Harry Potter and the Headsman's Hostage

Chapter 9
Contemplation

"These wounds won't seem to heal,
This pain is just too real,
There's just too much that time cannot erase...."
"You cry, I'll wipe away all of your tears,
You scream, I'll fight away all of your fears...."
-----"My Immortal," by Evanescence (paraphrased)

Harry wasn't sure at first what had woken him. It was still dark, and he felt as though he'd only been asleep for a couple of hours. Taking his wand from the nightstand, he whispered, "Lumos." The tip of the wand lit with a dim blue glow, which he used to check his watch; it was a little after one o'clock in the morning. He didn't remember any disturbing dreams, and his scar didn't hurt, but he had the nagging sense that something was amiss.

He sat up, listening carefully for any sound that might explain his sudden awakening. After a moment, he heard it: a barely audible whimper from outside the bedroom door. He fumbled for his glasses, put them on, and slipped out of bed, treading lightly on the bare wooden floor. Cautiously, he pulled the door open and stepped into the hall.

The sound was clearer now, and it was definitely coming from Cho's room. Even more cautiously, he pushed the door just far enough to let him slip through. Feeling unaccountably nervous, he padded over to the head of the bed.

By the dim light from his wand, he could see that Cho was shivering, tears spilling from her closed eyes to soak her pillow. Her mouth was moving, and when Harry bent his head closer he could hear her murmuring, "No... no, don't... please let me go... Harry, keep away... they'll kill you...."

Harry reached out and touched her shoulder. When that failed to wake her from her nightmare, he took a firmer hold and gently shook her.

Cho woke with a start and stared up at Harry, her eyes wide with terror and her breath coming in quick, shallow gasps. "Shhh," he whispered, touching a finger to his lips. "It was only a dream. I'm here, and I won't let anything hurt you."

"It's you I was worried about," she whispered. "I was so s-scared they were g-going to k-k-kill you, and... and it would all be my f-fault...."

As she began to cry, Harry sat on the edge of the bed and took her in his arms. Liu had obviously brought some of Cho's clothes from their house, as she had changed from her shorts and t-shirt into a long nightdress of cream-colored satin. "It's all right," he whispered. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

"I t-told Marietta about you asking... asking me to the ball," Cho sobbed. "If I h-hadn't, they wouldn't have known about... about you and me, and...."

"Shhh," Harry said again. "Look at me, Cho." She looked up at him, blinking away her tears. "Who keeps telling me not to blame myself for things I couldn't have predicted?"

She tried to smile. "I must sound an awful hypocrite," she murmured.

"No. You just have too much sense of responsibility. Like me."

This time her smile was genuine. "I guess we deserve each other, then."

"I guess so," Harry agreed. "Though what I could have done to deserve someone as wonderful as you, I can't imagine...."

"Shhh." This time, it was her finger against his lips. "I could make you a list, but we'd be up all night. Come here." She slid out of his arms and moved over to the other side of the bed, making room for him to lie down.

Harry hesitated. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Just for a little while."

Harry swallowed hard. His heart was pounding in his chest, and the butterflies in his stomach were holding a wild party to rival the victory celebration in Gryffindor tower the night they'd won the Quidditch Cup. "All right," he said. He climbed into the bed and stretched out on his side, facing Cho.

She pulled the covers up over both of them and snuggled up to him. "Hold me," she whispered. Harry took her in his arms again, and she wrapped hers around his chest. Instead of her tucking her head against his shoulder, as she had every other time he had held her, they were face to face, gazing into each other's eyes. Then her eyes closed, and her lips found his, and Liu and Sirius and the butterflies and the rest of the world went away. The kiss was less intense than those they had shared in the hall, but what it lacked in urgency it made up in tenderness. They took their time, savoring each other; when Cho paused to catch her breath, Harry moved to kiss her eyelids, temples, cheekbones, the line of her jaw and the hollow of her throat, before returning to the sweet, unhurried dance of lips and teeth and tongues.

Harry had felt a certain stirring south of his belt buckle during their earlier kisses, but then he had been wearing jeans and briefs, which concealed the effect. Now, dressed only in loose flannel pajamas, and with Cho pressed up against him from neck to knees, the realization that she could probably feel what was happening to him as clearly as he could struck him like a splash of ice water. Acutely embarrassed, he started to pull away from her, bringing his knees up to conceal the evidence of his arousal.

Cho opened her eyes and looked at him anxiously. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing!" Harry mentally cursed the note of strangled panic in his voice. In a slightly more natural tone, he added, "That is, I, er... I just... I can't say." He was blushing so hard that his face felt sunburned.

Cho's expression of confusion changed to one of understanding. "It's all right, Harry; there's nothing to be ashamed of."

"You... you're not offended?"

"Of course not. It just means that you find me attractive and you like kissing me; why would that offend me?"

"Because, I... er... I don't know," Harry admitted.

"I'd be offended if you tried to make me do something I didn't want to do," she said. "Scared, too, because you're bigger than I am and I don't know if I could stop you. But I trust you, Harry. I don't believe you would ever try to hurt me."

"No, of course not," said Harry quickly. "But I thought... I mean, if you thought that I wanted to...."

"Why, you think I've never wanted to? Girls get those feelings too, you know; it just doesn't show so much on the outside."

Harry took a moment to absorb that. "You mean that you...?"

She smiled. "Kiss me again, and stop worrying."

Harry was never sure afterward how long that kiss lasted, only that it was somewhere between a few minutes and an eternity. It stopped only because exhaustion was catching up with them both. Harry was having trouble keeping his eyes open, and Cho was clearly fading. He started to get up, but she hugged him harder and murmured, "Stay with me."

"But... we shouldn't...."

"Please," she whispered. "I think if you stay, the nightmares won't come back."

Harry swallowed hard. "What about your sister?" he asked weakly.

"I'll tell her why I wanted you to stay. She'll understand."

"What about Sirius, then?"

Cho snorted. "Sirius had so many girlfriends when he was our age that he's practically a legend at Hogwarts; they still tell stories about him in the girls' dorms."

"That doesn't mean he'll approve of us sharing a bed...."

"Harry, you're thinking too much... and I thought I was the Ravenclaw here. Where's that famous Gryffindor nerve?"

Harry chuckled. "I don't know; it seems to evaporate whenever I look at you."

"You were brave enough yesterday to stand up to Macnair and his dementors. Is it so much harder to stand up to my sister and your godfather?"

Harry shook his head. "Dumbledore said something like that once, about it taking just as much courage to stand up to your friends as your enemies."

"I remember that. He was talking about Neville Longbottom. If Neville can be brave that way...."

"You win," Harry finally agreed, "you and your Ravenclaw logic." He grinned. "I have to admit, when I came back in here last night, I was really tempted to lie down and hold you like this. I thought you'd be mad when you woke up, though."

"I would have been... upset, if you'd done that while I was asleep. When I'm with someone, I have to be able to trust him not to try to take advantage."

"Then I won't even think about it next time," said Harry.

"You won't have to; the boundaries are different now." She kissed him once more, a quick, feather-light touch of her lips on his. "Thanks for staying with me, Harry."

"Thanks for asking me to," Harry replied, and returned the kiss in kind.

Cho stifled a yawn. "This isn't the best position for sleeping," she said. "I think we'll be more comfortable if I turn the other way."

"All right." Harry relaxed his embrace, and Cho turned onto her other side, snuggling up to him with her back against his chest. Then she reached back and took his hand, pulling his arm over her like a security blanket.

"Good night, Harry," Cho whispered.

"Good night, Cho," he replied. "Sleep well."

"I think I will, now. Thank you...." She fell silent, and after a moment her breathing slowed and deepened.

Harry marveled at how quickly she was able to fall asleep. Though exhausted himself, he wasn't sure he could sleep at all with Cho so close. Her absolute trust aroused a powerful emotion in him: not desire, though that was certainly present, but an overwhelming affection. He wanted nothing more than to watch over her throughout the night, protect her from all harm, drive away the fears that haunted her dreams. Is this how it feels to fall in love? he wondered. He formed the words silently, tasting them, not daring even to whisper: "I love you, Cho Chang."

Harry sighed. Will I ever get up the nerve to say it while she's awake? he wondered. Maybe - if her sister doesn't hex me into oblivion first.... Sighing again, he settled into his pillow and closed his eyes.

* * * * *

Harry awoke from a deeply erotic dream to find something warm in his hand. When he and Cho had gone to sleep, she had been clasping his right hand to her heart, holding it as a child might hold a teddy bear. Sometime in the night, their hands had moved up a bit, and Harry realized with a start what it was that filled his cupped palm. Moving very cautiously, he attempted to slide his hand away, but Cho's own right hand still covered his; at his movement, she made a small purring sound and pressed his hand more firmly against her breast.

Harry froze. He could feel her nipple poking into his palm through the satin nightdress, and he was very conscious that the cause of his embarrassment the previous night was happening again, and that he and Cho were as snug as two spoons in a drawer - she might as well have been sitting in his lap.

Again, he tried to withdraw his hand without waking her. The moment he started to move it, though, she whispered, "Please don't stop."

Harry raised his head to look at her face. Her eyes were still closed, but she was smiling slightly. Holding his breath, he moved his fingers in a slow, gentle wave, feeling the firmness of the warm flesh under his hand. Cho purred. "That feels nice...." She murmured. Interlacing her fingers with his, she moved his hand in a tight circle over her breast, making her nipple stiffen in response. As Harry, half-hypnotized, continued the circular caress, Cho shifted slightly away from him so that she could turn onto her back. Still without opening her eyes, she whispered, "Kiss me."

If their first kisses in the hall had struck passionate sparks, and those that followed Cho's nightmare had given warmth and comfort, this one ignited a smoldering desire. It was fierce, insistent, demanding; Cho's hands tangled in Harry's unruly black hair, pulling him harder against her mouth, while Harry slipped one hand under her shoulders and kept massaging her breast with his other.

What might have happened if that kiss had continued uninterrupted, Harry would never know. They heard a light tapping on the bedroom door; Harry jerked away from Cho as if stung, and she hastily pulled the covers up over them. The door, which Harry had left ajar, swung open to reveal Liu standing in the hall. "Good morning... oh!" She looked very surprised for a moment, but recovered beautifully. "Good morning, Harry," she said, with admirable composure.

"Good morning, Liu," said Cho, rather nervously.

Liu's voice took on a hint of irony. "I trust there's a good explanation for the change in sleeping arrangements."

"Nothing to it, really," said Cho. "I had a nightmare, Harry woke me up, and I asked him to stay with me. It worked, too; no more nightmares."

"I see," said Liu. "Harry, would you mind if I have a word with my sister alone?"

"Um, all right." Harry hurriedly got out of bed and walked past Liu into the hall, avoiding her eyes and feeling very glad that the surprise of her entrance had caused his gallant reflex to subside. She shut the door behind him.

Uncertain how long Cho and Liu would be, Harry decided the best course of action was to get showered and changed; that way, at least he wouldn't be facing Liu's potential wrath in his pajamas.

As he finished his shower, he heard Sirius singing again in the room next to Cho's; the song seemed to be about a wizard by the name of Joshua whose control of his spells was a little less than perfect. Harry couldn't make out all of the words, but he picked up the refrain, and by the fourth repetition he was singing along with it as he pulled on his clothes:

"Oops, oops, extravagant curses,
Adding new verses to a tired old song,
Oh, well, you can't be too picky,
Magic is tricky, and apt to go wrong!"

When Harry came out of his room, he found Sirius in the hallway, leaning against the frame of his bedroom door and grinning. "Not bad, Harry," he said. "Chalk up another similarity between you and your father. He had quite a nice baritone - and, unlike me, he could carry a tune."

"Thanks," said Harry. "So, shall we go down to breakfast?"

"What about the girls? It sounds as though they're awake." Indeed, Harry could hear the sisters talking in hushed voices from behind Cho's closed bedroom door, though he couldn't tell what they were saying.

"Um, I think they might be a while," said Harry quickly. "And I'm pretty hungry."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Something I ought to know about?"

"It's nothing, really," said Harry, looking down at his toes.

"Really?" Sirius didn't sound convinced. "Whatever it is, Harry, I'll probably hear it from Liu soon enough; you might as well tell your side of it first."

Harry couldn't argue with that. "I suppose so," he said, "but do let's go down and get something to eat, all right?"

They made their way down to the common room and took seats at one of the table. As Dobby brought out orange juice, eggs, sausages, and buttered toast, Harry explained how he had been awakened by Cho's crying out in her sleep, how he had woken her in turn and tried to comfort her, and how she had asked him to stay with her. He did not elaborate on the feelings her closeness had aroused in him, but Sirius seemed to have no trouble reading between the lines.

"The two of you seem to have gotten very close very quickly," he observed. "It's understandable, given what you did for her, but I'm not sure it's entirely wise. You're both very young, you know."

"Yeah," said Harry, "but we've both had more to deal with than a lot of people twice our age. Anyway, you were the one who said I was probably the best friend she could have right now. It seems like she agrees."

"True, but it sounds as though you're becoming a bit more than friends."

"I really don't know where this is going," Harry admitted. "But... I think I might be falling in love with her."

"Ah," said his godfather. "What makes you think so?"

"Well," said Harry slowly, his eyes fixed on his plate, "two days ago, all I wanted was for Cho to go out with me - have a butterbeer in Hogsmeade together, or go see a professional Quidditch match, and maybe..." - he blushed - "maybe kiss a little. And I've felt like that since Third Year, so this isn't anything sudden. Now, though, it's like it doesn't matter what I want. All that matters is her: protecting her, comforting her, making her happy if I can. If she needs a friend, then that's what I want to be - and if what she needs is something more than a friend, then I'll try to be that, too."

Sirius nodded gravely. "You are in love."

"You think so?" Harry asked.

"No doubt about it." He grinned suddenly. "I've heard something like this before, you know. I spent a couple of years listening to James Potter try to decide how he felt about Lily Evans. And we both know how that turned out." He reached across and mussed up Harry's hair. "She's a lucky girl, you know."

"I wouldn't call losing her boyfriend and being kidnapped and tortured by the Death Eaters lucky. And that happened to her because they found out I liked her, remember? So far, I've been anything but lucky for her," he concluded bitterly.

"Don't forget that you also saved her life," said Sirius. "We keep telling you, Harry: it's not your fault that Cho was abducted, and it is to your credit that she survived."

"Keep saying it," Harry sighed. "Maybe, sooner or later, I'll be able to believe it."

Harry fell silent as the Chang sisters came down the stairs. Cho shot him a reassuring smile as Liu said, "Good morning, Sirius." Something in her tone and the way she looked at his godfather made Harry wonder how late they'd stayed up after he and Cho had gone to bed, and just what they'd found to talk about.

Their conversation over breakfast was pleasant, but didn't touch on the subject of Harry and Cho's sleeping together. After they finished eating, Liu took her leave, stepped out the front door of the inn, and Apparated back to the Changs' shop in London. While Sirius went out to the stable to feed Buckbeak, Harry and Cho sat on the couch near the fireplace. "So," said Harry, "what did Liu say?"

"Well," Cho replied, "first she chewed me out about what our parents would think. I reminded her of a few things she's done that they wouldn't think much of either, and tried to explain how I was feeling last night and why I asked you to stay with me. Then she calmed down and asked me how I really felt about you. I wasn't completely sure of that myself until her asking made me think it through, but..." - her voice fell to a near-whisper - "I think I love you, Harry."

Harry's mouth went drier than Snape's wit, and the butterflies in his stomach seemed to be reenacting the Battle of Britain, complete with explosions. However, looking into Cho's eyes and reading the fear of rejection there, he found his voice. "I think I love you too, Cho," he said quietly. "I know that I've never felt this way about anyone before."

"Oh, Harry...." Tears welled up in her eyes.

Alarmed, he said quickly, "Please don't cry, Cho, I'm sorry if I said something wrong...."

He broke off as he saw that she was smiling. "It's all right, Harry," she murmured. "These are happy tears." And then she was in his arms, and her lips were on his, and for a long time that was the only thing in the world that mattered.