My Place

"Rescue me

From this black hole

That sucked me in

And left me dying

You're the truth

That I've been seeking

'Cause my whole life,

I've been lying"

-Only You (Stabbing Westward)

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Darkness.

It seems to know me well.

My everlasting companion in this feeble existence I call life. Firmly attached to my being, I feel as if we are one. Never without the other, I am constantly plagued by it.

Standing here, in a hidden meadow-like portion in my so-called home for seven years, I watched as the flowers danced in the wind. Their soft petals moved as if in a caress, and I, all alone, longed to be touched by it. I do not move. I know that once I call for them, they would shrink away from me, like the rest of this world has done. I know that once I move closer to them, they would be filled with the same darkness that surrounds me and they will never again be the same flowers that I desired.

I come here when I am lonely... an event which is almost an everyday occurrence. I do not think that there has been a single day when I had not paid this secret cove a visit. The sheer beauty of this place calms me, as if it drives away the darkness that always seems to engulf me. Surrounded by towering trees and thick grass, this place is literally a forest. However, the trees gave way and let the sun shine through providing the flowers with enough light to live. With the trees, the light and the flowers, it can be considered as a sight of excellent beauty.

I walked over to the center, wanting to get the best view of the whole place. The sun shines directly through me and once more, I am glad for its warmth. No one would expect me to be in this place. Not I, Draco Malfoy, the Slytherin prince, the heir of the Malfoy family, Harry Potter's worst enemy in the school, or, as others conveniently say, the pompous, arrogant, prejudiced git.

Nothing of that is here now. In this place, I am no one but Draco Malfoy, the son of my mother and father, belonging to the house of Slytherin and a student of Hogwarts. Here, I have no enemy, I'm not the heir of anything and I don't have to be the leader of any group. This is my thinking place, my private haven...

My sanctuary.

In this place, I can think of all the things I cannot think of otherwise. In this place, I do not have to put up a mask of greatness or hostility to suit my supposed status, upbringing, family or even house. In this place, I can be myself, without fear of being rebuked or criticized by acting outside my league. And most of all, in this place, I can think of her without the crushing pain I would no doubt feel if she were in my presence.

I shake my head slightly. No point in thinking about things that I know will destroy the calming beauty of this place. I sighed. Not a sorrowful sigh, no. There is no sorrow in this enchanting location. It is a sigh of contentedness. A sigh I am capable of doing in this place alone.

Slowly moving from my position, I carefully knelt on the flowerbed and traced the contours of the flowers. How very beautiful they are indeed! Just like her, the one so forbidden to me. I am sure she knows how I feel. It is unlikely, especially coming from me to show this much affection, but for her, I disregarded that. I suppose, she doesn't believe me. She probably thinks it is a trick. Or maybe she doesn't because I only show that side of me when we are alone. I do things for her; I give her books, quills, notebooks, even trinkets every thing that she might have liked. But somehow, through all those, I have never even heard a 'thank you' from her. I never even see the things I had given her. No matter what her reasons might be, it is I who suffers. As always.

Footsteps. I hear footsteps. Startled out of my reverie, I rushed to hide myself in the thicket of bushes. Someone was here? How can that be? I thought that no one else knew of this place. I suddenly felt worried. What if someone had seen me go here? What if they saw how I was when I am alone? What if they disclose this knowledge to others? What if they use this knowledge against me? I felt my worry turn to anger. Intense anger. This is my place... no one was allowed to intrude.

While preparing to draw my wand and thinking of the most painful spell I could manage without being expelled, a laughter of pure joy assaulted my ears. I knew that laughter, how could I not? Stopping in my movements, I place a complicated spell on myself in order to watch without being noticed.

She was here, the one who plagues me. Her laughter echoed through every corner. Her eyes were dancing with life. Her steps were light in their journey, and of course, her hand held a bag that would, no doubt, be filled with books. Fairies of different colors were playing with her. Ahh... so that was what caused the laughter. Fairies rarely ever show themselves, but the peacefulness of this place brings even them out of their hiding.

It was ironic that she would appear now, after I had just thought of her. Sometimes, I deceive myself by thinking that she could hear me. That she would move out of her hiding in order for me to see her when I wanted to. But of course, that is not true. She could never hear me... never hear my pleas for her love, never hear my cries for her understanding; she couldn't even hear the truthfulness of my words.

She looks at her surroundings admirably, almost the same way as I did. Sitting down carefully, so as not to destroy the blossoms, she picks out a book, a quill and a notebook from her bag. She touches them, almost lovingly, and then started reading the book with her quill and notebook ready.

Squinting to get a better view of the book, I gasp quietly at what I saw. That book, and that quill, and that notebook as well - all of them were from me! I would know them anywhere, because I paid great amounts to ensure their beauty and originality. I wanted her to have something like no other so that she would always think of me when she sees it. I always thought that she threw them away, or, maybe gave them to Madame Pince or to any of her friends (those things were quite useful and beautiful after all).

I then remembered how she had touched them earlier. How was it again? Lovingly? Is it because they were expensive? But then again, she had never been into those things. The quill and the notebook are beautiful but not really that extraordinary. If anything, she would keep the book, alone, basing in her deep desire to learn. A most amazing thought suddenly occurred to me... Surely it couldn´t be? Could it? A rush of joy at the thought filled me. If only it could be true...

A small smile was playing on her lips as she read the book I gave her. The wind blew softly and her already messed-up and slightly bushy hair got into her eyes. Irritated, she brushed it away impatiently. That was when I saw it... an exquisite bracelet, which I knew held her name in cursive writing. I was surprised when she accepted it, but then, I never saw her wear it... not even once! I waited some more, and I saw, to my great surprise that everything in the bag were from me.

The joy that filled my heart quickly spread. All this time that I thought she hated me; she felt something for me as well. All those times when I laid awake thinking of what she did to everything I gave... I never saw those things because she kept and held them so lovingly and protectively in this hidden place that I once thought only I knew of.

A smile grew on my face as well. I was afraid of loving her because I thought she could never love me. I was afraid because we used to hate each other to the cores of our being. I was afraid because I knew that my love for her would hurt her. I was afraid because our very existence collided with each other...

But never in my entire life have I ever felt this much happiness. So much happiness that I made myself think I would never let anyone hurt her. So much that I felt the darkness in me slowly disappear. My light has arrived and darkness shall never touch me again.

Looking at her once more, I slowly back away. I would confront her some other time, I think. She would not like it when she realizes that someone had been watching her, here in a place she thought of as a secret.

I do not care even if she shouts at me again, or if she glares at me with hatred. I know now how she truly feels. She can´t hold me off forever. Someday she will realize that everything I had told her were true. Someday she would realize that she loves me too.

As I walk back to the front doors of Hogwarts, a small smile was on my lips, laughter was in my eyes and my steps were light in their journey. Never have I felt this much happiness, and I will surely do everything to keep it at that.

When she looks for me, she will not see me, but I will always be there. I will wait for the day when she realizes her feelings for me. I will wait for her forever, and when that day comes, she won´t even have to look for me to find me.

Until that day comes, beloved. For now, I will do everything in my power to help you realize what you feel. You may have your will of me.

After all, there´s always tomorrow to look forward to, now.

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The happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved --

Loved for ourselves, or rather, in spite of ourselves.

-Victor Hugo