Okay, It Had to be Done

Harry: I'm gay.

Ron: With who?

Harry: With Malfoy.

Ginny: I'm with Malfoy.

Ron: What? You're with me!

Hermione: Ew. Actually I'm with Ginny.

Ron: Ew.

Seamus. I'm with Ron.

Parvati: No, you're with Harry.

Lavender: No, Harry's with Hermione.

Hermione: You're wrong. I'm with Professor Lupin.

Dumbledore: Remus is with Mr. Black.

Harry: No, no, no, Sirius is with Snape.

Ron: No, McGonagall is with Snape.

Minerva: Actually I'm with Dumbledore.

Ginny: Sorry, Dumbledore's with Filch

Dumbledore: No, I'm with Harry.

Harry: But I'm with Malfoy!

Malfoy: Sorry, I'm with Pansy Parkinson here.

Pansy: Actually, you're dumped, I'm going out with Harry here.

Hermione: But I'm with Harry.

Ron: What about the raging sex we had last night?

Hermione: What about it? Ginny was in there as well.

Ron: Were you?

Ginny: Yup.

Ron: Sorry, I thought you were Filch.

Filch: Sorry, I was flirting with Mrs. Norris last night.

All: Ew.

Lavendar: Hey, Padma, are you doing anything tonight?

Padma: No, sorry, I'm with Mary Sue.

Lavendar: Damn. Oh well. Guess I'm with Dumbledore.

Ron: Sorry, he's with me and Harry tonight.

Harry: Sorry, I have to go save the world tonight, from Voldemort.

Voldie: Can we change the date? I'm with Peter tonight.

Harry: Hey, Seamus, wanna join me and Ron tonight?

Seamus: Sorry, Dean and I have booked the Quidditch pitch tonight, for a game of one-on-one.

Dean: Can't. I'm with Gary Stu.

Gary: Nope, I'm with Neville.

(All stare at Neville.)

Neville: (Mumbles something about Ron, me, Hermione, and a tub of banana yogurt.)

Hermione: Look at that, Malfoy's dateless.

Malfoy: No, I'm not. I'm with, uh... HEDWIG!

Harry: Nuh-uh, since Voldie backed out, I've sent Hedwig on a mission to send a letter to that old friend of mine.

Hermione: With the big bum...

Charlie: Why didn't you just go and visit him? He's only in the grounds, sheesh.

Hermione: No, he's out in France with Madame Maxime.

Ron: Sorry, she's with Karkaroff.

Krum: Too late, I've got Karkaroff.

Maxime: Damn.

Lavender: Oh well, Maxime, you can come with me and Parvati tonight.

Parvati: Sorry, I'm in twincest with Padma.

Fred: Just like me and George.

George: Fred can we cancel tonight? I want to go and spy on Percy and Oliver.

All: Ew.

Oliver: Sorry, Percy, honey, I've got Quidditch training with Angelina tonight.

Angelina: But I'm with Fred.

George: No, I'm with Fred.

Angelina: Fine. But I get Harry.

Ron: Sorry, I've got him.

Angelina: Pah.

Harry: O.K. This is confusing. I'm with...

All except Harry: ME! ME! ME!

Ron: I know, how about this...

(All lean in and Ron whispers.)

Seamus: A giant orgy? That's a bloody brilliant idea.

Ron: Seamus!

Hermione: We're supposed to take the reader by surprise!

Seamus: Oh, sorry.

Neville: Can we do that again?

Author: If we must.

Ron: I know, how about this...

(All lean in to whisper.)

Seamus is about to speak, when scene ends. Fade to black.

Seamus: Damn it.

***The next day***

(Great Hall.)

Dumbledore: Students of Hogwarts, I would like to announce a new record for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Last night, Mr. Potter, Ms. Granger, Mr. Weasley, Ms. Weasley, Mr. Weasley, Mr. Weasley, Mr. Malfoy, Madame Maxime, Mr. Krum. Ms. Johnson, Mr. Wood, Professor Snape, Mr. Finnigan, Mr. Thomas, Ms. Patil & Patil, Ms. Brown, Mr. Longbottom, Mr. Filch, Mr. Stu, Ms. Parkinson, Professor McGonnagall, Lord Voldemort, and myself, all participated in one of the largest orgies this school has ever seen. Ms. Granger, you sly dog, I didn't know your hips could go that far.

END