though it was still better than any year before Hogwarts. You're the werewolf my parents' were friends with." Harry said.

"Sirius swore he would never go back there. Wait a minute, James is your father! The patronus was Prongs! Your name is actually Harry Potter. Those eyes," he looked more closely at the picture," are Lily's eyes. They actually get married?"

Harry nodded, tears in his eyes. Remus looked both stunned and happy. His bubble would burst with his next question.

"Where are they?" Remus was staring at the picture, expecting James and Lily to enter it.

"They're dead. Less than a year from the time that picture is taken, Sirius is killed by his cousin Belletrix," all the pain and guilt was coming back. Harry had been ignoring it, fighting it back as he got to know his parents.

"And me? Peter?" Remus looked how Harry felt.

"Peter was given the dementor's kiss," Remus shuddered, "for betraying my parents and framing Sirius, then betraying Sirius. I don't know about you. When I left...," Harry struggled to go on, "there was a battle. It was July 30, 1997. Voldemort killed Albus and I killed Voldemort. I think you were alive then but I don't know. There was a backlash of energy when Voldemort died and I blacked out. Minerva found me on the grounds here and I woke up in the hospital wing on my birthday."

The tears were pouring out of Harry full force now. He had never cried for parents, unless he had as an infant. He never cried for Cedric, or Sirius, or Malfoy. He never cried for Albus. He felt himself gathered into strong arms. The older Remus always felt he had to be strong for Harry. This Remus cried with him, letting Harry mourn. He wasn't sure when he fell asleep. When he did he was comfortable, held by Remus. He did not dream.