Rumbles of Thunder

The rumble of thunder from the storm raging just outside her and James' home in Godric's Hollow had Lily flinching in nervousness as she continued putting Harry to bed. She turned every so slightly toward the window and saw the raindrops slamming almost angrily against it, and shivered. It was a proper echo of the chaos that had been slowly overwhelming them since their graduation from Hogwarts. She shook her head slightly as she stood there; storms like this had always put her in an introspective mood, and this time was no different.

It was hard to believe it had been almost four years since that graduation and her wedding to James. At the thought of her husband, who she happened to know was in the next room, trying to keep from pulling his reckless hair from his head as he tried to figure out how a particular curse that the Death Eaters had been using recently. It was uncertain to what purpose the curse had been having, since every occasion that he and the other Aurors he worked with had received notification of was for a different purpose. All they had to go on was the overheard words of the curse at the moment, and even those words weren't entirely clear.

It seemed as though neither of them had slept for days. Not that any of them could sleep well, knowing the things they did. Lily sighed and turned back to the bassinet that her mother had sent her, claiming that it was from her sister Petunia, after they had received word that Lily was pregnant. Her son brought a smile to her face as he kicked his feet and tried to reach his toes with his fingers. Harry had brought so much joy to their lives, as well as to the lives of the other Marauders, who seemed to almost live in the house with them when they had the spare time and the energy.

All except one, it seemed. A frown marred her face as she thought of Peter, who had been on the edge of the Marauders even at the best of times, and after graduation had grown even more distant. Over the past few months, though, that distance had become more and more intense, which made her uneasy. She reminded herself to mention it at some point later. There had to be a cause for it, and she wouldn't be comfortable with herself until she found out what it was.

The sound of the motorcycle approaching caught Lily's attention. She was just putting Harry to sleep when it became audible. She looked up, startled. She knew that motorcycle, and the person who would predicibly be riding it. With a slight smile and hopes that he had kept it on the ground this time instead of flying it through the air and trying to find Muggles like her own family to frighten by doing so, she slipped out of the nursery and into the main room in time to hear a murmur preceding the rhythmic knock on the door.

She opened the door and peered around it at Sirius, before stepping aside to let him into the house and reaching to give him a hug. As he returned it, she could tell that he had needed it from the way that the tension that rested in his back and shoulders gradually faded away as they stood there. As he pulled away and looked at her, it was obvious how tired and worn he was; it echoed in the dark circles under his eyes and the haunted expression of someone had seen more than one has any right to expect. More and more often, all of them were starting to look like this, and it saddened her immensely. However, she did offer a smile as she greeted him, "Evening, Sirius. It's been a while since I've seen you."

"I know, Lily, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry you weren't able to be at the meeting with Prongs, Dumbledore, and myself. You were missed."

"It's always good to hear that I'm missed. Still, I think I was needed more here, and James had a blow-by-blow account of the meeting," she told him as they sat down. "How is Remus, though? I haven't seen him in ages, either. It's definitely been longer since the last time I saw you."

A flicker of an unreadable expression crossed Sirius' face as he answered, "He's tired, and hurting, of course. Last night wasn't easy on him, so he's back at the flat, resting. At least," he added with a twist of a smile, "he was when I left."

Lily let out a low sigh. She had forgotten that the previous night had been the one in the month where the moon was most full, wherein their friend was transformed into a werewolf. When first she had heard, she had been afraid for all of them, Remus included. However now, it was just a part of life. As of late, James had been spending more time close to home with her and Harry, and had been less likely to run with Padfoot and Moony as he had been prior.

However, it seemed that neither of them minded his absence as much as he feared that they would. She had her suspicions as to why, but she kept her own mind on that score; if they were true, and both of them were ready to tell her and James, they would do so only in their own time.

"It always is, though, isn't it?"

Sirius didn't give a verbal response, but the sad, half-smile he did give was testiment enough to his agreement.

"Give him my love, will you?"

"I will. I promise you that."

As she looked at him then, Lily just shook her head as she thought back to their days at Hogwarts together. She and Sirius had dated for a while when they were fifth years. It seemed like so long ago, another lifetime perhaps, when truthfully it wasn't. However, shortly after they had stopped dating and had worked into an easy friendship, she had found him trying to play matchmaker between herself and James. That had worked in strange, mysterious, and entirely unexpected ways.

Prior to his blatant suggestion, she had never really considered James Potter as a potiential partner, although she had noticed him. Once the idea was in her head, however, she had had trouble shaking it. She had known that he was intelligent and mischievous besides. However, he had seemed to keep more to his group of friends. Sirius had been more friendly, although equally as mischievious, and when he had asked her to accompany him to the Three Broomsticks during one of their Hogsmeade weekends.

Despite how well they had initially gotten along, she and Sirius had only dated for two weeks before they realised that they clashed too loudly and too often to be partners. However, that didn't keep them from being friends, and it definitely hadn't stopped Sirius from making commentary on her social life. Or, as he had thought it, her lack thereof.

---

"Hey, Lily..."

Lily Evans had looked up from her Arithmancy textbook as Sirius Black threw himself down on the sofa next to where she was sitting in the Gryffindor common room. Her eyes narrowed as she looked at the expression of pure mischief that echoed within his own. She hadn't known him for the past year without knowing that that mischief would be only to her detriment.

"Yes?"

"Are you seeing anybody?"

She arched her eyebrows at him, "Um, as I recall, Sirius, you gave up that claim on me when we decided that we were better off as friends?"

"Oh, I'm not asking for me."

"I see. If you're not asking for yourself, who would you be asking for?"

"A friend of mine who's too afraid to approach you himself. He thinks you would reject him without a thought. Well," he amended, "it's either that or he thinks you'll bite him."

She gave him a mischievous grin, "I just might, you never know. Besides, you're quite aware that I'm selective about who I spend my time with. Which friend of yours would this be?"

"James."

"James? James Potter?" she looked at him in surprise.

"That would be the one. At least," he admitted with a widening of his maniacal grin, "the last time I checked."

She smiled then. Even when she had been dating Sirius, she had noticed James. He was intelligent, sensitive, and loyal to those who got close to him. His looks didn't have quite the devastating effect that Sirius' could when he turned on the charm, but she had never chosen her friends based upon looks alone. She wouldn't start now.

Leaning in, she whispered into his ear, "Have him come talk to me, and we'll see."

---

One thing had led to another, and here they were. Whenever she tried to imagine herself either not married to James, or otherwise never having met him, she found it impossible. Things hadn't always been easy, and there had been times when they had barely spoken due to the stress of living during the times that they did. That had become more frequent when they had first found out that she was pregnant with Harry, but had finally calmed. Life might not have been perfect, but it was as close as she could hope for.

'And if I had stayed with Sirius, we might well have used Avada Kedavra on each other by this point,' the thought crossed her mind, but she shook her head slightly at it. 'Even if we had wanted to kill each other, we never would have used Avada Kedavra on each other. Never. So we just would have killed each other the old fashioned Muggle way. With our bare hands.'

She looked at him contemplatively for a moment, pondering whether the man she knew would do that to her, or would put either her or James in a position where they would be defenseless against someone else -- something else -- who wouldn't hesitate to use the killing curse on them. The more she thought about it, the more ridiculous it seemed, even though these times called for worry. Even worry about how good even the best of friends were.

She frowned at the thought. That was what she hated most about Voldemort and his Death Eaters. Never before now would she have worried about the loyalty of her friends, or contemplating the consequences of them being less loyal than she would have thought. Before these times, it would never have been something less than fatal; she hated that that innocence had been stolen away from her, and from everyone else that she had ever known in the wizarding world.

"Lily, hello? Are you there? Earth to Lily..."

Sirius' voice, teasing as it had been in the days of old that she had just been reminscing about, brought her back to the present, the room in her and James' home, and the storm that seemed to be getting louder outside their little sanctuary. At that moment, that's precisely what it felt like; a sanctuary against the insanity of the world and what it had become.

"I'm here."

"Only just, it looks," he gave her a piercing look. "Is everything okay? Or is all the staying here getting to you?"

"I'm fine, Sirius."

"Fine, as in you're okay with things or fine as in 'if you didn't ask me that, I didn't have to worry about telling you that we're going stir-crazy in here and are going to have each other at wand-point again as soon as you leave'," he asked.

"Neither."

"Want to talk about it?"

"I don't know..." she frowned.

"Lil, it's me. You know, the boy you decided that you'd sooner kill than date?" the teasing expression that she had noted from both earlier during the visit as well as from earlier in their lives was present on his face again.

"I know it's you... but Sirius..."

Lily found that she couldn't finish her sentence, and shot her eyes to his, hoping that she could somehow communicate to him what it was that she was afraid of. Much to her relief, somewhere between her green eyes and his blue ones, he seemed to understand what her worry was. Reaching a hand out to cover hers, which she had placed in her lap, he told her, "I know, Lil, and I understand. Actually, that's what I came to talk to you and James about."

"Padfoot, since when do you need a reason to come visit?"

Lily looked up in surprise at her husband, who was standing in the doorway of the library, with his arms crossed over his chest. His voice was worn and tired from the time that he had spent trying to gather the information for what his team needed, but his sense of humour was obviously still intact.

"I don't. But it helps."

"Would you mind taking your hands from my wife?" he grinned as he crossed the room. "I might think that you're trying something."

Sirius snorted at that as James settled behind her on the sofa, pulling her back into his arms. She sighed, relaxed into that embrace, and closed her eyes. She heard Sirius' voice take on an annoyed tone as he continued his response to James, "As if she's had an eye for anybody except you since we were in Hogwarts, Prongs."

"There was a time when that wasn't the case."

"You were also being an insufferable git at the time, as I recall. And she wasn't paying a bloody bit of attention to me as anything other than a friend even before then, and no offense, Lil, but I like it that way."

He was rewarded for his attempts by a mild shake of James' head, and a half-hearted slap from her.

"Why are you here?"

"What? Can't a friend come by to visit without arousing suspicion?"

"Yes, and you have before. But not now," James said, taking off his glasses and rubbing at his sore eyes. "Not when we agreed... you wouldn't break that agreement without it being something important. I know you."

His response was only a shrug. "There aren't many who know me better."

"Your eyes give it away, too, you know. You've never been able to hide anything."

"Moony told me the same thing, once," he mused. "But you're right. There is something that you both need to know. You have the right to know, because it does involve your safety."

Lily looked at James and arched her eyebrows, and James nodded in response. Then Lily caught the look of discomfort on Sirius's face, and offered him a wry smile, to which he offered a shrug. She and James had started doing the nonverbal communication since shortly after they had started dating. It had become normal somewhere along the way. Now, this was just something that was.

"Out with it."

"About me being Secret Keeper..."

"You've started having doubts, haven't you?"

"It's not because I don't adore the both of you, James," Sirius said in a tone that reflected his name for a change. The depth of that surprised her, and she listened to him. "I will tell you why I won't do it, James. I was visited by a Death Eater tonight, saying that if I was to consider turning you in to Voldemort, things would be made a lot easier for me."

"You didn't accept, certainly," Lily just stared at him.

"Of course not, Red," he told her. "It just got me to thinking. This was just a warning, and if it was a warning, I can't imagine what anything more would be. I can deal with pain, I can deal with that, I wasn't a brave and stupid Gryffindor for nothing. However, what I can't do is put the three of you at risk. Besides, you know Voldemort has been after my arse like it's going to be put in his personal trophy case practically since we've been out of Hogwarts, if not before then. I can just see it now: Aurors I've known, wiped their minds blank, and murdered without raising more than my ugly pointed finger."

"Maybe he just wants to sleep with you," James snorted, continuing with the dark humour that had sprung out of nowhere.

"Oh, you mean like every other single witch and wizard in the United Kingdom?" he asked offhandedly, then shook his head. "Really, though, I was thinking about it tonight, and there've been too many close calls in the last fortnight. I don't want to end up in the hands of some of our Death Eater friends and find out that I've disclosed where you are."

"Who else would we trust enough with this information, though?" Lily asked. "We don't know who we can trust anymore. Too many people under the Imperius Curse, and too many people we thought were friends have turned to Voldemort."

"I was thinking... it would have to be one of the Marauders. Remus refused, though. I remember you asking. That bothered me, for some reason, but I can't pinpoint why. I don't want to think that Remus could betray us, but we don't know, and--"

The expression on Sirius's face was pained.

"And you won't abandon him," James said.

"No. I won't," Sirius said firmly. "No offense, James, but since you and Lil got married, and Peter relocated out to Birmingham, I'm about all that he has left. I'm not going to abandon him just due to a suspicion, no matter how strong it is. I stand by those I care about."

"If it's not you, and not Remus, then it would have to be Peter," Lily said, and she could feel James tense behind her.

"I don't know. He's been growing more and more distant from us over the past year. Longer than that, actually, come to think of it. This started shortly after we all graduated from Hogwarts. I don't know if we can trust him."

"If we can't trust him, who can we trust, Prongs?" Sirius asked.

"Dumbledore. He did offer, after all," James pointed out.

"I know, but as Dumbledore is the best chance that the Wizarding World has, I'm not sure how good of an idea it is for him to risk himself. Besides, you saw the look on his face, James, you saw how suspicious he was that I was willing to be your Secret Keeper. I know my family has some dark elements to its past, but I never thought that Dumbledore would suspect me as being willing to harm either of you to my own advantage."

"You would never..." Lily started in shock.

"Right," he said. "Now, my idea was simple. Just divert the attention a little. Divert it onto me, and if I don't have the secret, I can't give it away. I can't give you two away, as it is."

"But Fidelus has already been performed," James scowled.

"I'll do the spell myself," Sirius told him firmly. "But that's only if you agree to it. I won't do this if either of you disagree with it, and of course, I'll have to locate Peter and talk to him about it, as well. There's a lot of things involved, and the idea just struck me tonight, which is why I'm here."

"Can we let you know?" Lily asked.

Sirius nodded, "I didn't expect either of you to decide overnight. You know how to reach me when you've made up your minds, okay."

Then he rose, and James walked him out the door. While they stood out there talking for a few moments, Lily sat there, her mind racing. There were points in what Sirius had said, and yet, there were downfalls. Like if Peter turned, or if they were wrong. By the time James turned and reentered the house, she had made up her mind.

She looked up at him, and knew what he had told Sirius while they were outside.

"So he's going to do it, then?"

"Tomorrow," he confirmed. "Tomorrow is the Fidelus Switch."

She nodded, and bowed her head slightly, pretending that she didn't feel quite as safe as she had before she had heard those words. It was what she herself decided, but she could almost feel the rumbles of thunder overhead, and they weren't just from the physical storm outside.

However, only time would tell if her intuition was horridly off, and until then, all they could do was wait.