Memoirs Of Me, (the one and only D).

Memoirs of me. The one and only D.

Lessons were normal today. Divination was great fun. The only reason for that being that Professor Trelawney very unsubtley hinted that Harry Potter would mysteriously drop dead in the next couple of days. Okay this happens all the time, but he still hates it... so naturally, I love it!

Potions was great. Excelled on the test Professor Snape set. Male parts of the dream team very nearly failed.

Little did they know I had enchanted their quills with one of those commercial 'intelligent enemies? Be at ease. With our temporary intelligence sucking quills'. I think they were made by W something,' Wizards Wheezes.'

Pity they were only temporary. Of course there is no intelligence withdrawal spell in the world that can rid Granger of her 'natural brilliance', (so says Weasley (male) when he is trying to get into the mudbloods pants).

O.k. moving on, not much else happened today. It was the average mud blood sneering at, first year teasing day.

Had a bit of a confrontation with that Weasley girl, well actually I'm not sure if it was the girl...damn well hope it was!

Anyway, as I was saying. I was just minding my own business, you know, walking along the FREE corridor in this FREE world. When who should come charging into me at full speed, nearly knocking me right over?

Yea, you guessed it the red one (Ginny). Humph, and that's red in more ways than one, she sure has a temper on her. She also has some nice legs on her, and hair and face and...OH MY GOD!

I did so not write that! O.k. well ignore that last line, it's complete rubbish.

So I naturally get very annoyed as she put grubby marks all over my Armani customised robe and anyway I did NOT want her touching my robes at all.

I dunno, I said something like "Weasley, we all know I'm just too sexy, but must you really attempt to sabotage my manliness like that? My reputation would completely crumble if I was seen within a two mile radius of you."

Ok so, it was a little harsh, but hey, the word was made for me. (Of course it was, all words were made for me, Mua haaaaa haaa. Snort. Ok I'm alright now, honestly. Did you know that there is madness in our family, we are descendants of Uric the Oddball)? Oh yea, now where was I?

And then she completely blows her top screaming and everything, and yelling such profanities I wouldn't of thought capable of such an innocent little child. (Having actually spoken to her, I now know she isn't innocent at all. The girl is a hot little vixen, what can I say!)

Well I got a bit fed up with this; nobody talks to me like that. For some reason though (the following sentences do NOT go out this diary, you hear)?! I couldn't think how to shut her up, so I did the first thing that came to mind...I kissed her.

I have absolutely no bloody idea why, and I kinda scared myself! I have to admit it was actually quite nice but only strictly physical, it didn't mean anything...at all...nothing...meant nothing.

Oh hell, okay it could have meant something but that's irrelevant as she then hit me so hard, I feared my insides may have reversed themselves.

I ended up on the floor, which really didn't feel so good. So I did what any self-respecting person would of done (a self respecting Malfoy anyway). I manfully crawled away.

I don't know what she did after that, but I do believe I heard some sniggering. It took all my will power not to turn around (I was now standing up) and yell at her, very loudly. Not many have faced the Malfoy wrath and survived it...well happily anyway.

But I contained myself and walked away, with my head held high and my Armani customised robes billowing in the wind dramatically. Oh it was cool.

So yeah, the average day really. I did get a letter from father though. It was, among many other things, asking me to marry Pansy Parkinson. As she is, oh so rich and wonderful, according to him.

Yeah, perhaps for every seventh year she has slept with she gets a hundred galleons or something. It's the only way I can think of...God she must be rich. So nope, I can cross her off my list. Which, currently, is looking very short.

List of suitors:

Me.

You see my problem? There is no one good enough for me at this hole and it looks like I'm destined for a long and lonely life.

But for some reason, I keep getting this urge to dye my hair red... Like, Weasley colour red. All I can say is, it's just as well this is a secret diary. I don't know what I would do if this got out. My whole reputation would be ruined.

Right, well I don't even want to think about that. I have no idea what I am going to do about Weasley (the girl version). Perhaps this is some sort of mis-placed rebellion I haven't got out of my system yet.

Y'know, the whole 'piss off absolutely everyone in my family thing'...and hers too, come to think of it. And of course getting my self expelled from the will, getting disowned by Father. The usual really. So perhaps a quickie with Weasley isn't such a good idea. She does currently hate me anyway so I had better cross her off my list. Oh what to do, what to do. I expect I had better reply to Father's letter.

* * *

Dear Father.

You are an asshole.

Your loving son, Draco Malfoy.

* * *

Yup. That should do the trick. Just hope he doesn't cut off my allowance. Couldn't deal with that. The new Armani catalogue is out...Actually who was that fit girl in my last issue, must check her out...

I don't believe it!...I really don't believe it! GINNY Weasley is posing as a model in my Armani catalogue. Aaahhhhhhh!!!!!!...Actually, she looks quite good, quite...hot.

Nononono she doesn't. It can't be her anyway. Let me check the name...oh god. NO, this isn't fair. I didn't ask to be surrounded with Weasley's.

Good god, she looks fine. I wonder if she has a modelling agent...No she doesn't...hmm.... Well I am one of Armani's premium customers, and I do know fashion...

Right, I have decided. From now on, I am officially Ginny Weasley's fashion scout and agent.

I had better contact her modelling company. It should be in my fashion directory. Now let me see, aha, under S. 'Sexilicious witches modelling company' eh? Ooh Ginny, you fox. Right, got the address. I'll write the owl now, since I have nothing better to do, and hell this is fun!

Dear Sexilicious (I certainly have never addressed a letter like that before...well...only a couple of times)!

I am writing to you on the matter of one of your models, Ginny Weasley. Who recently appeared in the Armani catalogue.

I noticed that she had no agent and I wish to apply for that position.

I believe I have the correct qualifications (soon to get my masters degree in fashion). I already know Miss Weasley and I am in close contact with her all the time (little lie never hurt anyone).

I send my experience history enclosed. Please reply as soon as possible, I wait for your answer.

Yours sincerely, Draco Malfoy.

Well, I certainly haven't lost the ol' touch.

I just have to find a way to tell her now. Which could be quite hard because she isn't currently speaking to me, I am not supposed to touch her with a ten foot broomstick (fathers orders) and her brothers all hate me...

Oh, shit.