Make No Mistake

Interlude First

They were so close, even before the Willow incident. I remember that, even through the pain haze now. They were so close, but it was different than the closeness between the rest of us. It was different, I didn't know what it was, until they fought. Two weeks after the Willow incident, they had a loud row that woke half of Gryffindor Tower.

I couldn't believe Sirius could do that. I loved him then. I loved both of them then. How could he? That wasn't the Sirius I had grown up knowing and loving as my brother, and maybe more. Just maybe.

The rest eventually got tired of the brawling and hid behind Silencing Charms on the dorms. They never even knew they were there. But they were my own, so I perched on the railing and looked down at them as they talked about trust and friendship and the reasons why. They were screaming at each other, then, about all the implications, when Sirius dropped that bomb.

"How could I? How could I? Because I love you, you stupid git. I may have the daftest ways of showing it, but I've been in love with you since we were fourth years! I knew you'd never understand, that nobody would ever understand, so I didn't say anything! And you let him walk over you, you let him mock and threaten to sell you to Voldemort for spare knuts to spend in Honeydukes! I can't stand by and watch that, Remus. I care too much--"

Then Remus silenced that voice. Then he kissed him, and I watched. They looked as though they were trying to crawl into each other's skin.

I loved them both. I said already. The pain's making me mad, and the hunger. It goes so deep and it's so hard to concentrate on anything, but I concentrate on this. I concentrate on the memories because they're all I have left. I never thought Snape capable of all of this, not really. I knew he was evil, but not enough to stand over me and gloat and laugh as he watched me suffer. He watched the proceedings, he says, when Sirius was thrown in Azkaban for the murder of thirteen innocents, in addition to me and Lily.

Only I'm not dead, Sirius was never guilty, and Snape knew it. He gloated and laughed because he finally had us where he wanted us all along. Me under his torture and Siri in Azkaban where he'd be tormented for thinking me dead.

I... I was saying?

Oh... watching Sirius and Remus as they got it together, fumbling and stumbling and falling all over themselves trying to get it all right. It wasn't perfect, not by a long shot, and they had their rows. That wasn't the only one. I watched them, and I envied them. It took me over a year to realise why I envied them. I envied them that closeness, and that which they found in each other.

I wanted to be part of that. I wanted to be part of them.

It came out one night during sixth year. We were all down at the Three Brooms getting drunk off our arses. Peter had started disappearing regularly then, and I don't know why we didn't suspect him before then, but right then, we didn't care. We were there, and they cradled me between them, and it came out somehow, I was so pissed off my arse. They were shocked, they were maybe even a little appalled, I don't know. They just watched me, and they took me back to the castle, and got me into the bed.

They thought it already, most of Gryffindor, from how close the three of us were, then. I guess it was only fated that we had to prove them right. If it wasn't true, though, if it wasn't there, we wouldn't have.

We were all too true to ourselves for that.

The next day, it started, and it went on for three years until I fell away from them and found my tiger Lily. She fit the nickname and they were happy for me, but some things never changed.

As much as I loved her, I never stopped loving them. I never will.

Oh, Merlin, the light's so fucking bright--

Siri?