If In The Future

July 5

The library isn't open on Wednesdays or Thursdays, so I've got two days to spend at home with Sirius. He's still got to work on things-that-must-not-be-named, although that only takes up about half of the day.

Still, he's under a lot of stress. He got up this morning at three A.M. (insomnia), sat down to work, and didn't stop until after lunch.

"I'm worried about you, love," I said when he finally set down his quill for the day. "You should try to rest as much as possible whenever you aren't working. After all, you still haven't got your health back completely."

"I'm so tense, Reme," he said faintly, brushing the hair out of his eyes. "And I've got a splitting headache."

I gestured to the couch. "Here, lay down and I'll rub your back."

His back reminded me of a tree root, hard and knotted. It took almost half an hour before it felt anywhere close to normal.

"I'm so worried," he said as I kneaded his shoulders. "I hate having to stay in the house and not being able to do something."

"And what would you do, hunt down Voldemort? You're doing what you can right now. That's all anyone can ask."

"I feel like it's not enough,"

"Come on, Sirius, quit being so hard on yourself. You've already done so much in just a few days. I'm proud of you."

He turned his head and looked up at me. "Thank you, darling. That means a lot to me." I gave his back a final massage and kissed him on the forehead.

He sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes. "I think I'm going back to bed."

"I'll go with you," I said. "I could use a nap."

When we were back in our bedroom, he changed into his night things in front of me, which he's never done before. As he raised his arms to take off his robe, I could see his ribs. They were still prominent, but they don't look like they're going to pop out of his skin, the way they did when he first arrived. He's still very thin, but all that chocolate cake is starting to take effect.

Luckily I was still wearing my pajamas from the night before. I never let anyone see me naked. Ever. Even in the days where I could get drunk almost every day and lose my inhibitions, I still never took off my clothes with anyone. Whenever Jonathan and I had sex, I'd always leave my shirt on and keep the lower half of my body covered with the sheets.

Sirius got into bed next to me and rested his head on my chest. "I love listening to your heartbeat," he said softly, entwining his fingers with mine. "It's so steady and predictable. That's comforting to me."

I let my fingers slide through his hair and to his face, which is now more gaunt than skeletal. The tips caressed his eyelids and traced the lines of his long eyelashes, which are like strokes from a calligraphy brush against his pale skin. He sighed a smile sigh of contentment.

"I love you, Sirius," I said. "Remember how you said when you first came here that you weren't asking me to devote myself to you? Well, I want to. You're like my air. I don't know what I'd do without you."

He opened his eyes. "You'd go on, Remus. You're strong enough to carry on."

I lifted his head off my chest and kissed him softly. His lips thrust gently against mine and I found myself gasping from the small and tender ecstasy of it all. Everything was soft and sweet and wet and glorious.

When he finally pulled away, leaving me breathless and almost painfully aroused, he had that look in his eye that let me know he was going to ask me an important question. "Look, Moony," he said, "I know you aren't ready to make love with me yet, and that's perfectly all right. But I've been wondering...what sort of things do you like? I want to know so it'll be as pleasurable as possible for you."

Before I realized it, tears began to form in my eyes. "Oh God, Reme, I'm sorry," he said, sitting up in a hurry. "Look, whatever it was I said - "

"No, no, it's all right," I said, wiping my eyes quickly. "It's just...you're the first person who's ever asked me that. You're the first person who's actually cared about how it is for me."

He leaned over and kissed away a stray tear that had slid down onto my cheek. "Don't worry, I'm all right," I said. "I'm too bloody emotional sometimes."

"No you aren't," he said firmly. Then it was silent for a few moments.

"I'm a very oral person," I said at last. "I think people's mouths are one of the most erotic parts about them."

He took my hand. "Go on."

"Let's see...my neck is really sensitive. If someone touches my neck, it sends all these incredible shivers down my spine. I like taking things slowly; I feel more satisfied if it takes longer. Oh, and I like having my inner thigh stroked. And behind my testicles. Am I blushing?"

"Yes."

"Oh God."

"Don't worry, it makes you look post-coital."

"Shut up, you prat."

"Oh, so I'm a prat now?"

"Yes. But I love you anyway."

"Good." He paused and became solemn again.

"What about anally?"

"It's all good for me," I said. "Top, bottom, penetrater, penetrated."

"Me too. Well, the thought of it is."

"Yeah, what about you? I want to hear what I can do for you."

"My chest is extremely sensitive," he said. "Especially my nipples. And I love people using their teeth gently. Which leads me to another question...if we make love, I can't become a werewolf, can I?"

"No. The only way you can become a werewolf is if I'm a wolf and you're a man and I bite you."

"Good, that's what I thought."

We stared at each other for about a minute. "Are you as aroused as I am right now?" he asked.

"Yes."

We stared at each other for another few seconds. Then something inside of me snapped. "To hell with fear," I said, and straddled him.

His hands moved passionately over my chest and then under the waistband of my pajama trousers. His mouth sucked hungrily on my neck. I moaned and slid my hands under his shirt.

Unfortunately, at that moment, Mundungus Fletcher's head appeared in my fireplace. This time we screamed even louder.

"Ah, I see Arabella owes me fifteen Galleons," he said. Sirius and I gaped at each other in disbelief.

"How many people have bets on us?" he asked in shock.

"Just those that know you well."

By the time Mundungus had left (things-that-must-not-be-named), it was getting late and Sirius was more interested in sleep than anything else. "Tomorrow?" he asked as his eyelids began to drop.

"Yes."