Milkshakes for the Emotionally Needy

"What are you talking about?"

Ginny felt a sigh of relief escape her lips. "Oh thank Merlin...its just you, Hermione."

The other girl sat down, towers of books clattering to the table top as she dropped a new stack beside them. "Gee, thanks."

"No, it's not like that," Ginny insisted. "I was just afraid that you would be someone of the...male persuasion..."

Hermione cocked an eyebrow.

"I've been having troubles with them lately."

"Join the club," the other chuckled. "Ron is always a handful."

Ginny leaned on a literary tower cautiously. "Are you two even dating officially?"

"Exactly," muttered Hermione. "I even showed up in his room wearing naught but a translucent nightie to cover up my unmentionables...and all he could talk about was bloody desserts! It's frustrating! I mean, one does not pretend to go to the library for hours every day just so one can work on her gluts and not get noticed!"

Hermione did have a spectacular and neglected buttocks.

"Well, I've always thought if any of my brothers was gonna be a poofter...it would be Charlie," Ginny said. "But Ron was a close second. Are you su--"

"Perhaps he's asexual," Hermione moaned.

"Or a furry!"

"No," Hermione said quietly. "I'm certain he likes girls...he said so, but when I offered him exquisite sexual bliss, all he could do was blither on about milkshakes."

Ginny froze. "What was that?"

"Your milkshakes, actually," Hermione continued. "He said they were the best...or at least that was what everyone said."

"That's fucking sick."

"And just rude...I was wearing three inch heels!"

"You're a brave, brave woman," Ginny conceded.

"Hey girls!" Ron piped up cheerfully, strutting over toward their fortress of studiousness.

Ginny marched up to her brother and laid a harsh slap across his speckled face.

"Ow!" he cried. "What the hell was that for?"

"I swear to Zandar," she hissed. "If Hermione wasn't right there, I would shiv you in the kidney!"

"What does that even mean, Gin--"

"Been talking about milkshakes, I hear," she said. She was certain she would master that death stare someday soon.

Ron turned Pepto-Bismol pink and looked at the ground hurriedly. "I--I--"

"You know, Ron...I was totally cool that time you accidentally spotted me in the shower AND that time you got a boner on the flying car trip last summer, but if I EVER hear about you having even so much as a fleeting thought about my milkshakes..." She trailed off angrily. "I'll--I'll tell Hermione about the time you and Neville experimented together during your third year."

Her brother looked horrified. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Neville showed me the pictures, Ron."

He paled. "Oh dear."

"You're damn right," Ginny hissed.

Ron's hands began to tug at his sleeves feverishly. "Um...Ginny?"

"What?"

"Please don't be too angry with me..."

She grabbed him by the collar. "What did you do?"

"It's just that I bruise easily--"

"Like a peach," she said through her teeth.

"Like a peach...and I may or may not have told...others...about your milkshakes."

She frowned. "How many others?"

"Well, about how many guys do you reckon go into the third stall of the prefect's bathroom each day?"

"Ron...I could kill you," she said with a murderous yank. "I mean, really sick, Saw III has nothing on me, kill you!"

"Oh," he squeaked. "Then I probably shouldn't mention the first and second stalls as well."

"Oh I am totally telling Hermione that you jerk off to Hentai." Ginny started to storm off. "You've never even had one of my milkshakes!"

"Well, everyone else has...I felt left out!"

"That's not true," she snapped. She turned and smiled at the other girl. "I'll see you later, Hermione. Ron's into school girls and tentacle monsters."

Hermione looked puzzled, quill hanging out of her mouth. "I could work with that."

"Oh, and he and Neville totally made out third year," Ginny added. "And there was definitely hand on penis action."

The other girl paused. "I could work with that too..."

"Now, if you will excuse me," the younger girl cried. "I have some bathroom stalls to destroy!"